alyyyhsa Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 so maybe i'm just a huge SLUT but i generally tend to go pretty far with guys on the first couple of dates. the last guy i was dating, we hooked up the first night we met and didn't have sex, but were definitely getting there. the second date, i gave him head but no sex. the third date, we had sex. i'm sure that if we had been in differing circumstances the first or second date, we probably would have had sex because i guess maybe i'm pretty nonchalant about that kind of thing. BUT i'm wondering if that colors the rest of the relationship. i ended up dating the guy for seven months after that, but i'm wondering if the fact that we had sex so early on and might as well have had sex before we were even "dating" made him view me as slutty. what do most guys think of girls who are a little more liberal on having sex with new partners? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 If you dig it who cares what the guy thinks? But I have a question..... why is giving head (putting a penis in your mouth) less slutty than putting the penis in your vagina? I would think guys would think you were just as big of a slut for that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author alyyyhsa Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 no i wasn't saying that's less slutty. i was just giving the rundown of all the things we did BEFORE we had actual sex. to be honest, in my personal experience, giving head is actually SLUTTIER than sex itself. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 I think when a relationship starts with sex right away, it becomes all about the sex and the sexual excitement and activities, and less about developing a real bond based on compatibility and actually liking each other. It's like you become far too physically intimate long before you are emotionally intimate or mentally engaged - and the physical part tends to stunt the development of the emotional/mental part. Basically, if it becomes a relationship (rather than just shagging for a couple weeks or a ONS), the relationship is based mostly on sex and very little else to keep you together. Obviously, not always the case, but more often than not, IMO. Does that mean guys see you as slutty? Depends on the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Saxis Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 If premised that's what both parties' intentions were, and otherwise don't care how/if the relationship developes... fine. Not for me though, and any date that would engage in sexual activity other than a little smooching, I consider a slut. I'm old fashioned though... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 If you want a longer term relationship, then hold off on giving blowjobs and heavy petting. Let it build up and get to know him. I'm not sure if you are looking for a serious relationship or just looking for fun. Disreguard my post if you are just looking for something casual. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alyyyhsa Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 If you want a longer term relationship, then hold off on giving blowjobs and heavy petting. Let it build up and get to know him. I'm not sure if you are looking for a serious relationship or just looking for fun. Disreguard my post if you are just looking for something casual. yeah, see that was my problem. in the beginning, i wasn't looking for anything serious. but as we got to know each other more and be together more, i started to change my mind. i'm assuming i probably gave him the wrong impression, in that case...oops! Link to post Share on other sites
JHS Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 If you dig it who cares what the guy thinks? Do you honestly mean this? This is a quite myopic view akin to, "If it feels good, do it." There are many reasons to refrain from doing something just because you dig it. Link to post Share on other sites
JHS Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 yeah, see that was my problem. in the beginning, i wasn't looking for anything serious. but as we got to know each other more and be together more, i started to change my mind. i'm assuming i probably gave him the wrong impression, in that case...oops! You have kind of answered your question - along with the help of the other posters. Remember: You cannot unring a bell. Sometimes things are right and you may "dig" them at the time, but there can often be repercussions - short and long-term, in feelings and in circumstances, so we should try to be careful of what we do and think about the effects. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alyyyhsa Posted December 28, 2007 Author Share Posted December 28, 2007 You have kind of answered your question - along with the help of the other posters. Remember: You cannot unring a bell. Sometimes things are right and you may "dig" them at the time, but there can often be repercussions - short and long-term, in feelings and in circumstances, so we should try to be careful of what we do and think about the effects. well then i guess the second half of my question is: what are the normal set of "rules" to adhere to when first starting a relationship with them? and is it sad that i was proud of myself for not having sex til the third date? HAHAHHAHA. oh godddd. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 If you were genuinely looking only to have a good time, then fine, do whatever comes natural for you. If you were doing it to hold his attention, this is an issue because it provides many guys with the wrong impression of what you're looking for. If you're looking for a relationship, don't jump into the physical aspect so quickly. If a guy walks away from you because you won't give it up, he's not relationship material anyways because he holds his immediate needs above your wants. Keep in mind that anticipation can create some very exciting synergies. Link to post Share on other sites
Saxis Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 To elaborate on my post, I'd say 1-2 months of time, including at least 6 dates or so would be even fast for me. I'm also a "one at a time" guy. Like I said... old fashioned. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 To be honest with you every relationship I've ever had started with sex. My current SO and I had sex three days after we met. We've been together 2 1/2 years. I had sex with my exH the first day we met and we were together for 4 years. I guess it really depends on the people involved. None of my relationships have been purely based in sex. And I never really thought about someone thinking I was slutty. Link to post Share on other sites
