Hemmed Up Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 What are the chances that someone who was abusive and stalking and manipulating towards you to suddenly change and not be that way anymore? If someone got out of such a situation and the person who had those behaviours seemed to completely change and not be that person anymore, is it possible to trust it and him? Suppose this man wanted to meet up again because he says that he just wants closure and to clear the air, and that when all is said, he will go his separate way, and let her go her separate way, should that be trusted and meet up with him to provide the closure? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 If you did want to meet up again I would suggest in a very open public place and not to get together with them by yourself. Other then that having a sudden change of heart isn't common when people have a history of abuse and if they have used you in the past and manipulated you chances are these sounds like just another chance to get into your head Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 If this is the guy that you mentioned about in your previous posts then I would say that no he cannot change that quickly.. He needs serious mental help and it will take a very long time for him to be healed and not repeat the behavior and only if he seeks professional help.. he cannot fix himself.. Please do not meet with him.. for your own safety.. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 I would say 0 percent chances. A hit equals either an object being thrown in return or a real hard sock like the real wrestlers I seen on T.V. (I know some moves). Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 It could mean he has a new plan in the works...Be very careful. Don't meet him, but if you do decide to, do it in public and bring a friend to sit nearby, IN hearing distance. Keep your cellphone on and put 911 on speed dial, JUST incase. Better to be safe than sorry... Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Hellll Nooooo should you ever meet him, or have contact with him again! I was stalked by a guy I had one date with years ago. I finally had to have the problem "taken care of". In the meantime, he was a complete lunatic. After the beat-down, he was good for a while. And then a few years later, the emails started again (he would invent new email addresses as I had blocked all of his old ones). I would just delete and ignore them. Even when he was writing me things about how he would still drive by my apartment (thank GOD I wasn't living there anymore). Anyway, flash forward 7 years. I am living across the country, and have a new cell phone that is unpublished. About 4 months ago, I get an unknown number calling me, and I answered it, as it was the area code from my hometown. And it was HIM. When he said who it was, I only screamed into the phone, "dont you EVER EVER ****ing call me again." He hasn't called back. But, what is scary to me, is that he was able to find me cross country and with an unpublished cell phone. Needless to say, with only one date between us, we had NO friends in common. PLEASE, if someone has stalked you once, they will do it again. He does not want closure, he does not want to clear the air. There's not a bone in my body that doesn't think he would be up to something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hemmed Up Posted January 9, 2008 Author Share Posted January 9, 2008 Thank you everyone for your input...Sorry I have not been back here for awhile, just trying to make some sense of the mess in my life at the moment. He does not want closure, he does not want to clear the air. There's not a bone in my body that doesn't think he would be up to something. Thanks Jilly Bean for your wise advice...You were right...He did not want to clear the air, and he was up to something. I just felt that something wasnt right and so resolved not to meet with him...but when I waited too long, he showed up, and the scene was not a pretty one, I am glad that it happened in public. Luckily, I was able to get out of it, and ever since then, have been laying low, and trying my best to avoid running into him somewhere. What you mentioned about your stalker was really very scary...but at the same time, you made me hopeful that it is possible to outwit them and stay safe instead of being trapped in their clutches. I just cant believe that he found you after all that time passed plus with your number being unpublished. Its scary to think how twisted a person with sick determination can become. I want to know if it is possible that he could stop and just go away. I am reluctant to make this a police matter because I worry about the statistics of placing a restraining order...I dont remember exactly, but it is somewhere in the 80% range that they retaliate because it enrages them that they are being ordered to stay away from you. I just keep thinking that things are fine now, and he has been staying away, so why kick up dust? I keep finding myself trying to analyze him as if analyzing him will give me some idea of how to protect myself I guess? I dont know...but things are definately looking up, and I am starting to feel safer and less unsure of moving about, so thats gotta be good. Before, I was a basket case, constantly peeking out the windows, refusing to go outside and barracading the already locked doors with chairs...so all in all, things are getting better... Can anyone give me an idea of how I would know if he was going to start up again? I mean, besides the obvious? I just want to become less anxious... Thanks to all of you..... Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 What are the chances that someone who was abusive and stalking and manipulating towards you to suddenly change and not be that way anymore? If someone got out of such a situation and the person who had those behaviours seemed to completely change and not be that person anymore, is it possible to trust it and him? Suppose this man wanted to meet up again because he says that he just wants closure and to clear the air, and that when all is said, he will go his separate way, and let her go her separate way, should that be trusted and meet up with him to provide the closure? Thanks. Zero. People don't suddenly change. He is still trying to manipulate you. Sorry but I don't believe you should put your guard down. These types of people are very unpredictable. What I would do is contact the police but not make an arrest. Just have them write it down that you are concern about this situation, which they can do. Keep mace/pepper spray on your keychain with you as well. I don't know the details of your situation, but it's better to play it safe. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 You're welcome, Hemmed! But wow - sounds like you still had a showdown. Ugh. To answer your question - there is no way to know if someone will just stop and fixate on someone else. When I was in college, I was stalked by some guy who knew a LOT about me. He would call my dorm room, he would be at bars I was at and send drinks over, he would leave cards under my apartment door, etc. I NEVER found out who he was. Though certainly it was scary to be walking around a place with 30k kids and NOT know him, nothing ever came of it, and after a while, he just stopped. The other guy I wrote about, now he was a mental patient. Yes, totally scary how he found me again. The internet works against us in that way. I can do a search of myself in certain engines, and find every apartment and land line I have had over the last 15 years. NOT good. I think you need to continue to ignore him, watch your back, be safe, but do NOT let this rule your life. Chances are good that he will get bored and move onto someone else (pity for her!). Link to post Share on other sites
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