No Foolin Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 I'm seeing a trend here with some of the posts regading how a man leaves a relationship. Check it: If you're a woman and you are trying to analyze how a guy can just leave you cold like one mis-matched sock on the laundry room floor; you're going to drive yerself nuts. When a dude makes a desision to roll its pretty solid. Do not expect letters, long critical essays on why he's leaving. He's just gonna leave. This is how it is done. No more consideration is given to feelings, length of realtionship, the good times shared or attachments like kids or house payments. The order for the day is simply 1) take the hit, take it right to the pelvis, bracing for it will not help you. 2) keep your teeth closed, do not call, text, email, or look for him 3) find a way to get through the coming days 4) work on yourself. It the only way. No Foolin Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 If I may ask why do guys do that? My husband left me 3 months ago and will have nothing to do with me. Like we were never married. So why do they do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Eyed Brain Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 If I may ask why do guys do that? My husband left me 3 months ago and will have nothing to do with me. Like we were never married. So why do they do that? Great question. Also, I agree with the above poster, men (when doing the dumping) are emo-less when it comes to that. Or, they let you linger for months, as a fail safe plan. Like a collection of dolls they can play with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author No Foolin Posted December 29, 2007 Author Share Posted December 29, 2007 Sorry, there is no why, its how we're wired. Regarding break ups the "why" is a path to a private hell you really don't want to entertain. No Foolin Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 Also, I agree with the above poster, men (when doing the dumping) are emo-less when it comes to that. It's not for a lack of emotion. I generally go NC after a break-up and it's not because there are no feelings there. It's just easier to get over things that way. A wound doesn't heal if you keep picking at it. The best way for it to heal is to cover it up and leave it the f**k alone. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 When a dude makes a desision to roll its pretty solid. Do not expect letters, long critical essays on why he's leaving. He's just gonna leave. This is how it is done. No more consideration is given to feelings, length of realtionship, the good times shared or attachments like kids or house payments. The order for the day is simply 1) take the hit, take it right to the pelvis, bracing for it will not help you. 2) keep your teeth closed, do not call, text, email, or look for him 3) find a way to get through the coming days 4) work on yourself. It the only way. No Foolin You are so right, NF. My boyfriend dumped me at the end of October at a time where I needed him most. Even though he is still friendly (and up until recently more than friendly ), it is clear that the relationship part is done. I wanted him to consider those feelings. Consider the length of the relationship. Consider the good times. Consider those attachments that we had. Consider the future that we had planned. Nope. Nuthin' doing, as they say around here. In his mind, whats done is done. I wish it were otherwise, and its taken me nearly two months to realize that the door that I'm standing in front of waiting to open again is not only shut and locked, it isn't even really there anymore at all. For so long I resisted 'no contact' but I decided a couple of days ago that I wasn't going to call him and you know what? He didn't call me either. He does not miss me. He does not care if I call. I have to keep telling myself that. Reading your old thread on 'contacting your ex' has helped me, nearly two years after you writing it! As does this one, as painful as it is to read. I'm taking my hits. Up until I was dumped, I really thought I was going to get out of this crappy little apartment and start a new life. Instead, I was dumped. So... I'm redoing this crappy little apartment. Making it livable. Decorating it. Cleaning it. I can't afford to leave, so I'm staying dammit! And I intend to like it! It can be said that a person's home reflects their mental state and well being. With the cleaning/straightening/throwing out junk that I'm giving it - it can be said that I'm scrubbing my brain and heart and throwing out a lot of mental/emotional junk too. Including all my harbored feelings/false hope/wishful thinking toward my ex boyfriend. The longer I don't hear from him, the easier it is getting. Painful, but easier. At this point I'm teetering right on the edge of hoping I don't hear from him. 'No contact' really does work in terms of moving on, as hard as it is to do. Eh... but I digress. What I really wanted to say was a long overdue thank you for that 'contacting your ex' thread. I had hoped to never need it, but here I am needing it. Thanks for this one too. Link to post Share on other sites
brothermartin Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 I'm seeing a trend here with some of the posts regading how a man leaves a relationship. Check it: If you're a woman and you are trying to analyze how a guy can just leave you cold like one mis-matched sock on the laundry room floor; you're going to drive yerself nuts. When a dude makes a desision to roll its pretty solid. Do not expect letters, long critical essays on why he's leaving. He's just gonna leave. This is how it is done. No more consideration is given to feelings, length of realtionship, the good times shared or attachments like kids or house payments. The order for the day is simply 1) take the hit, take it right to the pelvis, bracing for it will not help you. 2) keep your teeth closed, do not call, text, email, or look for him 3) find a way to get through the coming days 4) work on yourself. It the only way. No Foolin Nah man. I think you're generalizing men a little bit here. It takes a degree of character and courage to end a relationship with someone the way it should be done, with respect, honesty, and consideration, but firmness on where you stand. In other words, some people just don't have the knobs to DO THE RIGHT THING. Of course it will be painful, but it dosen't have to be insulting and degrading. Link to post Share on other sites