Stockalone Posted December 28, 2007 Share Posted December 28, 2007 (edited) BUT i'm wondering if that colors the rest of the relationship. i ended up dating the guy for seven months after that, but i'm wondering if the fact that we had sex so early on and might as well have had sex before we were even "dating" made him view me as slutty. what do most guys think of girls who are a little more liberal on having sex with new partners? I agree that this depends on the people involved. There are 3 types or men: 1. Will have sex with you after just a few dates and not think about whether your behaviour is slutty or not. That is the type you should be looking for. 2. Will have sex with you after just a few dates but will not consider you as relationship material because of slutty behaviour. I know, double standards but some guys are like this. 3. Will not have sex with you after just a few dates because they thinks that is slutty behaviour and will be put off if you come on to strong. Now, assigning a percentage to each of the types is difficult. I would fall under category 3, the rest of the guys I know could be equally divided between type 1 and 2. and is it sad that i was proud of myself for not having sex til the third date? HAHAHHAHA. oh godddd. I think it is kind of sad but if you are comfortable with it, you don't need to be ashamed or feel sad about it. The same thing can also be turned around. I once dated a woman that disapeared on me. We recently ran into each other and started talking. It turned out that she thought I wasn't interested or maybe even gay because I didn't try anything that she felt she had to stop after we had been on 4 or 5 dates. She thought the story was funny, I didn't feel like laughing. Edited December 28, 2007 by Stockalone Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 If you want a longer term relationship, then hold off on giving blowjobs and heavy petting. Let it build up and get to know him. I'm not sure if you are looking for a serious relationship or just looking for fun. Disreguard my post if you are just looking for something casual. WWIU, I understand where you are coming from, but this drove me crazy when I was dating. The net effect was, if she liked you, she wouldn't sleep with you. But if you were a jerk (and therefore not relationship material), you had a better chance of having some fun or casual sex. On some level, it seems backwards ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
brothermartin Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 so maybe i'm just a huge SLUT but i generally tend to go pretty far with guys on the first couple of dates. the last guy i was dating, we hooked up the first night we met and didn't have sex, but were definitely getting there. the second date, i gave him head but no sex. the third date, we had sex. i'm sure that if we had been in differing circumstances the first or second date, we probably would have had sex because i guess maybe i'm pretty nonchalant about that kind of thing. BUT i'm wondering if that colors the rest of the relationship. i ended up dating the guy for seven months after that, but i'm wondering if the fact that we had sex so early on and might as well have had sex before we were even "dating" made him view me as slutty. what do most guys think of girls who are a little more liberal on having sex with new partners? It actually depends on where your head is. (no pun intended) As a man myself I don't mark women with that label of being slutty or trashy because, hey, it takes 2 to tango. I've been called a slut and a ho by some of my friends before, but it's always been the friends that are miserable in there current relationships or friends that can't find the right person and are too afraid to get there feet wet. Or anything else! Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 I don't hold it against a girl for having sex with me early on. IMO, it's retarded to look negatively upon someone for engaging in something in which I'm engaging myself. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 If a guy has half a brain, he'll be thankful that he's got a girl who likes sex... and likes having it with him. Those guys who will sleep with you and then judge you not to be relationship material because you're 'slutty' are morons. I have a theory that they're the ones who end up married and constantly complaining about not getting any from their wives. Just ask the guy if he sees you two developing a serious relationship or not. If he says yes, great. If no, consider whether you really want to stick around. And if it's the dreaded 'I don't know', in my experience that should be considered a no. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 I don't hold it against a girl for having sex with me early on. IMO, it's retarded to look negatively upon someone for engaging in something in which I'm engaging myself. This is golden. What a great post. It takes two to tango. Some just presuppose that the guy can't say no. (Or just can't stop thinking about getting into her pants... without exercising appropriate respect and restraint.) Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 and is it sad that i was proud of myself for not having sex til the third date? HAHAHHAHA. oh godddd. Not necessarily, although watch out if a guy asks you out to breakfast, lunch, and dinner all at once... Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 Not necessarily, although watch out if a guy asks you out to breakfast, lunch, and dinner all at once... Or, perhaps, dinner and breakfast on successive days. That's thinking positive. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 I don't think it makes any difference ... whether you have sex on the first date or wait a year... really... It doesn't make sense to me.. not in this year and age... we're not in 1930s anymore... LOL It's not about sex...it's about chemistry... if you really fall for each other, sex on the first date doesn't weigh in the balance... Link to post Share on other sites
Dean Moriarty Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 Definitely not slutty at all. By the way, I've a few friends who'd like your number. Link to post Share on other sites
DutchGuy Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 I don't think it makes any difference ... whether you have sex on the first date or wait a year... really... It doesn't make sense to me.. not in this year and age... we're not in 1930s anymore... LOL It's not about sex...it's about chemistry... if you really fall for each other, sex on the first date doesn't weigh in the balance... I disagree, 'slutty' to me is giving out sex like it's no big deal. If you have sex right from the start I'd think you either don't care about who you have sex with (you might have sex with a lot of people because you don't care) or that you are a naive girl that just wants to be liked and only knows to use sex for this (you might have sex with a lot of people because you fall in love easily), either way doesn't make me feel like I'm anything special, so I wouldn't see her as dating material. Hey, maybe I'm judgemental but I won't just date anyone. It shouldn't be the case that if you date a lot, you have sex a lot A rare case scenario is where you have been friends for a long time and one night out of the blue it just happens. That's just chemistry. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 It makes no difference when a woman has sex with me. Early sex, however, may make me semi-commit to someone who otherwise is not good for me, someone I'd otherwise stop dating. Add in sex, and you'll get a good month out of me you might not otherwise. The danger of early sex is getting slightly attached to someone you would otherwise evaluate and walk away from. Link to post Share on other sites
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