swimmer Posted June 11, 2003 Share Posted June 11, 2003 Seen some helpful advice here. Hope somone can help me. This started a couple of months ago. I'm a 40 something guy. I started to be attracted to a single lady (also 40 something) i work with. At 1st it wasnt too bad and i figured it would pass. But it just ket getting more intense. We talked everyday and got along good as "friends." It got to the point that i was losing sleep and having trouble working, so i asked her if i could come over to her house one evening. I figured i should talk to her away from the office and let her know how i was feeling. I didnt know for sure if she was feeling the same way or was just happy being friends. I was going nuts. Anyway, we had been sitting on her patio having pleasant conversation, drinking beers when told her that i needed to change the subject and get something off of my chest. Then i told her that i could not stop thinking about her. She seemed a little shocked, but said she was flattered. I did not dwell on it. We went on back less intense conversation. I stayed for about 3 more hours. We hugged but didnt kiss. She said that she just wasnt ready and hoped we were still friends. I now think i scared her and wish i had a do over, but...this is the real world. I still cant stop thinking about her. I try my best to be normal at work and not smother her, but everytime we get close my heart goes aflutter. I think she senses this and it scares her away even further. Should i start trying to avoid her? I know i need to back off and give her some time and space, but it is hard to do when you are in the same office with someone all day. Thanks for reading. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 11, 2003 Share Posted June 11, 2003 Don't start avoiding her but play it cool...for a very long time. Women simply aren't very turned on by men who spill their feelings prematurely. In time, she'll forget about what you did and you may get another chance. If I were you, I'd start seeing other people. When she sees that she isn't the only person you have your eyes on, she could come around. But, yes, you did a lot of damage and it will be a long time before this lady gets interested in you...if ever. The ONLY way to save this is to be cool, stay out of her face, keep contact to a minimum without being obvious you're doing that, and move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted June 11, 2003 Share Posted June 11, 2003 I don't know if it was too early... Love can happen in the blink of an eye sometimes. So, you gave it your best shot. No harm. I like someone upfront and honest. It's better than the guessing game. She could just as easily fell into your arms. But it didn't happen that way. I still think you showed courage. And now she knows! That's worth something. Where to go from here? Tony said it! Get out and date other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swimmer Posted June 12, 2003 Author Share Posted June 12, 2003 i want to thank Tony for his timely and good advice. I actually slept for 3 hours last night. I stayed aloof today, but we finally ran into each other. I tried to act busy: then she gives me this three syllable HI. Of course i melted and ran off. And thank you Neonik. 6 months ago, i would have thought "love in the blink of an eye" was weak BS coming from somebody 20 years old. I just want to try and have another evening talking to her. No more bombshells, just be relaxed and get to know each other. I thought a couple of months was long enough to wait. In the meantime, it is the hardest thing to do, but i will keep my distance. Tony, feel good about yourself; you helped somebody. Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 Hey... I turn 40 in a couple of months. I just think people waste too much time in life. Everybody is dragging their feet on happiness. Afraid of what it will feel like. True, I've spent a lot of time wallowing in my misery. So, hopefully this next birthday will help me along my path to learning that life is what you make it. And I want to make it filled with love. I think it's nice she said Hi to you first. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swimmer Posted June 13, 2003 Author Share Posted June 13, 2003 Thanks N. you've been cool. I appreciate your gentler perspective. 40 is mellow. Happy b-day: you learn to appreciate what you have, but keep swimming. Guess what happens if you stop: you sink. Best wishes. swimmer Link to post Share on other sites
kandi13 Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 ok you sould give her some space, but dont avoid her. Listen to me.....DONT GO OUT RIGHT AWAY!!! Begin to be really good friends with her, then if you 2 are really good friends and you think u 2 can go out with out ruining your friendship go for it, but if not its better being friends. But if your feelings for her are to strong then just back off a lil. Time will tell good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author swimmer Posted June 27, 2003 Author Share Posted June 27, 2003 wise advise, thank you. but evey time i look into her eyes, i go into never-ever-land. I thought love was supposed to be a positve thing? its not. mix in a stupid guy like me and the whole relatiionship is f'd. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts