slightly concerned with my girlfriends weight

[Leikela]

melodicmaybe,

 

I really like the photoblog suggestion! Sounds awesome for a long distance relationship!

[InferiorityComplex]

This is my first post to LS, but I can say that I am compelled to respond regardless of tardiness. My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 4 years now, and we have lived together for almost 2.

 

When we first met I weighed 105lbs and he was probably in the area of 180lbs. He is 6'3" so I think that was an ok weight, and I am only 5'3". Something about the comfort of a relationship tends to make people gain weight.

 

Most of us would rather sacrifice going to the gym at night if it means we can curl up with a loved one eating popcorn and watching a movie. So yes, the knowledge that your SO cares for you, despite how you look (if I was horribly disfigured in an accident would you stay with me?) tends to make us all be more comfortable in our own skin.

 

In that 4 years that we have been dating, I have gone up to a whopping 170lbs, but I think I still look pretty damn good. And my boyfriend has gone up to about 250lbs. And I love him, sure he's a little fluffy...but I gotta admit that it's more fun to hug and cuddle with a teddy bear than with a brick wall.

 

So maybe she if actually happy with herself...and maybe when she was working out so much it actually was a lower point of self esteem for her. Maybe she just wasn't happy with what she saw in the mirror and was trying to improve. Whatever the situation, if it's a concern that you post a thread about your girlfriends weight gain then perhaps you are actually losing your feelings for her because of the long distance relationship.

 

Because...love grows every day...and because of that they grow more attractive. Maybe that's just me and my boyfriend. But I'll take that any day over being self conscious.

 

Sorry so long.

[BlueEyedGirl]

This is my first post to LS, but I can say that I am compelled to respond regardless of tardiness. My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 4 years now, and we have lived together for almost 2.

 

When we first met I weighed 105lbs and he was probably in the area of 180lbs. He is 6'3" so I think that was an ok weight, and I am only 5'3". Something about the comfort of a relationship tends to make people gain weight.

 

Most of us would rather sacrifice going to the gym at night if it means we can curl up with a loved one eating popcorn and watching a movie. So yes, the knowledge that your SO cares for you, despite how you look (if I was horribly disfigured in an accident would you stay with me?) tends to make us all be more comfortable in our own skin.

 

In that 4 years that we have been dating, I have gone up to a whopping 170lbs, but I think I still look pretty damn good. And my boyfriend has gone up to about 250lbs. And I love him, sure he's a little fluffy...but I gotta admit that it's more fun to hug and cuddle with a teddy bear than with a brick wall.

 

 

Ummm do you know that with your weight and height you are now borderline obese? It's fine to be "comfortable" but you are now sacrificing your health. I really don't see why a relationship would stop you want to exercise. I am not saying being obssesed with the gym, but working out 2-3 times a week and not eating junk food is not that difficult. Imagine what will happen if you continue to gain weight at this rate.....

[lbj123]

Aproximately how much has she gained? Does she seems depressed otherwise? I feel torn on this because on the one hand, if this is the person you are going t spend your life with you need to be prepared for her looks to change. What about when she gets pregnant? but if she is at an unhealthy weight, you may say something like "I went for the best run today. It felt amazing afterwards. I noticed you having been working out lately. Maybe you should get back into it. its such a great way to blow off steam and makes me feel like a million bucks for the rest of the day." Then see how she reacts...you can throw in something to motivate her like "If you start running again we can both be millionnaires together!" I strongly suggest though that you do not mention the weight gain. Does she ever mention it? is she unhappy with her appearance?

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Ummm do you know that with your weight and height you are now borderline obese? It's fine to be "comfortable" but you are now sacrificing your health. I really don't see why a relationship would stop you want to exercise. I am not saying being obssesed with the gym, but working out 2-3 times a week and not eating junk food is not that difficult. Imagine what will happen if you continue to gain weight at this rate.....

Agreed I find your thinking on the subject odd almost sounds like you have excepted the weight gain and are acting happy! Being obese is not healthey and not fun and I don't care what some larger people say. Its almost impossible to be very happy in todays world being over weight! fat and happy is a compleate crock I havent checked in on this thread in a while tho I hope #1 and his gf are doing better by now

[Mr. Lucky]

In that 4 years that we have been dating, I have gone up to a whopping 170lbs, but I think I still look pretty damn good.

If you've gained 65 lbs in 4 years (more than 50% of your original weight), there's something going on that has nothing to do with acceptance, conditional or otherwise. You have a problem, the health consequences of which have been extensively documented. And shame on your BF for not encouraging you more to do something about it...

 

Mr. Lucky

[SpanksTheMonkey]

The fact that she uses the word "wopping" hints to me anyways that shes in some odd way proud of the weight gain ick.. I agree lucky but then again the bf gained alot as well seams they bouth need to start walking if nothing else for there own health..

