OM after you have separated and living apart but still M.

[Woggle]

Looking back at your posts I still can't figure out what you have done so wrong to make her so angry at you. So you are not perfect but nobody is. She seems like a classic case of a woman who wants to dump all her unhappiness and issues on a man's lap. Men tend to become very easy scapegoats for women and we need to be careful not to let them do that. I still take the position that you need to prepare for divorce and make sure she does not treat you like a doormat in divorce court.

[smileysmile]

I think you are making sense Child..

 

I rang her home today about 1pm. I was driving so I pulled over.

 

It is kind of strange as we are still M and only 18 mths ago and how things have changed so drastically in a short period of time.

 

So I was cheerful and asked her how our D was (as she took her to the doctors for a check up) and how the ex was coping (especially with her beating herself up over what happened). I listened and sympathized.

I also said that it could have happened to anybody and no matter what she thinks my family asked about her and don't think any bad etc, and that I won't throw it her face in the future. I said I can only imagine what she must have been feeling emotionally.

So I am glad I phoned. I ended it with if she needed anything or help then let me know.

She has so much help with her parents and sister and she is so independant I wonder if she ever does need me

 

I said ok I will pick D up 10.30am on Sunday and said my goodbye.

 

Gawd it is so hard. I mean after Sunday it will be the following Satuday before I see her or D. How long can I keep this up?

 

I am rowing the boat. But I guess she has to get over the anger and hurt to be able to see clearly what is fin ront of her.

Ok..what if she asks me if I am seeing somebody? I have read that to get your ex back you should not mope and go on some dates. I mean if she is consciously not wanting me (at least at this time) then maybe if she sees I have moved on and I am dating maybe then she will smell the coffee. Don't we always want what we can't have?

Maybe she is waiting for me to move on..and find somebody else?

 

I am so confused

 

ps so drop your anger=friends and that is it? Or...?

Edited December 28, 2007 by smileysmile

[child_of_isis]

Yes, with us, that will probably be it. We haven't any young children. If we did, I would totally try it if I saw him change.

 

About seeing someone else...you tell her no. She doesn't want you moving on. She wants you to fight for your family like a man would.

 

The only coffee she will smell is bitter coffee.

 

My ex is talking to someone and it sickens me. He is using a human being for his own selfish purposes. Which just confirms that it is in my best interest to avoid a R with him.

 

 

Don't use such a feeble thing as jealousy to get her back, that's weak, use strength.

Ok..what if she asks me if I am seeing somebody? I have read that to get your ex back you should not mope and go on some dates. I mean if she is consciously not wanting me (at least at this time) then maybe if she sees I have moved on and I am dating maybe then she will smell the coffee. Don't we always want what we can't have?

Maybe she is waiting for me to move on..and find somebody else?

 

I am so confused

 

ps so drop your anger=friends and that is it? Or...?

[Woggle]

Why do women make the decision to end the relationship and then get mad at men for not fighting for his family when he decides to move on? My friends STBX did that. He begged and pleaded for a year then he finally decided to file for divorce after he realized it was over and she called him a coward for not fighting for the marriage.

[child_of_isis]

The only thing I can think is his actions didn't coincide with his words.

 

Maybe he was saying he would change but did nothing to bring about changes.

 

Begging and pleading are passive. It doesn't take much action on the part of the begger/pleader. It usually just requires someone to believe his words. When belief in his words are gone, what is left? The inability to trust.

 

Which is pretty much the premise of my posts.

He begged and pleaded for a year then he finally decided to file for divorce after he realized it was over and she called him a coward for not fighting for the marriage.

[Woggle]

He tried to change and please her in every day but one he woke and said funk this and decided that it was over. He filed for divorce and she was mad that he had finally given up. Right now she wants him back because OM dumped her but he has no desire to go back. It looks she was stuck in the affair fog when OM just saw her as easy sex. A few days after she moved out of the house OM took.

[child_of_isis]

This is usually the way it works.

