My wife left me a month ago

[Gunny376]

How to word this?

 

Chrome? You and I?

 

Are tempered! We've been through the "fire" and "brimstone" You and I are of "Spartian" steel!

 

This guy hasn't gone through what you and I've been through!

[Chrome Barracuda]

How to word this?

 

Chrome? You and I?

 

Are tempered! We've been through the "fire" and "brimstone" You and I are of "Spartian" steel!

 

This guy hasn't gone through what you and I've been through!

 

Spartans you say!!!???

 

Spartans what is your profession!!

 

Auuuuuu AAAuuuuu! AAAAAAUUUUUU!!!

 

 

This guy needs to just let her go, if she wants to come back and he's ready, then fine. But I advocate him moving forward. He needs to see she thinks it's all a game to her toying with his emotions, he needs to show he's serious about things!

[Gunny376]

Spartans you say!!!???

 

Spartans what is your profession!!

 

Auuuuuu AAAuuuuu! AAAAAAUUUUUU!!!

 

 

This guy needs to just let her go, if she wants to come back and he's ready, then fine. But I advocate him moving forward. He needs to see she thinks it's all a game to her toying with his emotions, he needs to show he's serious about things!

 

Per my point! Sparticus!

 

I appreciate your humor "Sam" (Ref: Sam Kinson)

Edited January 4, 2008 by Gunny376

[LifesontheUp]

I'm a woman and I find what your wife did as very very odd. She's playing you like a kipper. Sorry to be so blunt but she is.

 

Your wife isn't perfect, yet she's got you thinking this is your fault. There is something up with your wife, and honestly you are better off without her. Try and move on with your life, continue with the counselling and work on yourself.

[PWSX3]

She wants her cake & eat it to!!!!

 

My guess is she told one of her friends that you were going out to eat together & they said; that is crazy you don't want to do that so now she doesn't know what to do.

 

Or she still wants you around for the fun, the boy toy but still have her own life & do whatever she wants.

 

You have to remember she is just as confused about the situation as you are, but in a different way. I haven't been on that side of the fence so I'm not sure what they go thru but I know it isn't easy for them either. I do know that when my W & I separated she would do crazy things as well. First she would say one thing & then turn around & change her mind & yes I did the same thing because neither have the answer & you are learning as you go.

 

I highly suggest that you just go NC on her & really work hard on yourself. That is really hard to understand but 2, 4 , 6 months down the road you will understand & even if you get back together it is a good thing you learn about yourself & if you don't it is even a better thing.

[jtipouikidis]

well I returned her call and said, please dont play me on, if you are going to plan something dont just cancel on me like this. Well she said lets go to lunch today, well I said if you dont want to dont. I gave her three options out and she still wants to go. I dont know anymore, my feelings are being played with and if this is just her trying to get me back for hurt feelings well she is doing a good job.

Edited January 4, 2008 by jtipouikidis

[Gunny376]

well I returned her call and said, please dont play me on, if you are going to plan something dont just cancel on me like this. Well she said lets go to lunch today, well I said if you dont want to dont. I gave her three options out and she still wants to go. I dont know anymore, my feelings are being played with and if this is just her trying to get me back for hurt feelings well she is doing a good job.

 

Were it me? I'd check-mate her happy @ss! The next time she saw or heard from me?

 

Well,.....................she'd thought I'd fell off the planet! I'd not only would go NC, I'd run silent and deep! Low profile! No profile!

 

But this comes natural to and for me. Being alone isn't something I'm afraid of. I'm all about being alone and having myself some "fire-gazing- stick-poking in the fire" time!

 

I was raised alone on a back dirt road in the pine thickets of Alabama with no-one but two dogs as compaions, (Buster and Brownie! ) So, being single and alone? Not a problem!

 

Now that I look back on it? It was a gift that has served me well!

[sumdude]

I went to work today and did not contact her at all, I was going to just show up for the dinner. I went flying with a student and when I got down I checked my cell phone and she called and cancelled. Something came up but she sounded like she did not want to rebook. Why the heck would she plan something then cancel like this. I actually thought we would end things at least right. Wow why would someone do something like this, and the most wonderful thing is she has all my numbers, home work and cell, I have her work number so I could not get in contact with her.

 

Oh boy, this sounds so familiar... just posted about it on another thread. Don't try to get inside her head. All you have to go on is her actions... they tell you everything.

