polly Posted February 1, 2000 Share Posted February 1, 2000 I was married for 21 years, i'm 39 now, to a man who beat me up, ignored me in public, humiliated me often, laughed when i was sad - and i've recently left him but it's very hard to go on after so many years of feeling inadequate and unworthy. He says he's changed (i don't believe it) and wants me back, i think the only reason i seriously consider it is the very lack of self esteem that kept me there for so long. Am i crazy??? :-( Link to post Share on other sites
Wiser Woman Posted February 1, 2000 Share Posted February 1, 2000 Seek counseling - run, don't walk, to the nearest counselor you can find to help you build up the self-esteem that is in there - you just need someone to help you find it. After 21 years of marriage being on your own is a very frightening prospect but BE STRONG and find out what it is YOU want for yourself. Going back to a wife beater is NOT the answer - there is no human on earth who deserves the kind of treatment your husband has heaped on you. Link to post Share on other sites
CHRISTINE NJOGU Posted February 3, 2000 Share Posted February 3, 2000 Honey dear, At 39 you are still young. Remember Abraham in the bible until his old age thats when he got his son Isaac after his wife being barren for such a long time. She was past 70yrs when she gave birth see how impossible it looks.Your case isnt impossible. You cant still get your worth back. With Jesus christ all things are possible. I have had a rotten past, no good record, wasted my life and at a point felt no worth for myself. I gave my life to christ started all over again a secondary (recycled) life and now I feel very proud of myself because not only is my head up, those that abused me or thought I was useless and valueless now see the new pot that has been modelled by God. I am very proud now. Dont feel like anything is impossible. With God all, all things honey are possible just surrender to him sincerely and tell him to take control. At only the age of 39 God can heal all your wounds and pour fresh oil over your life and more so give you the husband of your dreams. See a man of God in your local church and get help. If you've dumped the man, dont go back there. Failing in life is'nt bad but when you repeat the mistake now you will be foolish. God loves you and believe me there many people going thru what your going thru. Just go on your knees and simply say a short prayer to God to give you a new beginning. Love you christine. Link to post Share on other sites
odyne Posted February 4, 2000 Share Posted February 4, 2000 First of all, you're not crazy at all. For someone who hasn't truly been able to be herself for 21 years and who has been through what you have, you seem amazingly sane. Just the fact that you have realized all these things about yourself is a big step. You ARE adequate and you ARE worthy, don't let anybody tell you otherwise. If you have the SLIGHTEST doubt that he hasn't "changed" like he says he has, stay far away from him. Sorry for using all the capital letters but this is something I feel strongly about from having worked at a women/children's shelter. Self esteem isn't something that will suddenly come back, but it will happen if you work on it. Counseling is a good idea, you may want to at least try it once or twice and see if you like it. Remember, there's no reason to do something (especially be in an abusive relationship!) that you don't want to do. Now is your chance to rediscover what you like and who you are. Take it!! Go slow if that feels comfortable, but do try and believe that your self esteem will rise. If you feel weak and think you may go back to him, use your past memories as a stronghold. Accept them as part of your past but look towards the future. You're already on your way there. I wish you the best of luck, take care of yourself!! -Odyne Link to post Share on other sites
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