 

When cheater is ready to come back, the betrayed spouse is ready to move on and honestly no longer wants to be with them.

 

Life is a funny thing.

He tried to change and please her in every day but one he woke and said funk this and decided that it was over. He filed for divorce and she was mad that he had finally given up. Right now she wants him back because OM dumped her but he has no desire to go back. It looks she was stuck in the affair fog when OM just saw her as easy sex. A few days after she moved out of the house OM took.

[smileysmile]

Hi all...

 

especially my inspiration child of isis lol

 

Woggle..i read your post..about MM filing for D because soon to be ex wasn't seeing him as wanting to save the M..and she calling him a coward for not fighting?

 

OM involved? Hmmm so she has a OM and she expects him to fight for his M as she is with OM?

What the hell?

They were living together as husband and wife and she was seeing OM?

 

Ok...when i was living with my ex up until August 23rd this year 2007 she was desparate for 'changes' from me. As from April/May when she said she couldn't take it anymore she WANTED changes. But I was stubborn and proud. I think we needed time out not as drastic as putting our house up for sale. Then is was to late as our house took only 5 weeks to sell.

 

My ex did say that I never tried to win her back. I realize I should and could have and have beating myself up all this time now that I am on my own.

No OM was involved in this time she was living with me.

 

But now she is in her own house and has had involvement with OM from an ex work colleague (probably a sh*g buddy).

He is M I think.

So do you think my ex will be expecting me to fight to win her back if I really wanted her back?

 

I am not doing to well. I rang ex up yesterday to ask hows she doing and hows our D doing?

Since the accident the other day. I was sincere and comforting as she still is beating herself up over it.

I said if there was anything she needed me to do let me know.

 

I think I am wasting my time. It would take a miracle to turn this back round.

I feel she is getting on with it. Doesn't need me. She can manage herself.

Hence why she didn't ring me at all on the day D had accident.

 

I feel this way and it HURTS big time.

[child_of_isis]

Sweetie sweetie sweetie...you remind me so much of my X.

 

Maybe it is time to give it up. Truthfully, it doesn't sound as if you have any of the big fight left in you.

 

There was once a time when the X had what I call 'the big fight'. He would destroy whatever came in the path of his family. Be it hard times, be it freaking whatever...he was 'the man'...beating it down.

 

Life is rough on a family. I mean christ almighty man...we have full time jobs, sick children, college bills, home repairs...it never freaking ends.

 

When the hell do we have time for love?

 

Maybe even more so for a family man who every day considers himself to be the fighter in the big fight.

 

Maybe sometimes he just gets tired.

 

The thing of it is...we women are tired too.

 

But then again....

 

maybe it is okay to be tired.

[child_of_isis]

Oh yeah, and while I am at it...I have learned a lot from talking to you.

 

More than you will ever know.

 

You have given me what I was unable to give myself. Understanding.

 

You know the saying...we always teach what it is we need to learn.

Hi all...

 

especially my inspiration child of isis lol

 

[smileysmile]

No I haven't given up.

 

It is hard to see where the break is going to come from?

 

What is your story then?

 

There was once a time when the X had what I call 'the big fight'. He would destroy whatever came in the path of his family. Be it hard times, be it freaking whatever...he was 'the man'...beating it down.

 

Was that during your separation? How long were you guys together? Can't recall you mentioning it?

Although you had to end it 'cos of his mind games etc and you had to end it for your sanity..as he wouldn't or couldn't change.

Did you hope he would change after your separation?

 

You see I can't still see it my side. The ex 'moving on' so quickly to OM. I know she knew him for 3 yrs as a work colleague. I am not sure how it happened. The truth that is. He was there at the time.

So many things are and have gone through my mind over those 2.

The last time I think he was at her house (at least in the night) was the 14th December. He wasn't there last night either. Maybe he will be tonight.

I know because I have to drive past her house sometimes to get home.

Unless he parks around the corner?

