She cheated on me =(

[hurley04int]

Hey peeps

 

Background info: I was best friends with her for 2 years, she is genuinely a good person. She has never cheated on anyone before. We met in college and had just went home for the holidays (i live like 2 hrs from her)

 

So Tina and I have been dating for almost a year and we love each other to death. We spend a lot of time with each other. This year she has been having a really tough time ( Torn shoulder from Vollley Ball, grandpa dies, Ovarian cyst, G-ma in the hospital and the divorce from her parents is getting to her) Ive been there for her through every step of the way. Before all these things were happening she was never so angry. Now she takes it all out on me. I know that every relationship has problems but you dont go cheating on people to solve it. Anywhoo, this best friend of hers for 7 years wants to hang out with her and they end up getting really drunk and have sex. Apparently they stopped like half way because she "Thought of me"

 

Obviously im hurting really bad and dont know what to do. She knows that i was cheated on with my 1st gf of 2 years. She never told me that she was hanging out with him. Im not really that insecure to be asking where she is going all the time because i thought i could trust her. The thing that kills me is that she still wants to be friends with him. (and the fact the she had sex with him). We hadnt had sex in like 3 weeks, and i thought she was just in pain from the cyst, then she has sex with this dood.

 

Now her mom is cooking dinner for his family because we had just had dinner at his moms house like 5 days ago, when i met him. (Tina is also best friends with his sister) Tina is leaving for NY to visit her sister for like 5 weeks and her mom is throwing the dinner like 1-2 days b4 she leaves in which i wanna be there. Although i would like to kick that guys ass, im willing to be civilized , but she is afraid to have us all in the same house cuz itll be akward. Shes like stay and then when they come you should go. But i wanna stay untill she leaves for the airport.

 

Anywhoo, any advice or suggestions, they would be much appreciated.

[Tripper]

This year she has been having a really tough time ( Torn shoulder from Vollley Ball, grandpa dies, Ovarian cyst, G-ma in the hospital and the divorce from her parents is getting to her) Ive been there for her through every step of the way. Before all these things were happening she was never so angry. Now she takes it all out on me. I know that every relationship has problems but you dont go cheating on people to solve it. Anywhoo, this best friend of hers for 7 years wants to hang out with her and they end up getting really drunk and have sex. Apparently they stopped like half way because she "Thought of me"

 

Now her mom is cooking dinner for his family because we had just had dinner at his moms house like 5 days ago, when i met him. (Tina is also best friends with his sister) Tina is leaving for NY to visit her sister for like 5 weeks and her mom is throwing the dinner like 1-2 days b4 she leaves in which i wanna be there. appreciated.

 

 

Dude, do you really need this drama in your life??

Booze will lower inhibitions but it will not make you do something that you wouldn't do normally. So she stopped halfway through because she thought of you?? PUHLEEZE!! This is BS.

Yeah she had a tough year. It happens to everyone sooner or later in life. And it does have an effect on relationships, but it's how you handle the impact that matters.

Now you're at a point where you have to make a decision to forgive her cheating or not. Only problem is shes buds with this guy and his sister so you'll always be reminded that this guy boinked her. And if you do try to forgive and forget, you will now have a trust issue with her.

 

Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this girl??

Because if you don't I'd say dump her, move forward with your life and find someone who won't treat you this way.

 

You may need to take some time off from this relationship to do some serious thinking. Go NC with her for a few weeks and let the pain and anger diminish so that you can think about this rationally.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

I have to agree with the above poster. She is playing you for such a fool. Look at the facts:

1) She tells you she cannot have sex with you but has sex with another guy behind your back.

2) She hangs with this guy behind your back.

3) She knew what cheating meant to you and how it has affected you in the past.

4) She has sex with this guy and tells you she stopped half way through because she was thinking of you? You have got to be kidding me. How could she have even say this to you without laughing? Talk about trying to put a spin on this. It is like saying she was just a little bit pregnant.

5) After all of this humiliation and disrespect toward you and your relationship she then tells you she still wants to be friends with him? What a slap in the face to you. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would accept you saying the girl I just slept with behind your back is really nice and I want to still be friends with her?

