GF Parents Are Controlling & Don't Approve Of Relationship

[TwitterpatedGuy]

Greetings All!

 

Just want to see what other people have to say on what I should do in my situation. Half the time, well almost all the time the people I talk to about this have no clue what to say because it's just off the wall on what her parents say about me.

 

Long story short, she and I have been dating for over 1 1/2 years, she's working full time, 23 yrs old. I'm going for my 2nd degree and 25 yrs old. Her mom primarily 'hates' me because I'm the most rude person she's very met and I'm a pathological liar and she wants me and my gf to break up. (in those exact words)

 

And for anyone that knows me, those phrases are not me. My parents, my friends, and even my co-workers laugh at the stuff her mom said about me. But in the end, her family is the typical partridge family and the mom runs the house. I know these things because the mom talks to my gf about it, my gf cries and is upset, and talks to me about it, even though the mom doesn't want my gf to talk to me about.

 

I guess what I'm getting at is that my gf's mother is controlling her and she doesn't stand up to her mother and I can fore see our relationship not lasting because the stress from her mother. And I love this girl and think that she is 'the one'. Is there anything I can do to help the situation with the controlling mother?

[Ronni_W]

Is there anything I can do to help the situation with the controlling mother?

Other than encourage your g/f to explore why she's letting her Mom control her life, there really isn't anything meaningful or beneficial that you can do.

There is a good book by Anne Katherine, "Boundaries: Where You End And I Begin", that you could pop in as a stocking stuffer or New Year's Treat.

 

Give it from a place of wanting to ensure the best possible chance that you two will be together for a long time, and you're hoping this is a step in that direction -- if you present it that way, there's less chance of your g/f getting defensive about the topic.

 

If your g/f gets into the book's message and needs more, then you could suggest individual counseling with a psychotherapist (NOT psychiatrist or psychologist - they deal more with clinical depression and chemical imbalances and tend to over-prescribe medications.)

 

If you just allow your g/f to be upset and cry on your shoulder, you become part of the dysfunctional pattern instead of part of the solution. You may also get some ideas from the above book, about how to offer the kind of support to your g/f that would be in her long-term best interest.

 

Good luck - and Happy Holidays!