 

Anyway, I haven't given up. I plan to work on myself. I can't let her know I am doing it so she can see the changes and that she thinks I am doing it to win her back 'cos that is what she will think. I am doing it for myself if anything but it is damn hard. Because she may never want to chance coming back. She is the type to give you so many chances when in the R then when she says shes done..its done and NO going back. She is stubborn and has said in a text that she would be a fool to come back and wouldn't respect herself. This was October I think.

And then 3 weeks ago we had a text war. Very brief but all to do with her train pass again. It is a spouse travel pass and it expires in March.

It helps her out financially to keep it. Do you think I should let her keep it to keep on her good side? Would this be a plus for me?

 

Or would she be more angry towards me? Which she would be but I don't want her to be angry

I can't renew it if we are D. I would get into trouble but she says just don't tell anybody in work. Nobody needs to know.

 

Anyway back to the text 3 weeks ago. In a heated text war because of the pass. She said "you will never change and the counselling hasn't worked, I knew it wouldn't and thats why I wouldn't have come back to you".

Hmmmm...any input miss inspirational

 

whats happening in your situation? Do you mind if I ask how old you are?

Edited December 29, 2007 by smileysmile

[smileysmile]

Hmmm

 

Just had a text from ex. Saying that the district nurse is coming round tomorrow (Sunday) morning. She doesn't know what time exactly.

 

Anyway, I rang ex 9.15pm straight after text. As I din't quite understand it. Briefly chatted about how D is etc. Ex put in a little dig about D getting poo on the carpet and that I would have had a fit. I said I wouldn't have with D. Maybe the dog but not the D. She is my angel (didn't say that bit). Ex said I know what your like (with a slight chuckle).

It saddens me when she says this. Listening to her voice chokes me up

 

Why oh why are we here?

 

Anyway what made me sadder is that when ex said if the nurse hasn't arrived before 10.30 then i will text/ring you to let you know when she has (after 10.30) 10.30 is the time I am supposed to pick her up.

 

So I asked her can't I come at 10.30am until the nurse arrives?

 

She said "No, I don't want you hanging around it could be an hour before she arrives".

You know something..I could have cried. Really cried.

A few months ago I wouldn't have had this reply. I sound like a stranger. Not somebody who is still M to her. You have the OM who has been round there and is welcomed but me? It sounds strange, sad and HORRIBLY cruel. How did I get here God!

 

Anyway, I said I bet the nurse won't come before 10.30. She thought I was implying something. Well I was but it wasn't what she thought..at least I don't think so.

She thought I was implying that she was holding D back so I would have less time with her that day. But I was thinking this OM is over tonight and so there is no rush for him to get out. I knew this would happen. I know its not serious. Just somebody over who she used to work with. Maybe he is sorting his M out now. I wonder what happened?

OM hasn't been over since 14th December. Unless his car is parked around the corner. I have to drive past later otherwise I won't sleep.

 

I have lost the plot. How things were SO different this time last year.

[OWoman]

Unless his car is parked around the corner. I have to drive past later otherwise I won't sleep.

 

You're stalking her and that is so uncool. No wonder she doesn't want you back. In her shoes, I'd get a restraining order.

[smileysmile]

OW

 

I am not a stalker lol

 

I just have to know one or two things which don't add up.

 

I am pretty good. I have given her space. I never ring her on w/ends in the night. How many in my postion would do that to see if they are home. Well I know she will be most of the time 'cos of our D.

 

The odd occasion I would drive by. But I am happy to report back her lights were out and she must have been tucked up in bed..ALONE

[Tomcat33]

Smiley I have read through your entire thread and here are my key thoughts:

 

You want your ex back at all costs because you know you did some things to chase her away and now you want to prove to her that you are a changed man. First of all there is NO WAY in hell you are a changed man or even remotely close to being a transformation in progress, you are a LONG shot away. Don't take that the wrong way but nothing has changed in you in this short period of time other than you have discovered you want her back. So...

