Do you let your parents know how much money you make?

[Art_Critic]

Do you know or have you known how much money your parents make or have made in the past years ?

[Jilly Bean]

I am very close with my folks, so yes, they know my finances. I have no problem with them knowing. Actually, I like it, because I know it makes them proud to know I am doing well.

 

My brother, on the other hand, is very private, and doesn't share this info with the family.

 

Everyone is different...

 

And Art Critic - yes, I have a pretty good grasp of my parents finances as well. While my Dad was working, I also had a "general" range of their income. Not an exact number, but pretty close.

[cutegirl]

Do you know or have you known how much money your parents make or have made in the past years ?

 

No, I have no idea how much my dad made in the past years...

[cutegirl]

 

I see it as a gesture of love and caring. I would be sad if they didn't care enough to ask about my life.

 

I know, but I wonder if males get the same? Or is it just females?

[Trialbyfire]

There's an interesting perspective to use. If your parents ask you how much you make, you can always ask them how much they make.

 

Btw, I do know how much my parents make for salaries. Zero. They're both retired.

[Trialbyfire]

I know, but I wonder if males get the same? Or is it just females?

My brothers get asked, as well as my sister.

[cutegirl]

There's an interesting perspective to use. If your parents ask you how much you make, you can always ask them how much they make.

 

Btw, I do know how much my parents make for salaries. Zero. They're both retired.

 

Well, my dad asked me last night. I'm weird and passive aggressive so I didn't get mad until the next day. I'm weird, I don't get mad about things until later. It's always retroactive when it's too late to say something. So it's weird to ask how much he makes now. It would have been better if I asked yesterday. I feel weird if I just ask now. I was annoyed though so I did try and pry about the rent. I asked how much he pays and he said "not much because right now they are redoing the ac system). Very smart. Too bad I'm not smart like that. I get goaded easily...

[cutegirl]

My brothers get asked, as well as my sister.

 

That's makes me feel better. It may be immature but I like it when males get patronized. It helps me feel better.

[Trialbyfire]

Well, my dad asked me last night. I'm weird and passive aggressive so I didn't get mad until the next day. I'm weird, I don't get mad about things until later. It's always retroactive when it's too late to say something. So it's weird to ask how much he makes now. It would have been better if I asked yesterday. I feel weird if I just ask now. I was annoyed though so I did try and pry about the rent. I asked how much he pays and he said "not much because right now they are redoing the ac system). Very smart. Too bad I'm not smart like that. I get goaded easily...

If it bothers you that much, next time someone asks you, shrug and say "Enough to live comfortably, thanks for being concerned".

[Green]

I don't think theres anything so great about keeping your finances private. If you have a position at a publicly traded company or work for local or federal government people can find out exactly how much you make any ways. You can always find out about how much some ones house is worth if your curious... When I start a new job I usualy talk about salaries if I can get it out of my co-workers... even if I cant get them to talk I can tell by there reactions to my salary how I did in negoating. From an employers point of view its ilegal to stop people from talking about how much money they make, from a social point of view if done with tact I think theres nothing wrong with talking about how much money you make... I think your anger with your parents have to do with something other then this... this is your scapegoat issue... do what you want though... if you dont want your parents to know things about you I say dont tell them

[cutegirl]

If it bothers you that much, next time someone asks you, shrug and say "Enough to live comfortably, thanks for being concerned".

 

I know, it's too late now though, it's already happened. I already thought of this to say if my family asks, it's just that in the moment when it happens I'm not cool and collected and can't think of what to say. Either I get flustered easily or goaded easily or just too emotional in general and can't think straight.

[cutegirl]

I don't think theres anything so great about keeping your finances private. If you have a position at a publicly traded company or work for local or federal government people can find out exactly how much you make any ways. You can always find out about how much some ones house is worth if your curious... When I start a new job I usualy talk about salaries if I can get it out of my co-workers... even if I cant get them to talk I can tell by there reactions to my salary how I did in negoating. From an employers point of view its ilegal to stop people from talking about how much money they make, from a social point of view if done with tact I think theres nothing wrong with talking about how much money you make... I think your anger with your parents have to do with something other then this... this is your scapegoat issue... do what you want though... if you dont want your parents to know things about you I say dont tell them

 

I don't mind telling friends. I just don't like family ASKING me about it because it shows they think I can't manage on my own. It shows that they worry about me and it annoys me because it makes me think they worry more about me because I'm a girl. And it pisses me off and makes me wishes that I was a guy. I bet if I was a guy everyone would just leave me alone and I would have no hassles. No one would dare ask me if I can "support" myself etc, I'm a man of course I would be able to support myself, but since I'm a woman I must be so weak and inferior and need all kinds of assistance. I think that's what people think. Not just that but it's also rude to ask about money in general.

