PLAYBRAT Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 No offense Nextel...but you DO sound like you have animosity towards the W. It comes across in your posts...when you said "she has tried to get everyone involved including the cat and dog, and no one is listening to her complaints"...THAT is pure contempt, and nastiness. Don;t be shocked once his "deadline" rolls around and he suddenly has a convenient excuse to stay. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 There's also a possibility that he's waiting for the aliens to beam him and his OW up to the mothership for a marriage on the alien homeworld. It's not likely...but its a possibility. quote] Really, there is such a place? Where do I meet these aliens? I wanno go, I wanna go!!! Link to post Share on other sites
PLAYBRAT Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 And I am not a cynic....I am a realist. I have been in your situation myself....although NOT to the same degree. My ex MM NEVER promised to leave his M. I never stuck around long enough for it to get to that point. I was lucky enough to find this site before I would allow myself to get any deeper.Thank GOD I did!!! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 You know just reading this thread, you would think the MM never leaves his M...The fact is, they do leave their M's sometimes... Just because an XOW got burned or a BS reconciled with her H, doesn't mean that that's going to happen here...I think everyone needs to stop painting life with such a broad brush and projecting their own situation onto the OP... Sometimes people marry the wrong person...I would want the W to have someone who adores her and would be faithful to her...Not all M's go the distance...He leaves and she is free to find someone to love her...Why not be positive about it? Link to post Share on other sites
kchiapet95 Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 Nextel, you're going to get a lot of advice. Take what works for you. The most important thing, in my opinion, is that he sticks to the end of January deadline. If you say something, you should follow through on it. If he doesn't follow through, that's a bad sign, and you should beware. But you know him better than any of us, obviously. You've got to follow your heart to a certain extent. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 No offense Nextel...but you DO sound like you have animosity towards the W. It comes across in your posts...when you said "she has tried to get everyone involved including the cat and dog, and no one is listening to her complaints"...THAT is pure contempt, and nastiness. Don;t be shocked once his "deadline" rolls around and he suddenly has a convenient excuse to stay. Who cares anyway if she has animosity toward the W? This is the OW/OM forum, after all.... And I guess you shouldn't be shocked if the deadline rolls around and he does leave... Link to post Share on other sites
PLAYBRAT Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 GEL....If her MM DOES leave and keeps his word to her..I will be the FIRST to say congrats and wish her the best.I am not above that..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nextel Posted December 26, 2007 Author Share Posted December 26, 2007 Is it not her home as well as his? You said they have no children so whose children is she manipulating? Do you expect her to roll over and play dead? Not approaching you has nothing to do with guts, its to do with being dignified. She is not the one who is cheating. The two of you are. He is trying to buy you and by allowing him to buy you a car he is succeeding even if you do not make him buy you things. Spouses buying things for each other spouse is a different story than an OW/OM doing it. I wonder if that date is going to stretch and stretch. It is her home too. However being that he has children he is raising, she would be the one to move out and not him. They are his children with another woman and not with W. All I can say is that I want this man and will find a way to get him, but I will not compromise on that date and he knows it. Link to post Share on other sites
kchiapet95 Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 All I can say is that I want this man and will find a way to get him, but I will not compromise on that date and he knows it. Good for you! Don't budge. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 Nextel, your points are good ones. Not too many MM stay evenings and weekends and share the R with OW with their friends so you have all that. But if the W is willing to let him have his cake and eat it too she is really saying that she'll put up with anything and stay. A lot of guys would find this attractive. She can raise his kids and live in his house and she gets to wear the ring in public and look respectable. I would discuss this at length with him for reassurance and hold him to that date as well. Good luck. And yes, GEL, the wife can certainly find her true love after the D. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nextel Posted December 26, 2007 Author Share Posted December 26, 2007 Nextel, your points are good ones. Not too many MM stay evenings and weekends and share the R with OW with their friends so you have all that. But if the W is willing to let him have his cake and eat it too she is really saying that she'll put up with anything and stay. A lot of guys would find this attractive. She can raise his kids and live in his house and she gets to wear the ring in public and look respectable. I would discuss this at length with him for reassurance and hold him to that date as well. Good luck. And yes, GEL, the wife can certainly find her true love after the D. Well, time will tell. When things bear fruit, I will be back to tell you all about it, in the meantime, I will vent my impatience. If it does not work out, I will still come back and pour my heart out and all the cynics can tell me that they told me so. Sure, her letting him do what he is doing can be attractive to some men, but I think that the fact that he does not want her raising his children is a burden and thats one that cannot be fixed. I think that any time a man starts to spend long weekends away from home, does not pick up the phone when his children are not at his home, spends important dates away from home (anniversary, holidays etc etc), that can be hard to swallow. But to me, she cannot be happy with this kind of arrangement. We have spoken at length about our interaction and how I dont want to be "short changed" and he has told me that he understands and has no intention of continuing to do this to me. We talk and continue to communicate. Thank you all, even to the naysayers. Link to post Share on other sites
Frances Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 Sure, her letting him do what he is doing can be attractive to some men, but I think that the fact that he does not want her raising his children is a burden and thats one that cannot be fixed. I think that any time a man starts to spend long weekends away from home, does not pick up the phone when his children are not at his home, spends important dates away from home (anniversary, holidays etc etc), that can be hard to swallow. But to me, she cannot be happy with this kind of arrangement. Why would she be raising the children if they are not hers? How old are they? I take it this is his second marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 Why would she be raising the children if they are not hers? I have raised children that are "not mine" - it's called step-parenting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nextel Posted December 26, 2007 Author Share Posted December 26, 2007 Why would she be raising the children if they are not hers? How old are they? I take it this is his second marriage. When you marry a man that already has children, you are marrying the children too. She has an obligation to take care of the children as she would if they were hers. Being that, that was not the case....this became a problem for him. They are still young, at an age were they need to be with an adult in the home, help them get ready for school stuff like that. No actually, its his first marriage. He had his children a few years back but that relationship did not work out and they went their separate ways. He got married 2 years ago. Some of us that were around during that time think that he got married on a rebound, rushed things and now he realizes that he did not do the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nextel Posted December 26, 2007 Author Share Posted December 26, 2007 I have raised children that are "not mine" - it's called step-parenting. LOL....thats what they call it. Link to post Share on other sites
