He thought I cheated on him

[Ana]

I had been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half when the following happened. We were making love when he went to open my drawer besides my bed. I kind of panicked when he did so , I mean became stressed. I had been using a sex toy he had left at my place under my bed and thought it was in the drawer and I didn't want him to know I was using it. I was relieved when I saw the toy wasn't there but he saw condoms he hadn't purchased in there.

 

He didn't want to pursue making love. He was very pensive.

 

I had been divorced for 2 and a half years when I met him and I told him my sister had told me to buy condoms in case I met someone and... Which is the truth. I never bought those I purchased I big size it seems because my boyfriend compared the size with his and he was kind of livid.

 

He said I made a weird face when he opened a drawer, but I didn't tell him it was I didn't want him to know about the sex toy. In retrospect I think I should have.

 

Because after that, he started losing interest in me, didn't want to come over and see me, started to make mean remarks about me like I was an easy girl... He said "Like the kind of girl who gives oral sex in a car to a guy after 3 dates" and I said, "I would never do that", thinking he was talking about no one specific, and then he said "you did it..., with me."

 

At the time, I didn't think much of it but I think he resented me from that point on.

 

We ended breaking up last May. It got worst and worst.

 

Now, I don't know if I should tell him about the sex toy in a letter or if I should drop it.

 

I think we would've broke up eventually, but I feel bad that he thinks I was cheating on him or that I was promiscuous.

 

The second thing that happened was I went out and came home at 2:00 in the morning. He called on my cell phone and I answered and said I was coming, but stayed there until late. He called me twice. WHen I came home, he said our relationship was over, questionned me, on how come I didn't answer the phone, I said I was in my car and he didn't hear the music which was very loud, etc, etc.

 

The next morning he said to forget what he had said, I was out with friends and had a good time, not to worry.

 

Now, I don't think he meant that at all. We were supposed to go on a ski trip together, but after that he had only one ticket.

 

When I called him over there at the chalet, one of his friends said, "actually, he's with someone else". When he came back, he told me his friend had said, "he thought it was someone else". But when I said hi to the friend, I said Hi it's xyz, is abc there.

 

My boyfriend always said if someone does something to him, he does the same back to them.

 

I had forgotten the episode about me coming home late. (By the way, this is the first and only time I went out alone when we were together) BUt now I think he went out and got revenge and after that it went downhill.

 

I feel so bad. That he thinks I cheated on him and I know I didn't.

It's making me sick.

 

I was clinging on to him in the end. I feel he played with my head a lot.

 

He won't say what really happened or what he felt. Should I talk to him again to try to explain, write him a letter or it's not worth it.

[Tony T]

I see no point whatsoever in having anything further to do with this guy. It's obvious he's very immature, lacks understanding and has a weak ego. He's not the guy for you. There is not reason to care what he thinks. Even if you set the record straight, he may or may not believe you...and either way it will make absolutely no difference.

 

Somehow, I think all these things were meant to happen because I don't think he would have ever made a very good lifelong partner for you...and, according to your post, you felt that way as well.

 

Forget about the guy and move forward.

[km82794]

I agree with Tony, this guy is very immature and you shouldn't care what he thinks.

 

Down the road he would of started to try to get even with you for the littlest of things.

 

Ex: You accidentally forgot to call him back at 12:00. He leaves at 12:05 and doesn't come home all night. Or you were five minutes late, (you of course must be cheating in his mind), so he finds another woman to even the score. This is a childish way to try and control you.

 

TRUST ME, I'VE DEALT WITH THIS KIND OF GUY

 

I think you should tell him face to face exactly what had happened, only because I think it would make YOU feel better.

 

No woman wants to have a relationship end and have an ex think she was promiscuous. He'll probably won't believe you anyway, but at least give it a shot. I DO NOT think you should

put it in writing, by the sounds of this guy's maturity level, he may use it against you and show his friends.

 

I feel that once a man loses respect for a woman, no matter if she is guilty or not, there isn't much left to build a relationship on.

 

Trust is a crucial factor in a relationship. This guy obviously does not trust you or respect you.

 

Goodluck!