smokeyvivo Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 My girlfriend of six months has a male friend who i think she is secretly seeing on the side.I recently saw a message from him to her (this was for all to see . i didn't and wouldn't infringe on her privacy), her refered to her pets as their kids? i thought WTF. I brought it up with her and she dismissed it ,saying there was nothing between them only friendship . She also said that she would break up their friendship, which i didn't really want ( good friends are hard to come by ), but she insisted and said that she didn't want to harm our relationship because she loved me so much. but! Two days later i saw more comunication between them which started with "hi sexy"and ended with "love u lots". I haven't yet mentioned it to her as i am angry and don't know what to do because i love her so much . what to do ? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 If the roles were reversed how do you think she would be feeling? Apparently she has no problem lying to you. If you do not have trust and honesty in a relationship then what do you really have? Surely you can do better than this. If you do not respect yourself then who will because her actions indicate she does not have much respect for you. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 My girlfriend of six months has a male friend who i think she is secretly seeing on the side.I recently saw a message from him to her (this was for all to see . i didn't and wouldn't infringe on her privacy), her refered to her pets as their kids? i thought WTF. I brought it up with her and she dismissed it ,saying there was nothing between them only friendship . She also said that she would break up their friendship, which i didn't really want ( good friends are hard to come by ), but she insisted and said that she didn't want to harm our relationship because she loved me so much. but! Two days later i saw more comunication between them which started with "hi sexy"and ended with "love u lots". I haven't yet mentioned it to her as i am angry and don't know what to do because i love her so much . what to do ? Nah...BS dude...this is unacceptable. I wouldn't even worry about having her dump this friend...cuz its obvious he is more...and if not...which I don't believe...comments like "hi sexy" are inappropriate...they are little comments said to make sure doors are open in case one of them wants to walk through it. I'd tell her that you are angry about this....but honestly if it were me, I'd probably start weeding her out of my life if it were me. Link to post Share on other sites
nextel Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 The number 1 ingredient in any relationship is COMMUNICATION. You might be burning up over nothing, but again it might be something. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Talk to her and tell her what you "saw". Ask her questions, and dont allow her to blow you off. Sit her down and let her know that you want to have a serious discussion. Ask her the questions that you need answers to. CAUTION: Never ask questions to answers you are not prepared to hear. My girlfriend of six months has a male friend who i think she is secretly seeing on the side.I recently saw a message from him to her (this was for all to see . i didn't and wouldn't infringe on her privacy), her refered to her pets as their kids? i thought WTF. I brought it up with her and she dismissed it ,saying there was nothing between them only friendship . She also said that she would break up their friendship, which i didn't really want ( good friends are hard to come by ), but she insisted and said that she didn't want to harm our relationship because she loved me so much. but! Two days later i saw more comunication between them which started with "hi sexy"and ended with "love u lots". I haven't yet mentioned it to her as i am angry and don't know what to do because i love her so much . what to do ? Link to post Share on other sites
Legend Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 Time to swallow the truth grin and bear it. Be a man, and ask her straight to her face what the deal is. Then dump her ass, and find someone who deserves you. Link to post Share on other sites
JHS Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 Time to swallow the truth grin and bear it. Be a man, and ask her straight to her face what the deal is. Then dump her ass, and find someone who deserves you. I almost have to say I totally agree with this - but I would give it a little more. I never have a problem with old friends/old boyfriends but if my S.O. is going to maintain these relationships, include me. Would you/could you be friends with this guy? Can the 3 of you hang out together? If so, that's the answer, if your GF says no, then dump her ass. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 Is it possible he has affection for her and not the other way around? explore that option as well. But if she is responding in kind to the flirting- that;s not cool. How did you find the messages? were...you....snoooooping? Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokeyvivo Posted December 27, 2007 Author Share Posted December 27, 2007 Is it possible he has affection for her and not the other way around? explore that option as well. But if she is responding in kind to the flirting- that;s not cool. How did you find the messages? were...you....snoooooping? Yes,he fancies her and she has told me he does but she says they are just friends . The messages were on a social networking site that we are on. Link to post Share on other sites
Legend Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 Yes,he fancies her and she has told me he does but she says they are just friends . The messages were on a social networking site that we are on. further proof myspace / facebook should have never been invented... Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedMM Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 To me the "Just friends" thing is a red flag all by itself... for some reason, every time someone is in the position where they find themselves having to say that... it turns out that isn't the case. I have never seen it turn out otherwise. But I admit, I sure haven't seen everything... I only know the people I know... and they don't seem to be any different than anyone else... I don't really know why this is true, and I know that many would disagree. Theoretically, it is possibly for a man and a woman to be 'just friends', yet it always seems like the only time that phrase comes up is when they are no longer just friends in a strictly platonic sense, but at least emotionally involved in a romantic sense. The content of those messages support that... Maybe it's because the only reason the phrase gets uttered is because someone had to ask the question- "What's going on with you two?" Why would anyone feel a need to ask? Trust your gut. If you have a brick in your belly, you know the answer. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 I still think it's possible that he likes her- and she may just want to be friends with him. Women can be just friends with a man. I have a male friend who has a crush on me- but I have been firm with him that nothing will ever happen and we have settled into a friendship. I would never, ever consider being with him romantically, even though I am sure he would. What exactly is it that makes you think she might be having an affair? I think if the two of them were going to be together- it would have happened already. Link to post Share on other sites
jay6382 Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Hey man, I've gone through the same thing with my girl. She got a new job and started making all these guy friends and lying to me about it. I don't have a problem with my girl having guy friends but when you are lied to about them that usually means there is something to hide. Confront her about it without accusing her of anything. Let her know that this makes you upset and you don't think its acceptable for her to be talking to another male like that if she is with you. Give her a chance to do right and if she doesn't kick her to the curb. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 Hey man, I've gone through the same thing with my girl. She got a new job and started making all these guy friends and lying to me about it. I don't have a problem with my girl having guy friends but when you are lied to about them that usually means there is something to hide. Confront her about it without accusing her of anything. Let her know that this makes you upset and you don't think its acceptable for her to be talking to another male like that if she is with you. Give her a chance to do right and if she doesn't kick her to the curb. I wouldn't be cool with the lying about it part- at all. But if she is upfront about the friendship- that wouldn't be an issue for me. I have always been comfortable with my bf having female friends. As long as I don't detect line crossing! Link to post Share on other sites
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