In cyberspace, no one can hear you scream (warning: longish post)

[Lishy]

I am glad I made you laugh!

 

Well honey I was wondering what the hell made him give you $500 for heroin! That is a very strange thing for a man who loves you to do so I was wondering, that is all.

 

You really must stop being so defensive as it just makes you sound childish and people are taking the time to respond to you and all you are doing is berating them.

 

You sound like you have major issues and maybe there is no one on here who can actually help. It seems you just want us to wave a magic wand and make it all clear. We are humans, not magicians!

 

Now if you want some advice I would tell you that this man is no good, he is a nasty piece if work who has not enabled you to live, he has actually made you reliant on him and lets you down and puts you down at every given opportunity! If you had a child who was being treated this way how whould you feel about it?

 

You are enabling his behaviour and he enjoys putting you down and ridiculing you and you in turn must like it or you would not stay around for it!

 

Grow a backbone and break away from him!

[Carbine]

I understand that you believe that he saved you...but no one can save you but yourself. I think this might be an issue of you not loving yourself. If you don't love yourself, no one will be able to love you....

 

I can't love something that's a jumble of failures, mistakes and 3rd rate pieces.

 

I checked the link... and I was speechless... how can you post the picture of someone else without her knowing about this...

 

This is sooooo wrong...

 

Let me ask you something... would you like your bf or anyone to post a picture of you and make fun of it...

 

 

Do you really expect me to care how she'd feel? The conniving, egotistical SLUT tried to make me look bad just to bring attention to herself. No, of course I wouldn't like it. What's your point??

 

Well honey I was wondering what the hell made him give you $500 for heroin! That is a very strange thing for a man who loves you to do so I was wondering, that is all

 

He gave it to me because I am flat, flat, flat broke at this moment. I've had my car rego and insurance to pay in the same week, on top of going on holiday and all the normal bills.

[Lizzie60]

My point... you can't figure out what my point is... hummm interesting...

 

You have huge personal issues my dear... you need to make a good 'self examination'...

 

Why don't you post a picture of yourself if this is no big deal..

[Lishy]

But you didnt say he gave you the money as you was broke, you said he gave it for you to buy heroin and take an overdose.

[cj1988]

Ok, step back and breath honey ! I was reading this andif you are 127 and over weight then you must be 4 foot tall. I am 5 foot 6 almost 7 and weigh 121 and I am really UNDER weight.

 

It sounds as if you have had a hard life and I am sorry for that, so have I....but this man does not care about you at all. My EXH was the same way about me except the looks part. I was nice looking, but he would still find another reason to be mean. His freinds were a--holes and I would try and be nice to them, but you cannot be nice to idiots !

 

You need some real friends that can love and help you through this ! Real freinds will never care what you look like or what you do, they just care for you !

[Carbine]

But you didnt say he gave you the money as you was broke, you said he gave it for you to buy heroin and take an overdose.

 

As stated, I felt that there was no reason to continue with life at that moment and couldn't bear the pain of what I was going through anymore. An overdose was the suggested method because it is apparently painless, easy and almost guaranteed not to f*ck up and leave you in a wheelchair or something. Apparently it does not come cheap either.

[Lishy]

Carbine why have you posted here?

 

WHat are you looking for?

[Carbine]

Carbine why have you posted here?

 

WHat are you looking for?

 

I want him back.

[Lishy]

He isnt here

 

Sign off and go find him and when you do then handcuff yourself to him and beg scream and cry until he loves you in the way you deserve!

 

Grow a backbone woman!

[Kasan]

I want him back.

 

You need to require more of yourself and of your relationships.

 

It will always be something with this man--so, you lose the weight, what will it be the next criteria that he comes up with for him to love you?

 

Many of us walk this earth a few pounds overweight, but we find a fulfilling life with yes, even someone to love us.

 

We all have our flaws, and obstacles to overcome, but I wouldn't jump through hoops like you are doing just to have a man love me.

 

I seriously doubt if he is worthy of you!

[Carbine]

kasan: So you're saying that I should just accept my failure, let him go and wait till someone who is desperate enough to put up with me comes along? If that's the case then maybe it's better coming home to an empty house and empty bed for the rest of my life

[LucreziaBorgia]

I want him back.

 

In your posts you have listed some really horrible things about him, but I have not seen any evidence of why you would want someone like this back. What are his good qualities? What does he do to make you feel good about your self? You keep telling us and yourself that you can't live without this guy, but I can't for the life of me figure out why. Make a list - see how many good things you can list. I'm curious as to whether there are any. You may be addicted to this guy like a crackhead is addicted to crack - which is to say you need him, but he will end up stripping you down to nothing and killing you, which given your attitude toward yourself it sounds like deep down that is what you want.

Edited January 2, 2008 by LucreziaBorgia

[Kasan]

kasan: So you're saying that I should just accept my failure, let him go and wait till someone who is desperate enough to put up with me comes along? If that's the case then maybe it's better coming home to an empty house and empty bed for the rest of my life

 

Sweetie, you need to accept his failure, and let him go. He failed you in every way from what I have read.

 

Why do you feel that only someone desperate will be able to love you?

 

You need to change how you see yourself--where did you get the idea that you deserved less?

[Carbine]

Lucrezia: he's fun to be around, he's kind, he's exceeedingly honest, he lives a simple and uncomplicated life, he makes me laugh, he's generous, he goes out on a limb to help those he cares about, he's hardworking, he's unpretentious, he doesn't try to manipulate people, he tries to encourage me to work hard, live healthily and think positively, he gives fantastic hugs, I love laying in his arms when we're going off to sleep and waking up next to him in the morning.

