A New Perspective

[Ariadne]

Hi guys,

 

I've been having this thought.

 

If I eat whatever I want, say, chocolates, ice cream, pastries, pasta etc etc I just gain and gain weight.

 

So in order to look ok, I have to live permanently on a diet, that is more or less a starvation diet since eating bread or any of that stuff means I'll be gaining weight.

 

So the idea is, what if I just live my life to enjoy it, that is, eat everything I want and become obese. Like 300 pounds or something. I don't know what the limit would be, but just eat whatever I want all the time.

 

I read somewhere from Osho: Food is always a substitute for love. People who don’t love, who somehow miss a life of love, start eating more; it is a love-substitute. Start a life of love, fall in love, find somebody who you can love, and immediately you will see you are not eating so much.

 

And I have to agree with that. The very few times that I was happy in love I didn't eat as much, or didn't care for food because I had love to live on.

 

Those are the only times in my life that I was naturally skinny, the rest of the times, when I was "in shape" it was completely artificial and due to some starvation diet and depriving myself from all the things I craved for.

 

So, what about going back to my "natural ways". I have nobody to love, so the natural way my body responds is by craving for food. Why not go along with nature and enjoy my food cravings, even if that means I'll become obese.

 

The truth is, that I don't care to date at all. I found love, Denver guy was "it" for me, but then, that was lost and to date for me would mean to date some "random guy" and frankly, I'm not interested.

 

I also feel like I want to wear loose clothes. I want to wear tunics or something. Say, in the house I usually wear sweat pants and t-shirts, but when I have to go to work I wear "office clothes."

 

And I'm thinking of changing my wardrobe to wear loose clothes everywhere, say, long wide dresses to work or wide ample pants. Like Jesus or something.

 

Has anyone ever had that scary thought of:

 

- Giving up men (by not looking like what they are attracted to, and not caring to date)

- Eat whatever you want (thus, become obese but satisfy your appetites)

- Wear lose clothes like tunics etc

 

Thanks,

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Also,

 

Do you guys think that the "natural result" of, in my case, losing Denver guy would be to become obese, get heart disease or diebetes, and die?

 

Is that the natural way bodies work by losing someone you love?

 

Ariadne

[Kamille]

Nothing natural about it. I tend to gain weight when I am in a relationship and get skinny when I'm single. And when I'm broken-hearted I have to force myself to eat.

 

But hmmm... your idea is an original one: why not decide to let yourself go.

 

At the same time, in reality, you would just be taking care of yourself differently. And I for one love the curvy-tunic look.

 

But yeah, giving up on men and eating what you want... that sounds very liberating.

[Ariadne]

Hey you,

 

I tend to gain weight when I am in a relationship and get skinny when I'm single. And when I'm broken-hearted I have to force myself to eat.

 

That I never understood. People saying that when they break up they can't eat. I've heard that enough here too.

 

I'm just the other way around, when I'm in a happy relationship I'm in some sort of high and I can't eat. When I break up I eat icecream by the gallon.

 

The only times that I gained weight when I was in a relationship was when the relationship sucked and I didn't love the guy and sex sucked etc.

 

But men tend to gain weight when they get married too, not much but they get a belly.

 

And I don't know about the long term effects either because I was never in a happy relationship for a long time, say, if you were happily married for 10 years if you'd still feel ecstatic and not eat as much, I don't know.

 

But there you have Touche who is one of the few in a happy long term relationship and she's really skinny.

 

Do you think that the natural way the body reacts is to want to "die" after a loss? Because if you eat non stop (say, in my case I feel like eating when I am heartbroken) you'll eventually get sick and die as a result.

 

Or maybe if you "let yourself go" it'll curve itself and be healthy again?

 

Probably the natural way would be that you meet someone else, but not sure how that would work with the fat and the disinterest.

 

Thanks,

 

Ariadne

[sunshinegirl]

My experience with the food-love relationship thing is that when I lacked SELF-love, I ate more. I was depressed and lonely, unsure if anyone would ever love me, and bam. I was a binge eater.

