jay6382 Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 The following is a situation that I would like to get some feedback on. Its about me and my daughters mother. We are currently trying to work things out but I have some doubts about her actions and her intentions. So please read and let me know what you think. Send me a message with your opinions or simply comment to the bulletin. Jaime, my daughters mother, has this male friend named Jared. While we were still together I found some letters she had written to him talking about she finally made her decision and left me, and would he be willing to leave his wife for her. Her reason for writing these letters was that she was only venting and had to get that off her mind. Needless to say he left his wife a couple days after we broke up. Now he is calling her numerous times on a daily basis. Every time he calls no matter what time of day it is, 7pm 4am, she answers the phone. Shes lied to me about talking to him on the phone, even when I catch her she still lies about it. She has his number saved in her phone under someone else's name. I asked her about it and she said that is the name of the person who's phone he calls from, but I call the number and the name on the voice male is something totally different. She goes and hangs out with him at his house just about every other day. Sometimes at a reasonable time, but mostly late at night. For example from 12am-6am in the morning, and after he gets out of work at like 4 am. They go to his house, hang out smoke bud and watch movies. Anytime he calls and wants to "chill" with her she wants to drop everything and go. Now we are suppose to be working on our relationship and we are trying to get back together. So my question to you females, if you were in this situation and had a child would you do these things? I suspect that its more than just friends between the two of them. What do you think? Can a female be close friends like this with another male and there be nothing else going on? Link to post Share on other sites
annieo Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 It sounds like she is a lot more than "just friends" with him and she is lying to you to keep you on the back burner, in case she changes her mind. Sorry to sound harsh, I could be wrong, but I can't think of any "friends" that I have who I would hang out with at odd (e.g. middle of the night) hours, who I would drop everything at a moments notice to be with them (unless it was an emergency or something). The fact that she has a child, who I assume is being left behind and hopefully cared for in her absence, makes it sound even more like budding relationship as opposed to friendship. You could voice your concerns to her, but I doubt you will get an honest answer. I think you should think twice about fixing things with her right now. I don't think her heart is completely in it. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 I totally agree with annieo. This woman is playing you, and, presumably, using you to care for your daughter while she goes out at midnight to be with this guy. And yes, I think she's banging him behind your back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jay6382 Posted December 30, 2007 Author Share Posted December 30, 2007 (edited) A budding relationship, that is what I've been suspecting. I have asked her about it and she sticks to her story of them justing being "friends". I want to trust her but it is too suspicious. Any time i confront her about things that are fishy or suspicious she gets mad and says whatever. When we split up she said she has to go find herself and she needs to be happy before she can have a healthy relationship. We still live together and still have sex. I want to give her space and freedom, but I don't agree with her actions and it makes it really hard. And I am the one who cares for our daughter while she is gone, but I care for her 90% of the time. And she has started sleeping an awful lot here lately, and I mean all day. Is that a sign of anything. Edited December 30, 2007 by jay6382 Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Yep, she clearly is involved with him, but no, it is clearly not a "budding" relationship - it's clearly in full bloom. It could be she is unsure of recommitting to you, or, that she just doesn't care what you do, period. Tough call. The others could be right. She's taking you for a ride while you pay her bills, and she provides a home for your child with both parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 So my question to you females, if you were in this situation and had a child would you do these things? Absolutely not, with or without a child, while in a committed relationship. I suspect that its more than just friends between the two of them. What do you think? I agree. If nothing has happened yet, it will happen soon. Can a female be close friends like this with another male and there be nothing else going on? Not to this extent. Put your foot down. Enough is enough. She can either invest in your relationship or she can simply become, your baby's mama. Link to post Share on other sites
EYECANDY000 Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 they are fooling around! If you two are trying to work on your realtionship and she is willing to risk it by speaking with him all types of nights, be at his home , and hiding his number under someone else name. she is cheating! You need to sit her down and tell her she needs to decide on who she wants to be with Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 1, 2008 Share Posted January 1, 2008 They are not 'just friends.' If they were, and there was nothing to it, she wouldn't be hiding him from you, let alone lying about it! Another thing, if he is just a friend, why hasn't he come for dinner to meet you all? Couples who have friends of the opposite sex really should know the person and be included at times in the friendship. HE cannot be part of the picture if you two are trying to get back together. She may think that, and selfishly want that, but it won't work as she has some feelings for him she's allowed to grow and that will prevent her from solely focussing on you and reconnecting with you. You need to get involved and tell her that it's him or you, she cannot have both of you. Or, you make the choice for her...If she wants to go, she can leave but on her own but not with your daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 I am not a female but you would have to be in serious denial to not believe anything is going on. Open your eyes. This guy left his wife to try to be with your wife. This means the chances are pretty good that they have been having an affair. She hangs with him at his home sometimes from late evenings to early morning. I guess they are just playing checkers? She is clearly disrespecting you and playing you for an absolute fool. If the roles were reversed and another woman dumped her husband for you, and you spent all of your free time especially late in the evenings in her home; do you honestly believe your wife would be so accepting as you? You are totally in big time denial. It is quite clear that you are sharing your wife with this other guy. Why in hell would you be accepting of this? Her behavior indicates she has very little respect for you and your relationship. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 And she has started sleeping an awful lot here lately, and I mean all day. Is that a sign of anything. Yes, it means she's not getting any sleep at night - because she's smoking pot and having sex with the other guy all night. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 Yes, it means she's not getting any sleep at night - because she's smoking pot and having sex with the other guy all night. From my experiences, hate to say it; it is true. Tired at random times, showing up to work late, goes to bed earlier than usual on off days. Link to post Share on other sites
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