 

You want her back? here is your action plan

 

1. lose the "get your ex back" crap you subscibed to, those are games and tactics designed to lure immature people with peas for brains, your W I am sure, has no pea brain. It's the same as that David Deangelo crap on how to win over women dating, sheer CRAP!
   
2. lose the "I have to make her jealous" attitude in order to get her to find me irresitible. NOTHING sends a more off putting signal to a person you are trying to win back than to tell them I want you back and to then turn around and say "oh yeah but I have started dating someone" DO you want her back or NOT? in her head you are toying with her time and therefore she is NOT going to take you seriously at ALL.
   
3. EVEN if she has moved on you LET her, you let her be with her new man and you let her tell you about how great it is, for the time being you DO NOT try to do the same as she is doing because your goal is NOT to compete with her it is to win her back with love and friendship and perseverence so if you must date for now you keep it on the down low until you know for sure there is no way she will come around.
   
4. The way you win her back is through ACTIONS, actions is NOT "I have changed TRUST me I've changed" and then proceed to have a text war with her for a few hours, that specifically spells "I've done jack all to change!!" and she will feel like she is dealing with not only the same old same old Smiley but again the Smiley that is wasting her time lying to her he has changed when clearly he has NOT. Don't waste her time or yours if you have nothing positive to show towards this NEW you, then don't show anything at all. Words are cheap.
   
5. She left you because you had issues with your anger or with mistreating her you must at ALL costs stop with any attitude that can lead to an angry outbursts or and must aim to be nothing less than a good supporting friend. If you want to prove to her you are up for the challenge to change for her then you must put your best foot foward and put your actions to the test. No MATTER WHAT you are attentive, kind, and supportive of her, and her space and her time and slowly through these loving acts you can win her over like that and ONLY like that. If in time she does not come around then only then can you tell her you are moving on, but you must try a steady flow of convincing her that you are a changing man in progress. And you know what will happen in time? the more you practice giving to your W in a manner that is all giving and wholehearted it will also train you to treat her as you should have been before she left you. It is a win win situation, because believe me Smiley, if things don't work out with this woman unless you change your patterns this will come back to repeat itself in your next relationships. So it will be good for you to recalibrate your actions to improve who you are, it's positive change and it is good to grow.

Lastly I have read in a few posts here that you seem to engage in a lot of bickering and fighting with her still. STOP IT, if you truly want her back you have to STOP the fighting, if you can't then don't see or talk to her when you are feeling worked up about things she says and does, and beleive me she WILL do things to test your patience. Especially if she is wanting to see if she can trust that you are in fact changing.

 

 

Are you up for the challenge? Being willing to change our patterns to win back a lost love takes a lot of hard work not just words that claim "things are different now".You need to show it.

 

It's not a matter of saying "I want you back give me another chance" it's do or die Smiley you have to prove to her things will truly be different this time.

 

Lastly she may very well be in love with this new man but that is not to say she is no longer in love with you, if you keep up the hard work to win her back through trust you can discover just how much this woman still loves you. I bet you any money if she sees a significant change in you, not hears that you have changed, actually SEES a change in you it will rock her world and make her question if there really is a chance that you could change. Who knows it may very well be all she ever wanted all along.

 

Good luck!

Edited December 30, 2007 by Tomcat33

[child_of_isis]

No, before the separation, family was always first. Family started playing second fiddle to friends and bar time. We were together for 13 years.

 

I think the problems that goes on during separation is due to living apart. People who have been in Ltr's and lived together, are always aware of what the other is doing. They also do a lot of the same things together. Not so when living apart.

 

I think mostly both sit around and imagine all sorts of scenarios. Anger sets in. Thoughts and scenarios get bigger and more graphic.

 

The case of me beginning the NC.... I didn't answer the phone one morning when he called. He assumed that I was out all night and not home yet. So...what does he do? Goes out with his buds and turns off his cell until the next morning. Wanting me to think he had been out all night also. By the time he did answer his phone, he had totally convinced himself of all kinds of crap.

