My wife left me a month ago

[Chrome Barracuda]

Well it is now Sunday morning and I still cannot believe that she called last night like she did. Now all she is doing is trying to hurt me, that is the only explanation that I can think of. Well this answers my question of if I should give her what she wants. Until now I still cared about her, when someone starts trying to hurt you purposly that care really goes away quickly. I though do not want to go for revenge, just what is fair for me. I just still cannot believe that she would call out of nowhere late on a Saterday night!!!! I swear women can smell when we are having fun.

 

 

That happened to me too, Saturday afternoon and she turned my whole day to crap. It was like day 1 all over again. lol.

 

Now you know what needs to be done. The quicker she's out of your life the better.

 

Go NC.

[jtipouikidis]

Wow when this first happened I never thought I would get to this point. Yes I still miss what we had but now I really do not want her back. Since this has happened my W has made me look like a horrible person, and I have felt that way. Yes I made mistakes, but I loved her, I cared for her, and I did everything for her. She walked out on me, and left me with nothing. I do know that there are things that I want to change in my life and I am working on that, but she is not the reason.

It does still hurt like hell, and I do not think that will go away any time soon but at least I know it was not just me. It is now time to move on with my life, I really do not want to date again (I hated dating) plus I dont think I am ready. There is a job that is really tempting to me which would allow me to fly between islands in a tropical country, I had thought about it before but would have never done it because I was married. (you are gone for 6 months at a time)

Now all I need to work on is getting that hurt out of the pit of my stomach, it will not go away no matter what I try.

[jtipouikidis]

Wow I must look like the dumbest person in the world. My W sent me an email yesterday asking me if I wanted to use the same lawyer. I am sure that could work but the lawyer is her uncle. I did not reply but I dont understand what is possibly going through her head. I dont want her back anymore, she is not the person I thought I married. It is so weird how someone can be one way, but in a blink of an eye become mean and vindictive. I still miss our good times but I dont want to go back. She has hurt me way too much, and it will be a long time before I will be able to trust someone again. I went from having my future stable to not knowing what is going to happen next. I made mistakes but who doesnt, I did not hit her, I did not abuse her, I tried to protect her in my own way and she never complained. Then out of nowhere she's gone. Do you ever trust anyone again? I never want to go through this pain again. I also do not want to ba alone for the rest of my life.

[whichwayisup]

Whatever you do, DO NOT USE her uncle as your lawyer. I can't believe she had the balls to even suggest that.

 

Don't think so far ahead right now, just get through the divorce and heal yourself. You're in no frame of mind to be worrying about any potiental relationships that could happen in the future...You aren't ready.

 

Trust. Yes, she screwed you over and hurt you badly..But, with help from counselling, venting here and healing, you WILL trust and love again because I think you don't want to give the EX power of ruining your life, let alone future happiness.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Just tell her no thanks and keep it moving!

 

Her uncle as your lawyer?!?! LMAO!!!

 

Talk about getting screwed, You do know that since she left legally that counts as abandonment. Imagine if you guys had kids, sheesh!

 

The best thing is you establish your focus and stick with that!

 

Sticking with that focus will guarantee you a better future.

 

I think she's guilty that's why she's trying to contact you. But what can she say to make it better? She left you, abandoned. I'm sorry???

 

Give me a damn break!

[jtipouikidis]

You know I took all of the blame at the beginning, it was all my fault I said. The truth is yes I screwed up, but from talking to many other people not any more then anyone else in a marriage. I was guilty of fighting over money, I was guilty of trying to protect her, yes we argued but she fought just as hard. Though I also did everything I could for her, even when we were dating I would drive her to work every morning and home every night so she would not have to take the bus. There was not a thing that I would not do for her. She was the love of my life and I thought I was hers. I miss a lot of things from our past but now I am so hurt by what she is doing that I dont know what to do. Do I get revenge (I think that would do nothing) and by revenge mean go after her for everything including support to finish up my schooling. Do I go along with what she wants (which right now is not very much but a little more then I think she deserves.) I know it is very stupid but I still care about her, yes I am very mad but there is still an element of care. I am not saying I would take her back if she suddenly changed her mind. Though there is still a place in my heart for her. I really dont know what to do? Her uncle is suspose to call me sometime this week, I am not going to use him as my lawyer but I dont know what to say to him. She told me she does not want to talk to me anymore because it is too upsetting for her. I dont understand that because I have just listened and agreed with everything she has said. As I have said before she is definatly a different person now then who I married!!!