 

Over a long period of time, partly in dating relationships, partly not, I finally learned to accept/love myself. And my binge & overeating tendencies just... went away. Permanently. I wound up losing almost 40 pounds over that course of time (2-3 years) because I started eating normally - food stopped dominating my life anymore. (Thank God!!)

 

It sounds like you're suggesting a plan in which food still dominates your life, just in a different way. I wonder whether you will find happiness that way.

[Always Wrong]

You girls are giving up on men, and I am giving up on women... bummer.

 

I eat more when I'm happy. I like to cook good food.

 

But when I'm alone, I don't feel like eating because I don't much care for being alone,

 

so I don't cook. I don't like eating out alone, so I lose weight, get depressed, end up

 

going out to the clubs and sitting in with the band here and there, (I'm a musician).

 

Then I start drinking and having a great time, end up taking someone home with me

 

and I'm off and running into another bad relationship... more food because I'm happy,

 

or at least I think I am, don't want to go back to the clubs because I think I've

 

already found someone, only to discover she was all about the spotlight, the

 

attention, the party. So we split up, I stop eating, get depressed, go play music to

 

make myself feel better and the cycle repeats itself... I'm with you. I'm going to

 

force myself to eat till I'm so fat no woman will want to be with me. Then when I go

 

to the clubs to party and play music, I'll be sure to go home alone. That way, at the

 

very least I won't have a relationship to be depressed about losing.

[Art_Critic]

Have you thought about exercise ?

 

Eat right and exercise and you will feel so much better.. you will be energized over the new you that you will feel better. smile more and then attract guys like flies...

 

then there wouldn't be a need for any self pity...

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

My experience with the food-love relationship thing is that when I lacked SELF-love, I ate more. I was depressed and lonely, unsure if anyone would ever love me, and bam. I was a binge eater.

 

For me is more like something I enjoy. When I'm watching a movie on TV I like to have a box of See's candies and a glass of wine.

 

It's pleasurable. Same as having a cup of coffee with some good pastry or apple pie.

 

If I eat that, for sure I'll gain weight. Can't indulge myself with that.

 

my binge & overeating tendencies just... went away. Permanently. I wound up losing almost 40 pounds over that course of time (2-3 years) because I started eating normally

 

How did you do that? Did you follow some healthy food plan?

 

It sounds like you're suggesting a plan in which food still dominates your life, just in a different way. I wonder whether you will find happiness that way.

 

I wonder too, because then I'd have a bunch of other problems. I'd look awful, can't move, get tired, etc.

 

I don't know really.

 

Thanks,

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

I'm going to force myself to eat till I'm so fat no woman will want to be with me. Then when I go to the clubs to party and play music, I'll be sure to go home alone.

 

The idea I was trying to make was not to force yourself to do anything.

 

Because, in my case anyway, to be skinny takes some effort and renunciation.

 

But your way works just fine, seems like you can keep a healthy weight normally.

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hey Art,

 

Have you thought about exercise ?

 

For some reason in order to be in shape, I require a huge amount of exercise. That is, every single day walk/skate/etc for an hour.

 

If I miss one day or two, I start piling up pounds.

 

And I have to practically starve myself not to gain weight, if I eat "healthy" little by little I gain weight too.

 

So I have to constantly get on a diet to get rid of those pounds.

 

But when I'm in a happy relationship I become some sort of anorexic. Is the only thing that seems to work and now I'm stuck.

 

smile more and then attract guys like flies...

 

(btw, that never works for me, dunno)

 

Ariadne

[Jilly Bean]

A, clearly you are contemplating over-eating as a way to medicate your feelings, but also, it is a distancing mechanism, because you think if you were larger, then you would also be unattractive to men, and they wouldn't even bother with you (sexual abuse victims do this quite a bit).

 

Rather than take the unhealthy way out, why not go for some therapy and SAVE yourself?

[polywog]

Hey Ariadne, have you ever had your thyroid checked?

[Trialbyfire]

You're only going to cause yourself a vicious downward spiral. Why not stay in shape for yourself, not for someone else, and feel good because you're in shape?

