How do you cope?

[Lyssa]

I lost my beloved mother on the 22nd of December. It was a real shock to all of us as she was healthy and was so happy on that day before she left. We were suppose to meet her after lunch at my cousin's wedding but instead, we were rushed to the hospital when we were told she collapsed just hours before the wedding. Doctor revived her just minutes after that.. and then she fell back into coma. We were told that the drugs were keeping her alive and if she did come back, she would be in a vegetative mode. It was all up to us to decide... as it wasn't our call, we left it to God.She left us after they tried 3 times to bring her back.

 

It has been 4 days now and the loss of my mother hasn't sinked in yet. I still can't believe she is gone. It feels so lonely in this big house... even when it was just the three of us, it was pretty lonely... and now that there's only my father and myself... it's unbearable. My brothers and wives come and stay over every day but when they go home, my father would start crying. I can't even open my mother's closet without crying...

 

It's really hard and I really don't know how to cope... half a day, I would be okay, knowing that she's in a better place. We all know she left happily and peacefully... but when I go into the kitchen, I look at all her favourite plates, cups... I'd start crying... I have never felt so much pain...

 

I hope those who have been in my shoes, can tell me how to cope with the loss... Thank you in advance.

[Citizen Erased]

Oh sweetie I am so sorry for your loss. Others are better off giving advice, I lost my brother, but it is not the same as a parent. Just so you know my thoughts are with you, I am here for you, all of LS are. I am glad you have family to lean on, this is devastating for you all I bet.

 

The one piece of advice I will give you is to give it time. This loss will never leave you, your mothers memory will always be a part of you. Just don't think you should be in any hurry to deal with the pain. Again, I am so sorry, take care of yourself and your dad okay.

 

(((Hugs)))

[Lyssa]

Thank you so much, dear. I'm sorry for your loss too - didn't know about it. It's not the same but a loss is still a loss. How did you cope with it?

 

It takes time, yes. I wake up every day, hoping to see her when I open my bedroom door... it is still new.. it has only been for days and I'm in no rush but I just miss her so much....

[johan]

I'm very sorry and sad for you, Lyssa. What a shocking tragedy. I can't say a lot more, except that I'll be thinking about you. Hang in there, and try to be strong for your dad.

[Lyssa]

Johan, thank you very much - I really appreciate it.

[polywog]

lyssa, how devastating. I haven't had that passage in my adult life yet, though my dad died in a car crash when I was little. I don't have the adult experience to share my ideas about coping, but I do want to offer you my heartfelt sympathy, and I'll be thinking of you. I have no doubt that wiser LSer's will be posting here soon with advice for you. Strength & Hope, lyssa.

[Lyssa]

lyssa, how devastating. I haven't had that passage in my adult life yet, though my dad died in a car crash when I was little. I don't have the adult experience to share my ideas about coping, but I do want to offer you my heartfelt sympathy, and I'll be thinking of you. I have no doubt that wiser LSer's will be posting here soon with advice for you. Strength & Hope, lyssa.

 

Hi Polywog, thank you. I'm sorry you lost your father at such a young age. It must have been hard for you.

 

I feel so helpless at times when I look at my father. I can't bear leaving him all alone when I get back to work - whenever that is. As for now, I am really not ready. My mother has always done everything for my father - she wouldn't allow my father to go anywhere near the kitchen. That has always been her way so now that she is gone, it hit my father badly. Not because he can't do anything but whenever he irons his clothes or makes the bed... he'll think of how my mother used to do it. Same goes for me and my siblings.

[indignant]

lyssa-

 

I'm so sorry to hear your news. My heart goes out to you..

I have lost my dad a year and half ago.. Everyone of the family was in a different part of the world.. He was in a country.. I was in a country.. My sister and mother in a country.. and third sister in another country.. The circumstances made things so much harder.. We stayed together for about 3 months.. I don't know what to tell you.. I still feel the pain.. I'm in a routine of life that keeps me busy, but once the thought hits I'm a wreck. I am strong for my mom, just so that she knows I'm ok. I know she's not, and neither am I.

 

Try being there for your dad.. Be strong.. They might wonder what is wrong with you don't you have any feelings? But it's better than the tears and the breakdowns..