[PWSX3]

You know I took all of the blame at the beginning, it was all my fault I said. The truth is yes I screwed up, but from talking to many other people not any more then anyone else in a marriage. I was guilty of fighting over money, I was guilty of trying to protect her, yes we argued but she fought just as hard.

You are not the only one that thinks this way, or has done this. We all feel it is our fault specially when the other person keeps trying to point out all the bad things you have done. You have to remember it takes two to get you into a relationship & it takes those same two people to make it work.

Though I also did everything I could for her, even when we were dating I would drive her to work every morning and home every night so she would not have to take the bus. There was not a thing that I would not do for her. She was the love of my life and I thought I was hers. I miss a lot of things from our past but now I am so hurt by what she is doing that I dont know what to do.

You are a guy, us guys are the providers, the ones that make sure everything is going as good as we think they should. I was like you, I used to make decisions for my wife because I thought I was protecting her, she saw it as I was controlling her. It would be nice if guys & gals were on the same page when it came to relationships but we are so different.

 

You will always have feelings for her, she is & will always be part of your life. Just like when a spouse passes away the one that is left behind will always remember that person, its just part of your history.

 

Do I get revenge (I think that would do nothing) and by revenge mean go after her for everything including support to finish up my schooling. Do I go along with what she wants (which right now is not very much but a little more then I think she deserves.) I know it is very stupid but I still care about her, yes I am very mad but there is still an element of care. I am not saying I would take her back if she suddenly changed her mind. Though there is still a place in my heart for her. I really dont know what to do? Her uncle is suspose to call me sometime this week, I am not going to use him as my lawyer but I dont know what to say to him. She told me she does not want to talk to me anymore because it is too upsetting for her. I dont understand that because I have just listened and agreed with everything she has said. As I have said before she is definatly a different person now then who I married!!!

I don't see where getting revenge would be of any help to you, it would just lower you down to her level. On the other hand I don't see why you shouldn't get what is coming to you whatever that is. I wouldn't just lay down & play good guy with her if you are entitled to something.

 

Mr. Reality will come visit her & by then it will be to late.

 

Just keep moving forward for yourself, keep learning who you are & how you could better yourself...

[jtipouikidis]

Well it has been about three weeks of no contact again and this time it seems pretty easy. My only question is how do I get into contact for the car, yes i am still debateing just going to pick it up. I wish I could just fall out of love with her. It would make the decisions that I have to make so much easier. Everyone I talk to now says these desisions are up to me. I still do not know what to do.

[sandflea]

jtipouikidis

 

Man - I'm sorry for your loss, and for all of the craziness right now. As hard as it may seem, you really REALLY need to focus on YOU at this time in your life. Yes, I know it may seem like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, but - fact is, my man, people survive breakups. A break up - especially a marriage - is pretty toxic, but in a way that's a good thing. You, sir, have no where to go but up. Whenever you end up at the bottom like this, it's a great time to re-invent yourself, you dreams, your life. So - hit the gym, start brewing beer, pick up the guitar, the fiddle, the mando, learn some new recipes, learn to paint... The list goes on.

 

Right after my wife left me (February 05) I was just about fishbait. You know what? Turns out, I met some great new people (several of whom were beeeUTEEFul - I started living my life JUST FOR ME. I found that I was doing many things to try to keep my wife happy, and that simply was not my responsibility. We are all responsible for our own happiness, joy, contentment, and entertainment. That's just how it works.

