Impossible sister

[sarah419]

Hope someone can offer me some advice on this. My sister (19) treats my whole family like sh**. Very cold, very uninterested in spending time with any of us and always complaining about how she she needs a new car ( my parents paid fully for the 2004 Nissan she drives now) how she should be in college (she skipped her S.A.T'S and is always too tired to set up a new date) We all do nothing but try and make her happy and we just get attitude or silence. About 6 months ago she brought home a new bf. She goes through guys like shoes. This time however she is LOUDLY sleeping with this guy. The second time my parents said he shouldn't be coming over (his parents have them out by 9) After awhile my mother "felt bad" and lets him come over. Every time he does I hear them. To give you an idea how ridiculous it is I put headphones on to avoid it and my bed shakes!!!! Finally tonight I had enough. I try to leave my parents out of it. I don't want to start a war but I called her into my room so I could tell her to please knock it off. Here is what I got I am a "weirdo who listens for it," I am "unhappy and want her to be unhappy too", she hates me, "fu** you".

I am so sick of treating her so good and being treated like crap. Now on top of that I have to listen to this everytime he comes over? I love my sister I really do but I am at my wits end. Her attitude is so bad and she has zero respect for anyone except her bf who is the center of her world. She never wants to talk, when I try she rolls her eyes and says "I don't want to talk about this" or something like that. Any advice on how I should handle this? I am sick of having all this animosity but also tired of just looking the other way constantly. Any help please?

[JHS]

Hope someone can offer me some advice on this. My sister (19) treats my whole family like sh**. Very cold, very uninterested in spending time with any of us and always complaining about how she she needs a new car ( my parents paid fully for the 2004 Nissan she drives now) how she should be in college (she skipped her S.A.T'S and is always too tired to set up a new date) We all do nothing but try and make her happy and we just get attitude or silence. About 6 months ago she brought home a new bf. She goes through guys like shoes. This time however she is LOUDLY sleeping with this guy. The second time my parents said he shouldn't be coming over (his parents have them out by 9) After awhile my mother "felt bad" and lets him come over. Every time he does I hear them. To give you an idea how ridiculous it is I put headphones on to avoid it and my bed shakes!!!! Finally tonight I had enough. I try to leave my parents out of it. I don't want to start a war but I called her into my room so I could tell her to please knock it off. Here is what I got I am a "weirdo who listens for it," I am "unhappy and want her to be unhappy too", she hates me, "fu** you".

I am so sick of treating her so good and being treated like crap. Now on top of that I have to listen to this everytime he comes over? I love my sister I really do but I am at my wits end. Her attitude is so bad and she has zero respect for anyone except her bf who is the center of her world. She never wants to talk, when I try she rolls her eyes and says "I don't want to talk about this" or something like that. Any advice on how I should handle this? I am sick of having all this animosity but also tired of just looking the other way constantly. Any help please?

 

 

Sarah, I feel for you. As for the boyfriend and the sleeping, I think this is a little weird and definitely offensive, but clearly your sister and parents do not, so you are in a sense, the oddball here. Your values are different than theirs (again, I would have the same reaction you are having). It is hard to imagine people not caring about this behavior but clearly your sister, her boyfriend and your parents do not so you will have to accept this. I think you should involve your parents but along the lines of telling your parents that this behavior offends you and you want their opinion. The problem that is tough for parents is having to chose between one sibling versus the other. If you force them to do that, you could lose based on them just not wanting to do that.

 

I wonder if everyone agrees that she is treating everyone like crap. You view it that way, but maybe your parents just don't see it the same way. It sounds like they don't feel that way and certainly don't care that much about it. Maybe you should move out? (Harsh, but sometimes to keep your own sanity).

 

It sounds like your sister is suffering from Center of the Universe Syndrome. This may seem overly simple but it may have some benefit to you: Write your sister a letter - not an e-mail or text - but a letter and let her know how you feel. Do a draft and then wait a day and edit it. Don't do it when you are angry or venting because you do not want to be in attack-mode when you write this. But let her know how you feel - it will be up to her to ignore it or respond.

 

I can relate because I have an older brother whom I think has done some similar things in that he has completely taken advantage of my parents. I have a lot of resentment over this but I have come to find out that my parents really don't care that much at all. It's really pathetic because they view him more as a person who is borderline mentally ill and just don't want to make waves.

Edited December 26, 2007 by JHS