Am I crazy?

[uniqueusername]

I am in some serious need of guidance.

 

I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years. Our relationship moved very fast, we moved in together (in a rented place) after 7 months then 5 months later bought a condo, where we are now living. Before me he made the "mistake" of sleeping with a friend of his who was on the rebound from a long relationship.

 

Until we moved in together he was the man of my dreams. He was thoughtful, fun, we had so many good times. Naturally moving in together requires some adjustment so things weren't spectacular, but since we was just leaving his parents house (I had lived alone or with roommates for 8 years) I figured he needed some time to get used to being independent. He did adjust well, but not for long since we bought the condo so soon after and started renovating, we both were stressed so again our relationship was strained. At least I thought that's what it was. We started to fight about petty things, he threatened to leave but as soon as I would tell him to he would back off & apologize. Basically I would call the behavior tantrums. I felt a few times that he was trying to change who I am...and I made it very clear that while I'll always improve, it's unrealistic to think I'll change. I made him decide if he wanted to be with me or the person he wanted me to be, he chose me. Things started going well again then he had another tantrum over something petty, I caught him reading the blog of the last girl he was with & trying to hide it, and he was also very distant so I did something I'm really not proud of.

 

I snooped. I wish I could go back and undo it cause ignorance is bliss. I found out that three months in to our relationship he was sending e-mails to his friend saying that he loved her, but he didn't want to because she wasn't right for him. Fact is, shortly before he met me, she said she didn't want to be more than his friend. He also said if he had the choice he would have chosen her, which is why he wanted to get over her and was no longer responding to her e-mails. He continued to have an e-mail friendship with her until around the time we decided to move in together. All messages were basically him showing off how well he's doing.

 

Then, there was a message from her sent around the same time our petty fighting started again (me not putting gas in the car which apparently caused him to feel uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed as me), he didn't respond to her because "he hates her". Also, there was a message from a girl he works with offering her cell # if he wants to discuss his problems that are preventing him from sleeping further.

 

Obviously it was eating away at me, so I told him everything I did & everything I saw. He took it quite well & for the first time told me he loved me after I pointed out that it's weird that he never has. I'm not really big on saying it either, but once & a while is necessary! I told myself that in reality he did pick me so I decided to try & make things work.

 

Now I find myself being overly jealous & I hate it. He got a random Merry Xmas text message & didn't know who it was from so I freaked & assumed the worst.

 

Also, I came across an empty booze bottle mixed in with the full ones (which he had on display in our old living room) that he drank with this girl & kept as a memento so I asked him if it was time to maybe get rid of it. He said no & pointed out that I wear a necklace from an ex, so I told him I would never ask him to get rid of his watch from his other ex, but we're talking about an empty bottle & on top of it now that I look back I think it's slightly disrespectful that he put it on display in our living room to remind him of her...also I pointed out it didn't make sense he wanted to keep it since he claimed to hate her. Only after that did he angrily put it in the recycling box...and now apparently he's fine...except for he says he's stupid...he won't tell me why.

 

What I really want to know is if I'm crazy & need to calm down or if I should run as fast as I can in the other direction. I love him, but I think I may be fooling myself in to thinking he loves me in that unconditional, can't live without you way. I think I'm the rebound girl.

[gardenstate]

I can understand how you feel. I have found online messages from other girls to my boyfriends in the past and it is horrible. You are not going crazy, it is normal to feel jealous and not trust him when further things happen eg. the xmas text. I guess you need to talk to him and try to find out what you both want.

[Legend]

How can you even call yourself a good girl friend? You freak at a merry xmas message. You snoop into his old life and blow things out of proportion. Ignorance is Bliss, he wasn't directly cheating on you, he hasn't directly cheated on you, and you just keep assuming the worse shooting yourself in the foot, over and over again. Either grow up, or find someone who'll be as naive as you.

[D-Lish]

The best advice I can come up with- is don't snoop.

If you snoop, you will inevitably find SOMETHING. We all have a past on our hard drives.

 

I think my recent ex snooped my computer and found some things he didn't like- which is why he upped and left me. The thing about that is- I truly did like him, and there was nothing else going on with any other guys.

 

I had been in the process of taking guys/old flames/etc off my msn.

So if he did snoop- he came up with some very wrong and convoluted ideas about me.

 

If you look for something- you can find it.