alyyyhsa Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 it's so hard for me to believe that after spending months (or years) with a person, when a guy breaks up with them, he doesn't sometimes remember something that made him laugh or something he used to love about that girl. it's really difficult for me to comprehend just completely erasing all emotions and memories of a girl as soon as he decides to dump her... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 Most, not all men, are conflict-adverse. If they want to breakup with you, they'll either run away or they'll get it over with and then go hide somewhere. They don't want contact because it just means more conflict. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 So you're saying it doesn't hurt guys at all to leave relationships? No matter what they had, no matter how good it was, they just don't care, or feel bad, or ANYTHING? alyyyhsa (did i just spell that right?), i wonder the same thing. i wonder if my ex just totally forgot i existed. i wonder if he has any good memories of me -- or any memories at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author No Foolin Posted December 29, 2007 Author Share Posted December 29, 2007 I didn't say we don't have feelings. If yer human you got a lifetime subscription to that feature. In many cases when a course of action is made its made. Important to remember: Men and women don't think alike. No Foolin Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 I didn't say we don't have feelings. If yer human you got a lifetime subscription to that feature. In many cases when a course of action is made its made. Important to remember: Men and women don't think alike. No Foolin Surprisingly, I think like a man when it comes to breakups. I don't want any contact. Stay away from me until all your issues have been addressed and we've both moved on. Then, once all the emotions are gone, friendship maybe possible, although not always, due to incompatibility issues, usually the same ones that affected the original relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author No Foolin Posted December 29, 2007 Author Share Posted December 29, 2007 In my situation, I don't have time nor the desire to have a relationship. I date (when the gods of fortune decide I should). When my date (or whatever you call that arrangement) and I are at a point when it is no longer benifical for either party, we call it quits. The normal tense "I'm not feeling you anymore" conversation ensues. This is how I handle things. Then contact is cut off, FIN. The must be at least 60 way to leave your lover. No Foolin Link to post Share on other sites
alyyyhsa Posted December 29, 2007 Share Posted December 29, 2007 no foolin, when you leave a girl, is there any point afterwards where you hear a song or a memory is somehow sparked of that girl, and you remember the feelings you USED to have towards her? you're making it seem pretty cut and dry, and i'm having a hard time comprehending how a human can go from being emotionally attached to someone to just...not. in a matter of days. or minutes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author No Foolin Posted December 29, 2007 Author Share Posted December 29, 2007 Its not that I'm emotionally unattached the minute things are over. That is impossible!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hurt/frustration/anger are all present at the party once things are over between me and said girl; BUT, I don't dwell on it, can't dwell on it, refuse to dwell on it. Listen you have far more power at your disposal than you know. Your Cognitions (what you think about) can be shaped. If they can be shaped they can be controlled. If you can control a thing then you have mastered it. You've just bought yourself some disipline. Here's the thing: Life is abundance, when things don't go my way, or I lose (this happens alot lol) things. I know there will be more. History makes this a promise.......But that is just me. Now as for what a guy is thinking....... Who know's (not important). Whats important is what you decide to do with what you got now. No Foolin Link to post Share on other sites
RichC Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 My last girlfriend had been checking out of the relationship slowly. I had picked that up and was not suprised when she gave me the "I don't feel it" routine on the train. I said OK. As I was walking up the platform I deleted her contact info from my phone and computer. I healed much, much faster. Didn't break NC once. Link to post Share on other sites
alyyyhsa Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 My last girlfriend had been checking out of the relationship slowly. I had picked that up and was not suprised when she gave me the "I don't feel it" routine on the train. I said OK. As I was walking up the platform I deleted her contact info from my phone and computer. I healed much, much faster. Didn't break NC once. um...how long were you guys together? Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 So you are saying men when they leave a relationship do not look back. That when they decide it is over there is nothing that can be done. That you were just there and none of those memories mean anything to them. You know that makes men sound like buttheads if you ask me. Why invest in a realtionship then if all he will do when he dumps you is never look back or think about you. What you're saying is that it never mattered anyway to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author No Foolin Posted December 30, 2007 Author Share Posted December 30, 2007 Ok PinkRibbon riddle me this:What does it matter what anyone thinks when a relationship is over? The relationship is over..... Thoughts of the relation may appear but, whats the point of dwelling on it? Why would you waste time worrying how someone is going to think about you when things are finished? I had dinner last night at this Sushi bar downtown, when I was done I wasn't thinking about the waitress when I left. No Foolin Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Getting over someone needs to be a continuous, active suppression of emotion and thought. You have to be willing to accept that things are over and there's nothing you want to do about it. If you've been dumped, there's nothing you can do about it. In essence, you shut down on that person because no amount of angst, is going to bring it back. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Why invest in a realtionship then if all he will do when he dumps you is never look back or think about you. What you're saying is that it never mattered anyway to them. No..He is saying that the relationship is over.. he isn't saying that the GF never mattered. Relationships end.. a fact of life.. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Riddle me this??? Didn't that come from Robots? Seriously I don't think that is any way near what we are talking about.....a failed relationship with someone you care deeply about or a waitress who served you dead fish once.....hmmmmmmm doesn't quite equal up in my book. Not a good example. Maybe you wouldn't waste time thinking about a failed relationship but that doesn't men that ALL men are like you. Link to post Share on other sites
alyyyhsa Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 i was jsut going to say that no foolin can't speak for ALL MEN. while this may be his approach, i know MANY guys who have sat around consumed by their exes and breakups. breakups hurt. boys can feel hurt just like girls can. whether they're willing to admit it or not is a different story altogether. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 PinkRibbon, what good does it do, if a guy is angsting or not? Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 PinkRibbon, what good does it do, if a guy is angsting or not? When you are a women that was in love with a man who left you then it matters alot to some. But for a man speaking for men then I guess it doesn't matter at all. Link to post Share on other sites
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