 

So, if I were you (and I think I was a couple of years ago) I'd work on just being YOU. You truly do deserve to be happy, and there's someone great out there just waiting to meet you. Just take it one day at a time, and it will all turn out OK.

 

Keep you chin up, go crack a beer, and try to see the humor in this. I promise, once the summer gets here, and everything is jammin - you'll be smiling again.

 

Cheers, and best of luck.

 

SF

[jtipouikidis]

I just woke up from a dream about my W and it was like she never had left. I miss her so much (the good times) I miss her smile, I miss how she would give me a hug as soon as I walked in the door. I miss cuddling on the couch and talking. I miss holding her hand, and being able to hear about her bad days and tell her about mine. She was so beautiful and caring. I miss being able to act completly goofy around her and get laughs from her. This sucks so bad, my life feels so emptly now and days like this hurt so much. It was two months since she left on Thursday. Does this hurt her at all? I mean how do you walk out on someone I dont think I could do it. I am trying not to think about it but everything reminds me of her. I wish I could stay mad at her but I cannot.

[Navin_R_Johnson]

I just woke up from a dream about my W and it was like she never had left. I miss her so much (the good times) I miss her smile, I miss how she would give me a hug as soon as I walked in the door. I miss cuddling on the couch and talking. I miss holding her hand, and being able to hear about her bad days and tell her about mine. She was so beautiful and caring. I miss being able to act completly goofy around her and get laughs from her. This sucks so bad, my life feels so emptly now and days like this hurt so much. It was two months since she left on Thursday. Does this hurt her at all? I mean how do you walk out on someone I dont think I could do it. I am trying not to think about it but everything reminds me of her. I wish I could stay mad at her but I cannot.

 

Oooh, the dreams. Don't they suck? I had the same dreams that she reconsidered and changed her mind, but when I woke up they were nightmares in that it was all just a dream.

 

After almost a year later, I *may* have a dream about the STBXW maybe once every couple of months. I think it is more about the breakup of our family than me missing her...because I really don't.

 

Time will take care of these dreams, like it does most other issues. Get through today.

[Gunny376]

George Jones said it best?

 

"Its not because you've got a set of 44 Double D's

 

Its not becuase you're the daughter of the richest man in town!

 

Its not because you own a chain of liqour stores?

 

It just because I'm use to having you around!"

 

It takes some time to get someone out of your system ~ out of your brain housing group ~ you've got to do it the old fashion way, you've got to work for it!

 

Although I highly don't recommend it for you right now ~ listening to some George Jones will tell the tale!

(Listening to him right now ~ might be just enough to send you over the edge! )

 

I love country music ~ but after my divorce? It took me eighteen damn years before I could or would listen to it again.

 

What eventually worked for me? Was going "Rhett Butler" ~ "Frankly my Dear ~ I don't give a damn!"

 

The day I made my mind up that I could actually ever give a damn if I was ever in another relationship ~ marriage ~ for that fact got laid again? Was the day my life turned around.

 

I took all that was at the top of the list ~ and put it at the bottom!

 

I started living my life for me! I started working to live, not live to work! Less became more! I started living life for me! Not someone else!

 

As a man? The simple fact of the matter is? There are more little girls born than little boys? The more birthdays you add to your life? The greater and bigger your "dating" pool gets.

 

Its no longer as it was in HS, ~ its not what can I do for you, but what can you do for me? What have you've got to offer me?

 

Once I stepped off into the abysis and embraced what I feared ~ being single and alone ~ I gained self autonomy and awarness ~ and most of all? FREEDOM!

 

I kicked my dependecy and addiction so to speak!

 

If I have a woman in my life? That's OK! If I don't? That's OK ~ to! I think Jmargel, DARooster and I are alike in that regard? Our Worlds don't revolve around some woman or if we have a woman in our lives? Life goes on!

