Kbear03 Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 I've been with my boyfriend nearly two years, and we've been living together the past four months. About a month ago I was on his computer in the office and came across an enormous amount of porn. It's not so much the issue of the girls scantily clad, or naked that bothered me...it was the gay porn and one or two underage kiddie pics. I packed up my things of what I could take with me at the time and left. When he got home and realized I was gone he begged me to come back and said I didn't understand. When I finally talked to him he claims that he had a porn addiction years ago, with the loss of a close family member and other major life changes happening... that was his out. With all due respect, the dates on the pics were from nearly five years ago, way before we even met. I don't know what to think, our relationship has been great these past 2 years and there are no complaints in the sex department. I've lost my job and have been really depressed lately and have just kinda let the topic fall to the wayside until yesterday. I met up with a friend from high school who was in town for the holidays...he's a therapist. He got me thinking again, and now I don't know what to do. My friend tells me I should leave my boyfriend now, and says that I apparently have self esteem issues. I just don't know what to do....I really love my boyfriend and want to believe what he tells me because he's never given me reason to doubt him before. I seriously want to spend my life with this man but now I'm thinking maybe I don't have the right frame of mind to be making that decision for myself. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 Yikes, that's a tough one. If you'd said that those things were found recently I think you'd have the answer right away. But the fact that it was so long ago and he obviously never talked about it, it's like digging up a buried scar. The thing you have to ask yourself, or even him, is the child porn. Why? It's wrong, immoral, disgusting, disturbing. And using a personal loss as an excuse is no justification. I'm sure he isn't proud of it, but the fact is it was there. And he's still not opening up and pouring the facts. "It's from a personal loss, it was long ago, that was my out." I don't find any excuse valid to look at child porn. None! And he needs to give you an explanation here and now about everything. Not cop out answers, the truth. Nitty and gritty. And after you have his FULL confession, THEN and ONLY then can you decide rather or not you can accept these things. That's what I would do. That's such a horrible thing to find out, I'm so sorry to you. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 So he downloaded it five years ago. Why did he keep them all this time? How often does he look at it NOW? Do you even know? The child porn is a major issue. That would turn my stomach, and I don't care what he was going through. Just because you are depressed from losing your job doesn't mean you should stay with a man, any man, if you have doubts about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kbear03 Posted December 27, 2007 Author Share Posted December 27, 2007 Thanks, well at least from what I can tell...when you go to "Properties" on a file's information it gives you dates of last viewing. The only ones that had been viewed recently were the ones of naked women. I haven't the slightest idea why he would even have all that on his computer still ...especially if it appears that they hadn't been opened since 2002. I totally flipped out because I know that it's illegal and don't want anything bad to happen to him. That night that we talked though, he removed everything from his comptuer. My instinct is to trust him because he's always been faithful to the best of my knowledge and I have things in my past I'm not proud of that he may not understand about me either. I dont want to judge, but I don't know if I'm setting myself up for a horrible end to this relationship someday...which is what my friend the therapist is claiming will inevitably happen. I'm thinking maybe we should go to couple's therapy or something to see if this is worth the stress. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 "which is what my friend and thearpist is claiming will inevitably happen." Why does your friend and thearpist say this? What makes them feel it will happen? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 Try the couples therapy before you ditch him. Two years is a long time to invest in someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 Whoa, girl! While I think the porn addiction is very workable, the kiddie porn thing portends of a MUCH deeper issue. Besides the fact that owning those pics is a Federally prosecutable offense, it shows that either his addiction has a very dark side to it, OR, that he has some pedophilic tendencies. I vote stay away. Big red flag. I mean, don't you have any solid deal breakers? I know I have a few, and I would have to say a proclivity for child porn is right up there as earning a dude an instant dismiss. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 huge red flag. Really big one... surfing child porn isn't a phase he went through. He's a pedophile, and he's masking it. Please leave him. I'd even report him. It's scary stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
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