Need more advice

[ladyday2u]

What do you do when you have to your spouse that you dont haave feelings for him anymore nor do want him.. He doesnt belive me and wants to hold on to me. We had a good talk and I have told him why I am unhappy and he promises that if his cd selling doesnt go well he will quit and get a job. Thats all well and fine but he is 43 years old what kind of job can he find that will pay him the kind of money he wants, besides we live in Gary Indiana and jobs are hard to find here. I can understand that he loves and wants me, but life with nothing has taken its toll on me. He says we will prosper one day, but when will that day come. I cant keeping sitting around and waiting. I am will to pay child support to him for our son ( cause he wants to stay with him ) and I know it will be tough for me on my own but I am willing to get out there and find a life of my own. In time I know he will get over me. Iam not saying he is lazy but the man hasnt worked a real job since 1982. Since then he worked night clubs as a d.j bring home around 100.00. Maybe if he gave an affair he would get between 400.00 & 500.00., but that wasnt an every week thing. So alot of days we went without. I have led on to belive everything is alright ( I know its wrong ) but he wont give up. I tell him my feelings for him has changed ect. I dont want to be down right mean and tell him to just leave me alone, he is bringing me down and keeping me oppressed, and that he is no good cause a true man with a wife would get of his ass and get a job. I have hurt him too many times, besides I am not tha t mean. So I figure if I just leave when he gets his transportation ( he will be good to go ) he will have no other choice but to accpect it and give me my divorce. I know he is trying to do what he can to keep me but its a little too late. Im not getting any younger and there is a whole world out there. He has big dreams and if he had the money for thoese dreams he would be one hell of a man. He wants a 300,000 dollar home built. Now how in the world would we accomplish that. Thats just one of his dreams. I cant keep living on pipe dreams. Im 43 and have nothing I can say is mine..I should have my own home, a car. all kinds of clothes, jewelery, shoes, coats and anything else a 43 year old should have accomplished in her life. So far I have accomplished nothing in mine and at the rate its going I dont see anything ( not if I stay with him anyway ) He means well but not for me. At times I feel I was not cut out to be a mother or a wife. If I knew then like I know now I would be neither. Even though his mother gets her monthly income I feel that he is begging me because he knows if I leave he will have to get up and get a job, many of his cousins have told me that also. I have made a big mistake by allowing him to sit back and reap the benifits of not working and me bring in my money to help pay the bills when his mothers money runs out. i have needs too. And I dont make that much but I go along and pay the bills to keep the peace, but Im tired now and want my space.

[sissy2go]

Granted I am a bit younger than you, reading about your hubby was like looking at my marriage with my soon to be ex....he had dreams, big dreams, but not enough motivation or money, couln't finish a thing, and I always, always, supported him, as did his Mother...My dreams set aside, and off to my stady job everyday while he tried this, then that, then something else, all the time telling me that "we will get better when our finances get better", and today he is still chasing his dreams, but without me....I left...I tried to be nice, I tried to talk about how we should be supportive and kind to one another because we still have a child to raise, and I wanted us to be the couple that didn't have ex's, rather first's (first wife), much nicer term, I thought we would be able to break easily considering he had moved on anyway...point being, I completely know where you are coming from, and I wish I could tell you some few words that would help you to find your way, but the truth is, if you are unhappy, and he is unwilling to change, or at least try to change, go out and make changes your self....I invested ten years with a man and have NOTHING to show for it, material that is....but I have my wonderful daughter, and a wonderful life, and I am tons happier...it has made a huge difference in both our lives....I still feel guilty about leaving him, because he was so dependant on me, but he was replacing me before I ever thought to leave, so my guilt is my own, just for giving up....but I know it was the right thing....they say it is hard to get over a marriage, even when you know that you want out...I am guessing that you are experiencing the same turmoil that I dealt with...that's what I gather from what I've read...such as when he gets transportation...I'll leave....those things are the things he will do to keep you there because he knows you pity him and do not want to do anything that would leave him in despair...stand up for yourself....you are not helping him any by staying....or yourself....I wish you the best

[nyckey]

I think you should not leave your son with that kind of father, just think what he will turn out. You need to be responsible for what you too brought into this world. If you do leave him and take your son with you, you will be able to show your son what a real man is. How knows maybe in return, your sons outcome might be worth every decision you wan to make. You will see your acomplishments through your sons accomplishments and beleive me if you do this, you will see your son meet a lady and be that father figure, that you know he should be.

 

As we bring kids into this world we have to stop thinking of ourselves, and start thinking of the kids and what will be best for them.

 

Your baby needs you know the most, don't fail him because of the mistakes you made. Show him strenght and love so he can one day thank you for everything when he grows up and becomes a real man!!

 

Hang in there, you can do this....

 

There is support out there for single mothers, all you have to do is get single and be a mother.

 

Good luck!

[Devildog]

Dang, check out the archeologist.

[ladyday37]

i have since gotten a divorce and my sone is with me..we are fine now...thanks for replying.