 

Man was he pissed. He never was one to get angry with me often either.

So of course I was pissed.

 

Silly **** like this went on every time we tried to reconcile. It wasn't just on his part...I had my hand in it also.

 

I am almost 48.

 

 

 

Was that during your separation? How long were you guys together? Can't recall you mentioning it?

Although you had to end it 'cos of his mind games etc and you had to end it for your sanity..as he wouldn't or couldn't change.

Did you hope he would change after your separation?

 

[smileysmile]

Thanks Tomcat.

 

Wise words. I know you're right.

 

The get your ex back.com is not all right. I agree with stop the begging and pleading etc and calling and that I have changed etc...

 

But when a spouse or in my case a wife leaves you it is for a reason only known to myself. I have to 'change' my way of thinking etc.

 

I am so scared now though. Its like I need a bad gene to be extracted from my brain to be that changed man.

 

I picked my D up this morning at 11am and had her til 5pm.

We are amicable. But I don't outstay my welcome. I don't want her to think I might be trying to be nice etc as I want her back.

I then dropped D back at 5pm. I was there for 10 mins as ex dished out hers and D evening meal. And then I gave D a kiss.

I wanted to hug ex and wish her the best for the new year but thought not to.

I said to the ex the next time will be Saturday. (I have D the following Monday for 10.5 hrs znd then the following Sunday then there will be a gap of 9 days before I see her again (because of my shifts). The second week after that Jan 27th I have D 3 times.)

And we agreed. I said if there is anything you want or need then let me know. I would like more involvement with D so please don't hesitate to call me and said Take care and see you next Saturday.

 

I feel I have taken 2 steps back because of these text wars. I feel that Xmas eve and the presents I gave her from D was good for me as I was caring etc and then come boxing day we had a very brief text war.

I should have composed myself. I am so mad at that

 

Also the OM. I don't think there is one. At least there isn't a permanent one. This Om she had around the house a few times were for sex I think. Company for her. But I think the last time was Dec 14th which is a while ago. Ex can't be bothered and it is so soon to be starting a new R. I know that much is true. Our D is priority. But we will have to see what pans out in the next few mths.

 

Answer me this. What do I say if she is 'fishing' to see if I am dating anybody? She can't expect me to sit around all these nights and not date.

It would in her eyes think I am just waiting around for her and that I don't have any life outside her.

My friends are all married with kids. There are some things I can do but my ex is not dumb to think I am going to go without sex for all these months.

You are talking about from the end of April when we started to sleep in separate beds and end of August when she left our marital home.

 

I have to tread carefully if she tries to 'fish'.

 

I think to improve myself I had better get more counselling. Join a yoga class. I have enquired about yoga. Maybe the ex someday will ask what I have been up to? And I will mention I have started yoga lol

 

Maybe this will impress her. Maybe it will make her realize I am trying to improve myself. This Wednesday is the first class. It is all to make me relax more.

Well thanks for the inspiration guys. Please keep it up.

Maybe I am in the wrong forum but I have to keep reporting back with updates. I need your help..I feel like crying here.

This time last year I HAD IT ALL!

A beautiful Wife and a daughter with the likelyhood of a sibling for our D living in a new 4 bedroom detached house with a 13 yr mortgage. Now look at me. A smaller house and by myself with a mortgage for 25 years. I have no problem finding other women and relationships. BUT I want MY family back. Please God let me be in her heart again!

Edited December 30, 2007 by smileysmile

[child_of_isis]

Smiley, how many freaking times do I have to answer this question?

 

I can answer it a 100 times and it will be the same.

 

Stay the hell away from women!!!!!!!! If you are going to sneak around her back and sleep with women, kiss it all good bye.

 

Tell her that you are reading up on the benefits of celibacy. Your nuts ain't gonna bust if you don't get a lay for a few months.

 

Answer me this. What do I say if she is 'fishing' to see if I am dating anybody? She can't expect me to sit around all these nights and not date.

