A New Perspective

[Ariadne]

Hi Lizzie,

 

I hope you are kidding... I don't think you'd like yourself if you become obese... you'd get even more depressed and you'd hate yourself.

 

I was thinking more on the lines of, the hell with everything.

 

I'll just wear some big tunic and eat whatever I want.

 

Like some Arab woman with those things, like who cares anyway, I don't have anyone to love and I suck for love anyway.

 

Prozac works for me... when I'm on antidepressants I don't eat ... weird but I tend to forget to eat... LOL

 

Maybe I should go get that Meridia again. Is a diet pill not an antidepressant, but somehow I forgot about food.

 

You have to make sacrifices in order to be healthy and fit... I don't think it's a question of choice... unless you just give up on yourself...

 

Yeah.... give up.

 

Thanks,

 

Ariadne

[underpants]

It sounds like you are stuck.

 

You are comfortable being in a depressed/pining place. You might even like it a little, thus the idea of letting yourself just go.

 

Since you have been doing this for so long why not try something different for a week? Just to see how it effects your outlook?

 

Put his picture away (out of sight). Don't check his pages.

 

What do you have to lose by trying a new way??? Even for just a little while, like an experiment?

[Ariadne]

Well,

 

What do you have to lose by trying a new way??? Even for just a little while, like an experiment?

 

That would be equivalent to giving up my ideals.

 

I truly believe that he is my soulmate. I keep him close to my heart.

 

Even if he is just an image, a memory.

 

Is like me saying, give up on your parents or give up God.

 

You can't.

 

Ariadne

[Trialbyfire]

Ariadne, you don't strike me as a quitter. As long as you keep him close to your heart, there will never be room enough for anyone else. It's okay to have fond memories of a past love, as long as it doesn't interfere with the now or the future. ((hugs))

[Ariadne]

Thank you.

 

(((hugs)))

[underpants]

Well,

 

What do you have to lose by trying a new way??? Even for just a little while, like an experiment?

 

That would be equivalent to giving up my ideals.

 

I truly believe that he is my soulmate. I keep him close to my heart.

 

Even if he is just an image, a memory.

 

Is like me saying, give up on your parents or give up God.

 

You can't.

 

Ariadne

 

Sweetie,

 

He is not God. He is not part of your family. He is just some dude who lives in Denver.

 

It makes people uncomfortable to be worshipped and have every hope you have hang on them.

 

Ariadne, chill out with that.

 

It is fine to keep him as a memory. Some relationships really teach us some things. He is part of your past...put him there.

 

I gotta say, the obsessing and keeping his picture displayed is holding you back.

 

It is your choice. I think you could go a week or two just to see if it clears your head a bit.

[Ariadne]

Thanks guys,

 

Maybe this is not such a great idea after all.

 

I will be liberating in some ways, but horrible on others.

 

I just wish I could find some balance and be normal.

 

And it seems like at this point, being normal means being obese since that's the tendency.

 

Plus, I don't like to struggle with things.

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

It is fine to keep him as a memory. Some relationships really teach us some things. He is part of your past...put him there.

 

No, he is not my past, he is my sad present.

 

Maybe one day he will be my past, but not yet.

 

But thank you,

 

Ariadne

[spookie]

Ariadne,

 

I totally relate to everything you're saying. I think we have the same relationship with love/food. When I'm in a good relationship, I don't need to eat because I'm happy doing other things. When I'm alone (this is horrible to admit) but my favorite thing to do is smoke, watch TV, and eat and drink.

 

But ya know... just cause that's my fave thing to do doesn't mean it makes me happy. On the contrary, doing that for a long period of time just makes me hate myself. It's hard to force myself to do other things (like exercise, work, be social, etc) but once I do I feel better. Even if it's a marginal "better" and I'm still unhappy and consntatly thinking why do I bother if I can just stay home and gorge myself on appetizers, which is what I really want to do... I still feel better when I'm a all-around functional person. And I think you would, too.

 

Also for me, nothing tastes better than thinness.

 

BTW Ariadne, I think you're great. You're one of my fave people on here... I think you're funny, honest, perceptive, gorgeous, and I know you have a big heart. Even though it doenst' feel like it right now (and believe me, I know all about that, I'm only 21 but I too feel that where love is concened, that was it for me) but I know you of all people will find the right guy one of these days. You aren't clicking with anyone right now jsut cause for you, it's going to take some time to find the right person cause you aren't cookie-cutter.

 

(((Hugs)))

[Lizzie60]

I think it's a vicious circle...

