underpants Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 I was not even sure where to post this. I know some serious information and I would like advice on how to handle it. Someone who I know very superficially has HIV and has engaged in sexual relations with some unknown (but, easily found dude) in a public restroom, regularly. I know, I know, it is very Senator Craig, with a hiv twist. Yet here it is, and I know about it. People talk....to me. I do know that he has it (a year or more now) and that he was arrested for bathroom naughtiness. Oh and he attempts suicide regularly. Maybe he has done something similiar before and would explain another incident. Is it my responsibility to inform this participant of what he was exposed to? That guy I don't think was arrested, but I do know where to find him. If so ...how? Of course I could leave it alone as I am not involved, but that makes me feel....bad. 2 days this has been on my mind. What would you do? Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 Inform the man/men who have has sex with the HIV positive person, if they were infected quick treatment can make a world of difference. If the men in question received unprotected anal from the infected man they are especially at risk, let them know! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 I'm not certain I understand the relationship between the HIV person and you. Is this person just an acquaintance? I would google the mechanism in your state, to report this type of risky behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
Author underpants Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 I'm not certain I understand the relationship between the HIV person and you. Is this person just an acquaintance? I would google the mechanism in your state, to report this type of risky behaviour. Yes this is just an acquaintance. However I am connected with mutual friends and other acquaintances and yes....I know first hand about his arrests. I am fine with him being gay. I am not fine with this, the knowing risk. Which he has done....knowingly. That makes me want to stand up. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 Yes this is just an acquaintance. However I am connected with mutual friends and other acquaintances and yes....I know first hand about his arrests. I am fine with him being gay. I am not fine with this, the knowing risk. Which he has done....knowingly. That makes me want to stand up. I agree. Do it! If this was a close friend, you talked to them and they wouldn't do anything about it, I would still report it. This person is a walking public danger. Might as well carry a rifle and let loose into a crowd. Link to post Share on other sites
Author underpants Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 I agree. Do it! If this was a close friend, you talked to them and they wouldn't do anything about it, I would still report it. This person is a walking public danger. Might as well carry a rifle and let loose into a crowd. True that. I actually had a little hope for him and did embrace him a little when I (un be knowst to him) learned of his diagonsis. I was willing to be his friend. No, he is kind of fake and I have only ever spoken to him in rare times. However, I do have close relations with others ... close to him. We are all trying to figure out how to handle it, correctly. Now that I learn about this I am ...no so much. I don't like his reactions. Whatever kindness crawls out of the corners. Is it cowardly to just make a form letter to the stores in the area and let them know? I really don't want to be the focus of a misguided wrath. Link to post Share on other sites
Author underpants Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 I do know which store his ...bathroom friend was employed/is employed? However that is where the trail runs cold. What would you do? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 Stopping the bathroom rendezvous, won't stop the people who've already been infected, who might be infecting others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author underpants Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 Stopping the bathroom rendezvous, won't stop the people who've already been infected, who might be infecting others. I know, it is really messed up and kind of beyond my comprehension. I mean, I totally understand doing it with a trusted boyfriend (where ever)...but this is ...somewhat predatory (with malice) and victim accepted (and out of my personal realm of possibility). However, the truth giver in me wants to let some (sorry, dummy know). Would you face up or just drop a note (for everyone to read)? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 I know, it is really messed up and kind of beyond my comprehension. I mean, I totally understand doing it with a trusted boyfriend (where ever)...but this is ...somewhat predatory (with malice) and victim accepted (and out of my personal realm of possibility). However, the truth giver in me wants to let some (sorry, dummy know). Would you face up or just drop a note (for everyone to read)? Ah unders, I don't want to guilt you into doing something you're not comfortable doing. I only know what I would do. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 does your town or county have a public health district that might be the middle man in letting the other party know of possible STD exposure? That'd take the burden off you telling the person, though I'm sure you'd have to reassure them that you're not pulling a gag on someone, but are truly concerned about possible spread of AIDS/HIV. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 The others are right. But one thing that always occurs to me in situations like this... I don't know how you came to find out this guy's diagnosis, or about his behavior. But I think before you determine to go dropping leaflets, I'd make sure that you know for certain these things are true. As far as the individuals affected/infected, how much do you know about them? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 unders, here's a National HIV hotline: National HIV/STD Hotline: 1-800-342-AIDS You could phone from a payphone and find out if they have any suggestions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author underpants Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 Ah unders, I don't want to guilt you into doing something you're not comfortable doing. I only know what I would do. No I have no guilt about it. Actually my better half would just have a form letter ready for whomever to read. Posted on all stalls and on every counter of said store. Of course it would be best if I knew who it was. So I could direct it. If not it seems mean and exploritory. That is not my intent. You see where I am coming from? That is the gist of my problem. It is a big problem, just not mine and I gotta get the truth out there. In a good way. I guess I could stalk said store and ask every employee if the know someone named ***, really though, if you are having anon sex in a public restroom are you really giving your real name? I don't think so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author underpants Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 You know I am not going to drop leaflets. I think however I will face to face visit the one known person/store (ask questions) that he had said relationship with him and let him know what I know. I dont't want to compromise his hardships, however it is suffice to say that he is reeling from it. Be careful of his bat swing. It breaks my heart and hardens my heart at the same time. Does that even make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 I think you need something more worthy to engage your humanistic energies. Don't try to tell me these people need enlightening. They know what they're doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author underpants Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 Don't try to tell me these people need enlightening. They know what they're doing. Yes, I think that also, as do some mutual friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author underpants Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 I usually cannot go for 3 days without a resolution. Tomorrow will be day three. As much as I hate to shop I might just have to ...drop some knowlege. This really sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 Easy, just say pass. Don't get factored down to the lowest common denominator of life on this planet. Don't let yourself. Who is whispering (read: burdening) this stuff into your ear, anyway?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author underpants Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 Easy, just say pass. Don't get factored down to the lowest common denominator of life on this planet. Don't let yourself. Who is whispering (read: burdening) this stuff into your ear, anyway?! Nah, I can't pass on that. It takes a village, no matter how old and tired you arse is. You call you fellow man on hurtful b/s. My sources are about the most reliable you can get...and there is still the unfortunate public documentation of said event (s). If I was sure of his partner I would have an envelope ready. I don't want to just put it out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 My sources Don't want to do anything about it. Congratulations on being the first not to pass the buck. Now the question is whether to spend it, or bank it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author underpants Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 Well I have always been a buck stops here sort of chick. ...I already know you will twist this remark in some terrible way. I really am trying to find the best solution for all parties involved. Me being that sideline person with a huge weath of knowlege. How do you drop that bomb ...tactifully??? Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 I really am trying to find the best solution for all parties involved. Which includes you. Forget whatever you were told. There's more gossip in this thread than a soap opera. Link to post Share on other sites
Author underpants Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 Which includes you. Forget whatever you were told. There's more gossip in this thread than a soap opera. Not really. Just the facts mam'n. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 Not really. Hey - it's your thread. Keep your pants on. Link to post Share on other sites
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