[jtipouikidis]

Well we met for lunch on friday, I cannot remember a time that I was that nervous with her. We were very quiet through the whole lunch. I just tried to listen but she was also silent. I still dont get it, you could tell she was holding back tears when we were there. She tried to give me money for car insurance but i could not accept it.

when does the feeling in the pit of your stomach go away, I do everything to get rid of it but it wont go away. I was talking to one of my co-workers the other day, and he is one of those people who seem to be a pillar of strength and he was talking about his split up 8 years ago and HE started crying. Is this what I have to look forward to. I am so tired, and so lonely (even though I go out with friends every night. How do you get through this?

[Gunny376]

Well it never really goes away.

 

Its kind of like dragging a dead horse around with you everywhere you go? And, you'll meet other people (such as your co-worker) who's dragging their own dead horse around with them.

 

And then you have people that bring up the fact that you're dragging a dead horse with everywhere you go? (As if you hadn't noticed yourself? ) and ask you why? And why don't you quit it!

 

But given a serious investment of time, effort, energy and hard work? The load gets lighter and lighter with each passing day ~ until one day? You realize you come to learn how to live with the situation.

 

She forever more will be a part of your life ~ she's part of you now. Who you are, and who you become in this Life.

 

Then one day? You realize you've fallen back into your life. And that life's not so bad?

 

Part of this? Is that you're literally physically, mentally, and emotionally addicted. It could be worse? You could be in love (addicted) to someone that you don't even like!

 

Brain scans have shown that people that are "in love" have similar brain pattern scans as people that not only have obsessive~compulsive disorder, but are also addivted to "crack"

 

You want out of this misery? Then its up to you. The second, the minute, the hour, the day that you make up your mind, "That's it! I'm done with this" and take back control of your life and youself ~ is the day you set yourself free.

 

Of course? That means kicking her to the crub? And that is the illreconcibale "loop" that your trying to reconcile in your brain housing group. And so around and around you go. Wanting to free yourself of this misery, but yearing to reconcile with someone that doesn't want to reconcile with you!

 

For your own personal health you're going to have to do something soon. Stress is the leading cause of death. And in your profession? You cannot afford to be mentally ~ emotionally distracted.

 

At some point in time ~ you're simply are going to have to tell her! You know what? I can't do this anymore ~ I just can't. Either your "in" or your out ~ and if you can't make up your mind, then I'm going to make it up for you! It may not be pretty, and it may not be fun, but its what I've got to do to move on and forward in my life!

 

Life's to freaking short to be wasting it on someone that doesn't want to be with you! And I'll be damned if I'm going to beg someone else to let me love them! Not going to do it!

 

If I'm not good enough for you? Then I'll go find someone that thinks I hung the moon!

 

There's no shortage of women ~ and I hate to be the one to break it to you, while she may be "special" to you, there are literally millions ~ billions of other women that would appreciate what you've got to offer.

 

What one woman would abuse? Another could certainly use.

 

And obviously? As an instructor-pilot? You're no "slouch" yourself. Generally speaking? They don't let drunks, drug addicts, crack-heads, "chicken-heads" (crystal meth addicts) and forner convicted cons become IP's. And while as an IP, while you don't make as good as an airline pilot ~ you're probally doing worse than some ~ but better than most when it comes to earning a living!

 

To be honest? The time and energy your expending on this one ~ would probally net you ten others.

 

Chrome and I have been trying to tell you! (Granted we've already been through this ~ and crawled out from the train our ex's threw us under) to just move on. She's a fool for leaving, but Man ~ just let her go!

 

Its like Steve told Hellen! "Hell there's just no way of telling"

 

Maybe she'll realize her mistake, maybe she won't. But right now? You need to be giving this little gal the gift of missing you! She needs to be sitting around wondering why you're not crying your eyes out over her? Why aren't you calling? Why isn't he thinking about me? What's he doing? And who is he doing it with?

 

Meanwhile? Get your Happy @ss busy living your life! Get busy living ~ Life is really too freaking short for this BS! Get busy making yourself happy with and in life! That's your job there Slick! Not mine, not hers, no one else's but yours. And the truth of the matter is? Most people are about as happy as they make their minds up to be!

 

I was very Happy for 22 years before I meet my ex-hex, and I've been doing just fine for the last eighteen!

 

And, yea it was a rough go there for awhile. But one thing for sure and certain? You can bet your last "bottom" dollar that this Gunnery Sergeant won't be surrending his "b****" to some little gal.

 

Women? They're a "dime a dozen" (ditto for women vs men).