 

When someone is sad.. they eat... the more they eat, the bigger they get and more unhappy and unhealthy they become...

 

If, on the other hand, they exercise (release of serotonin) they feel much better about themselves, they do not need to eat as much... because they're happy...

[AriaIncognito]

Ariadne -

 

Take this from someone who has been 10-50lbs overweight pretty much all of my life. You dont want to wish this upon yourself.

 

If you allow yourself to get this way, you'll feel worse about yourself and want to eat even more. It's so hard for me. Logically, I know that eating certain things is basically like saying "here, apply these directly to my ass please" but I do it anyway.

 

Why?

 

Because it provides that "instant gratification" or "love" that I'm seeking. Of course after that love, comes the hate. Hating that I yet again fell into that pit. Hating that I'm not proactively fighting to be the person I want to be.

 

I despise the fact that I got to be as heavy as I am (under 200 but at my height, i should be like 140) and always wonder how I'll get out of the rut. I know logically what to do. Eating better. Exercising more. Drinking less soda. Eating less junk food. Logic is my forte. However, emotions control me even still.

 

You have a control over yourself. You know you need to do X and Y to stay in shape. Do yourself a gigantic favor, and keep doing it. In doing so, you'll be less prone to issues like diabetes and high cholestrol and all the bad things they can bring.

 

You want to be healthy for your son. You want to see him grow up and get married and have his own family.

[sunshinegirl]

Hi,

 

My experience with the food-love relationship thing is that when I lacked SELF-love, I ate more. I was depressed and lonely, unsure if anyone would ever love me, and bam. I was a binge eater.

 

For me is more like something I enjoy. When I'm watching a movie on TV I like to have a box of See's candies and a glass of wine.

 

It's pleasurable. Same as having a cup of coffee with some good pastry or apple pie.

 

If I eat that, for sure I'll gain weight. Can't indulge myself with that.

 

my binge & overeating tendencies just... went away. Permanently. I wound up losing almost 40 pounds over that course of time (2-3 years) because I started eating normally

How did you do that? Did you follow some healthy food plan?

 

Not really. I lost 15-ish pounds from a very severe post-breakup depression. Not a good way to lose the weight, but once I recovered from the depression, I somehow just wasn't focused on food all that much. I don't really know how to explain it - I pretty much just ate when I was hungry and stopped when I was full. It's almost as if something in my DNA got rearranged, and this almost biological urge I had previously felt to binge was snapped, disconnected, turned off. It also correlates to the time when I eventually figured out that I was worth loving and was a pretty kickass person in general.

 

After that, I wasn't particularly focused on following a healthy food plan, but I was starting to exercise more. And I lost a bit more weight when my exercise habits changed - about a year and a half ago I got really into yoga, roller blading, rock climbing, and running.

 

Today I really really enjoy food - my boyfriend is an AMAZING cook (made me a 5-course dinner for my birthday last week!), but it's all totally in moderation and I simply don't get the urge to binge. My body kinda sends cues when I've fed it too much sugar - I start craving fruits and veg and protein - and I listen to that.

 

I may be contradicting my earlier comment to you now, but I do think there were both physical and emotional causes of my overeating.

 

I don't know if that helps - from what you've written in this thread, you seem to have some emotional things going on that you should probably deal with; they are likely related to your eating patterns.

 

Good luck.

[Ariadne]

Hey spookie,

 

When I'm alone (this is horrible to admit) but my favorite thing to do is smoke, watch TV, and eat and drink.

 

Yeah, me too. I don't smoke now, but last year I had this FWB that smoked the Jamaican smoke, and all I did at the time was smoke, watch TV, eat, drink, and have sex.

 

Then I gained a whole bunch of weight and got back in shape at my parents house away from that guy. Is all the time a struggle with the yo-yo diets because I get in stages where I really don't care.

 

But ya know... just cause that's my fave thing to do doesn't mean it makes me happy.

 

Good point there, is just a fix.

 

gorge myself on appetizers, which is what I really want to do... I still feel better when I'm a all-around functional person. And I think you would, too.

 

That makes sense. For now I'm just having a hard time getting motivated for anything, like why bother.

 

BTW Ariadne, I think you're...

 

Thank you so much. You are gorgeous yourself and really cool.

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

If you allow yourself to get this way, you'll feel worse about yourself and want to eat even more.

 

Oh, I didn't think about that. I didn't think I'd feel worse because it'd be something that I chose, since I'd be giving up, but I might still.

 

Why? Because it provides that "instant gratification" or "love" that I'm seeking.

