Do you let your parents know how much money you make?

[cutegirl]

For all you grown adult folks who live in your own, do you get insulted and offended if your parents try to pry or guess how much money you make? Is it natural for them to be inquisitive about this? Do you let them know? Do you get offended or do you not care at all if they ask/pry/guess?

 

Personally I get really offended and annoyed and I find it rude as well. I am just wondering how others feel.

 

I feel like if they pry and guess low it's insulting and if they guess high it's like patronizing. It's none of their biz anyways. just curious what others think??

Edited December 30, 2007 by cutegirl

[Trialbyfire]

Yes, I tell my parents how much I make when they ask. They don't ask often. In reality, I tell them anything they want to know. If I have any questions about them, I also feel free to ask and they will answer.

[cutegirl]

Yes, I tell my parents how much I make when they ask. They don't ask often. In reality, I tell them anything they want to know. If I have any questions about them, I also feel free to ask and they will answer.

 

I am just curious to know how come you're so easygoing and don't get irritated? I'm trying to be nice to my parents here, so that's why I'm asking. It's hard for me though because I get irritated easily. You don't find it kind of rude and nosy for them to be asking things like this?? Especially if you're an adult?

 

Personally it kind of makes my blood boil but I'm trying to fight it.

 

If I know other people don't get irritated about this issue then it's easier for me to try not to be irritated as well and try to put it aside. I'm just wondering WHY others don't get irritated by these types of questions.

Edited December 30, 2007 by cutegirl

[Trialbyfire]

I am just curious to know how come you're so easygoing and don't get irritated? I'm trying to be nice to my parents here, so that's why I'm asking. It's hard for me though because I get irritated easily. You don't find it kind of rude and nosy for them to be asking things like this?? Especially if you're an adult?

 

Personally it kind of makes my blood boil but I'm trying to fight it.

 

If I know other people don't get irritated about this issue then it's easier for me to try not to be irritated as well and try to put it aside. I'm just wondering WHY others don't get irritated by these types of questions.

I wish I had the answer to why we both take it different ways. I have a very open relationship with my parents. I love, trust and respect them and they reciprocate it. We did have a few battles when I was a teenager and had to push them back so they would accept that I wasn't a child anymore but since then, things have worked out. It doesn't mean we never argue about things but we resolve them very quickly, adult-to-adult.

 

If I recall, you moved out pretty quickly, as a younger person. Perhaps if you'd stayed, you might have worked it out? I don't have the answers.

[quankanne]

It's hard for me though because I get irritated easily.

 

I'd tell him if he asked, but then again, he knows that I expect him to be as honest and open with him, too! Actually my mom was that way, too, so I guess I got lucky with my parents, because they trust me.

 

but I totally get the irritation factor, and somewhere I read how to divert the question by asking, "Why is it important to you to know?" It puts the burden on the other person by making them fess up why the hell they're being so nosy, and it does work.

[cutegirl]

I wish I had the answer to why we both take it different ways. I have a very open relationship with my parents. I love, trust and respect them and they reciprocate it. We did have a few battles when I was a teenager and had to push them back so they would accept that I wasn't a child anymore but since then, things have worked out. It doesn't mean we never argue about things but we resolve them very quickly, adult-to-adult.

 

If I recall, you moved out pretty quickly, as a younger person. Perhaps if you'd stayed, you might have worked it out? I don't have the answers.

 

I guess it's cause financial issues are a very personal matter. I suppose if a stranger asks you about your income you would be offended but not parents obviously cause their family and you're close to them...

 

I was 18 when I moved out, I don't think that's really that young. A lot of kids move out at that age.

 

Also, this topic isn't about my mother, who I have had problems with, it's about my dad (although my mom does pry about stuff like that too). I guess they both do.

[Citizen Erased]

I have no problem with my mother asking, she did after I got my new job, and I told her. She said she was proud of me for being so well paid for someone my age. That was the end of it.

 

My dad and my sister asked and I didn't answer. Said I didn't feel comfortable with that question and changed the subject.

 

Obviously I have a much better relationship with my mum. My dad and my sister, whenever they ask me something, I always think they have the worst intentions. They probably do. I feel especially uncomfortable after my grandmother told me my dad was accessing my bank account details when I had an account with the credit union he works for. Why? Who knows. Cos he doesn't know when to keep his nose out of my business.

[cutegirl]

"Why is it important to you to know?" It puts the burden on the other person by making them fess up why the hell they're being so nosy, and it does work.

 

Oh, I did ask this already. And my dad said "Ohh it's cause the place you live in cost xx amount, so I just thought that you probably such and such amount. Usually I my own rent is 3x my income"... That's what my dad said to me in response.... Well that's the MINIMUM most places require in terms of income when you move in, but that does not mean that if your rent is XX amount, that you automatically make 3 times XX. It could be more too, I could be 4x higher, or 5x. Point is that if I don't tell he doesn't know. Either way it's no one's business. He didn't ask how much I made, he just said "is it over XX" and then the next day he was like "oh it's probably between x-and x" (which he estimated wrong btw)...

 

Anyways it's just annoying to me. I think I'll ask him later how much he makes and see what he says. I don't think he would care though.

