will i hear from him again?

[D-Lish]

Right now D-Lish, you're focused on his walking away and that you may have lost something worthwhile. Are you certain this isn't the typical power play between individuals? The guy withdraws, therefore you chase. If it is, break that cycle. Start thinking with your head. Is it the underlying man you want? What does he provide to you, that couldn't be provided elsewhere? What does he not provide to you, that you could easily get elsewhere?

 

Who is he and who are you?

 

Sometimes the imagination can create someone who doesn't exist. Don't be fooled by it.

 

Yes, it's possible all that may be true.

Judgement can get clouded when someone walks away and leaves you hanging. I don't know if he is going to be the guy I spend the rest of my left with- I just think we were having a good time together- it scared me a bit how compatible we seemed to be coming... and I got cold feet...and in doing so I hurt him.

 

Before he walked away, I had come to terms with my little freakout and decided I wanted to continue to explore each other. Perhaps it was too late by then....ego too bruised, trust broken.

 

I'd love to send a text (Legend) saying "I miss you, merry xmas, wish you were here". It's been over a week since I texted him. But I don't want to send it if it means I am going to spend x-mas hoping for a response- and I don't want to deal with the rejection again if he doesn't respond. On the other hand- I feel it should be me doing the reaching out to him.

 

BUT... he dumped me right? I mean he stopped talking to me a week ago.

[Bentodd]

Listen do what you feel your instincts are telling you do because that's who are. In this case I think your instincts are telling him you should talk to him but your defense mechansisms are telling you stay away.

 

Call him because that's what you really want to do and don't worry about what other peoples opinions on what they think you should do are.

[sedgwick]

Absolutely contact him. Go to him in person if you can. I don't see why he shouldn't be willing to give you another chance if you can prove to him you really want it. Good luck to you.

[CaliGuy]

Hey guys,

 

I know, I know.

 

Here is the deal. I DO want to make things right. I DID screw up- I know that. I hurt his feelings. Not out of malice or ill intent.

I got a little scared. He got under my skin- he came on too strong and I felt smothered- so I got scared and backed off.

 

This is an ongoing pattern. I want to change that pattern. I want it to stop here and now.

 

I have had advice telling me that I have to keep up with the effort and advice saying to stop talking to him.

 

I am ready to take a risk.

I just screwed up.

Unrecoverable?

 

The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over expecting different results each time.

 

At some point you have to break the cycle, jump off the merry go round and try things from a different angle.

 

And yes, at some point you WILL feel ready to take a chance that you'll have your heart broken again. But remember that each failed relationship is merely a stepping stone to the RIGHT person in your life.

 

Odds are you will fail again. But that doesn't mean it's life shattering. Learn from your past so you can insure a better future.

 

Cheers.

[D-Lish]

The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over expecting different results each time.

 

At some point you have to break the cycle, jump off the merry go round and try things from a different angle.

 

And yes, at some point you WILL feel ready to take a chance that you'll have your heart broken again. But remember that each failed relationship is merely a stepping stone to the RIGHT person in your life.

 

Odds are you will fail again. But that doesn't mean it's life shattering. Learn from your past so you can insure a better future.

 

Cheers.

 

Well, if it means anything, me actually recognizing and admitting to the error- and then WANTING to make it right IS progress for me.

 

I used to push people away and justify it- or push them away and play the "poor me" angle... a self fulfilling prophecy.

 

I am tired of feeling scared- and I am wanting to be open.

 

It's just the fear of getting no response that is stopping me.

He is also away for x-mas- reachable by text....without a long distance plan.

 

He returns Jan 3. Perhaps I should wait and seek him out then.

Still confused.

[Kamille]

Wow sweetie you seem to have had it rough these holidays. I don't really have advice to offer, except I know all too well how you feel right now - I even remember that you're the one who councelled me best at a time when I was hoping to hear from an ex. And I remember that we joked that yes, no matter what, we always ended up hearing back from them - and a few weeks after that exchange, we both heard from them.

 

So my thinking is, there is no rush to get in touch with him. Focus on doing things for yourself right now. And, if you haven't heard from him by jan 4th, give him a call or go see him.

 

At the same time, and as much as you are keen to take responsibility for what happen, I wonder how trustworthy a guy who could leave you hanging without explanation really is.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

I had thought I wanted to think about things- but now I realize I do want the relationship- and I did say that in one of my texts.

 

Oh, come on.

 

You are just lonely on Christmas day, and thinking, wow, I actually had a bf or something like that, why did I let him go.

 

And now the fact that he is gone, of course, is making you miss him and want him... a little bit.

 

Oh yeah, and being scared about the results for that test also is making you long having some loving someone next to you.

 

You don't care about this guy or else you wouldn't have freaked out.

 

Listen to your gut.