 

I think that is the main key to of all this. I need love to not crave for food but I can't have that, so there's always a void.

 

Do yourself a gigantic favor, and keep doing it. In doing so, you'll be less prone to issues like diabetes and high cholesterol and all the bad things they can bring.

 

Thank you so much ariawoman.

 

You want to be healthy for your son. You want to see him grow up and get married and have his own family.

 

Awww... that's so cute. Thanks!

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

You aren't clicking with anyone right now jsut cause for you, it's going to take some time to find the right person cause you aren't cookie-cutter.

 

Btw, guys don't like me for some reason. I don't know why but they really don't.

 

I think I'm pretty strange in person and they get weirded out or something. I'm not just saying this, is true.

 

So..

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hey you,

 

I think it's a vicious circle... When someone is sad.. they eat... the more they eat, the bigger they get and more unhappy...

 

That's just what my mom says. That by eating, instead of solving anything all you do is add to yourself another problem. (She says the same about drinking etc)

 

If, on the other hand, they exercise (release of serotonin) they feel much better...

 

Yeah, that's true.

 

When I was saying about giving up, it wasn't so much because of being unhappy, it was more about being lazy and not bothering.

 

Being in shape is a huge effort and I was getting to the point where I couldn't get bothered anymore, and just live a life of no restrictions.

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

I pretty much just ate when I was hungry and stopped when I was full.

 

That's pretty amazing. My son is like that too, he only eats when he's hungry, sometimes just two meals in the whole day.

 

I go to his room all the time to offer him snacks and cakes etc, nothing tempts him, he says that he is not hungry.

 

It's almost as if something in my DNA got rearranged, and this almost biological urge I had previously felt to binge was snapped, disconnected, turned off.

 

Did you get a boyfriend then?

 

about a year and a half ago I got really into yoga, roller blading, rock climbing, and running.

Cool.

 

my boyfriend is an AMAZING cook (made me a 5-course dinner for my birthday last week!), but it's all totally in moderation and I simply don't get the urge to binge.

 

Yeah, that's easy to say when you have a bf like that. Those were the only times when I didn't feel like eating a lot and became indifferent to food altogether.

 

I don't know if that helps - from what you've written in this thread, you seem to have some emotional things going on

 

I do. Some impossible love for once.

 

Thanks a lot.

 

Ariadne

[sunshinegirl]

Did you get a boyfriend then?

 

Ha ha, no not right away. I think it was about a year before I dated anyone again. We broke up six months later, I got depressed again and had to work my way back from that. Then I dated someone for a few months, we broke up but I was hung up on him for another year, and then 4-5 months later I started dating my current boyfriend.

 

I don't want you to get the idea that my eating only normalized when I was with a guy. I have spent most of my adult life alone, not in relationships, and I have come to learn I can't rely on a relationship to make me feel whole or loved or complete.

 

If you cannot stand whole and complete on your own two feet, you will have a lot of trouble forming suitable long-term relationships with men. You sound like you depend on men to help normalize your eating patterns. You also sound like a strong woman... why would you want to give any man that much control over your life?

[Art_Critic]

I go to his room all the time to offer him snacks and cakes etc, nothing tempts him, he says that he is not hungry.

 

Why fattening snacks that are not good for him ?.. maybe try and tempt him with fruit or something good for him ?..

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

Thanks again for your note.

 

If you cannot stand whole and complete on your own two feet, you will have a lot of trouble forming suitable long-term relationships with men.

 

Is something that I have no control over, it seems like it's biological.

 

When I'm happy with some guy I forget all about food, when I have nobody to love, I want to eat chocolate and pastries.

 

And that's the way it is.

 

You sound like you depend on men to help normalize your eating patterns.

 

Yeah, maybe I'll got to get that Meridia, see if a doctor here gives me that or go to Mexico, I know they sell it over the counter there.

 

I think that's the only hope.

 

You also sound like a strong woman... why would you want to give any man that much control over your life?

 

Thank you. Is more like God made me this way.

 

Ariadne

[Florida]

Hi Ariadne,

A big hug to you, I know how you feel.

I think you are really cool, I always click on your posts because you are always original, you are a very unique person.

 

I know all about that self destruct thing you are talking of.

I used to will my heart to explode every night, and envision poisons going to it so I would not have to wake up, I was in so much pain.

 

Although the whole eating what you want, wearing loose clothes swearing off all men sounds like a great theory (I've had equally strange thoughts too)in reality you know you would feel awful, leads to morel reason to be depressed, will be harder to get out of.

 

How do you see yourself amongst people-removing men as any factor?

