child_of_isis Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 Also Julie...think of this..and I am adjusting ages for the sole purpose of making my point. Do you actually think this man would allow a 37 year old to pursue one of his 16 year old girls?? Well hell no. He would go beserk. Trust me when I tell you the "pursuer" would have a foot up his ass the size of Texas. BUT, he is doing to you what he would NEVER allow a man to do to one of "his". Yet, he loves you sooooooooo much as to give up his W/family/daughters. Are you with me? Do you see how illogical this is? Do you see the freaking insanity? Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 Hey sweetie, one of my close friend's sister went through the exact same problem, and I can assure you that nothing good is going to come out of this. Two years later, her sister is still going out with that man, causing so much of distress to both families. She was 19 when she "fell in love" with this guy. So I would advice you to leave this guy, honey. He's using you because you are young, beautiful and trusting. You will definitely find the one for you sooner or later, it's just not going to be him. Just ask him to show you the lawyers papers first, then decide for yourself if he's doing what he's saying. All the best, love! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julie89 Posted December 29, 2007 Author Share Posted December 29, 2007 Thanks for all the replies. I finished it, i dont know where the strength came from but i did, he of course he insisted that he is divorcing he even told me that if i wanted i can call his wife and ask her of course i was stunned and i didnt do it, after i asked him to leave he havent stopped calling on my mobile on the phone, i checked my email i have an email from him But I have a curiosity question...you went 8 months not knowing he was married. How does that happen? In 8 months you never asked to go to "his place"? Where did you hang out? If he avoided going back to his place...didn't you find that odd? He actually took me to his house, which looked perfectly as a single man home, no traces of any people living there, you know unleast how i saw it. I talked more with my sister and she told me to forget about him to live my life, let it be and if hes really divorcing hell come forward. Julie, crois-moi, cet homme n'est pas pour toi. my brother in law told me the same thing It feels wonderful isnt it lizzie60??? you feel special you, you feel like the happiest girl in the world and you feel like a princess, its so wonderful to have someone woh will tell you that you look good all the time or that youre beautififul, maybe they dont mean it but you believe it. again thankyou Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 Good for you... Félicitations! You did the right thing... trust me on that one! Yes it does feel wonderful to be loved, to have a man's attention, to think we're special.. of course it does.. who can say it doesn't... I was extremely insecure when I was younger... I didn't have your strength... Hope you can keep it. I am proud of you... you have no idea. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 Julie, Formidable!!! You are one smart girl for your age. One day, you will find love in a person who deserves you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julie89 Posted December 29, 2007 Author Share Posted December 29, 2007 Thanks Lizzie and Marlena... Though he keeps calling me, leaving voice messages and i just listen to them so i can hear his voice, pitiful of my part i know, and im sure that i havent seen the end of this. Link to post Share on other sites
imstunned Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 Wow - one again I'm stunned. You have some strength! Go girl! Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 I've just caught up with your thread, Julie, and was planning my 'get rid of him NOW, etc...' reply but it seems that I don't need to lecture you too much. Way to go! I DO understand. I was in a R with a guy of 49 (who was in a 17 year R with someone else - not married) when I was 20. WTF?! I use the term R very loosely - PA would be a better description. I was lucky in that he was always 100% honest with me that it was nothing more than an A so I guess I never really let myself fall in love with him to the extent that you have. Of course, they make you feel fantastic, they have all this life experience and knowledge that 'boys' of our own age don't have. The thing is, they use this knowledge as a way of manipulating us into believing we're special. You probably were special to this man. He may not necessarily be spinning you a line about his feelings. He is a stupid middle-aged man who thinks he's in love with you/having a mid-life crisis...whatever... You have no proof to back up anything he has told you. Anyway, this is all pretty irrelevant now but I just wanted to reiterate what everyone else was saying in the hope that you stay strong. You will meet someone else, and there is nothing wrong in going out with an older man. Not my bag anymore but I do have friends who are in Rs with men 15/20 years older than them. That said, my friends are just about old enough to be your Mum and the older you are, the less that age gap appears. I look back now and realise how wrong it was for a man of that age to be sexually interested in me. He was older than my Dad and I was younger than his daughters! He made me feel like a bimbo and because of our R, his friends thought I was easy game too (although they didn't have any luck, I might add!) Thinking about it, it really was quite disgusting! Now this same man is 65, we are in touch occasionally, and I just think NO WAY could I have a R with you now! Could you really have seen yourself with your MM when you're my age and he's drawing his old age pension? Sorry for the ramblings - your post inspired me! Best of luck. Stay strong! x Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Could you really have seen yourself with your MM when you're my age and he's drawing his old age pension? Problem is we can't see that far down the road whilst in the throes of love. I have a friend who fell madly in love and even married a boy 25 years her junior. In a year, he was looking at girls his own age. Eight years later, they are divorced of course. She still pursues him while he continues to have one relationship after another with girls his age. We, her close friends, ask her, "But didn't you expect this to happen?" Her answer is negative. He is now thirty and she is fifty-five. I feel very sorry for her but she still adamantly refuses to accept what is simply the nature of things. A sad story. Julie, stay determined however hard I know that is. Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Problem is we can't see that far down the road whilst in the throes of love. Very true. It is always easy to look back in hindsight. I am 100% for making your own mistakes. This is the way we learn and makes us the person we become. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 I am 100% for making your own mistakes. This is the way we learn and makes us the person we become. Yes, we are all most definitely a product of our choices (I won't say mistakes). Good or bad, they are our possessions and as such we should embrace them. After all, they are who we have become. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Hi, This is like the Little Red Riding Hood in France. Still, I don't think this guy is going to be the love of her life, or that anything serious is going to happen. Just an affair, a memory, a moment in time. She was happy, he made her happy. She is just too young, soon she's probably going to meet some cute guy over there and forget about the old guy. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Julie...change your phone number. Tell your employer also so someone can walk you to your car after work. He may hound you for a while at work or the parking lot after work. Personally, I don't think he took you to his house. Maybe a friends house. Or maybe he keeps an apartment on the side for flings with OW's. I am so thankful that you let this guy loose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julie89 Posted December 30, 2007 Author Share Posted December 30, 2007 I know i will meet somebody else on the way, but for know of course its too soon and confusing. Yes actually i took my two nieces out you know to give my sister and her hb a break for a couple of hours, and i saw him we didnt talked of course but he was following me around and its starting to scare me, even my older niece(shes 7) recognized him:mad: I still fell something that is really strong(in my immature perspective) so im tempted to i dont know talk to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 I know it's extremely hard to remain strong. If you talk to him though, be prepared that he will talk you into going back to him... these guys know the vocabulary... they know you're vulnerable because they know you're in love with them... they are manipulative. Be strong... come on... you can do it... You've been good so far.. don't give up now.. it will get easier with time.. I promise. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Yes, Julie, like Lizzie has told you these types are very smooth operators and know exactly what to say and do to suck you right back into the relationship. This is where you have to be the strongest. Just a suggestion here but perhaps you could have your sister or brother-in-law talk to him and ask him to leave you alone. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 I was just going to suggest that, get your brother in law to talk to him. Trust me, after that he won't want to come near you. I am glad to read that you found the strength to end it with him! Be proud of yourself, even though you are hurting, you've done the right thing. A boyfriend should be someone who are you proud to show off to everyone, not hide and know that most wouldn't approve. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julie89 Posted January 2, 2008 Author Share Posted January 2, 2008 Ugh im embarassing:lmao: First of all my brother in law talked to him, did he cared? of course not. Around noon i was planning to spend sometime for myself, and the first person i saw waiting outside was HIM. He had a piece of paper on his hand, i was wondering what was that but i dint asked him, he asked me how i was doing and i told him fine and if he would leave me alone, he showed me that piece of papers and all the stuff that he had in his hand and guess what it was? The order of divorce, you know when you go willingly and they give you these papers with the signature, you know the request you make, but its not the divorce papers is just that they made the request. I just was not knowing what i should do you know, one part of me wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him but the other part of me was thinking "He lied to you during all this time and everything" i didnt said anything and then he told me that he knew of course that i have left him only becuase he was married and that i still have feelings for him, and yes he lied to me about him being single but not for his feelings for me. I asked him if how can i be sure if hes not lying to me and he said that if he wouldnt love and just wanted have a brake from his wife he would have convinced me to have sex and not to wait until im ready. That his wife and him were planning to divorce years even before he met me. What should i do? The papers are there, my brother in law who is a lawyer saw them and yes they're autentic(had to check on that to) and im just confused, and again one part of me want to go back with him and the other wants to walk away.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 Even if he does divorce his wife, this guy already has had a family, and is older than you. You are just starting out in life, and trust me, you will do alot of changing in your 20's into your 30's...This guy is NOT someone who you will end up with forever. The thing is, those papers could be real but you do not know if his wife has actually seen the papers, let alone know that he is planning on divorcing her. You deserve love from a single guy who isn't so much older than you with all that baggage. This guy has done alot of living... Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 A grown man who thinks he is in love with a teenager, is unstable. No if ands or buts about it...the guy is a loon. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 Yes, Julie, I'm sorry to say that even if these papers are real, it won't last because like WWIU the age gap is too big and like COI said there is something wrong about an adult man pursuing a teenager. No, find someone your age with whom you have more in common and a better chance for a future life with. Link to post Share on other sites
BentSpine Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Well, I for one don't believe that the success of a relationship depends on the age gap. I would say it depends on how well you two continue to make the other feel. How you give a listening ear to the other. How you show your faith in the capabilities of your partner. How well you spark the flame of lust for each other. Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I agree that a R with a large age gap can be more of a struggle but believe they can work. Love conquers all, and all that. I think the problem in this R is more likely to be the fact that the guy has kids and that Julie is only 18 herself. Reading this, I did think that he was a guy who is being swept away by the romance of having a young girl fall in love with him and I am sure he believes he loves her at the moment. Julie, I think you have to consider this very carefully. I don't want to sound patronising but you are still very young and have your whole life ahead of you. Do you really want to commit yourself to one person at such a young age? You have so much life to live yet and need to discover yourself and who you are before deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone (and the rest of your life is a hell of a long time when you're 18!) If I were you I would wait until his divorce is finalised, date him and then see where it leads you. Link to post Share on other sites
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