[quankanne]

I bet if I was a guy everyone would just leave me alone and I would have no hassles.

 

trust me, they wouldn't if they felt you were living beyond your means or knew you had fiancial troubles and they were concerned about you. Again, it goes back to wanting to take care of/protect those we care about. I'm sure there are many posters at The 'Shack who deal with this first-hand, even those who have turned the tables and quizzed their parents about being able to live on an income, because as adults they're aware of others' economic needs.

 

you're gonna drive yourself nuts with this if you don't alter your way of seeing things ... and there are much, much better reasons for going nuts, you know/

[norajane]

I don't mind telling friends. I just don't like family ASKING me about it because it shows they think I can't manage on my own. It shows that they worry about me and it annoys me because it makes me think they worry more about me because I'm a girl. And it pisses me off and makes me wishes that I was a guy. I bet if I was a guy everyone would just leave me alone and I would have no hassles. No one would dare ask me if I can "support" myself etc, I'm a man of course I would be able to support myself, but since I'm a woman I must be so weak and inferior and need all kinds of assistance. I think that's what people think.

 

Again, you are projecting what you think onto others. Just because YOU THINK that's what people think, doesn't mean that's what they REALLY are thinking.

[cutegirl]

Again, you are projecting what you think onto others. Just because YOU THINK that's what people think, doesn't mean that's what they REALLY are thinking.

 

I am not projecting in this case. That is what people think. I ask my dad if they would be as concerned if I was a guy. Yes I ASKED this. And he said probably not because usually guys are thought of as stronger etc. And then I got extremely pissed. So then my dad said "Ohh. but that's only how the old generation thinks. It's not like that anymore."

 

So it's NOT my imagination. People DO think this. It is real. SOME people do still think this.

[cutegirl]

Again, you are projecting what you think onto others. Just because YOU THINK that's what people think, doesn't mean that's what they REALLY are thinking.

 

I am not projecting, this is what they are really thinking. I can do anything a man can. I earn more than most men. I am not weak like people think I am. It's not projecting, it is how it really is. I get enraged when I think about it.

 

I bet you my dad thought that way too but he's just afraid to admit it.

[cutegirl]

And in a way it is considered goading me and egging me on because of course how much I make is none of their business. But what if they are being annoying and guessing and the range is off and I make more than what they guessed? Of course it's going to goad my ego into correcting them that they f'n wrong about what they guessed, I don't want them to think I make less than what they think I do. It's none of their business but it would piss me off because it is INSULTING.

 

They shouldn't have guessed to begin with, because if they guess low it will make me feel itchy inside like I have to correct them because but if they hadn't guessed at all then I wouldn't have told them.

 

And what if I correct them and they don't believe me? Then why be curious and nosy in the first place if you are going to be convinced I make such and such?

[Lizzie60]

I haven't read the whole thread... but I think that unless you have asked them for money, etc... it's not their business.

 

They could be concerned about your welfare...but if you never asked for any money and if they have no reasons to doubt that you are having problems with your finances, they should not ask.

 

I have a good idea how much my daughter and her bf are making.. but I would never ask them about it... What they make and how much they spend is none of my business...

 

I think it's disrespectful for a parent to ask that question to their children... it's like saying : I don't trust your level of maturity and I still want to rule as a parent. It's not fair for the children.

 

When there is NO reason to ask.. then the parent should treat their children as mature adults. IMO.

[Art_Critic]

It's none of their business but it would piss me off because it is INSULTING.

 

Those words in your post make you sound like you are such a wonderful Daughter ...

 

I guess a case could be made that it isn't any of their business.. but to be insulted is going to far..

 

They are your parents.. and like it or not they will a big part of your life forever and since they gave YOU life and food and shelter and an upbringing they will always have a certain tie to you that no one else will have..

 

I think you are trying to make a point with them and by doing so you are going to drive a wedge into the parent/child relationship that only you will suffer from in the future.

 

Why even let it bother you ?.. When they asked you if you were having sex did that insult you ?..

Why not just answer their question with " I'm doing just fine with money Dad and/or Mom..."

