Confused9 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Velouria, we'll get through this and one day we will be brave again and be willing to put ourselves out there. Who knows when...but someday. Hang in there and take care of yourself!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 Ok guess what???!!!???? This is nothing major but you know how it is when you grab at anything to amek you happy..... I got a call on my ans mach at work. This man called and said he was called about repairing a piece of furniture. Well he said it was strange because a man called but left this number. So I called him back and he said it was strange by a XXX (husband's name) called from XXX (his department) and left this number to call about a desk repair. He said listened to the message 3 times and this is the correct number. HAHAHAHAHAHAH my husband called this guy last week and left my number by accident!!!!! So he was thinking about me!!!!! Or at least my number!!! Hey it is the small things that can make a person happy!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Confused9 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 oh....that is good. He def was thinking of you!!! I mean...who knows what that means, but, that's great. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 I tell you this just made me smile the rest of the day. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused9 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Good, but don't let it pull you back. When my x texted me a couple of weeks ago it made me feel happy but then it was almost like I was back to square one...just don't let it bring you back there. It's good though Link to post Share on other sites
velouria Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 PR, that is so weird because my H called me out of the blue today. I had a really bad day. When he emailed me to apologize for being rude this morning (this is a daily occurence) I wrote him back this really snarky reply. Something along the lines of, "Aw, don't feel bad, you've been treating me like you wish the earth would swallow me up since my birthday and then to make matters even worse... I have the gall to still be HERE... You must be so annoyed. Don't you worry tho, I'm used it." I didn't hear anything after that I figured it made him angry when he had been apologizing. I throw up these walls and f*ck him if he can't overcome them then he doesn't want to be here. He's NOT here so what AM I MISSING? Out of the blue he calls me a little while ago. he told me he was so sad and that he really didn't feel like he has anything to live for. He said he was **** and that he never wanted to hurt me. Pretty ****ing useless words. Call me bitter. I mean, I appreciate the gesture but it's par for the course, too little too late and probably only partially true. I cried though. I said, "Blank, you have done a whole lot of unforgiveable stuff and I can't imagine how it must feel to be you in this moment. But those things you did are only part of who you are. I know that you must have been really full of despair and desperate to blow up your whole life like you have and I seriously want you to get some help. I know you and I know you won't ever figure this out by yourself." He just said, "You're the only one who really understands me." I said, "Did you dial the right number, you are aware of which woman it is you're talking to, right?" He gave me my passport this weekend. He's been keeping it even though I've been asking him for it for 6 months now. He said, "I guess you are free... er um, to leave the country if you want." As much as I don't want to be, I am still totally in love with him. He is my best friend and I can't forget him. I've talked to other men, some of whom were older, more sucessful and wiser than he is... but they just aren't as great. Why did he do this? Why is he so weak? it just makes me sick. We really did have a good marriage, he just couldn't handle the pressure and I don't think he ever will be able to. He's said stuff like, "Things would be different now and I said, "No Blank, they won't be, this family stuff involves a lot of day in and day out monotony and it just never goes away. Most of it would be exactly the same. " He's great and broken and that's why it's impossible but my heart (and possibly other areas of my bod) just won't accept it. I'm still keeping myself in check though. He will really have to stand on his head for like, I don't know, 5 years or something. ugh!! This is the kind of **** that makes it damn near impossible to move on. How can you love someone and then treat them like he has treated me? He shows me he loves me in little ways now. he desn't say it but he brings the kids movies and brings me computer bits and does the dishes and cooks while he is here. He tried to buy me flowers and I just said, What are you doing? put those back! It's very confusing. He's also mean as hell to me at times and probably will be even tomorrow though he said he was glad we had this kind conversation. I know that if I was willing to just make up my own mind things would move a lot better. I believe that the man just really doesn't deserve me. I am loyal and loving and a good mama-- just the total domestic goddess. I've raised two stunning kids who impress everyone they meet with their kindness and manners and wit. why wasn't he proud of me? of us? Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 Good, but don't let it pull you back. When my x texted me a couple of weeks ago it made me feel happy but then it was almost like I was back to square one...just don't let it bring you back there. It's good though I won't. I am not that hopeful but it still made me smile to think...oops slip on his part and he was just for a millis second thinking about me. He still sucks butt. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused9 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I know PR...they all do...they all suck butt Link to post Share on other sites