 

Ariadne

Edited December 26, 2007 by Ariadne

[D-Lish]

Wow sweetie you seem to have had it rough these holidays. I don't really have advice to offer, except I know all too well how you feel right now - I even remember that you're the one who councelled me best at a time when I was hoping to hear from an ex. And I remember that we joked that yes, no matter what, we always ended up hearing back from them - and a few weeks after that exchange, we both heard from them.

 

So my thinking is, there is no rush to get in touch with him. Focus on doing things for yourself right now. And, if you haven't heard from him by jan 4th, give him a call or go see him.

 

At the same time, and as much as you are keen to take responsibility for what happen, I wonder how trustworthy a guy who could leave you hanging without explanation really is.

 

Lol. I think it has so much to do with just feeling lonley over the holidays.

Dating a string of losers far too much of late.

Oh- and we want what we think we can't have...lol

These holidays sucked the energy out of me.

I am starting fresh in the new year- so more youngin's and no more losers.

 

Hope you had a good x-mas K!

And thanks for the response.

D

[Jilly Bean]

Snap out of it, D! I know you are feeling blue and lonely, but don't let that cloud your judgement on this guy. You had felt he was a royal tool, remember?

 

I understand you are feeling alone, but please, don't let that make you try and resurrect something that is better off being left alone. You're at the point where you are feeling vulnerable, but please go back and read your thread on this guy and all the points YOU made on why you were better off without him.

 

Just a few more days, and all this holiday crap will be over, and you can return to your normal life, and not have this feelings wash over you.

[D-Lish]

Snap out of it, D! I know you are feeling blue and lonely, but don't let that cloud your judgement on this guy. You had felt he was a royal tool, remember?

 

I understand you are feeling alone, but please, don't let that make you try and resurrect something that is better off being left alone. You're at the point where you are feeling vulnerable, but please go back and read your thread on this guy and all the points YOU made on why you were better off without him.

 

Just a few more days, and all this holiday crap will be over, and you can return to your normal life, and not have this feelings wash over you.

 

The x-mas holidays made me flakey.

I feel better about it today.

 

Sometimes the being alone part is hard to deal with- but it becomes especially difficult over the holidays when it seems everyone is coupled up. I am feeling better now that x-mas is done.

 

And I agree with everything you and Adriane are saying....100%.

It's good to get a reality check once and a while!

[D-Lish]

Well, he's returning from his trip tomorrow...and the last few days his texting has become more intense.

"i miss you, I screwed up, can i see you, can we start fresh"... Things like that.

 

First things were wonderful, then I pushed him away, then he pushed me away... now he is going to be back in town and I know a meeting will be inevitable.

 

I'm beginning to doubt my ability to stick to my guns.

 

 

It doesn't help that my new year's date left me alone at a huge rave party to make out with some random girl on the dancefloor....leaving me at the mercy of a pack of horny drunk guys looking to score with a coug. lol.

Experiencing that sure started me thinking about my ex and that regardless of his faults- he would never do something as horrible as that to me.

[Green]

man D-lish refers to herself as a coug... hexilente!

[D-Lish]

man D-lish refers to herself as a coug... hexilente!

 

I am beginning to find your randomness attractive

[CaliGuy]

Well, he's returning from his trip tomorrow...and the last few days his texting has become more intense.

"i miss you, I screwed up, can i see you, can we start fresh"... Things like that.

 

First things were wonderful, then I pushed him away, then he pushed me away... now he is going to be back in town and I know a meeting will be inevitable.

 

I'm beginning to doubt my ability to stick to my guns.

 

 

It doesn't help that my new year's date left me alone at a huge rave party to make out with some random girl on the dancefloor....leaving me at the mercy of a pack of horny drunk guys looking to score with a coug. lol.

Experiencing that sure started me thinking about my ex and that regardless of his faults- he would never do something as horrible as that to me.

 

D, you just have bad luck with men. Are you attracted to what you can't have and don't want what you can?

 

I'm sorta sensing a pattern here.

[Kamille]

Well, he's returning from his trip tomorrow...and the last few days his texting has become more intense.

"i miss you, I screwed up, can i see you, can we start fresh"... Things like that.

 

First things were wonderful, then I pushed him away, then he pushed me away... now he is going to be back in town and I know a meeting will be inevitable.

 

I'm beginning to doubt my ability to stick to my guns.

 

 

It doesn't help that my new year's date left me alone at a huge rave party to make out with some random girl on the dancefloor....leaving me at the mercy of a pack of horny drunk guys looking to score with a coug. lol.

Experiencing that sure started me thinking about my ex and that regardless of his faults- he would never do something as horrible as that to me.

 

Apparently I missed this one in our morning convo about snoring and farting.

 

They always come back.

 

So what are these guns you want to stick to, and why are they so important to you?

 

D, you're such a amazing person from what we can all tell here, and yet, I get the feeling that you're afraid of your own emotions sometimes. But you always pull through. if you see him, be yourself, be honest, take it one moment at a time.