It would in her eyes think I am just waiting around for her and that I don't have any life outside her.

My friends are all married with kids. There are some things I can do but my ex is not dumb to think I am going to go without sex for all these months.

You are talking about from the end of April when we started to sleep in separate beds and end of August when she left our marital home.

 

[smileysmile]

lol ok child

 

What would ex think if there is NC until I see my D?

 

She gonna think that he can't possibly be celibate ALL this time? She will ask me to swear on my D life

 

Also, she is going to think I am liar if I say I haven't been chatting on the internet. Besides we ARE separated. Isn't this pressure for her if she thinks that I must be holding out for a reconcilation? She is not dumb.

 

Maybe I can say, what is the big deal of wanting to remain celibate for a while. Come to think about it how the hell couldn't she remain celibate for a while!?

Oh I remember now..she said to me when she left our marital home in August 23rd that during the time she was at her parents house for er just over 2 mths she felt cocooned! So this is where the flirtiousness started with this co worker (ex co worker now).And her words were (after I had found out about it.." you don't expect me to live like a Nun". LOL

 

I can't believe she said this to me. What does that say about the woman and how she felt towards the break up of US?

I still to this day CAN'T figure out WHY this had happened SO SOON after our split. CAN somebody please shoot me...er I mean enlighten me from a female view/opinion WHY you go and shag some work colleague when you are supposed to be HURTING!?

*Read my story*

Ok sorry I was up at 3am for work and feeling a little cranky. I guess that is where my moods come from every other week from these frigging early starts.

 

Ok OK OK...I will try to be celibate for a while longer, and if ex brings it up I will declare my celibacy for the past 8 mths.

 

Gawd damn it I really wanted to jump her bones last night. She looked hot! And there is nothing I can do about it

Edited December 31, 2007 by smileysmile

[child_of_isis]

Women shag others after a split for the same reason men do...hold on to your hat for this one Smiley...BECAUSE they are hurting.

 

And JUST LIKE MEN, they come to the same thought process which is,...'well, that did nothing for me except made me feel emptier inside'.

 

It doesn't help women anymore than it does men.

 

As far as jumping her bones, it'll happen. Just let her make the first move. She needs to feel the loneliness first.

 

And now that OM is out of the way, she will.

[smileysmile]

Child..you always say the right thing

 

I know you mean well. Maybe a voice of experience.

 

You sound very bright and wise with a lot of wisdom.

 

Yes I see your point. I can tell you exactly what ex thought afterwards and I know it to be true, She felt like a 'tramp'.

You can interpret that anyway you want to. She told me that on the phone but I know as I read her text message to him. Of cause that was when I found out about this OM 5 weeks ago.

 

Yes I think I would feel empty to. I call it 'soulless sex'. I have been there and worn the t-shirt. You are raging with lust and h*rny as. You will fancy that person but when it is over? Hmmmmm

Even during, I have thought what am I doing?

 

That is why I prefer to be in love with that person.

 

She needs to feel the loneliness first

 

I am just hoping if she does..it won't be sharing her loneliness with somebody else

 

I will text her Happy New year in the morning. As I am in bed early for work

I wonder if she is out tonight. Any..I will keep you guys posted and thank you so much for your input. HAPPY NEW YEAR! fingers crossed eh? It has to be better than 2007...Pleeeeeeeeeease!!

 

Speak to you next year

[smileysmile]

I am going to have to take my thread to the correct forum.

 

So anybody following my story now go to this link please

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1470996#post1470996

[CCNWV]

Smiley, please take my advise for what it's worth. Which may not be much considering my track record. But you need to decide on what kind of separation you are involved in. Are you apart to reconcile or as prelude to divorce? Keep in mind this is not necessarily what the two of you decided or she wants, but what you want. If you want her back you need to stay away from other women. Think about it, if she at some point considers you again, do you want her to have to deal with the jealousy that your going through now? Do you want her to constantly compare herself to the women you were with while she was away? Do you think that will lead to a healthier relationship if you do get together? Keep your goals in mind and make the sacrifices needed to achieve them.

