norajane Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 I could fall in love with him What's the point, Gwyneth? You sound pretty miserable as it is, how much more miserable will you be if you fall in love with him and he's still staying married? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted December 30, 2007 Author Share Posted December 30, 2007 (edited) What's the point, Gwyneth? You sound pretty miserable as it is, how much more miserable will you be if you fall in love with him and he's still staying married? Oh I'm not planning on falling in love with him--I'm just saying I could. I won't though, unless there's a twist of fate and a few 360s. Minus being married and cheating and whatever else, he isn't a bad guy. Hard to explain... Edited December 30, 2007 by Gwyneth Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Oh I'm not planning on falling in love with him--I'm just saying I could. I won't though Mmm-hmmm. And did you plan on developing deeper feelings for him, the kind that are killing you to keep inside? I decided that I am just going to be honest with him about my true feelings and stop denying it to myself and to him. Right now for the both of us I think it's best that I tell him my feelings go beyond just desires and lust. I can't keep on denying this. While I am not in love with him, I care for him more than I have admitted to anyone here or my friends or to him. It's killing me keeping this inside. I have a lot going on this week anyway--I'm moving and will be busy with unpacking and what not. I really do not know what to expect as far as a reaction from him when I tell him I do have feelings for him. I am not in love with him though--and if I am, then I don't know I am, and I am not ready to admit if I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted December 30, 2007 Author Share Posted December 30, 2007 I don't fall in love easily. For me, falling in love is about committment, honestly, devotion, and much more than a crush. It's something that has to be built on and needs to be built on top of something--he and I have nothing to grow love on. I have only been in love Once and it took a Very long time for it to happen. Love is something very deep for me--it's not to be used lightly. It's serious. Not a joke. Link to post Share on other sites
InvisibleGirl Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 If you don't love this guy I don't see why you are so upet about all of this. I've been reading this forum for a few weeks now but today I am compelled to post a reply. If you don't love him you should leave well enough alone and get out while you can. I'm also involved with a married man and if I didnt love him it would be a whole lot easier to just walk away. You can say all you want that you won't let yourself fall in love with someone and suddenly you find yourself sitting at home alone all the time crying because the man you love is out enjoying the holidays with a wife and kids when just a few days before he was holding your hand and kissing you and spending time with you making you feel like you're the only girl in the world. If you have a chance to move forward without ever having to feel that way you should take it.... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Minus being married and cheating and whatever else, he isn't a bad guy. Hard to explain... This is the same man who said he's a serial cheater. A man who has even told you that if you were a couple he would still cheat eventually. This man may be a 'nice' man at times, during the heat of the moment, but long term he isn't at all. He is selfish, egotistical and seems to have many narcissistic traits as well. Yes, you definately need to think and decide if a man like this is worth falling inlove with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted December 30, 2007 Author Share Posted December 30, 2007 You don't have to be in love with someone to miss them and cry for them. Have you never had an argument with a best friend and then she or you decided Not to be friends anymore, and you were upset? C'mon! I'm able to separate love and other emotions from each other. Maybe that's just something special about myself. You don't have to be in love to be in an affair, and you don't have to be in love to cry or miss someone. If you convince yourself this, then that's your deal, but for me, the two don't always go with each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted December 30, 2007 Author Share Posted December 30, 2007 This is the same man who said he's a serial cheater. A man who has even told you that if you were a couple he would still cheat eventually. This man may be a 'nice' man at times, during the heat of the moment, but long term he isn't at all. He is selfish, egotistical and seems to have many narcissistic traits as well. Yes, you definately need to think and decide if a man like this is worth falling inlove with. Which is why I said "minus being married and cheating." He is a nice guy, he does have a heart although misuses it quite often, and is meaningful and thoughtful. Even the cruelest people have a little bit of a heart. He isn't Cruella or something. Link to post Share on other sites