Edited January 27, 2008 by Gunny376

[sadhubby]

OMG JT we are really at the same spot in this im having dreams im looking through a forest behind trees asking peeps if they sceen my wife.or ill just wake up to a dream she came to her senses and is apologizing.

[jtipouikidis]

Its amazing how fast your life can go from stupid happy to bam everything seeming to be over. I guess the hardest part for me is the fact I had no warning. Up until the day she left I was the happiest person on earth. I looked foward to coming home, when I walked in the door there was my sweet wife and my dog there to greet me, and both were just as excited to see me. (she got off work a half hour before me) We would have dinner together then either watch movies or go out. Not once did I think that I would come home to a note and the dog gone. The thing is I look back to our relationship and I can only remember good things, it was a real happy time for me. I think partialy what happened is I loved spending all my free time with her, but she wanted to have her own seperate life. I wish I had just known that was how she felt. I have heard through the grape line that she felt smothered. I wish she said something because I would have done something about it. I was completly content on how things were going between us and from what I saw she was to. Every reason that I have heard for her to leave so far has been small and easy to fix through councelling and communication. What happened to the till death do us part, apparently that is not worth anything anymore. It is way to easy to give up and run. I feel like I have made leaps and bounds since this whole thing has happened, I have realized that it was not just me that made her leave. I look back at the letter that she left me with and yes she is right I did not put her first (in her way) I put her first in my own way (gifts, her getting cloaths instead of me, I would take her out for a date every week) and yes I have read the 5 love languages. I do not agree with her saying that I did not respect her, I almost respected her to much if that is possible but the problem was again in my own way. I know I made a lot of mistakes in our marriage but when the other person is silent and does not complain you tend to think things are alright. I am the type of person that if someone says something that I am doing is bugging them I will stop, I am a very caring person. All I know is I am taking it one day at a time, it hurts like hell, and I miss what life was. I am still trying to figure out what to do, do I still keep my heart open for her (im sure that many of you cringe when you hear that) or do I shut out all feelings for her. People keep on saying that it will get better with time, and so far that is mostly true, the hurt though is still the same as when it first happened. I hope it gets better.

[LostHusband]

I feel for you man - in fact I feel the exact same way as you do. Everything was fine and great - then BAM! WTF - what happened to my good life? It also came as a complete surprise, but looking back the signs were there for me, I just had blinders on. I wish I knew what was up and maybe things wouldn't have ended up the way they did. Good luck and I hope you are feeling better soon! You are not alone!

[Chrome Barracuda]

Stay focused JT.

 

It doesnt matter if you was god himself she would have found a reason to leave. She pulled a coward move, dont forget that.

 

Stay focused.

[jtipouikidis]

Well I founds out that she was cheating on me since september today. wow I can not believe it, you see I took the whole blame on the reason that she left. This is the worst thing that I have been through in my whole life. how do you cheat on someone. I loved her with my whole heart. where do you go from here. she was seeing someone from her work, and here I thought we were happy. I miss her so much/

[PinkRibbon]

I am so sorry you found that out! I should make you realize though that it wasn't you. She had already decided that she was out regardless of what you could have done. I hope the hurt can go away one day and you will find some fantabulous woman who adores you!

 

How is that job coming where you get to move away?

[Chrome Barracuda]

Well I founds out that she was cheating on me since september today. wow I can not believe it, you see I took the whole blame on the reason that she left. This is the worst thing that I have been through in my whole life. how do you cheat on someone. I loved her with my whole heart. where do you go from here. she was seeing someone from her work, and here I thought we were happy. I miss her so much/

 

Now you know the entire truth. She isnt the woman who you thought she was and couldnt face you the right way, she pulled a coward move out of a good marriage because she's a coward!

 

Now that you know the truth!??

 

You should leave her alone and focus on building your single life. Live your life for you! and no one else!

 

Take out some stewardess and go hit the club. Live your life and leave her in the dust. You'll get through it!

[sadhubby]

jt i think we could have zeroxed our stories they are so similar !!! but guess what my wifes boyfreind went back to his wife already !! the excitment is gone . and shes so f $%@#ed right now and i am not i hold all the cards and so do you bro.

