struggling to meet women/find girlfriend

[dave3663]

Hey for starters im new on here. Basically im in my final year of university and after splitting up with a long term girlfriend of two years over the summer im struggling to find a girlfriend, and its starting to get me down. While i was with my ex-girlfriend i barely did as much as look at another women and as a result i have absolutely no female friends/contacts. In the past few months since splitting up ive met a few girls on the student nights out while drunk but not managed much more than a kiss. The only success i have had has been with 2 girls who i had the chance to have sex with but chose not to as they were, lets say 'less than desirable'. Now im not great looking but i have made vast improvements since starting uni, ive put on a stone by going to the gym, wear decent clothes and tend to look after myself a bit better. (was well skinny, had **** haircut etc b4) I have no problems talking to women, am generally pretty confident and positive, and genuinely a nice person. Im not shallow either, im quite happy with someone whos average looking and has a decent personality (although im quite partial to foreign women) so i cant understand why i only seem to be able to attract below average looking girls with poor personalities. Surely i deserve to be able to find a nice girl who i also find attractive? its not that much to ask for is it! I dont know where im goin wrong, sometimes i think its my looks but beauty is in the eye of the beholder at least to some extent, maybe im looking in the wrong places, ive joined loads of clubs etc, language course but no luck as of yet. O well rant over! any advice by anyone will be much appreciated, hopefully ill find someone by valentines day lol! nearly forgot happy christmas everyone aswell x

[dave3663]

anyone ?

[Star Gazer]

You seem to be actively looking for a GF, rather than trying to meet new people and simply see if sparks develop. That kinda reeks of desperation, IMHO. Women can smell desperation.

 

Just have fun, take it easy, and get to know people. You know what they say, "The moment you stop looking is when you find it."

[dave3663]

yeh i know your right about that, and i realise giving off a desperation vibe is a definate no-no, but recently ive just been going out and having fun without thinking about it to no avail either. I never seem to meet anyone through friends or have the chance to just see if a spark develops aside from talking to random girls on nights out which probably does reek of desperation, but without initiating conversation it seems impossible to get to know anyone.

 

im a bit confuzzled

[dreaming4ever]

Tell me about it....I have no idea where I'm going to find a nice guy.....like none. And I don't even go to bars/clubs so it's harder for me. And I'm guessing that since you said you gained a "stone" that you're from England somewhere so looks like we're both outta luck Good luck!

[Semphirople]

hey im not in england

[Serph]

I'm in the same boat. I've also joined a lot of clubs and went to lots of special occasions, parties and whatnot, and conversed with a lot of people, with the goal of simply having a little fun. It was mostly very good and amusing. I was surprised and touched when seeing how much people seemed to appreciate my presence, and how kind they were. I haven't felt treated badly even once. All this time I felt very proud of my attitude around people and girls; confident and funny, yet not too meek. But alas, there never seems to be any actually deep bound that materializes with anyone. It's just one shallow, fruitless nicety after another. I still don't really have anyone I can contact privately. Sure, you're usually supposed to wait for good occasions to happen before you... but months go by, and nothing happens... I'm a peppy person, but this is really bumming me out... For the next session I'm thinking of joining a tennis club, but people will probably still go there to partake in group-related activities only, and not to get involved with others. It's starting to feel really miserable to be forced to run after groups of people endlessly to make something change.

Edited December 27, 2007 by Serph

[halfarock]

yeh i know your right about that, and i realise giving off a desperation vibe is a definate no-no, but recently ive just been going out and having fun without thinking about it to no avail either. I never seem to meet anyone through friends or have the chance to just see if a spark develops aside from talking to random girls on nights out which probably does reek of desperation, but without initiating conversation it seems impossible to get to know anyone.

 

im a bit confuzzled

 

Have you ever tried having a conversation with a woman without any ulterior motive, just because. I talk to women all the time, men too for that matter. It’s just that ever so often I’ll be talking to a woman and something just happens, you know, sparks and all that. If you go specifically looking for sparks they’ll likely stay hidden.

[halfarock]

Hey for starters im new on here. Basically im in my final year of university and after splitting up with a long term girlfriend of two years over the summer im struggling to find a girlfriend, and its starting to get me down. While i was with my ex-girlfriend i barely did as much as look at another women and as a result i have absolutely no female friends/contacts. In the past few months since splitting up ive met a few girls on the student nights out while drunk but not managed much more than a kiss. The only success i have had has been with 2 girls who i had the chance to have sex with but chose not to as they were, lets say 'less than desirable'. Now im not great looking but i have made vast improvements since starting uni, ive put on a stone by going to the gym, wear decent clothes and tend to look after myself a bit better. (was well skinny, had **** haircut etc b4) I have no problems talking to women, am generally pretty confident and positive, and genuinely a nice person. Im not shallow either, im quite happy with someone whos average looking and has a decent personality (although im quite partial to foreign women) so i cant understand why i only seem to be able to attract below average looking girls with poor personalities. Surely i deserve to be able to find a nice girl who i also find attractive? its not that much to ask for is it! I dont know where im goin wrong, sometimes i think its my looks but beauty is in the eye of the beholder at least to some extent, maybe im looking in the wrong places, ive joined loads of clubs etc, language course but no luck as of yet. O well rant over! any advice by anyone will be much appreciated, hopefully ill find someone by valentines day lol! nearly forgot happy christmas everyone aswell x

 

Amazing that someone can go through four years of college and still not be able to write with proper grammar and punctuation.

[dave3663]

Theres always one isnt there, im quite capable of using the correct punctuation and proper grammar. However i didnt think it was essential as I came on here for advice, not to have my spellings checked.

 

Dreaming 4ever, unfortunately you are right i am in the uk, im jealous though, wouldnt mind a bit of florida sunshine myself!! There obviously loads of nice girls and guys out there but it just seems impossible to find them doesnt it? Maybe we both just need to do some travelling! I wouldnt worry too much about not going to bars/clubs, there generally full of slags/idiots, at least in my experience anyway.