scottster007 Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Wow. I read this whole thread. A lot of damn good advise here! I especially like Gunny's comments. He tells the hard truth. PinkRibbon. I went through many of the same things you did. In my situation I decided to error on the side of self respect. There is simply just so much heartache and drama I can take in a relationship. Once I figured out what my needs were it was easier to kick that women out of the house. My needs simply were not being met. My situation is a bit different though. My wife just wanted have her cake and eat it too. For the year and half we were supposedly saving our marriage, the only thing she improved on was being more careful not to get caught. I still cant wrap my head around how someone could do that. Not someone I need in my life anyway! Issues i have still yes, but I'm moving on and not looking back. I'm going through the house and cleaning all the cooties out. lol! Making it my own and having a blast. I'm far from ready, but I'm excited about getting back on the Love train again one day. She has not destroyed my hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 I know what you mean about being excited about the train and cleaning out stuff. Tonight I went and bought me a new skirt that is actually above my knees. Woohoo and a pair of stilleto sling back pumps with a 4 inch heel ( which will make be about 5'10' with them on) and a cute blood red leather purse and a red sweater in the correct size (small). And everything fits and looks good! Last time my stbx husband saw me I was a size 12 now my skirt is a 4. I am so pumped about all this. I cut my hair back short, had highlights put in and bought some new black eyeliner. I am so ready to head to work tomorrow!! And I actually going out tomorrow night to a bar with 2 girlfriends to listen to a band play. I bought some skinny jeans to wear with my new shoes tomorrow night. I miss him and love him but his loss!!! And I so hope I run into him tomorrow at work. Eat his cheatin heart out! And I know I just was talking to a guy but I am too excited about my new attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
scottster007 Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Sweet! Your gonna have such a good time I bet! You know, I could use some new clothes myself. Thanks for bringing that up. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Melovator Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 (edited) I know what you mean about being excited about the train and cleaning out stuff. Tonight I went and bought me a new skirt that is actually above my knees. Woohoo and a pair of stilleto sling back pumps with a 4 inch heel ( which will make be about 5'10' with them on) and a cute blood red leather purse and a red sweater in the correct size (small). And everything fits and looks good! Last time my stbx husband saw me I was a size 12 now my skirt is a 4. I am so pumped about all this. I cut my hair back short, had highlights put in and bought some new black eyeliner. I am so ready to head to work tomorrow!! And I actually going out tomorrow night to a bar with 2 girlfriends to listen to a band play. I bought some skinny jeans to wear with my new shoes tomorrow night. I miss him and love him but his loss!!! And I so hope I run into him tomorrow at work. Eat his cheatin heart out! And I know I just was talking to a guy but I am too excited about my new attitude. Good on you PR, nothing better than looking hot and seeing a band! Strange how the "my partner left for a skanky ho" diet is the best around. But the having to get a whole new wardrobe is cool too- you get to decide who you are from the ground up! HAve fun, don't think about him- hard I know! But he doesn't even deserve your thoughts! Edited January 10, 2008 by Melovator Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 Hahahaha Love the name for that Diet. I'll have to remember that and boy does it work! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 Ok stbx went to the dr again yesterday. What in the heck is going on with him? I wish there was a way I could ask him if he is ok. This is the 6th week in a row and 8th visit since I moved out. I am a little worried about him. I hope he is ok? Maybe it is stress?? I hope not something bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Melovator Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Ok stbx went to the dr again yesterday. What in the heck is going on with him? I wish there was a way I could ask him if he is ok. This is the 6th week in a row and 8th visit since I moved out. I am a little worried about him. I hope he is ok? Maybe it is stress?? I hope not something bad. You're clearly a nice person to be concerned about your ex but quite frankly stop it! He is not worthy or your care and concern his actions showed a complete disregard for you. His problems are his problems. Your problem is you and your life and how you are going to become even more fabulous than you already are. He is f**ktardy pond scum, tell him to 'fark orf' from your head- yes its hard but try imagining the Thought Police turning up and ejecting him from your brain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 I am not really a nice person. I am not really concerned if he is ok I want him to be stressed, I want him to suffer and I want him to be sick and in pain. I want his hair to fall out and for his allergies to swell up the size of a basketball. I want his penis to drop off and his stomach to poke out. I look forward to him going to the dr because I am like ah ha...you are sick and I am not. Mean I know but that is what I look forward to. Link to post Share on other sites
scottster007 Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 [FONT=Arial Black]“Pain leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering” -Yoda [/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 Yoda as in Star Wars? Link to post Share on other sites