 

Water on a ducks back.. that is sometimes the best way to handle parents..

Edited December 30, 2007 by Art_Critic

[curiousnycgirl]

I do not tell my parents how much I make because in their opinion my money is their money. They are completely irresponsible, give them a dime and they spend a dollar. I have had to bail them out on multiple occassions, to the point that there are numerous things I would have liked to have in my life, that I have not been able to afford because of their frivolousness.

 

I do pretty well but there is never enough money for them. My uncle subsidizes their lifestyle, as do I. I have no clue how much my uncle gives them (I'm failry certain it is more than I give), but I give them $2,000 a month and it's still not enough. I finally started giving them a monthly stipend because I was sick and tired of dealing with their emergencies - I figured this was I could budget for their subsidy - and they would have to figure out how to cover everything.

 

Needless to say this has not worked either. I have recently learned they owe over $27K to their house of worship (how embarrassing is that?!). However I have told them I am done, I cannot give them anymore.

 

They don't believe me and feel I should be giving more - to tell the truth I'm not sure how it became my responsibility to support them (they live in one of the best neighborhoods in NY, while I had to move to NJ because I couldn't afford to buy a house in NY) - but there you have it. My siblings do not share in this burden at all. In fact I also subsidize my sister because my parents were doing it and I felt that was absurd since it was just my money going from them to her. The mount my sister takes is far less than my folks, and in truth it bothers me far less than the money I give my parents.

 

Bottom line is that what you share with your parents is purely based on your relationship with them. If you have a close, loving, non judgemental, trusting relationship - then you may tell, if you don't have those things, you won't.

 

Having said that - getting angry about their asking serves no purpose. Just move on.

[norajane]

I have recently learned they owe over $27K to their house of worship (how embarrassing is that?!).

 

How do you end up owing money to a church, and how do you end up owing that much?

 

If your siblings don't feel any need to support your parents, why do you? What is the difference among you that you can't/won't cut them off, but your siblings never give them anything?

[Leikela]

I just don't like family ASKING me about it because it shows they think I can't manage on my own.

 

 

So that's the real issue here! That's why it annoys you because you think this. This isn't neccesarily true!

 

My family is loving and open so I always tell them how much I make. They don't ask, I tell them whenever I get a new job or raise. My Dad, who I'm closer with, will tell me how much he and my Mom makes combined and even how much he makes individually. It's just part of conversation actually. Very casual.

 

I only know how much my sister makes because my parents tell me. She is very secretive about things in general though.

 

Until you keeping thinking it's because your parents think they can't manage on your own, then you'll continue to be annoyed. It could genuinely mean they care about you and want to know you're doing ok out there.

[Lizzie60]

So that's the real issue here! That's why it annoys you because you think this. This isn't neccesarily true!

 

My family is loving and open so I always tell them how much I make. They don't ask, I tell them whenever I get a new job or raise. My Dad, who I'm closer with, will tell me how much he and my Mom makes combined and even how much he makes individually. It's just part of conversation actually. Very casual.

 

I only know how much my sister makes because my parents tell me. She is very secretive about things in general though.

 

Until you keeping thinking it's because your parents think they can't manage on your own, then you'll continue to be annoyed. It could genuinely mean they care about you and want to know you're doing ok out there.

 

I think your parents are very disrespectful here... they do not respect her personal life by telling others how much she makes.

 

Unless they have a reason to ask.. i think they have no reason to.

[norajane]

Until you keeping thinking it's because your parents think they can't manage on your own, then you'll continue to be annoyed. It could genuinely mean they care about you and want to know you're doing ok out there.

 

And if they at least know a ballpark, they might - brace yourself, cutegirl - they might even be HAPPY for you and PROUD of your accomplishments!

[curiousnycgirl]

How do you end up owing money to a church, and how do you end up owing that much?

 

If your siblings don't feel any need to support your parents, why do you? What is the difference among you that you can't/won't cut them off, but your siblings never give them anything?

 

NJ - you end up owing that much when you don't pay your dues, and when you sign up for lectures/suppers/whatever activities, and don't pay for them. Who the hell knows it is a horrifying amount, however since I will NOT do anything about it, I don't feel I can ask about it either.

 

My siblings are much younger than me and each makes considerably less than I do. They are from our mother's second marriage, I am from the first - so the whole dynamic with them is very different. Not saying it is fair - just the way it is. Trust me my therapist is trying desperately to get me to cut them off - but I just can't do it.