6) Her mom is cooking dinner for his family and she tells you when he comes you should just leave with your tail behind your legs? What total humiliation and disrespect toward you.

The bottom line is that she played you for a fool and is still playing you. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words; and her actions are speaking volumes to you. Again if the roles were reversed she would probably never put up with this from you. Surely you don't have to settle for this. Her actions and continued actions clearly shows she has little respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will?

[Trialbyfire]

hurley, time to really think hard on why she keeps on going way beyond what's acceptable in a relationship. It's because she believes deep down inside her, that there won't be consequences for her bad behaviour. It sounds like you keep taking more and more crap from her, so she continues to dish it out, knowing full well, she still has you in her life.

 

Man up and walk away. This little girl isn't very nice people. No one deserves to be treated like dirt.

[oppath]

she believes deep down inside her, that there won't be consequences for her bad behaviour. It sounds like you keep taking more and more crap from her, so she continues to dish it out, knowing full well, she still has you in her life.

 

Bigtime. You always have to be willing to walk away. It's not enough to say "I feel disrespected." You need to say "this is unacceptable to me and does not meet my definition of a healthy relationship. I am uncomfortable with you being friends with this man after sleeping with him. You need to take actions to make me trust you again. How you treated me is not ok and you are not simply forgiven. Despite alcohol, if you had sex with him, something is there between you. Plus, if he truly cared about you as a friend, he wouldn't have compromised your relationship with me. I request that you sever ties with him." And if she does not, break up with her.

[hurley04int]

Thanks for all the advice.

 

Update: I basically said that i wasnt cool with her being friends with him ever again. I told her that real friends dont put each other in that kind of situation. She agreed and said that she felt used and didnt wanna try to be his friend anymore. I asked her to get tested and to get a pregnancy test just to be sure. She basically said that she felt disgusted in herself. She seemed to have really sincere apologies. About the dinner, i tallked her into me staying. I said that if i am going to handled myself like a civilized person just to be with you then she should to. I really think that shes sorry and i love her so much. but im still stuck

[Legend]

Blow her off, never speak to her again. She doesn't deserve you. cold shoulder the hell out of her. Show her you don't take that crap, and you aren't some push over pussy. Be dominate here.

[D-Lish]

You need to break up with this girl.

SHE CHEATED ON YOU.

There are no excuses.

 

She seems to care very little for your feelings.

She doesn't deserve your compassion or understanding.

She deserves to get dumped on her ass.

[LakesideDream]

OP, you just need to set boundries. The biggest in a relationship is "no sleeping with other people". Decline the invitation to dinner, ignore her whining.

 

Don't listen to her rationalizations. Just put her on hold until she figures out what she's doing. If it were me I would just ignore her completely. She's proven she is not worth the drama.

[kel5555]

You owe it to yourself to be happy and to be in a good relationship. It is really hard when you love someone you can't imagine not being with that person any more and you don't want to hurt them by ending it. I recently experienced an incident with distrust and decided to stay with him. That was almost 5 months ago and things are still not good, more fighting, pushing him away consciously and subconsciously and I don't know if I will ever be able to trust him again. Deep down I knew I should have left but I didn't and the decision of staying or going keeps coming up. It may be hard but you need to decide what is best for you as quickly as possible and not drag it out! If you think you can truly forgive her and put it behind you forever and you can trust her then you should give it a shot, but if you can't then it might be best to walk away. I wish you the best of luck in this really difficult situation!! I'm sorry about your pain! Good luck!

[lino]

Anywhoo, any advice or suggestions, they would be much appreciated.

 

If I was you I'd dump her.

[82knightrider]

Leave her.Its never gonna work.Been there done that.Leave her and dont look back.ever

[Always Wrong]

Hey man! Wake up! All these people are advising you from their experience! If this were the stock market, and everyone was telling you not to buy, would you buy anyway? Don't be surprised when your investment tanks.

[ElvenPriestess]

So she goes to see this guy without telling you, has sex with him, and wants to be his friend. That means no remorse no guilt. If she felt those things she'd cut all ties. And after knowing you'd been through this before she does it to you anyway? And has the nerve to tell you that when this guy is around YOU should leave? She's a real piece of work. Get her out of your life, you can do so much better. I know it hurts, but it will hurt worse the next time she does it. And it will hurt you knowing she won't give him up.