InvisibleGirl Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 If your only feelings for him are sexual than why have you not actually had sex yet? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 He isn't Cruella or something. To you maybe he isn't, but to his wife and his stepson, he is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted December 31, 2007 Author Share Posted December 31, 2007 If your only feelings for him are sexual than why have you not actually had sex yet? No where to do it, and I don't have sex in cars or motels. I wasn't living anywhere where I could have him over and do it. Plus, after some bad experiences, I take my time and do it when it's right. I don't rush into things--that's all in the past. You don't have to have sex to show affection toward someone. Please don't think that--it's sad and wrong to think that you have to have sex to make a man happy. whichwayisupQuote: He isn't Cruella or something. To you maybe he isn't, but to his wife and his stepson, he is. LOL, true. Perhaps Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 it's sad and wrong to think that you have to have sex to make a man happy. IMO, you do if they are M and you aren't in love with each other, otherwise, what's the point? Are you sure he isn't just enjoying the thrill of the chase to get you into bed? The fact that he can't stay faithful indicates that this could be the sort of man he is. This is just my opinion of course as I don't know either of you. Also, I often wondered the same thing about my exMM as we weren't sleeping with each other either, (although the L word was used frequently by us both). Link to post Share on other sites
PLAYBRAT Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Gwyneth is right.You don't have to have sex with a man to make him happy. A man can fall in love with his best female friend whom he has NEVER been sexual with.Does the thoughts of having sex with them cross his mind?? I'm SURE it does!! But it is not the be all end all of a relationship.....sex is the icing on the cake of a close and special friendship. THAT = love IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 As I have said before, most men want to have sex with every female they encounter. They just want to have sex even more with a woman who they are sexually attracted to and are having some sort of intimate relationship with. If he didn't want to have sex with me then I'd think there was something wrong with him. Wanting and doing are two different things. He wants to have sex with me, but he hasn't (and most likely will never at this point). Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 If he didn't want to have sex with me then I'd think there was something wrong with him. Wanting and doing are two different things. He wants to have sex with me, but he hasn't (and most likely will never at this point). Some guys see the woman who won't have sex with them as a challenge...do you think this may be part of his attraction to you? Do you think if he knew that sex with you is never that he would still feel that he wants to stick with you? Just curious. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 He wants to have sex with me, but he hasn't (and most likely will never at this point). Yes, I think it's easy to assume this about him. Just like (unless I'm wrong?) you've probably entertained thoughts of wanting to have sex with him as well, but haven't really approached the whole sex thing with him..Though you did say you two have fooled around, touched etc...That's half way there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 The reason we have never had sex was because there was no place to do it. I was living at my mother's house and I am really uncomfortable with the idea of having sex with him there. I am also not into cars and motels / hotels. Or parks, or his job. So that was why we didn't. Now i have my own place again so things would have happened. Oh well, too bad. We talked about it for months and I am sure it was a challenge for him as he always called me a tease, but had it been the right time and place, it more than not would have happened. Link to post Share on other sites
american-woman Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 No lectures please. Today out of no where MM asks me if I love him. The answer is no and I wasn't really sure how to answer him without hurting his feelings. Obviously he assumes I do love him--later admitting he does think I like him and that I want him. I am not sure what signals I sent out that are making him assume such things. From the start, we had always said this was Just an affair and there would be no feelings. I knew that would not work out and while I do have feelings for him, I'd rather not let him know. Why? Because he is married and while what we are doing is wrong enough, I just think bringing in discussions about our feelings for each other would make things more complicated than they already are. He says he knows I have feelings for him and that I want him--half true, and depends on the time of the month (cuz when I'm in b*tch mode, Watch out all men!). I then asked him if he does and said that since he's asking me then he must want to tell me he is or something. The fact that he's asking me if I love him is kind of absurd, don't you think? I don't understand WTF he's thinking and what his intentions are. I thought things were fine the way they were without bringing in feelings, or at least discussing them. I'd rather not know how he really feels, and I'd rather him not know how I feel. Maybe I'm wrong to think that way, but until he leaves his wife--if and when that Ever happens, then I do not think we should be disucssing whether or not we love each other. He then asked if I love him just a little bit. What is this? Is this normal behavoir for a man in general? I have Never been asked by a man if I love him. He was very persistent about this as well, asking me all day pretty much. It almost turned into an argument because he clearly does not see or get that I do Not want to discuss the L word with him. I found it to be Very inappropriate. Maybe I'm just too snobby? Please help. Please, no bitter lectures either. Heard it all--just want to know if this has happened to any of you and how you handled this before. Also want to know if this is normal for a man to ask, and how I should handle this. No lectures please--I cannot beg anymore for no lectures or a 20-page thread of arguments. Thank you. This is a Very sensitive topic for me and I hestitated to post this. HAVE HIM READ YOUR POST Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 Why should i have him read my post? Every thing said in the post I had said to him already. Link to post Share on other sites
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