 

I still dial his number, I still want to talk to him. There's time's I'm wondering if he's there. Situations I'd be trying to reach him.. I see his picture and I'm into tears in a matter of seconds... I miss his voice, his guidance..

 

How do you get through this.. Personally, I still didn't.. But I know time will just ease things up a little bit.. and once it does.. things might fall a bit more in perspective and just give you the strength to know what needs to be done.. Be strong for your dad.. I'm sorry for your loss. It's a terrible thing to deal with..

[sedgwick]

Lyssa, my best wishes to you and your family. Although usually the posts in this section are about coping with breakups and not with a loss as major as a parent's death, some of the same advice applies: don't forget to take care of yourself in the midst of taking care of everyone else. Force yourself to eat and exercise even if you don't want to. It's hard to stay mentally healthy if you're not physically healthy.

 

My heart goes out to you. I'm sorry for your loss.

[AriaIncognito]

Lyssa, I'm so sorry for your loss. It is terrible to deal with the loss of a parent, and the holiday season makes it that much harder I'd suspect. Try to take care of yourself and try to help out your father as much as you can. It means a ton when the kids are able to help the surviving parent move forward.

 

My grandmother passed away some 10 years before her husband, and I basically watched as my mom and her brothers took up the responsibility of helping out my grandfather. Took turns each week to have him over for dinner and whatnot. I'm sure it meant the world to my grandfather. It's terribly difficult to deal with such a loss.

 

Know that we are here for you and you are in our thoughts, cyber and otherwise.

[Lizzie60]

Aaahhhh I'm soooo sorry Lyssa...

 

Only time will heal your pain... it's extremely hard ..

 

I remember when I lost my brother (motorcycle accident) ... I just couldn't take him out of my mind...

 

Talk about her... I find that we (family) loved to talk about him... what he did, his life in general... to look at his pictures, he was amazing.

 

Just remember her and time will heal your pain... Be strong for your dad and he'll be strong for you.

 

Good luck... Big hugs.

[s_n_d]

Im sorry for your loss, Lyssa.

Ill keep you in my prayers.

[randuff]

First off let me give you my condolences. I truly am sorry for your loss, it is a terrible thing to have to deal with.

 

I lost my father 10 years ago. I was 24 at the time, my father was 60. I spent almost every hour of the last 3 days with him beside his bed. I remember him telling me to take his wedding ring and go home to rest. Although I refused and told him I was staying he insisted I shower (he made a joke of how I stunk) and go home and sleep in a real bed to rest. Reluctantly I listened to him, gave him a kiss told him I loved him then went home. I slept for 13 hours after being up for nearly 72 hours straight.

 

When I woke up my beeper (yes I had a beeper back in those days) had gone off a dozen times. It was the hospital...... I knew what it was and rushed to the hospital ASAP. When I got there the nurse saw me and immediately offered her condolences. I was not prepared to see him but I went in to say goodbye. I have never cried so much in my life. My father was my best friend.

 

Now I had to get my mother from work and tell her the news... Not a fun time...

 

Anyways, I think my father told me to go home on purpose. I think he waited for me to be gone before he passed away. I believe he didn't want his only child to be there as he passed on to be with God. And that right there made it OK with me.

 

For me I realised that this was his plan and that he was in a better place and at peace. You see my Dad had been sick with heart problems for quite some time so I also had time to prepare for this. I think knowing that he waited for me to leave meant he had planned to go. Me personally, I did not have a hard time coping with his loss. I accepted it. don't get me wrong I miss him still so very much. I miss the talks we used to have about everything and nothing.

 

Everyones situation will be different but I think I took comfort in knowing where he was now. Not in anymore pain or agony. He was going to be happy and enjoy himself now and that allowed me to be happy.

 

I love you Dad and I miss you so much!

 

Lyssa, be strong and get comfort from your family and together you will get through this difficult time. Lean on the ones you love and let them lean on you!

[Teacher's Pet]

OMG, Lyssa..

 

I am SO sorry for your loss.

 

My best wishes to you and your family....

 

And LOTS of hugs!

 

-TP

[oasis]

Lyssa, my condolences goes out to you and your family.