Frances Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 When you marry a man that already has children, you are marrying the children too. She has an obligation to take care of the children as she would if they were hers. Being that, that was not the case....this became a problem for him. They are still young, at an age were they need to be with an adult in the home, help them get ready for school stuff like that. No actually, its his first marriage. He had his children a few years back but that relationship did not work out and they went their separate ways. He got married 2 years ago. Some of us that were around during that time think that he got married on a rebound, rushed things and now he realizes that he did not do the right thing. He does not seem to be doing a good job of it if he is with you most of the time. Did he marry her so that she would look after them. Now that that arrangement has not worked out does he intend that you will take over the roll of parenting. Where is their mother and how many children does he have? I would be very wary of his intentions? He sounds like a very good catch indeed Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 I would be very wary of his intentions? He sounds like a very good catch indeed You sure want a lot of info...OP be very careful what you put out there... It's interesting that the MM is always considered to be less of a catch for the OW but good for the W? If he's not a good catch for the OW, why is it that he is such a good catch for the W? I've never really understood that... Not that I think it is about being a "catch" anyways... Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 ruh roh! Serial cheater. Or looking for a fall back plan before the split? Some men (maybe a lot of men?) cannot leave a woman until they have another in the wings. He was seeing other women before me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nextel Posted December 27, 2007 Author Share Posted December 27, 2007 He does not seem to be doing a good job of it if he is with you most of the time. Did he marry her so that she would look after them. Now that that arrangement has not worked out does he intend that you will take over the roll of parenting. Where is their mother and how many children does he have? I would be very wary of his intentions? He sounds like a very good catch indeed Why he married her is really non of my business, and I dont care. The children spend time with their mother and he does his part too. What is a good catch???? Only fish is a good catch because its ready to be fried and eaten. Link to post Share on other sites
Frances Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 Why he married her is really non of my business, and I dont care. The children spend time with their mother and he does his part too. What is a good catch???? Only fish is a good catch because its ready to be fried and eaten. I should think it is your business to find out what his intentions are for your part in looking after the children. A good catch is an expression people use to denote someone or something that is worthwhile having. In my opinion he does not sound very much like he is worth all the trouble he will bring with him, just my opinion. The wife is most likely well rid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nextel Posted December 27, 2007 Author Share Posted December 27, 2007 I should think it is your business to find out what his intentions are for your part in looking after the children. A good catch is an expression people use to denote someone or something that is worthwhile having. In my opinion he does not sound very much like he is worth all the trouble he will bring with him, just my opinion. The wife is most likely well rid. What is good for me, might not be good for the next person. I personally like the guy very much. If he was a bad person, I think that his wife would not be putting up with him spending nights and long weekends with me. She would have gotten "rid" of him a long time ago, instead she puts up with him not sleeping at home for 5 days in a row, him not taking her calls in the morning when he is with me and having to resort to text msgs just to speak with him. So, if he was such a bad person, I personally would not put up with this kind of person that is not "worth all the trouble". FYI, I dont think he will bring me any problems. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 Some of the tactics used by posters are to first cause you to doubt your lover and then present them as an inferior partner... It's good that your feelings are strong for him and you see him as a good match for you...That's key... Kinda funny that strangers expect you to take their word over someone you know and love... GEL Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 What is good for me, might not be good for the next person. I personally like the guy very much. If he was a bad person, I think that his wife would not be putting up with him spending nights and long weekends with me. She would have gotten "rid" of him a long time ago, instead she puts up with him not sleeping at home for 5 days in a row, him not taking her calls in the morning when he is with me and having to resort to text msgs just to speak with him. So, if he was such a bad person, I personally would not put up with this kind of person that is not "worth all the trouble". FYI, I dont think he will bring me any problems. If he was a 'good' person, he'd have left his wife long ago instead of putting her through this crap. If he treated you that way, would you consider him a good guy? Maybe, since you do consider him a good guy, even though he has yet to actually leave his wife. Maybe he will. But right now, his behavior isn't showing him to be an honorable guy. She 'puts up' with him because there is something she is getting out of it - who knows what it is? - but not because he is a good husband or good person. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 She 'puts up' with him because there is something she is getting out of it - who knows what it is? - but not because he is a good husband or good person. He's "not a good person" because he checked out of his M without first doing the paperwork? So the surgeon who does a heart transplant and then rushes off to the next patient without first completing the paperwork is also "not a good person"? Hmm, interesting view. I don't know if he's a "good person" or not, based on the info OP has provided, but one incident alone, taken out of context, is not going to persuade me one way or the other. OP clearly thinks he is, or she wouldn't be putting herself through this for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Frances Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 I don't know if he's a "good person" or not, based on the info OP has provided, but one incident alone, taken out of context, is not going to persuade me one way or the other. OP clearly thinks he is, or she wouldn't be putting herself through this for him. OP is seeing him through rose coloured glasses. He is not treating his wife very well is he? One can often see things more clearly when you are not emotionally involved. People can make mistakes in whom they marry but it does not give them the right to treat the spouse badly. It is always better to finish one relationship with dignity before starting another. It leaves everyone knowing where they stand, just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts