The ultimate betrayal

[gardenstate]

Yes I have done it, I've slept with someone my very close friend was dating.

 

This situation goes like this:

 

So my friend met this guy, and they dated for a couple of weeks and were absolutely crazy about each other. Then she had to move away (to another country). He visited and they decided they were in love - this was somewhat of a rushed decision I felt. But after a few months his feelings had changed and he ended things with her. A month ish later I slept with him after he confessed how much he liked me. It was the most amazing sex of my life and we have spent time together since. But what I've done to my friend is ripping me apart inside. This guy wants to carry on seeing me and seems to want to develop into a relationship. But will I just get the same treatment as my friend did?

 

Me and the guy have been talking online for about six months and have hung out as friends in this time. Although, he is a player with girls. While my friend was away he slept with several other people. My friend and him were never technically 'boyfriend and girlfriend' and they never slept together.

 

I've messed up and I know it. Berate me all you want I deserve it. If you have any questions please ask them. I am just looking for some sort of advice and clarity on the situation. Just someone to talk to really because I can't tell anyone I know about this.

[BlackSwan]

Although, he is a player with girls. While my friend was away he slept with several other people.

 

Why do you want to be with a guy like that? What's so special about him that you're willing to lose your very close friend or hurt her just to be with him for a while? Friends last a lot longer and are more important than player guys who just move on to some other girl when they're done with you.

[D-Lish]

If he is a player who cheated on your friend- he'll do it with you too.

Why do you feel he is worth ruining a friendship over?

 

At best, your time with him will be fleeting, I think you know that given his pattern.

 

I'd cut him lose as quick as possible.

Is a cheating player someone you see having a wonderful relationship with?

[gardenstate]

He wasn't with my friend when he saw other girls. She was in another country and so they decided not to have a proper relationship because they would never see each other. Things are different with me, he has said he would date only me, but obviously we could only do it in secret. I feel like I can't know whether it is worth it unless I see him more and see how it develops.

[BlackSwan]

If you have to do it in secret, it's not worth doing because there's something wrong with it. It doesn't get better from there, it only gets worse.

[ElvenPriestess]

You know he's a player, it's pretty clear he liked you while he was still with your friend, most likely, and you would have to hide it? No. You have multiple red flags here. Even if he had never been with your friend, I'd still say no go. This while thing just sounds like it's leading to trouble. I say get out while you still can, while it's new and fresh.

[mental_traveller]

How is this a betrayal? He broke up with her a month before you even did anything. It's a bit insensitive but nothing more than that. I wouldn't even call it wrong, let alone describe as badly as you did.

 

IMO you should stop feeling so guilty. Just be honest with your friend and if she can't handle it, that's her responsibility.

 

As for whether you should be dating this "player", that's up to you and a different matter altogether.

[D-Lish]

Dating in secret just isn't a cool thing. It may be fun for a while- but it will grow tiresome.

 

If you hide it- you're admitting what you are doing is wrong.

 

I'f either go public with the relationship- telling your friend first... or not at all.

 

Does your friend still have feeling for him?

[gardenstate]

The last time I spoke to my friend she said she was not interested in him anymore and felt that he treated her badly. Although, knowing my friend quite well, even though she says she is not interested, she will be hung up on it for a while like any girl would be. Also I know that she will be angry with me for what I have done. That's why I see it as a betrayal because it will hurt my friend. And I don't want to tell her what has happened because I don't want to hurt her if the relationship between me and the guy is something that will not last. One the other hand if it develops into something more serious then I would feel it was more worth telling her. But I can't know that until I spend more time with him.

[gardenstate]

I think I can see I have only two choices now from what everyone has said. Either I need to end it now or tell her now. I am going to make my decision very soon, I don't want to go into the new year with this hanging over me!

[bish]

Well they guy was no good for your friend or no other woman for that matter. He was a player....but wait...you knew that and slept with him anyway. Man, this guy has his act together...to be able to play women for fools like that and get a woman to betray her best friend...WOW!!

 

But as long as its the best sex of your life...its all good right? You just give this guy another reason to be the player that he is. He's got it down.

[MystifiedByMen]

I could never do that to my friends as I have too much respect for them. You have to make a choice now. One or the other and you will most likely lose both.