 

The simple fact of the matter is? You've got more to offer your typical woman than your typical woman has got to offer YOU!

[Alpine123]

JT ---I've been reading threads in hopes for answers. Your story shares so much resemblance in mine and on top of that the exact time frame. I'm trying to do the NC but I understand the pain of not knowing, the why, the how etc... your situation is about two weeks farther than mine so I follow your thread and the good solid advice that is given here along with my thread in hopes of a success story to just ONE of the many people who have almost the exact thing happen to them. Stay strong like they say as I do the same in your mirror!

[jtipouikidis]

It is so suprising to see how much this actually happens especially how easy it seems to walk away from a marriage. 6 weeks later we are already starting on a seperation aggrement. We have to be seperated for a year before you can get a divorce. I am hoping that we have a chance but it really doesnt seem likely. Yes she left me and I shouldnt want her back, but all I can think is I really had a lot to do with why she left. I still stand by the fact that she is a really sweet, caring person, and she just had too much. All you can do I think is actually do the 180, not to get the person back but for yourself. If she comes back that would be awsome but if not then all I want is for her to be happy either way. I wish there were more sucess stories out there but they seem few and far between, unless the people just drop of the forum and do not say anything. In the unlikely chance I have sucess I will post the story. Right now I am just dealing with coping. This forum has been a great help, also keeping busy and doing what makes you happy. Flying for me has been my passion and I am lucky enough to get free use of our aircraft so i have been doing a lot of flying privatly lately. One thing I have noticed everytime I am over my city coming in to land I keep on thinking somewhere below me is my DW, I think to myself man she is going to lose out big time, I dont think anyone could care about her, and provide for her as much as I would. I truly think that one day she will realize her mistake.

[sadhubby]

you are right bud !! she will relize as well with mine and maybe then if it was ment to be she will come back but ask yourself will you want her then?? and i can tell yeah i have followed your story it is identical alomsot to mine. and my wife had someone else. i relize now that no marriage is safe there is a man out there willing to tell your wife all the things she wants to hear to help her fly the coop no matter what the situation is. be strong for god sakes you are a pilot man can you say like in my country p u ssie magnet ..

[Chrome Barracuda]

It's time to let go JT, file for divorce and pack her stuff up and move on with your life.

 

Calle had the right idea.

 

Why would you even waste your time with a chick like this?

[sadhubby]

Why would you even waste your time with a chick like this?

 

chrome i love you man when you say stuff like this i feel impowered over my peice of crap wife so should jt.

[jtipouikidis]

I really do not want to give up on her yet. She has been such a big part of my life for the last 4 years. So many good memorys so many good times. I am not quit ready to give up on someone that I truly love so much. Almost two months later I still love her just as much as I did at the beginning. I cant give up on her, she was my angel.

[jesslindy]

JT,

 

You starting to disconnect from your wife is not giving up. It is a tactic. You must show "tough love". She wants out? Give it to her hard and fast. This is like a game almost, its ok to feel like that. But do not let your wayward know your tactics, than she will think you are playing games and that is not good.

 

If you want your wife back, you must show "Tough Love". IMO, its the only thing that works.

[jtipouikidis]

Well I am about to go out again, I am finding that the time I spend at home or alone in the car is the hardest. Driving around I see places we went for first dates and dinners, man we did a lot together. I am nowhere as bad as I was but something still feels missing. I finally took off my ring but am not ready not to have it around, I am wearing it around my neck, it may sound stupid but I cannot explain it. I am actually on my way to a book store to get some of the books recomended, I want to be one of the success stories. I believe you do not give up this easy, and all I have to do is be patient and wait.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Well I am about to go out again, I am finding that the time I spend at home or alone in the car is the hardest. Driving around I see places we went for first dates and dinners, man we did a lot together. I am nowhere as bad as I was but something still feels missing. I finally took off my ring but am not ready not to have it around, I am wearing it around my neck, it may sound stupid but I cannot explain it. I am actually on my way to a book store to get some of the books recomended, I want to be one of the success stories. I believe you do not give up this easy, and all I have to do is be patient and wait.

 

 

Make new memories, make new friends, that pain will dull away in time.

 

Oh and get rid of the ring, symbolically it weighs you down from moving on if you think about it. She has left and probably doesnt wear hers.

 

I understand your commitment but there's no one next to you. Your commited to a ghost.

 

Think about that.......

 

Comitted to a ghost.

 

In love with the memories of what have been.

 

You need to focus on what will become.

 

Life is what you make it.