 

Also, I'd like to point out that the other woman you are seeing is inevitably going to get hurt through this. Even if she is aware of the situation, you are not being emotionally honest with her. If you get back with your wife, she will feel used (which she is) and if you don't you will never reach a fulfilling relationship with her as you will always see her as your consolation prize. Remember that, for the most part, men have sex for physical needs and women for emotional needs. Your not going to be able to fulfill the emotional needs of your new woman right now.

 

This is a time for you to be by yourself and reflect on how you can improve yourself and make those changes, either for your wife or the next woman in your life.

[smileysmile]

Hmmmm

 

Remember that, for the most part, men have sex for physical needs and women for emotional needs

 

This is what gets me. My ex has said she HAS moved on..physically.

Now if it becomes emotional and that is what I thought when a woman has sex with a guy, in my case because according to her I wasn't there for her and this guy is there..even if for "support". Her words.

Which I bet he is there for her..you bet! Hmmmm My ex is very attractive and he sees something he likes....

 

Anyway, my point is that ok us guys can detach from getting emotionally involved, at least I can. But I am scared to death if she gets E involved.

 

I am not sure if my ex cares a hoot if I was seeing somebody. I haven't said anything. And why should she. She has more or less made it clear she has moved on and wants to get on with it.

Is she trying to hurt me here. Because she is doing a great job.

 

Again, she wants me to stay humble as she gets over her 'hurt' deep rooted by me. Her words.

But guys, why aren't I seeing this HURT?

Where is it? Because she is covering it up pretty well and her actions aren't telling me she is hurt.

Any ladies reading this who can relate to any of this "hurt" my ex is supposedly having?

She looks great everytime I see her. Always immaculate. Sexy and damn HORNY!

 

The S I am involved in as far as actions speak...she is living in her house and I mine. 9 weeks ago we were living in our marital home.

She has cited D on my unreasonable behaviour and her mum said whatever you did you HURT her.

We live 10 mins apart. I see my D who is 13 mths at least once a week where I pick her up and bring her bacl to my house for between 6 and 10.5 hrs all according to what shift I am working that week.

It can be sometimes twice to three times a week and at worst 9 days without seeing either of them.

As for dating other women. I have a lady friend and I keep it quiet and at a distance. Once a week. Buy I chat on here most of the time.

 

I am this week going to make an appointment with my doctor ref. counselling. I need to resolve a few things. I don't have a lot of faith in my doctor. They have to refer me to a counseller and it could take months.

 

I rang my employee free counselling service yesterday and was crying on the phone. I had 5 hourly sessions in October with there counsellor bit we went off the reason why I was there. More the case how to get my ex back. So this phone call she was very attentive and said the best bet is to contact my local doctor.

Unless you tell them you are suicidal and act hysterical they put you on a long waiting list.

Edited January 1, 2008 by smileysmile

[kchiapet95]

OK, maybe I'm going to sound like a jerk, but from reading your post...

 

I realize you want to get back together with your W and you realize you hurt her and you're trying to work on yourself. You're separated, she says you hurt her and she's moving on. You're trying to get her back. I'm just confused.

 

She's dating a married guy. I'm sure you don't approve but... You hurt her, you guys separated, she's got a BF, she hasn't misled you (am I wrong?) and said, "I want to get back together"...she's moving on. And you aren't. Maybe I'm reading this wrong, please, someone correct me. What is wrong with what she's done? She's not misleading him. It sounds like she's been pretty clear to me.

 

I'm not saying you should just give up on your M, by all means, work on it, if you love her just like we all work on relationships that may be over. But realize that she really may mean what she's saying and there may be nothing you can do. Work on yourself because you want to, not because you want to get her back. If she wants to come back to you, because she sees you're a better person and she loves you, that's a bonus.

 

JMHO.