scottster007 Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 lol. Yes. the little green dude from Star Wars! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 Ok he went back to the dr again today. What gives??? What I wouldn't give to know. A fly on a wall.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 Well draggin' back the old thread from the dead to the living. Found out about the doctor. He has lost 50% of the feeling in his right arm. Said he had nerve degeneration?? And they are going to have to do surgery. He told a friend of mine but she told me. I didn't contact him and 90% said no don't and 10% felt sad. But just sad because he didn't feel enough about me to tell me. On a note though I did feel awful glad that he is doing poorly. Is that normal? I was actually smiling and happy that he is having a rough time. I don't know about the rest of his life but this has to be a kick in the pants because he is a righty and he definately can not ride his motorcycle with a bum arm. Otherwise I finally travelled myself out to a bar with a friend. I had such a fun time Friday night! There was one man I was talking to alot about juke box music and just dumb stuff. It was a group of us at the end of the bar and I just happen to be sitting next to him. Well today around 1 my firned walked in my office with his number. He called the bar and tracked her down and wanted my number but she said no she will give me his number. He called 4 different people in the phone route. It did make me feel really good. Now BIG Question.....should I call him?? I haven't seem my husband in 5 months ans we work in the same place. I love him but it is safe for me to say that he is not in love with me anymore and never will be back. So should it be ok to call?? Link to post Share on other sites
Melovator Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 Do you want to call him? Yes its very nice that he went to some effort to track you down, and kudos to your friend for NOT giving him your number! but just because he's interested doesn't mean you are obligated to call him. The decision to call this guy should have nothing to do with your STBXH and whether he's coming back or not... its about you and whether you like this guy enough to call. And if you call it doesn't obligate you to anything further. At the very least you now have evidence that you are a wanted commodity- do a little happy dance! Oh yeah you're hot! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted March 4, 2008 Author Share Posted March 4, 2008 I guess he was nice enough. It is hard to tell when you are in a group. And btw ANOTHER one called today but my friend said we'll be there Friday and get my number then. So 2 are wanting to get in touch with me. I did a happy dance in fact I felt pretty good. But I am still holding onto my stbxh. I don't want to let go. If I let go then I have admitted there is no hope and all I have left right now is hope. And hope is fading fast. I feel so broken. Link to post Share on other sites
guessjeans Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 Its when we finally let go, is when they sometimes come back into our lives. And i guess the true meaning behind "if you love something, set it free", is that if he does come back, will you feel the same as you do now? You could have met someone wonderful by then, and realize that it was a blessing in disquise that he didnt want you back, when you did. Thats what I am believing. Everything truly does happen for a reason, within reason. You are so hard on yourself. It sounds to me that you spend so much time fighting your feelings, that you arent allowing yourself to feel what you do, openly and freely, in fear of the pain. Let it all out! Have a good talk with yourself. We are all here offering our life experiences to the kind ppl that are kind enough to listen to us. You will get through this..you will! You are strong, attractive, and a catch for any man. Allow yourself to feel what you want to feel. You will feel better once you have decided that your life must go on without him, and that he truly isnt worthy of your tears or your fears. Link to post Share on other sites
Melovator Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 I guess he was nice enough. It is hard to tell when you are in a group. And btw ANOTHER one called today but my friend said we'll be there Friday and get my number then. So 2 are wanting to get in touch with me. I did a happy dance in fact I felt pretty good. But I am still holding onto my stbxh. I don't want to let go. If I let go then I have admitted there is no hope and all I have left right now is hope. And hope is fading fast. I feel so broken. Feeling broken is NORMAL, you have gone through an emotional trauma- the need for a primary emotional relationship is imprinted into us biologically, when that relationship is severed, we experience a range of chemical and emotional responses that are all NORMAL. Relationships are a type of addiction that we don't realise we have until the dealer stops dealing to us- and biochemically it is an addiction and withdrawal is a b*tch!!! You will get through this and be stronger for it because you will know yourself better, you will have observed yourself at the lowest point in your life and know that you can survive. You got two guys interested in you! Now if two randoms from a bar are interested you at least know that - WHEN YOU ARE READY- you will be able to get dates and EVENTUALLY have another relationship if that's what you want. And you will be able to have better relationships with others because you will have a better relationship with yourself. Now you don't have to date these guys IF YOU DON'T WANT TO! If you don't feel ready, you don't feel ready. Just bask in the glow of your general attractiveness and desirability. In the meantime don't beat yourself up if you don't want to date, its a sign of emotional maturity that you can recognise that you have not let go of your ex- its also good not to run out to the first 'love dealer' you can to try and replace one addiction with another. Just remember you rock! Link to post Share on other sites
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