[upsetnhurt]

Hurley,

 

Some great advice being given here yet only do what you feel comfortable with. Either way, just be aware of the red flags and keep it real. Recognize that this is far from a perfect relationship and things are going to have to change drastically on her side for it to work. Definitely communicate your feelings and at the end of the day, recognize that you need to put yourself first. Don't put up with anything that you wouldn't expect to do to someone else.

[dunstable]

Dump her for all the reasons others have already given. Think yourself lucky that you found out so early what she is like.

[hurley04int]

Hey guys, thank you so much for your great advice. It has helped me a whole lot in dealing with everything.

[samsungxoxo]

I agree with the other posters, do dump her. She can be acting like she's sorry but maybe she isn't and will just keep talking to her ''Friend with benefit''.

[bish]

Hey peeps

 

Background info: I was best friends with her for 2 years, she is genuinely a good person. She has never cheated on anyone before. We met in college and had just went home for the holidays (i live like 2 hrs from her)

 

So Tina and I have been dating for almost a year and we love each other to death. We spend a lot of time with each other. This year she has been having a really tough time ( Torn shoulder from Vollley Ball, grandpa dies, Ovarian cyst, G-ma in the hospital and the divorce from her parents is getting to her) Ive been there for her through every step of the way. Before all these things were happening she was never so angry. Now she takes it all out on me. I know that every relationship has problems but you dont go cheating on people to solve it. Anywhoo, this best friend of hers for 7 years wants to hang out with her and they end up getting really drunk and have sex. Apparently they stopped like half way because she "Thought of me"

 

This is why "friends" of the opposite sex and alcohol do not mix

 

Obviously im hurting really bad and dont know what to do.

 

I know you are hurting, but its obvious what you should do as far as I'm concerned.....dump her.

 

Or can you handle going on with her knowing she did some other guy? And they stopped half way because she "thought of" you? Ya right...tell me another good one.

 

 

She knows that i was cheated on with my 1st gf of 2 years. She never told me that she was hanging out with him. Im not really that insecure to be asking where she is going all the time because i thought i could trust her.

 

And you shouldn't have to ask her all the time. You are not her daddy. You have the right attitude my man...she just took advantage of it. She had a guy that trusted her and she took that and spit in your face with it.

Now the trust is gone....and in my opinion, you will never trust her 100% again if you decide to stay with her.

 

 

The thing that kills me is that she still wants to be friends with him.

 

Thats why you need to dump her.

 

 

(and the fact the she had sex with him). We hadnt had sex in like 3 weeks, and i thought she was just in pain from the cyst, then she has sex with this dood.

 

 

Now her mom is cooking dinner for his family because we had just had dinner at his moms house like 5 days ago, when i met him. (Tina is also best friends with his sister) Tina is leaving for NY to visit her sister for like 5 weeks

 

Hmmm...and after she cheats on you....I don't think her being gone for 5 weeks is gonna sit well with you.....any chance you might dump her before then?

 

 

and her mom is throwing the dinner like 1-2 days b4 she leaves in which i wanna be there. Although i would like to kick that guys ass, im willing to be civilized

 

Uh...there is no way she or anyone else in their right mind should expect you to be in the same room with a guy that screwed your girlfriend.

 

Dude, this is seriously messed up....I wouldn't put up with it if I were you.

 

 

, but she is afraid to have us all in the same house cuz itll be akward.

 

She should have thought of that before spreading her legs for him.

 

 

Shes like stay and then when they come you should go. But i wanna stay untill she leaves for the airport.

 

WHAT??? Oh no she didn't!!!! She expects you to leave when HE gets there? Oh dude...its just soooo damn obvious....she needs to be kicked to the curb. She isn't worthy. You need to find a girl with some decency.

 

I know it hurts...but you need to man up...find the balls....take a deep breath, stick your chest out and say...."see ya...wouldn't wanna be ya".

You don't need this and you don't need a cheater.

 

There are decent women out there for you....find one....the one you are with is not decent by any means. I still can't believe she asked you to leave when he gets to this dinner.