[ziggyman]

The long distance is a problem and makes it hard I guess. I have started a healthy diet and exercise at least 3 times a week, but trying to go 5 times as there is a gym where we live. I don't need to loose weight at all, but I like to be fit as I used to play Ice Hockey alot but haven't since i finished uni and started a job. The main reason why I am doing it though is to do it with my girlfriend who I live with. She has had certain problems which have probably been to do with the type of contraception we were using, and she gained 2 stone in about 6 months, and its given her stretch marks around her body. She hates being over weight, and even though she is no longer on any contraception there hasn't been much change.

 

I am now hoping to god that with this new life style she will start loosing weight. It is not just the attractiveness but what it has done to her body and confidence when going out and buying clothes cause they don't fit properly. It's been very hard for us both, but we are still going strong, and I know there is alot of hard work ahead, but I am with her every step of the way, I can only eat what she eats, I do the same or more exercise, but go with her and encourage her to go, even though it means sacrificing time in the evenings.

 

I have been reading that it would be best to do fat burning exercises in the morning on an empty stomach. I am going to try and persuade her to get up at 6am with my, gym for an hour, then get ready for work. I don't know if she (or me!) will like that, cause it means bed earlier and she always complains when I want to go to bed as I have to get up early the next day for work (she is a student so lays in bed later :'( ).

 

Anyway, you may find her less attractive, and this could also be attributed to being with her for a long period of time and getting used to her. You need to re-light that spark that was there when you first met, I have found, and make changes and sacrifices to help each other.

[Dean Moriarty]

Unfortunately, there's no way of knowing that your girlfriend/wife will keep up her fitness routines. In all likelihood, she'll stop at some point or cut way back or even keep up her fitness but eat crap foods so her body goes to ****.

 

With that in mind, you have to be conscientous of a girl's body type when you're considering long term relationships and especially marriage. I dated a very curvy girl before. Boobs and ass for days and all that. When she was keeping in shape, her body was killer. But when she'd get lax, her body would go to hell in a handbasket. It was one of those things where her body required a lot of maintenance to look banging. For me, that wouldn't work long-term because I'm very turned off by flabby midsections.

 

My current girlfriend is very slender. She has some curves on her but they come from exercise. I've also met her mom. She'll never be a fatso. This is incredibly comforting as it's one bridge I'll never have to cross.

 

Word to the wise: Be aware.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

She'll never be a fatso. This is incredibly comforting as it's one bridge I'll never have to cross.

 

Word to the wise: Be aware.

Yea you just wait untill she pops out a few kids! With a att like that I hope she gains 100 pounds on ya how charming you are! lol..

[InferiorityComplex]

Yes, according to BMI (Body Mass Index) I am considered obese. But if you actually saw my body structure (considering I am an former gymnast and cheerleader) I do not appear to weigh anywhere near 170lbs. I do not have any health complications, and my doctor told me that it's not realistic for me to achieve the "norm" body weight for my height.

 

I too gained weight from my birth control. My breasts went from 34Bs to 38DDDs in a matter of about 20 months. I'm not complaining, because I think they look nice...perky and firm. My boyfriend and I are both trying to lose weight...because we are not happy about our weight gain, but we also are doing it for ourselves.

 

I still find my boyfriend extremely attractive. Moreso than when we first started dating. But he does have some complications with his current weight. He has sleep apnea and bad joints, both of which run in his family whether or not they are heavy set (none of which are, his family are of average size but tall).

 

I do not mind the comments where people say that it's unhealthy for me not to work out. Because since I am new to LS nobody knows me yet. But I do work out when I can...maybe not hitting the gym because its far too expensive for our budget, but I do get in my walking everyday. And I don't eat unhealthily.

 

I just don't like when people take the BMI so literally. It is meant as a guideline and certainly is not accurate for all people. Women come in all shapes and sizes...I happen to have large breasts, a narrow waist, and very muscular thighs.

 

And like a previous poster said,

 

The other thing I wanted to mention is that if she was 18 when you started going out, I'm not surprised that she's gained some weight in the past 2 years - women usually do gain weight when are moving from being a teenager to an adult. I don't know how much she's gained, but it could be a perfectly normal change.

 

We have been dating since we were 16, so now that we are both 20 we have both matured alot. I attribute alot of my weight gain to the birth control and stress. Both of us graduated from high school early and left home because of unhealthy family relationships. So at 16 we were both living on our own, working full time jobs, and going to college full time as well. I think that all of these factors did limit our abilities to work-out.

 

But I cannot say that I look in the mirror and think that I'm absolutely hideous. For being 170lbs I think I look amazing compared to others at that weight. Not to mention I look happy and I look healthy. Which is the most I can hope for.

 

I will be starting my own thread about my weight loss goals and plan of action. I have been taking nutrition courses throughout the duration of my college career and have learned quite a bit about healthy bodies and means of weight loss. Thanks to all those that replied to my post. And if you ever wish to talk to me, AOL Instant Messenger PlasticLoveCo

 

Thanks.