 

As for weight gain, there are a number of factors of which genetics, lifestyle and type of food consumed, are the largest components. If you eat a healthy balance of veggies, lean meats and reasonable portions of carbs equal to the amount of energy that you output, you shouldn't be gaining weight.

 

I think polywog's idea is a good one. Go see your doctor to check for hypothyroidism. I don't know how old you are but if you're anywhere close to menopause, 20% of women in menopause, are diagnosed with thyroid problems. Imagine how many aren't diagnosed.

 

http://www.womentowomen.com/hypothyroidism/default.aspx

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

A, clearly you are contemplating over-eating as a way to medicate your feelings

 

I guess so. Eating for me is more of an emotional thing, that's the big problem. Is something that feels good.

 

but also, it is a distancing mechanism, because you think if you were larger, then you would also be unattractive to men

 

That's definitely. Especially with the tunics idea. Nobody would give me a second look.

 

and they wouldn't even bother with you (sexual abuse victims do this quite a bit).

 

Well, I've had sexual relationships only before (those are the only ones I can get because for love I'm screwed) but I am really not interested in that anymore.

 

I don't know what happened. But I don't care to push men away in that sense.

 

Rather than take the unhealthy way out, why not go for some therapy and SAVE yourself?

 

I don't believe in therapy. I think it's stupid imo.

 

Thanks,

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hey Ariadne, have you ever had your thyroid checked?

 

Yes, I had that checked and everything was normal.

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

You're only going to cause yourself a vicious downward spiral. Why not stay in shape for yourself, not for someone else, and feel good because you're in shape?

 

I guess I could get in a world of a mess if I did that and became 300 pounds.

 

It'd be a total renunciation of everything. That's why I said it was a scary thought.

 

The problem is that for me (or most people) to stay in shape requires a huge effort.

 

I was thinking of giving up on the effort part and let it be.

 

As for weight gain, there are a number of factors of which genetics, lifestyle and type of food consumed, are the largest components. If you eat a healthy balance of veggies, lean meats and reasonable portions of carbs equal to the amount of energy that you output, you shouldn't be gaining weight.

 

It could be that when I was unemployed it was the biggest struggle to stay in shape, because I was practically the whole day in bed or sitting in the computer.

 

Now that I started working maybe that'll change, I don't know.

 

But just eating healthy I know I still gain weight, unless it's a hypo-caloric diet and a grueling daily hour exercise.

 

Thanks,

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hey Ariadne, have you ever had your thyroid checked?

 

Btw,

 

I had that checked in South Am when I went to a dietitian to help me lose weight.

 

After getting the results and that everything was ok, he gave me "Meridia" (sibutramine) which is a diet pill that is not a stimulant but that has an SSRI element that works the serotonin.

 

Somehow, with that pill, it seems like my chemicals relaxed and I became anorexic sort of.

 

Maybe I should go get that again.

 

Ariadne

[Kamille]

I'm wondering if you're not struggling so much because you're trying to keep your weight at a level that is below your body's healthy weight. As in, I used to think my ideal weight was 135 pounds, struggled to stay there and had a problematic relationship to food (I would crave cookies, breads, etc because my body was STARVING). After reading some and dealing with body image issues, I have accepted that my ideal weight is more like 145-150 pounds (5'8). Now I find it rather easy to stay in shape, eat right and exercise.

 

But I still find that there is something alluring in your idea of giving up on men and eating whatever you want. It sounds decadent, epicurean, lascivious.

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

I'm wondering if you're not struggling so much because you're trying to keep your weight at a level that is below your body's healthy weight.

 

I thought of that too.

 

I thought at some point, maybe my "normal weight" is higher than what I was struggling with, but then I noticed that if I kept on eating all I wanted, all I did was gain and gain and it didn't seem seem to stop.

 

I don't eat all I want and get to some weight, and continue to eat all I want and stop at whatever it is. It keeps on going. I tried that too.

 

But I still find that there is something alluring in your idea of giving up on men and eating whatever you want. It sounds decadent, epicurean, lascivious.

 

I know! Is just that, then what I do? If I change my mind...

