love versus in-love

[unlovedmale]

I dont get it I guess:

 

if someone is not in-love with you what do they think they are saying when they say the love you.

I know a person can love another without the romantic/intimacy bit as in love for a fellow human, or love for ice cream.

But, if you are in a relationship and your lover says "I love you" what mixed message do they think they're sending when they are not in love with you.

 

So if youre lover admits they are no longer capable of falling in love again (because that one got away many many years ago) what game do they think they are playing staying with you.

[ElvenPriestess]

I think after being together for so long, and falling out of love, but still loving some one, it just becomes the normal. Routine. They won't leave even though they aren't in love with you because they know nothing else. But it isn't fair, it isn't right. Being in love is obviously the key to any relationship. The other person may fool themselves into believing that just loving you is enough when it isn't. But they won't back down until they themself accept this.

[norajane]

In love is a hunger for someone. Of course that will ebb when they are fed frequently by that person's presence. Under the best circumstances that in love hunger eventually develops into love - a full heart. Sometimes when the hunger ebbs, there is no real love that develops and there is just habit or dullness and the relationship ends.

 

If your lover says she cannot be in love with you because of the one that got away, then she still hungers for that person, hungers for what she cannot have. She may love you in a real, caring, and even in a content way, but she does not hunger for you and never did. The concern there is she may one day meet someone who triggers that hunger in her, and because she was never in love with you, she is more likely to leave you for him.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

if someone is not in-love with you what do they think they are saying when they say they love you...if youre lover admits they are no longer capable of falling in love again (because that one got away...

 

I would say that person neither loves you, nor is in love with you.

 

Love is that deep feeling that you have found the right person, someone with whom you can relate in every level, feel safe, be happy.

 

It seems like your partner equates love with being "in love," (that's why she says that she can't no longer "fall in love" because of some guy).

 

When you love someone you don't have the feeling that this is not enough because of the one that got away.

 

Ariadne

[Saxis]

My STBXW gave me this line for a year, while leaving me to try and repair our marriage before she finally told me she wanted a divorce. She explained to me that with the damage to our relationship, she just didn't feel that spark anymore. The next time I hear this, I'm walking away and saving both of us the trouble...

[ElvenPriestess]

That sucks Saxis, an entire year? Why hasn't she figured out how damaging that is? Why is she still there if she can't be in love with her spouse? That won't work, as you well know. Very sorry about that.

[quankanne]

But, if you are in a relationship and your lover says "I love you" what mixed message do they think they're sending when they are not in love with you.

 

I guess the older you get, the less emphasis you put on "in love" (infatuation, in my book) and the more you stress "love," period. Because "in love" relies solely on chemistry, and that's not necessarily the best reason for perpetuating a relationship.

 

"love" has more grounding, IMO

[spookie]

I think it's bull****. A way for dumpers to avoid having to take responsibility for the demise of their relationships, for going back on their words and their promises, for hurting the ones they swore they'd be there for.

 

I understand that people are entitled to their feeligns and that there aren't any guarantees in life, but I'd be wary of getting involved with someone who thinks the most important part of a relationship is entirely out of his control. (Sorry, but I fell out of love!)

 

For me there's a difference between love and in-love but it's simple. Love I cannot control. It grows inside of me with time for all the people in my life. Falling in love is a choice I deliberately make. It's easy to fall in love with almost anyone, IMO; you just have to find little things about them that will break your heart. But I choose to do so wisely (I hope) and once I do there's no return.

 

I have many male (and female) friends that I love with all my heart, but I choose to not to fall in love with them cause I know we'd be incompatible together.

Edited December 29, 2007 by spookie

[Meaplus3]

I dont get it I guess:

 

if someone is not in-love with you what do they think they are saying when they say the love you.

I know a person can love another without the romantic/intimacy bit as in love for a fellow human, or love for ice cream.

But, if you are in a relationship and your lover says "I love you" what mixed message do they think they're sending when they are not in love with you.

 

So if youre lover admits they are no longer capable of falling in love again (because that one got away many many years ago) what game do they think they are playing staying with you.

 

Hi, Well I have gone over the "inlove" thing and "love" thing so many times before and I must conclude it this way. If someone say's they love you and there action's back up those word's then IMOP they are in love with you, no need to read into it further.

 

AP:)