theidkid Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 Last week, on Monday (June 2, 2003) my girlfriend told me she couldn't be with me anymore. I was shocked. I didn't know how to react, after all, she had just told my sister five days prior that I was the one she was going to spend her entire life with. When I asked why this was happening, she said it was because we didn't see each other enough. This is true. Back in October I started a job that requires me to work overnight, thus since then we only saw eachother one day a week due to conflicting schedules. I didn't know what to do, so I didn't do anything initially, but the next day I completely freaked out. I started calling all the time, going by her house, just completely acting like an idiot. I know it was the wrong reaction, but I couldn't stop myself. On Monday, I got control of myself and started acting like a normal person again. That night I spoke to her like we had always spoken before this happened. She said she was tired of always being in a position of missing me and it was just easier for things to be this way. She said there was nothing bad about me or the relationship, there just wasn't enough time spent together. In three years we never had an argument, and on the rare occasion things could have become an argument, they didn't. Instead, we would talk it out. End of problem. When we were together we were happy. Though there was one point of friction. She wanted to get married, but I always avoided the subject. When she would bring it up, I would quickly push the conversation in another direction, and when she would insist on talking about it, I always said I didn't want to get married. This was a lie. I did want to get married. I thought about it constantly. I was simply afraid it would impact the relationship in a negative way. It was wrong to do this, but I was married once before and this is exactly what happened with that relationship. We got married and everything changed for the worse. When I last spoke to her, on Monday, I told her all of this. I also told her I would marry her if she came back. I haven't spoke to her since. That was two days ago. On a final note, on Monday night/Tuesday morning, I spoke to her sister who is also her roommate. I figure no one knows her better. Her sister told me to give her a little space and she'll probably change her mind, but I'm afraid of giving her too much space as this is what caused the whole situation in the first place. My questions are: 1 Am I doing the right thing? 2 What should my next move be? I love this woman and can't imagine growing old without her. I don't want to blow it. Thanks for any help. -J BTW, her sister says she doesn't do anything but sit at home alone. So, she hasn't found someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Arcane Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 If she's willing to take you back, you could always find a new job that would allow you to spend more time with her. Seems to me that would be the logical thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theidkid Posted June 12, 2003 Author Share Posted June 12, 2003 Yes, I am currently in the process of looking for another job, but it's going to take time. -J Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 When she finds out you're looking for another job with a better work schedule, chances are she'll come around. But let me tell you something.....most women do not like guys who go into fire drill mode to make things better AFTER they have decided to leave. If you reinstate the relationship or start one with somebody else, don't get into a rut that you will regret later. Pay attention to cues and act to make corrections. I think the two of you can get back together...but you have got to understand that your needs are not the same as hers. I think it would be a very nice idea if you asked her at some point what her needs are and what her requirements of a relationship are. If you want to be with her forever, you might find that information to be very helpful and help you avoid future pain. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 I couldn't have said it better than Tony. I also want to add that marriage is a beautiful thing, but it takes alot of work and alot of effort. It's not all candlelight dinner and wine. It's not something you get into and just hope it works out. You have to make it work. If you really want to get married, maybe you should read some books or speak to a counselor and ways that you can succeed in your marriage. Because if you're still avoiding marriage because of what happened in the past, that means you still haven't properly learn how to deal with the issues that led the marriage down the wrong road. Link to post Share on other sites
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