overanalytical Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 my parents live 2 hrs away from my fiance and i...i savor every second i get to spend with them as it's not much with my work schedule and theirs. i'm so sick of my fiance making comments about my family and when they give me something how i make it mean so much to me. i'm sick of it. they gave me something that has to be put together for christmas, he calls me this morning and asked if i wanted him to put it together, i said no, i like doing that stuff (it was MY present) and he said 'oh, i know, it's because your parents gave it to you so you have to do it" WTF is he jealous?? what do i do?? i'm at work...busy the day after christmas and here he is...at home, no job (due to a huge layoff) and calling me wanting to open MY stuff and gets mad because i want to open it myself...because he's prob bored and has nothing else to do. now it's going to get turned around that he was trying to help me and i put my parents before him...what do i do?? why is he being like this?? i was talking to him and he started saying the whole 'whatever, that's fine...' kind of thing so i just sat there, he said 'i'll talk to you later' and i said bye and hung up. i've NEVER done that...but i've had enough. i'm not caling him back, i'm not texting him, nothing. he has finally pissed me off....but i don't know what to do now... Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 It IS Jealousy, he is competing, and he is controlling. I don't know what his relationship with HIS family is, but he doesn't get yours, and competitively feels you should be putting him above your family. He wants to be perceived as more significant to you than they are. It's a low-self esteem issue. He is envious of how much affection exists, and I think it may have reached the point where he might need professional counselling. Without it, trust me, it will only get worse. You owe it to him to point this out to him, and tell him that you are not about to become a football between the two sides. He either has to accept the fact that this closeness and intimacy exists, deal with it and get over it, or he will try to gain the emotional upper hand every time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author overanalytical Posted December 26, 2007 Author Share Posted December 26, 2007 very good point. thanks for letting me see that. i have pointed out to him that 'this is how it is with my fam' and he still doesn't get it. my parents have been there for me through a divorce and are standing by me starting my live all over with a different man...and they love him! he's out of work now, can't find another job, has unemployment coming in thank goodness! but i think he needs to find something...he's been working on our wedding while i'm at work, getting invites printed, picking things up for me, straightening the house so i cna't be mad about that...i guess he needs to get out of the house nad find a job...i really hope the new year brings that for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 He's having a rough time of it then, both emotionally and psychologically. I too have been made redundant in the past, and it is really hard to NOT take it personally, especially if you see people you believed were worse at their jobs than you were at yours, still sitting behind a desk.... He needs to feel valued. He needs to feel needed, understood appreciated and loved. And he needs this from you, because right now, you're all he's got. And you still have a job. Mixed feelings, or what - !? Thinking about it, would it really be so bad, given his current frame of mind, to let him put your parents' gift to you, together? I know it would mean a sacrifice on your part, but think of it in terms of a compromise. At this precise moment (because I'm sure you're both very much in Love) it might be of more valuable to give him the opportunity of doing this thing. in his mind, it puts him on a par with them.... It's his way of making himself feel that he's just as important in all of this, as they are. Do you see my point? I think his Ego's a bit fragile right now. And I don't mean detrimentally. I really do think he may well be feeling insecure and frightened. You may well still have issues to tackle in future. This is not going to go away this simply. But one step at a time, eh....? What say you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author overanalytical Posted December 26, 2007 Author Share Posted December 26, 2007 yes, you are right....maybe he's trying to put himself 'along' with my parents...i should have said to go ahead...i did just talk to him and he's in an okay mood, he's done errands for me already this morning, he even said 'i'm getting things done' he feels needed right now, that's a good thing. i guess i maybe in a way made him feel unneeded, in his mindframe at least right now. it's very hard on him right now, i know that. i'm here for him making him feel loved and all of that but it gets hard on me too...i wish he would understand that. sure he's bringing in money a week but it's still hard financially and planning for hte wedding that is IN A MONTH!! that we are paying for ourselves...sans his job. lots of stress, on top of christmas presents and traveling. and now new years! ugh....so much to do, os little time Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 Yes, you're right, this is an extremely stressful time of year, in any case. couple that with the other stressful issues you are both sharing (wedding, only one salary) and you two really do have your work cut out for you! Daft as it sounds, take a weekend to just take the 'phone off the hook, cancel any commitments and devote the entire time to thinking about nothing of the above, except finding your ground together, reconnecting and rooting... You're both ploughing along at breakneck speed towards the same destination, but along parallel lines, not on the same track, so to speak. You need to ground yourselves and share some (I hate this phrase) "Quality-You-time" together. Focus on what matters, and just be with each other, for each other, even if it's just for a short while. leave all the stressful stuff aside, and re-charge your batteries. Link to post Share on other sites
Author overanalytical Posted December 26, 2007 Author Share Posted December 26, 2007 i would love to do that, i would LOVE it but honestly when will we find time??!! lol maybe this weekend we can do a me and him thing and not talk about the wedding or reception or money or jobs or anything...gosh, that's going to be hard!! maybe tonight on my way home i could get dinner and we could cook together or maybe wait for tomorrow night on that...(i have a house wrecked from christmas!!!) see...i can't not think about anything else, i'm so full of things that have ot be done and to do Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 oh I think you're just being...over-analytical.....!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author overanalytical Posted December 26, 2007 Author Share Posted December 26, 2007 LOL...you're right!! lol i'm working on this!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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