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Btw,

 

This is after I came back from South Am on April (pic).

 

After spending some 8 months in bed practically, I've gained some weight.

 

And I've had my chocolate binges and all the rest too.

 

It's a struggle.

 

Ariadne

[johan]

Hey, you're pretty.

 

Don't pork up, Ariadne. That would just be abusing yourself, and why do that? Take care of yourself.

 

Also work on your mind. Buy books, get therapy, whatever. Overall self-improvement is never a bad idea. And you seem to have an issue or two to work out.

 

The guy thing will fall into place as soon as you start feeling better about yourself. Not that that is the most important thing, but I can tell it's something you care about.

 

And forget this Denver guy thing. That's also a way of tormenting yourself. It's time to let that go.

[Ariadne]

Hey johan,

 

Thanks.

 

Don't pork up, Ariadne.

 

That's a good way to put it. I'd be huuuge. Like a buddha.

 

And you seem to have an issue or two to work out.

 

What do you mean?

 

The guy thing will fall into place as soon as you start feeling better about yourself... I can tell it's something you care about.

 

No, is more like I'm guy dead right now.

 

And forget this Denver guy thing. That's also a way of tormenting yourself. It's time to let that go.

 

I know. Every day I still go to his web site, and every day I still check the webcams in Denver. Of course it's snowing, it snowed on Christmas day too.

 

It's really terrible.

 

Ariadne

[underpants]

Ariadne,

 

It is just not healthy to obsess about that Denver person.

 

See if you can go a whole week without checking his site and then see how you feel. I bet if you could go a whole week you would start to feel a little better.

 

Make it a challenge to yourself and note your progress on a calendar. Like quitting smoking or something. Take the one week challenge.

 

Maybe you could even mix it up. Everytime you feel the urge to visit his page you have to go for a walk first, or do 25 crunches. Turn it around.

 

If you look at excercise as a "gruelling" experience then you are setting yourself up to think of it negatively. Actually, the best shape I have ever been in is when I did a lot of physical activity and pretty much ate whatever I wanted because I was burning it off just as fast. I should make the sheetrock workout video. (say goodbye to flabby arms and hello to walls)

 

At some point the starving thing does not work as well as the excercise mixed with small smart meals consumed throughout the day. The metabolism changes as we age and what may have once worked no longer does.

 

It is about consistency. A 45 minute walk in the morning and another in the afternoon would give results after a couple of months. Again, it is the consistency.

 

I cut all fast food out of my diet a few years ago and that in itself was one of the best decisions I have made.

 

There are a multitude of physical and psychological problems that come with being obese. I would urge you to not go there. It is much harder to come back from that.

[Lizzie60]

I hope you are kidding...

 

I don't think you'd like yourself if you become obese... you'd get even more depressed and you'd hate yourself.

 

Prozac works for me... when I'm on antidepressants I don't eat ... weird but I tend to forget to eat... LOL

 

You have to make sacrifices in order to be healthy and fit... I don't think it's a question of choice... unless you just give up on yourself... then you have the obligation (to yourself) to be fit and healthy and happy with yourself.

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

See if you can go a whole week without checking his site and then see how you feel. I bet if you could go a whole week you would start to feel a little better.

 

Nah, I'll just love him like an idiot. I still have his portrait on my desk. It makes me sad, but what can you do.

 

If you look at excercise as a "gruelling" experience then you are setting yourself up to think of it negatively.

 

Well, I used to go for a walk around a lake and I loved it. It was beautiful, the ducks, the trees, the water etc.

 

But after going there every single day for an hour, you start to get sick of that park. So I went to other areas, or roller skated...

 

Still, I'm comfy at home, I don't want to go to some park and walk for an hour every day.

 

It is about consistency. A 45 minute walk in the morning and another in the afternoon would give results

 

Ok, that's grueling to do for life.

 

There are a multitude of physical and psychological problems that come with being obese. I would urge you to not go there. It is much harder to come back from that.

 

Yeah. That's true. I'd have a bunch of other problems.

 

Thanks,

 

Ariadne