[jtipouikidis]

here is a questian, I still care a lot about my wife and I want the best for her. I know she left me but I want to be fair in the seperation. Is this stupid or should I try to go for more stuff. The thing is we own two cars, one was willed to me before we got married, the second we put a lot of money down are financing. The thing is the money we put down is from my mother who died before we got married. My wife had nothing when we got married, I had a car and money saved. Everyone in my famlly wants me to take her for everything she has but I want her to be happy (stupid yes) but I do care about her. What should I do?

[Chrome Barracuda]

here is a questian, I still care a lot about my wife and I want the best for her. I know she left me but I want to be fair in the seperation. Is this stupid or should I try to go for more stuff. The thing is we own two cars, one was willed to me before we got married, the second we put a lot of money down are financing. The thing is the money we put down is from my mother who died before we got married. My wife had nothing when we got married, I had a car and money saved. Everyone in my famlly wants me to take her for everything she has but I want her to be happy (stupid yes) but I do care about her. What should I do?

 

Hmmmm I'd say sell the second car and split it 50/50.

 

She left so she forfeits the house, buy her out anyway you can.

 

You say I want her to be happy, but she isnt bothering you or complaining about any of the financials so what's the problem.

 

The quicker you cut her out the quicker you move on with your life. Get what your legally entitled to.

 

Period.

 

Anything else go 50/50.

 

Oh and no alimony!!!!!!

 

Stop being a stay puff. Man up!!!

[Gunny376]

No! What you're wanting to do is climb your "Happy @ss up on a "lover's cross" You're wanting to myther yourself for you wife!

 

Your wanting to feel self-righteous! Your wanting to still show what a "nice guy" you are! Your wanting to still demonstrate to her your still worthy of her.

 

I'm not saying be an @ss, but don't cruicify yourself for her. You owe her nothing. Zilch, nadda, nothing! She left you remember.

 

You'll feel like such the smuck when your down at the furniture store, "China-Mart" re-buying all that crap that you've alreay bought ~ that you gave to her! And she's off scrogging some other guy!

 

Simple rule! "Sorry! If your Happy @ss didn't get it when you left? Your going to have to get an attorney and fight for it! Just that plain? Just that simple!

 

Too bad! Too sad! Such is life! Oh, well?

[Chrome Barracuda]

No! What you're wanting to do is climb your "Happy @ss up on a "lover's cross" You're wanting to myther yourself for you wife!

 

Your wanting to feel self-righteous! Your wanting to still show what a "nice guy" you are! Your wanting to still demonstrate to her your still worthy of her.

 

I'm not saying be an @ss, but don't cruicify yourself for her. You owe her nothing. Zilch, nadda, nothing! She left you remember.

 

You'll feel like such the smuck when your down at the furniture store, "China-Mart" re-buying all that crap that you've alreay bought ~ that you gave to her! And she's off scrogging some other guy!

 

Simple rule! "Sorry! If your Happy @ss didn't get it when you left? Your going to have to get an attorney and fight for it! Just that plain? Just that simple!

 

Too bad! Too sad! Such is life! Oh, well?

 

That is true, she really forfeits anything when she left. Like I said whatever she's still legally entitled to.

 

But other than that, Like gunny said,

 

Dont matyr yourself!

[jtipouikidis]

Well I dont even believe this but I was actually feeling better about things. My life was starting to get better, I even made a goal to get hired with a company flying float planes in a very tropical country. I am moving on and it was feeling good. Well out of nowhere on tonight at 10PM I was at a going away party for other instructors when my wonderful wife called me and said I changed my mind I am getting a lawyer. This was completly out of nowhere, I wasnt trying to contact her, actually I was planning to give her exactly what she wanted. It was almost like she could sense that I was having a good time. She asked do you want to share the same lawyer, I just calmly said well if you want to do it that way I want the car back then I was being very fair to you and you call me when I am out and for the first time I am honestly having fun and you do this, Saterday night not like anything can happen on Sunday. The weird part is she called from her parents house they are completly behind this!!!

[jtipouikidis]

Well it is now Sunday morning and I still cannot believe that she called last night like she did. Now all she is doing is trying to hurt me, that is the only explanation that I can think of. Well this answers my question of if I should give her what she wants. Until now I still cared about her, when someone starts trying to hurt you purposly that care really goes away quickly. I though do not want to go for revenge, just what is fair for me. I just still cannot believe that she would call out of nowhere late on a Saterday night!!!! I swear women can smell when we are having fun.