extreme jealousy?...i need !!

[heart_on_sleeve]

This is quite complicated. First let me say that I don't know if it's a jealousy or what it is. But..I have been fantisizing about killing my bf's ex because that would get her out of my life and I wouldn't have to worry about her. I know this isnt healthy but I can't stop thinking about how much I hate her and want her gone.

 

My bf and I dated in HS for about 6 months. Our relationship seemed great, but Then he broke up with me for her. I moved away (he was my first love I was devestated). Now, four years later..we have reconnected and I moved back to be with him. We have been together for about 10 months now. During those 4 years.. he went out with her for almost 2 years. He got drunk and cheated on her and then she broke up with him. They hadn't talked in about 2 years when we started dating again.

 

Our current relationship is wonderful. I am in love again and I would do anything for him. He claims the same for me. Then, About 2 months ago he was acting suspicious one night and lied to me about texting her, then he got drunk and confessed his love for her. He didnt remember in the morning but he said it's ridiculous and that he has no feelings for her still. He promised to not talk to her anymore. I got upset and texted her and she said he told her he wanted to go on a date and that he never stopped loving her. He says she's crazy and lying. I got over it and believed him.

 

Then about a month ago he accidently texted me that he was jealous of some guy and after I was like what are you talking about he confessed he was texting her. So if he didn't have any feelings for her...why would he tell her that he's jealous of her bf? I broke up with him and he then "realized" how much he cares about me and has promised he doesnt care about her. He says he realized that our love is different than they love they had and that he could never be with her again. He even said she wants to be with him but he doesnt so I shouldnt worry about her.

 

It seems like she is finally out of our lives. I honestly believe him that he doesn't care about her anymore and that he doesn't want her or anything.

My problem is that I can't stop thinking about her. I think about her all the time. I dream about her. I know where she works, although I havent went by there. I've tried looking up her myspace with no luck. I have a picture of her that I look at sometimes and cry over. She is more beautiful than me, but I am obviously the better choice. She is anorexic and not a good gf. I dream about killing her. And I fantisize about how to kill her and how happy I would be that I wouldn't have to worry he might be talking to her behind my back. I hate her more than anything in this world and I'm afraid if I see her I might go crazy and do something bad. I know I would never actually hurt someone like that but I just want to quit thinking about her. My worst fear is that he will leave me for no reason again, just like in high school.

 

Does anyone have any advice on how to forget about her?

[Jilly Bean]

OMG, this is so concerning that I think the mods should contact your local police. I truly think you are beyond out of control with this. Not liking an ex is one thing, but planning their murder is a whole 'nother...

[heart_on_sleeve]

Uh no...Im not planning her murder. It's not like I'm plotting to kill her. I just want her out of my life. I'm not actually going to kill anyone I would never be able to do that. I just want help forgetting about her everyday.

[Jilly Bean]

I fantisize about how to kill her and how happy I would be that I wouldn't have to worry he might be talking to her behind my back. I hate her more than anything in this world and I'm afraid if I see her I might go crazy and do something bad.

 

In all seriousness - PLEASE seek some professional help. These are not the words of someone who is stable. I am truly concerned for this poor girls safety and her life!

[heart_on_sleeve]

ok maybe i said that but i would truly never actually hurt her. I just want to forget about her. I just wanted to know if anyone else had similar experiences or knew anything that would help. If was really planning on killing her..do you think I would post it on the interent? I'm a pacifist vegan and I don't condone killing anything btw.

It's true maybe i need help but I definatley am not going to hurt anyone and she's not in any danger.

[norajane]

First, get rid of that picture so you don't keep looking at it!

 

Why are you torturing yourself like this? You certainly can't enjoy being with your bf, so it's as bad as if he were actually pining away for her.

 

Clearly, SHE is not the problem. The problem is you really don't trust your bf and you have fixated on the ex instead of on the trust issue. If you really, truly believed your bf wasn't still in love with her, and if you really, truly trusted him, this ex of his wouldn't be on your mind like this.

 

You need to work this out with him. You don't trust him, and you don't believe he's not in love with her.

 

If you can't work it out, then you have to break up with him, because your mental health is suffering and NO GUY is worth going crazy for.

At the very least, go to a therapist and see if therapy combined with anti-anxiety meds might help you get over your murder fantasies.

[MystifiedByMen]

I think the only healthy way to deal with this is lose him. By the way you're talking, she will always be an issue to you. If you want to become mentally stable again, I would break it off with him, forget her and work on yourself and your confidence by talking to someone professional.

 

As for your boyfriend, he's messing with you with the lies. A guy that is pulling those kind of mental games by keeping you on the back burner is driving you crazy. Just lose them both and seek help to become mentally healthy again.

[greeneyedred]

Hi

I whole heartedly agree with the others that said that you should seek some professional help to deal with your feelings.

 

Perhaps your words are stronger than your emotions but they sound sincere and potentially dangerous to you and others.

 

A few issues here:

 

Sorry to say, your boyfriend is playing with you. He is not being honest to one or both of you. Because you love him you want to believe him, but those are BIG red flags..and you should look into them. You cant stop him from wanting or loving others...if it is not this girl, it might be another girl...the problem resides within your man....even if his ex is instigating things....he has free will..he is choosing these things...so it's his behavior you need to worry about.

 

This sounds unhealthy and painful...and the best thing I would think..is for you to really go speak to someone about this..not just come on line. Its a good first start..you realize somethings wrong...but it may be gettiing out of hand. Do you really want to live like this?

 

What may feel like love could be an obsession....truly I wish for the best for you, but I can't help but really worry about your level of dislike for this other person. Go speak to someone before this turns into something you regret....I think your bf is not being very honest or kind...

 

best of luck

GER

[child_of_isis]

I don't think the X is the problem. The boyfriend is.

 

He still cares about her. I am not seeing how she is to blame for his feelings.

[confuzedgurl]

accordin to ur story.....i think that its ur bf's problem.. he's just selfish and is usin both of u cuz he broke up wit u to go to her but he came back to u ONLY cuz ur the next person he's ok wit. ur kinda like his backbone or something. ur bein used!!!! and he's secretly textin her....i think he loves her more. if anything else happens involvin her. U NEED TO END IT WIT HIM!!! there are other guys who would treat u the way u should be treated... good luck