 

I remember, when I started my first thread in at LS in August, I was in a lot of pain, but you reached out to me and tried to help me as best as you could. I wish there was something that I can do to help you.

 

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Best wishes for the future.

 

Oasis

[frd150]

Lyssa,

 

My Condoleces.

 

This is but a reminder that we all should cherish everyday we have with our loved ones. Never forget to say you love them.

 

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

 

Take care of yourself.

[Lyssa]

lyssa-

 

I'm so sorry to hear your news. My heart goes out to you..

I don't know what to tell you.. I still feel the pain.. I'm in a routine of life that keeps me busy, but once the thought hits I'm a wreck. I am strong for my mom, just so that she knows I'm ok. I know she's not, and neither am I.

Try being there for your dad.. Be strong.. They might wonder what is wrong with you don't you have any feelings? But it's better than the tears and the breakdowns..

 

I still dial his number, I still want to talk to him. There's time's I'm wondering if he's there. Situations I'd be trying to reach him.. I see his picture and I'm into tears in a matter of seconds... I miss his voice, his guidance..

 

Be strong for your dad.. I'm sorry for your loss. It's a terrible thing to deal with..

 

Indignant - thank you. I'm sorry for your loss. It must have been hard back then and still is - at times?

 

I'm going through the same thing. I would call out for her - forgetting that she is gone. I try to keep myself busy but it's really not helping because for most of the things that I do, it reminds me of her.

 

Lyssa, my best wishes to you and your family. Although usually the posts in this section are about coping with breakups and not with a loss as major as a parent's death, some of the same advice applies: don't forget to take care of yourself in the midst of taking care of everyone else. Force yourself to eat and exercise even if you don't want to. It's hard to stay mentally healthy if you're not physically healthy.

 

My heart goes out to you. I'm sorry for your loss.

 

Thank you, Sedgwick. I'm taking care of myself and my father. Been forcing myself to eat! My father is slowly starting to eat again so that is a progress. His blood pressure shot up when we got the news my mother collapsed so we have to keep him in check at all times now.

[Lyssa]

Lyssa, I'm so sorry for your loss. It is terrible to deal with the loss of a parent, and the holiday season makes it that much harder I'd suspect. Try to take care of yourself and try to help out your father as much as you can. It means a ton when the kids are able to help the surviving parent move forward.

 

My grandmother passed away some 10 years before her husband, and I basically watched as my mom and her brothers took up the responsibility of helping out my grandfather. Took turns each week to have him over for dinner and whatnot. I'm sure it meant the world to my grandfather. It's terribly difficult to deal with such a loss.

 

Know that we are here for you and you are in our thoughts, cyber and otherwise.

 

Thank you so much, Aria. It never crossed my mind I would be in this situation so soon. It really hit me that you just never know when one is leaving you for good. Seeing that my late mother was healthy, I really didn't think it would be any time soon....

 

All my brothers and SILs have been wonderful to my father. They take turn in staying over.. as it can get very lonely here.

 

I'm lucky to have all of you caring people of LS.

 

Aaahhhh I'm soooo sorry Lyssa...

 

Only time will heal your pain... it's extremely hard ..

 

I remember when I lost my brother (motorcycle accident) ... I just couldn't take him out of my mind...

 

Talk about her... I find that we (family) loved to talk about him... what he did, his life in general... to look at his pictures, he was amazing.

 

Just remember her and time will heal your pain... Be strong for your dad and he'll be strong for you.

 

Good luck... Big hugs.

 

Thank you, Lizzie. The loss of our mother has brought us closer than ever. We weren't the ones (my brothers and I) to talk about how we feel.. we just love making fun of one another... but now, we talk about our feelings and how we feel about our mother.... it's all good but at times, we would all break down and cry.

 

Thanks for the big hugs - really need it at times like this.

 

[[[[Lizzie]]]]

 

Im sorry for your loss, Lyssa.

Ill keep you in my prayers.

 

Thank you SND for keeping me in your prayers. It is much appreciated.

[Lyssa]

First off let me give you my condolences. I truly am sorry for your loss, it is a terrible thing to have to deal with.

 

Thank you, Randuff.

 

I lost my father 10 years ago. I was 24 at the time, my father was 60. I spent almost every hour of the last 3 days with him beside his bed. I remember him telling me to take his wedding ring and go home to rest. Although I refused and told him I was staying he insisted I shower (he made a joke of how I stunk) and go home and sleep in a real bed to rest. Reluctantly I listened to him, gave him a kiss told him I loved him then went home. I slept for 13 hours after being up for nearly 72 hours straight.

 

I'm sorry for your loss, although it was 10 years ago it is still a loss and I'm sure you miss him just as much if not more than ever as the years go by.

 

I was told that when one is leaving the earth, he knows it. He can feel it. Most of the time, they will say the silliest thing or do something out of the ordinary.

 

The day of my cousin's wedding, just before she left for the wedding - she went into my grandmother's room and asked my grandmother to forgive her if she had in any way hurt my grandmother's feelings, to 'halal' all the food and drinks that my grandmother had given her in the past....

 

I got to know of that on the third day of her passing. I broke down and cried like crazy cause she knew she was going.

 

Just that afternoon, we were at my grandmother's - had lunch there and before I left for the hotel, I hugged my mother and told her I love her (it's an every day thing I do to her and my father). I would not be able to forgive myself if I didn't do that and I'm glad that I did... not knowing that it would be my last time hugging her.

 

For me I realised that this was his plan and that he was in a better place and at peace. You see my Dad had been sick with heart problems for quite some time so I also had time to prepare for this. I think knowing that he waited for me to leave meant he had planned to go. Me personally, I did not have a hard time coping with his loss. I accepted it. don't get me wrong I miss him still so very much. I miss the talks we used to have about everything and nothing.

 

Like you, I know my mother is in a better place now... it's just that, we weren't prepared for her demise. Not at all. It was and still is a shock to so many of us. That is the part that is the hardest for us to deal with.

 

Lyssa, be strong and get comfort from your family and together you will get through this difficult time. Lean on the ones you love and let them lean on you!

 

Thank you, Randuff, once again.

[Lyssa]

OMG, Lyssa..

 

I am SO sorry for your loss.

 

My best wishes to you and your family....

 

And LOTS of hugs!

 

-TP

 

TP - Thank you...

 

[[[[TP]]]]

 

Lyssa, my condolences goes out to you and your family.

 

I remember, when I started my first thread in at LS in August, I was in a lot of pain, but you reached out to me and tried to help me as best as you could. I wish there was something that I can do to help you.

 

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Best wishes for the future.

 

Oasis

 

Thank you so much, Oasis. It's enough for me to know that my family and I are in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you.

[Lyssa]

Lyssa,

 

My Condoleces.

 

This is but a reminder that we all should cherish everyday we have with our loved ones. Never forget to say you love them.

 

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

 

Take care of yourself.

 

FRD150 - Thank you.

 

You're right - this has taught me not to take anyone for granted especially my family members.

 

I miss telling her I love her and to hear her say it back to me. For 27 years of my life, I have always kissed, hugged and told her that I love her every night before I go to bed.

 

I miss her.... soo so much.....

[Jmina]

Lots of love sent your way Lyssa.

 

You might eventually be able to use your pain and the experiences you are in now to help lots of people.

 

Helping others is a great way to calm your soul and bring some peace of mind.

 

For the moment your own spirit will step up. You will be suprised at what you can get through.

 

Keep your mum alive in your heart. Your soul will always rest next to hers which means you are never alone, and she is never gone. Send her love through the air. Its not as good as having her back in the flesh, however its a little bit of comfort, and its real.

 

Love Jmina

xxx

[Lyssa]

Lots of love sent your way Lyssa.

 

Keep your mum alive in your heart. Your soul will always rest next to hers which means you are never alone, and she is never gone. Send her love through the air. Its not as good as having her back in the flesh, however its a little bit of comfort, and its real.

 

Love Jmina

xxx

 

Thank you so much, Jmina. I have her in my heart always.

[Pyro]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and the rest of the family. How are you doing tonight/today?

[jerbear]

Hey Lyssa,

 

Sorry to hear about the loss. I offer my condolences.

 

How did I cope... I just continued to live life as it is; live the best memories and remember that they are at a better place.

 

It is time to just rest. One other thing I've done was to do something that I resisted (because I didn't want to) that the other person wanted; just to grant a last wish.