[Trialbyfire]

I guess it's cause financial issues are a very personal matter. I suppose if a stranger asks you about your income you would be offended but not parents obviously cause their family and you're close to them...

Exactly. I don't even tell close friends about how much I make or what I'm worth. My parents, I'll pretty much tell them anything.

 

I was 18 when I moved out, I don't think that's really that young. A lot of kids move out at that age.

It wasn't a criticism, just an observation. While 18 isn't unusual, it is pretty young, if you think about how much you've changed since that time. Essentially, your parents would have still been viewing you as a teenager.

 

Also, this topic isn't about my mother, who I have had problems with, it's about my dad (although my mom does pry about stuff like that too). I guess they both do.

Oh, okay, I never referenced which parent either.

[quankanne]

ah, it kind of makes sense now, CG – your dad wants to be reassured that you can afford to pay your rent, that you're doing okay so he doesn't have to worry about you. At least this is how I perceive the situation, and you can answer with something like "I make enough to cover my base cost of living, thank you," and leave it at that. It could give him/your folks peace of mind without you having to go into detail about your salary/income!

 

but what OP said about her dad? "my dad was accessing my bank account details when I had an account with the credit union he works for. Why? Who knows. Cos he doesn't know when to keep his nose out of my business" – that's just damned freaky. And unethical. You prolly can file a complaint with the CU and say that you feel like your personal information has been violated, that you prefer that he not deal with your account

[Citizen Erased]

 

but what OP said about her dad? "my dad was accessing my bank account details when I had an account with the credit union he works for. Why? Who knows. Cos he doesn't know when to keep his nose out of my business" – that's just damned freaky. And unethical. You prolly can file a complaint with the CU and say that you feel like your personal information has been violated, that you prefer that he not deal with your account

 

I'm not the OP, but yeah. I changed to another bank, but didn't file a complaint. Because I didn't have any proof in the first place, and I wanted to keep the peace in my pathetic excuse for a family

[cutegirl]

ah, it kind of makes sense now, CG – your dad wants to be reassured that you can afford to pay your rent, that you're doing okay so he doesn't have to worry about you. At least this is how I perceive the situation, and you can answer with something like "I make enough to cover my base cost of living, thank you," and leave it at that. It could give him/your folks peace of mind without you having to go into detail about your salary/income!

 

 

Well, yea, of course he is worried about me. We went though a time where we didn't communicate for years and years and he is visiting me now from another continent (don't really want to say where from exactly in case someone recognizes me).

 

I'm passive aggressive so at the time I kind of told him but when I think back about it retroactively I get annoyed. Also, if he aims low to be honest I do get offended and I would say "Umm no, I make more than that."

 

And then I asked my dad, well what if you guessed wrong, what if I make more than what you guessed, and he said "Well, that's even BETTER." I'm just like whatever, but I'm still annoyed.

[jerbear]

My parents know almost everything about my financial status, income but not the income net taxes. The family friend who happens to be our family accountant knows my net income due to tax filings.

 

My parents just want to know because they are parents. I think they are just curious and quite frankly want to be parenting their kid!

[cutegirl]

My parents know almost everything about my financial status, income but not the income net taxes. The family friend who happens to be our family accountant knows my net income due to tax filings.

 

My parents just want to know because they are parents. I think they are just curious and quite frankly want to be parenting their kid!

 

So, do you let them know the approximate range you make? They don't have the dollar amount but they can guess the range right?

[Lizzie60]

No.. I don't tell anyone how much I make.. it's no one's business.

 

I don't say how much I make, how much I spend, how much I pay in income tax...

[cutegirl]

No.. I don't tell anyone how much I make.. it's no one's business.

 

I don't say how much I make, how much I spend, how much I pay in income tax...

 

Do they ask? Or do they not ask?

[Lizzie60]

Do they ask? Or do they not ask?

 

No.. no one ask me that question... I guess they know me enough to know I would not talk about it.

[jerbear]

So, do you let them know the approximate range you make? They don't have the dollar amount but they can guess the range right?

 

My parents have the dollar amount, once in awhile they get my tax filings and income statements. Since I do my own taxes; they have an idea but not the amount.

[EYECANDY000]

I dont tell my parents how much I make, but they know if they ever need anything I am there to help them as much as I can

[cutegirl]

Ok, so is it considered "normal" for parents to be asking this type of questions or is it out of line? I guess if I don't have too much contact with them for years it would be normal because they are worried?

 

I just get offended easily, especially when people ASSUME things about me.

 

For example my dad said he and his father (my grand dad) were talking and they were worried about me I guess, and grand dad said "How can she survive?" lol He's 90 years old and all, but why would they assume I'm so meek and weak that I can't survive on my own? It's kind of insulting. I don't like it when people presume I'm weak. I am just as tough and strong and capable of taking care of myself as any GUY.

 

I wonder if they would ask this if I was a guy. I'm tired of being seen as weak just because I'm a woman.

[norajane]

Ok, so is it considered "normal" for parents to be asking this type of questions or is it out of line? I guess if I don't have too much contact with them for years it would be normal because they are worried?