[Dean Moriarty]

I have no what makes people think that walking around is going to help them lose weight. It boggles my mind. You need to elevate your heart rate.

 

Even if you have to do interval training where you walk and then jog for short spurts before going back to walking and then jogging again a little later, that is much more effective than walking around and expecting the pounds to fall off you.

[InferiorityComplex]

I don't know how everyone walks...but when I walk I do elevate my heart rate. I don't walk all sluggish, if I'm walking I'm going somewhere in a hurry. And in my nutrition class...we have been taught that it's been scientifically proven that if you increase your activity (and walking is considered to be a moderate activity) by only 30 minutes 3 times a week you will lose 1 lb a week.

 

Not to mention if you lower your calorie intake by only 300-500 calories a day it will have the same effect. The reason so many people fail at weight loss is that they go at it the wrong way. Crash diets and over exercising. It is extremely unhealthy to lose more than 1-2lbs a week because it deprives your body of nutrients.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I have no what makes people think that walking around is going to help them lose weight. It boggles my mind. You need to elevate your heart rate.

 

Even if you have to do interval training where you walk and then jog for short spurts before going back to walking and then jogging again a little later, that is much more effective than walking around and expecting the pounds to fall off you.

Walking is a great low impact excersise and for over weight people it dose elevate there heart rate.

 

if you walk a bit every day and watch what you eat it dose help its def not the end all have all of weight loss by far but it dose work in time combined with other efforts!

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I don't know how everyone walks...but when I walk I do elevate my heart rate. I don't walk all sluggish, if I'm walking I'm going somewhere in a hurry. And in my nutrition class...we have been taught that it's been scientifically proven that if you increase your activity (and walking is considered to be a moderate activity) by only 30 minutes 3 times a week you will lose 1 lb a week.

 

Not to mention if you lower your calorie intake by only 300-500 calories a day it will have the same effect. The reason so many people fail at weight loss is that they go at it the wrong way. Crash diets and over exercising. It is extremely unhealthy to lose more than 1-2lbs a week because it deprives your body of nutrients.

Intresting I took you the wrong way before sorry. We should talk some time im trying to lose some weight myself at the moment. And you sound like you have some good insight on the subject

[1stcav19]

Ok dude, I can relate. I dated a girl about 4 years ago who had serious family problems. We'll refer to her as Kristi. She was 5 foot 4, and 96 lbs. when we met. At 22 she still lived with her mom and step dad who were emotionally abusive (and once were physically abusive). While we were dating she moved out on her own, and immediately gained about 30 lbs. from not being in that environment. That was no big deal, and looked really good on her because she got some major curves. Well, a year later she was up to about 160. What did I say? Absolutely nothing. She knew what was happening. She knew she was buying bigger sizes, and she didn't mind at all because her boobs got a lot bigger and she got some killer hips and booty going on. When it actually started looking bad on her, she luckily gave me the opportunity to say something when she jokinly whined about me going to the gym all the time and missing out on time with her. I told her that she was always welcome to come with me, and I could show her a lot of cool and fun exercises (she said she never went to the gym because it was boring). It wasn't until we went out to play some tennis and she got so out of breath and was so clumsy she was completely embarassed with herself. Weighing 70 lbs. more than you did the last time you played tennis could do that to you I guess. So that was a wake-up call for her, and she decided to start going to the gym with me.

 

The moral of my story: As a lot of people have already said ... SHE KNOWS. And the choice is going to be hers. Honestly, maybe she likes it. Kristi did .. up to a certain point. Her issues were definately psychological (mother would tell her daily she was getting fat if she'd break the 100 lb. barrier, her mother used to weigh her daily when she was a high school cheerleader). Getting away from that situation took away the pressure to be so skinny. Maybe your girlfriend isn't feeling that pressure either because she feels confortable in your relationship. Maybe the stress is doing it. Either way, she knows, and the ONLY way she is going to get in better shape is if she makes that decision. If you tell her she should, its only going to upset her.

[BlueEyedGirl]

I just want to say not to underestimate walking. If you walk around for 10 mins a day that's not going to do much. But in two periods of my life when I have gained weight, I have lost it purely by walking. First time around I lost 30lbs over a year of walking 5-6kms a day and now lost 12lbs and still going. Luckily I enjoy it and love being outside so I even tend to overdo it and remind myself that I have actually done enough. I constantly get blisters on my feet even in running shoes from walking too much. Not to mention that walking gives me perfect muscle definition from just above the knees all the way through calves. I have now just added some abs and upper arm exercises as walking doesn't touch that. But it's wrong to think that you can't lose weight by walking.

 

Walking actually burns 250 calories per hour and if you lower your food intake by 250cals too you are good to go. No need to sweat like a pig or wait till someone wants to play tennis with you. Key to weight loss is consistency.

Edited January 19, 2008 by BlueEyedGirl