[Chrome Barracuda]

jt i think we could have zeroxed our stories they are so similar !!! but guess what my wifes boyfreind went back to his wife already !! the excitment is gone . and shes so f $%@#ed right now and i am not i hold all the cards and so do you bro.

 

Hey SB has she come around asking for your forgiveness yet? lol

[sadhubby]

not yet chrome she apologized to me the other night but says she wants to remain freinds. im like yeah whatever . it just hasnt set in yet i think she needs another hit and run before she starts to relize they dont want to love her just f%@k her .

and i also gave in to n.c. and tried to to see if all this had changed her mind a bit and of course like you all said she became super bitch again lol. i really was doing no contact she is the one who calls every 5th day. for dumb**** reason i think just to see if i go oh sweety and i miss you wich like a dumb ass i give in sometimes.

but sat. night i told her im moving on and good luck well see what that brings. i think she does this just to get the reaction out of me. i thought after internet man fizzeld she might have some sense in her head but obiously not. but she lived in her new apt for 3 months and is moving back in with her mother now and managed to rack up the cards to 10 grand while there and she says shes goin to look into getting into low income housing the same place where i met her 8 yrs ago. shes behind in all her payments .

so JT NO MATTER WHAT dont give in with your ex when she comes a sniffin and she will to get the rise outa you . its all control and so they can feel better about what they are doin god i wish i had listend more but the heart tugs you know.

[T L]

Well I founds out that she was cheating on me since september today. wow I can not believe it, you see I took the whole blame on the reason that she left. This is the worst thing that I have been through in my whole life. how do you cheat on someone. I loved her with my whole heart. where do you go from here. she was seeing someone from her work, and here I thought we were happy. I miss her so much/

 

 

So sorry JT, that seems to be the way it goes.

 

Very few threads on here where a woman has left the marriage and an OM has not been involved (maybe works the other way round to?).

 

It takes time to start to feel better, Im four months in and its still really hard at times but I am starting to see some positives, you will too.

 

Ive been trying to focus on things that I enjoy, hobbies, the gym, hanging out with friends (most of my close friends have young families so I am going to have to widen my social circle) and family, work etc...and using the time to try and learn something about myself.

 

It will get better, but it will take time.

 

All the best.

[jtipouikidis]

Hey everyone sorry about the last post. After I found out I got completly drunk and then posted the story. So I found out that it was since September that her and buddy boy were seeing each other. I would never have expected her to do something like this. Well I went and picked up her car today, she got the key codes changed so my keys would not start the engine. So I had to get a tow truck to take it to Acura. Not 30 seconds later she called me and asked if I took the car. I said yup and she asked why, I said well the car was willed to me before we were married and it is mine also I dont want your bf to be in my dead moms car. She said I was a F$%^en A&&%ole and hung up. Half hour later she asked when she could come and pick up the other car and I said when she can give me half the 8000 dollar down payment. I then said I want a divorce based on Infedelety. She hung up again. This really hurts though, again I took the whole blame for everything and here she was screwing another guy. Oh well the job that I am going for will start in April and I think it is exactly what I need right now. I go to victoria in march to get my floatplane rating. look on youtube under maldivian seaplane adventure, there is a really good video that shows what I will be doing. Thank you everyone for all the responces this website sometimes seems like the only thing that keeps me going sometimes.

[StillSame]

jtipouikidis wrote on December 27, 2007:

 

I know for a fact that she is not cheating on me

 

Here was my response:

 

You do know that a large percentage of betrayed spouse thought that too initially, right? Why are you so sure? (don't give me an answer such as "She is a very moral person" or "she is very religious," because "religous" people cheat all the time).

 

 

I am sorry you found out this late. Based on what you wrote, I was 99% sure that she was cheating. Glad you eventually find out. Now, you know what you're facing and have full information and know how to proceed.

Edited February 5, 2008 by StillSame