 

I ask because I see myself as a swarthy animal in the jungle who needs to be alert and strong, to prevent attack and be a formidable opponent-so I cannot let myself go, no matter how much it seems like a good idea, but i do slip here and there.

 

Do you agree? Or have some other way of envisioning yourself in the world to help yourself in moments where you want to give up and give in?

 

How mean life can be that the things that give us pleasure (food, being lazy) also have huge consequences.

 

I want to say to life (as if it was a thing I can speak to) "EFF you life-I'm winning-not you with all your temptations that lead to downfall!"

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Why fattening snacks that are not good for him ?.. maybe try and tempt him with fruit or something good for him ?..

 

He is a vegetarian and lives on rice and beans, pasta, lentils, garbanzos etc.

 

But sometimes I'd get him a slice of pie in the market to have with milk in the afternoon, and even that he rejects.

 

For some strange reason, he rejects sweets and all the things that I crave. To the point that I have stopped buying them.

 

That's what I meant he doesn't get tempted. He really doesn't care.

 

Ariadne

[JamesM]

First off, I think based on your picture, you look great. While I know you have put on some weight since then, I doubt that it is much. Art has a good point....smiling and a positive attitude gains more guys than a beautiful figure. One picture you had up for awhile (maybe you still do) shows me that you DO have that smile and twinkle in your eyes. THIS is what brings the guys. While I know that right now, the only guy that matters is the Denver Guy, I think this is in part because not that many guys have been allowed into your life to "erase" his memory. And as time goes on, I am guessing that the memory you have of him is the good memory...not the bad.

 

As has been noted....you are in a depression. And it seems over the Denver Guy. He seems to come up quite a bit in your posts. Or it could be that you think if he was in your life, then everything wrong would be right. While this sounds great, I doubt it would be reality.

 

My point is not to state the obvious, but I am curious...what would you tell yourself if you came upon this thread?

 

I can say that I have seen many of your posts to other people, and while I may not always agree with your responses...they do make sense and are right to the point. Some of us say things in a round about way, but you go straight to the point.

 

What would you tell yourself, and why can you then not follow the advice?

 

BTW, an hour of exercise is normal. Having taken off twenty pounds in the last year, I can say that the thought of gaining it back makes me depressed. I feel so much better physically and emotionally. While my troubles are still with me, my attitude towards them is better.

[Ariadne]

Hi Florida,

 

Thanks for the compliments.

 

How do you see yourself amongst people-removing men as any factor?

 

That's a good question. I think I'm really weird and I can't relate to most people. I always say the most inappropriate things at the weirdest times.

 

Is like I try and be normal and right away they start thinking that I'm bat crazy.

 

I give you an example. I started a new job and there is this man that sits in an office nearby me. He is an older man that is high up in the management.

 

So I stand next to his door and the guy looks at me all confused, like, what does she want?

 

So I walk inside his office and stand next to his table. The guys is almost scared by my presence and is staring at me.

 

I say, are you Jewish?

 

The guy blushes and says, why do you say that?

 

I say, because your name is Jewish but you don't look Jewish.

 

He says, yes I am.

 

I say, ok, and leave.

 

I mean. Who says that??? Nobody. Now the guy pretty much ignores me.

 

That's what I mean.

 

Do you agree? Or have some other way of envisioning yourself in the world to help yourself in moments where you want to give up and give in?

 

Well, in that case I want to live in a hut in the forest by the river.

 

"EFF you life-I'm winning-not you with all your temptations that lead to downfall!"

 

That's cool.

 

Thanks,

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Hi James,

 

Thank you.

 

the only guy that matters is the Denver Guy, I think this is in part because not that many guys have been allowed into your life to "erase" his memory.

 

That's true. I haven't met anyone I like. I'm open though, if it happened I'd be glad.

 

Or it could be that you think if he was in your life, then everything wrong would be right. While this sounds great, I doubt it would be reality.

 

That's a good point. I think I'd be happier with him in my life.

 

My point is not to state the obvious, but I am curious...what would you tell yourself if you came upon this thread?

 

Argh, I think I'd be as confused as I am now.

 

The staying in shape is so artificial and for what, really. For men, to be attractive to men.

 

Yes, you can move more easily if you are in shape and flexible, but I don't need to do gymnastics or something that requires that precision. And you can still be healthy with extra pounds.

 

BTW, an hour of exercise is normal. Having taken off twenty pounds in the last year, I can say that the thought of gaining it back makes me depressed.

 

Yeah, it's nice to look great, that's true.

 

Thanks,

 

Ariadne