post relationship friendship

[Sib]

I've met someone who promotes feelings of love in me. Although foreign to me, I receive love in return. He has stayed friends with his first long term girlfriend and lately, as my emotional ties deepen, I'm starting to feel terrified of this. I wonder why two people who shared a relationship with such a strong foundation in frienship aren't living life together. Friendship is suppose to be a corner stone in lasting relationships right? My first relationship involved a man who never, despite my complete adoration, stopped loving and talking to and sleeping with, etc. his highschool sweetheart. Does this past experience adequately explain my fear? My present boyfriend is aware of my fear and has informed his ex-girlfriend that he isn't willing to cause me stress or jeopardise our relationship by continuing their friendship. Does this mean I can trust?

[Cecilie]

Trust is about comfort levels. Someone told me that loving someone means knowing how to hurt them and not doing it. I have to say, that sounds like love to me.

 

Your previous experiences probably are why you are so wary of being involved with someone who is still very close with a previous lover. And that's a reasonable thing for you, because we all try to protect ourselves from being hurt. Sincehe's said he would rather give up the friendship than be without you, I think he cares enough about you that you could trust him.

[Been There]

Couldn't agree more with Cecilie on this one. I went through what you're going through about two months ago EXCEPT that she chose to NOT be as considerate of my feelings as your current has chosen. I personally find it odd for anyone to be very close with old lovers, especially if the prior relationship was very deep.

 

But, it sounds to me like here is someone who understands reasonably why you might hesitate to get close to someone who still has a relationship with an ex. That is quite a plus considering I broke it off with my former over this reason exactly. She had expressed no consideration about why I would feel that way, and that made me feel even less willing to want to give my heart to her. She took the attitude of "that's your problem" (not exactly, but her actions said it all), and that was enough of an answer for me.

 

Sounds like a good person, wish you the best.

Trust is about comfort levels. Someone told me that loving someone means knowing how to hurt them and not doing it. I have to say, that sounds like love to me. Your previous experiences probably are why you are so wary of being involved with someone who is still very close with a previous lover. And that's a reasonable thing for you, because we all try to protect ourselves from being hurt. Sincehe's said he would rather give up the friendship than be without you, I think he cares enough about you that you could trust him.