 

I just get offended easily, especially when people ASSUME things about me.

 

For example my dad said he and his father (my grand dad) were talking and they were worried about me I guess, and grand dad said "How can she survive?" lol He's 90 years old and all, but why would they assume I'm so meek and weak that I can't survive on my own? It's kind of insulting. I don't like it when people presume I'm weak. I am just as tough and strong and capable of taking care of myself as any GUY.

 

I wonder if they would ask this if I was a guy. I'm tired of being seen as weak just because I'm a woman.

 

Wow, you are totally projecting your issues on your family!

 

Just because you perceive their comments as them assuming you are weak because you are a woman, doesn't mean that's how they feel. Maybe you can consider that they are being concerned about your finances because they care about you.

Your dad flat out said they were worried about you - that's a normal, human thing to feel for a daughter/grand-daughter. They want to know that you're ok. It would give them peace of mind to know you're doing fine and not going deep into debt to finance your lifestyle.

 

You want everyone else to give you respect for making a lot of money, why are you so cagey to your own family about it?

 

My parents know everything they want to know about my finances, and I handle theirs, so we have no issues at all about discussing finances. We do love and trust each other, however. Perhaps you don't trust your family?

[cutegirl]

Wow, you are totally projecting your issues on your family!

 

Just because you perceive their comments as them assuming you are weak because you are a woman, doesn't mean that's how they feel. Maybe you can consider that they are being concerned about your finances because they care about you.

Your dad flat out said they were worried about you - that's a normal, human thing to feel for a daughter/grand-daughter. They want to know that you're ok. It would give them peace of mind to know you're doing fine and not going deep into debt to finance your lifestyle.

 

You want everyone else to give you respect for making a lot of money, why are you so cagey to your own family about it?

 

My parents know everything they want to know about my finances, and I handle theirs, so we have no issues at all about discussing finances. We do love and trust each other, however. Perhaps you don't trust your family?

 

My family is different I find it rude if their nosy about it, like their prying. I don't know why. I don't really brag to strangers how much I have, I'm just tend to be flashier in other ways, but with family it's different because if they worry too much it makes it seem like I can't take care of myself. I feel like more independent if they DON'T ask me about my income, because that then shows that they KNOW I can take care of myself. With strangers I don't really care because my family has different motives, obviously they are good motives; they care about me. I think it bugs cause my family ASKS TOO MUCH ABOUT IT, like it's an issue.

 

But if they worry too much it makes me feel like they still look at me like a child! I always feel like I'm still a child. It's hard to explain.

 

It's not about trust, I do trust them, it's just the invasiveness of the nosiness and them not thinking I can take care of myself. Perhaps they ALSO would worry if I'm a guy, but I'm not a guy so I don't know. I can only imagine that it's because I'm a girl. (even though I could be wrong).

[johan]

I'd tell my parents how much I make, if they asked. It wouldn't be a big deal. It doesn't come up, really. My step-dad and I are in the same field, so they don't really have to ask.

 

My income is pretty far in excess of what my real dad makes. He has no problem sharing how much he makes with me just as part of conversation. But he doesn't ask what I make. I don't tell him. If he asks, I'll tell him. I've always felt like he and his family think of me as a stuck-up college puke, so I'm sensitive about how I present myself. Even driving my Audi to family functions makes me feel kind of conspicuous.

[quankanne]

I think it bugs cause my family ASKS TOO MUCH ABOUT IT, like it's an issue.

 

But if they worry too much it makes me feel like they still look at me like a child! I always feel like I'm still a child. It's hard to explain.

 

It's not about trust, I do trust them, it's just the invasiveness of the nosiness and them not thinking I can take care of myself. Perhaps they ALSO would worry if I'm a guy, but I'm not a guy so I don't know. I can only imagine that it's because I'm a girl. (even though I could be wrong).

 

1: You're their offspring. They're gonna worry because that's what parents do, no matter HOW old you are. My dad still asks if I have enough money to get home whenever I go visit, and I'm fixing to turn 42!!! (Meaning, folks will always worry about their "little" girls and the children who have a harder time financially, be they male or female kids)

 

2: They'll continue to reassure themselves that you really are doing all right and chances are, they'll ask 'til they go to their graves – your grandpa is a prime example. You can tell them from here on out, you don't want to discuss your earnings because you feel uncomfortable for X reasons; however, the larger problem is in YOUR perception of their questioning, and you need to come to terms with it before you make it a bigger issue than they do. I'm just saying.

[Trialbyfire]

1: You're their offspring. They're gonna worry because that's what parents do, no matter HOW old you are. My dad still asks if I have enough money to get home whenever I go visit, and I'm fixing to turn 42!!! (Meaning, folks will always worry about their "little" girls and the children who have a harder time financially, be they male or female kids)

 

My parents worry about all their kids, oldest to youngest. Myself, being the baby of the family, probably gets it worse. That's okay though, because they make up for it in other ways. While their logical mind knows that I can take care of myself, they just need a little bit of reassurance, every so often.

 

I see it as a gesture of love and caring. I would be sad if they didn't care enough to ask about my life.