[Mz. Pixie]

Mz Pixie: I wonder how many times I have to say it for the message to sink in - I HAVE TRIED following those suggestions BUT they have NOT WORKED.

 

Wow, inpatient treatment huh? That sounds pretty serious. And what do you suppose they commit me for?

 

 

 

If I thought it was worth explaining, Otter, I would. But I'm not going to waste my energy going through the graphic, intimate details of why, just so pompous idiots like Mz Pixie and the rest of them can have fun trying to tear it all apart. Understand this: 20 years ago I had my life taken away from me. Every second since then has was spent in agony - all in the name of survival. He changed all that. He turned my survival back into a life and what's more, into a life that's worth living. That's why.

 

Inpatient treatment for this obsession you have with this man. It's incredible.

 

I'm sorry you feel that I'm being pompous and I'm certainly not an idiot. You just want to tear me down because I'm not telling you what you want to hear.

 

B-O and I and several others here have survived some horrible stuff in our pasts. Mine in particular was every type of abuse you could ever suffer- mental, sexual, emotional and physical. So, I have suffered and survived some really bad stuff and I can promise you with 100 percent accuracy that I would never put up with this kind of crap from a man in my life. Especially one that I don't have children with.

 

The fact that you will and want him back still tells me that you need some serious help.

[blind_otter]

There's a difference between surviving and thriving. You need to find out how to thrive, and be happy on your own. If you still want him, he will see you doing the work and appreciate that you are trying to love yourself.

 

I've been in relationships not loving myself, and with people who didn't love themselves. It's exhausting and no one should have to deal with that pressure.

[Mz. Pixie]

I want him back.

 

Here is the root of the problem. We're telling you that you shouldn't want him back. He's gone, you need to accept this and move on from it.

 

Don't say you can't- because you can. There are tons of people who have been through what you're going through and worse and you can get over him. The trouble is that you don't want to. In some way you must be enjoying this because you continue to accept it.

 

I'm sure that's not what you want to hear but if you were my sister or my best friend I would be getting you away from him so fast it would make his head spin.

 

He's enjoying leading you on, and he is beyond cruel to tell you if you had a better body he'd be with you. And you called me pompous??

 

He sounds real fun to be around- slapping and punching?? Please. No matter who is hitting who this is still an abusive relationship. No man has ever put his hands on me since my stepfather beat me for the last time, and if they did it would be their last time- because I wouldn't take it and that person would be out of my life.

 

As far as this other woman goes, she is not the problem, he is. She's not twisting his arm to go out with her and she hasn't brainwashed him. He obviously wants to be with her or he wouldn't.

[Kasan]

Lucrezia: he's fun to be around, he's kind, he's exceeedingly honest, he lives a simple and uncomplicated life, he makes me laugh, he's generous, he goes out on a limb to help those he cares about, he's hardworking, he's unpretentious, he doesn't try to manipulate people, he tries to encourage me to work hard, live healthily and think positively, he gives fantastic hugs, I love laying in his arms when we're going off to sleep and waking up next to him in the morning.

 

I am glad this question was asked, as I didn't see any of these qualities in your postings.

 

Didn't you say that he lied to you? I guess him giving you $500 to get some heroin to kill yourself could be considered generous.

[Carbine]

kasan: no, I failed him. He tried so hard to help me and I threw it back in his face because I was hurting so badly at the time. I can't forgive myself for that.

 

Why do I deserve less? The feedback I keep getting from life tells me that i'm not good enough. Every piece of effort I've made has amounted to nothing. I screw up every opportunity that I have, and have no actual gifts or talents to build upon. It's soul destroying. I feel worthless. I AM worthless.

 

It's 4.30am, i'm exhausted and gonna go to bed.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Why do I deserve less? The feedback I keep getting from life tells me that i'm not good enough. Every piece of effort I've made has amounted to nothing. I screw up every opportunity that I have, and have no actual gifts or talents to build upon. It's soul destroying. I feel worthless. I AM worthless.

 

I was there once upon a time. I also found myself addicted to people who helped enable that. Why? Because when your misery becomes your reality, you tend to surround yourself with people who keep you in your comfortable reality even when it is a horribly self depreciating one.

 

I hope you will find a way out.

[shadowplay]

Do you really expect me to care how she'd feel? The conniving, egotistical SLUT tried to make me look bad just to bring attention to herself. No, of course I wouldn't like it. What's your point??

 

It doesn't matter how you feel about this woman. It's wrong to post her personal photo on the internet without her consent and then make fun of her. I feel sorry for you because your life sounds miserable, but in all honesty you don't seem like a good person.

 

I'll reiterate what others have said. Nobody can help you until you help yourself. You sound completely determined not to make any effort to help yourself. It's the same with therapy. It doesn't matter how good your therapist is -- if you're not willing to change, you won't. Therapy and self improvement take a lot work. You're clinging to self defeating behaviors, which is the lazy approach.

Edited January 2, 2008 by shadowplay

[Kasan]

when you wake up--

 

We have all done stupid things when we have been in love. We turn a blind eye to hurtful things that our partners have done to us, twist the deeds until we finally believe that we are the ones at fault and deserve to be treated this way.

 

Somewhere along the line, most of us wake-up, heal, and get the necessary prospective to move on and grow as a person, determined not to repeat the same mistakes.

 

I don't have any magic words to make you see what the rest of us posting here see. You need to do whatever it takes to heal yourself.

 

It's not normal to feel the way that you feel about yourself, and even thinking of harming yourself should be a huge red flag to you.

 

The fact that you are posting here gives me a glimmer of hope that somewhere deep down inside you think that something is not right.

 

No man will ever be right for you, until you get right with yourself. It's not about your weight, or the color of your hair, it's how you feel about yourself. You need to set boundaries on how you want to be treated, and don't settle for anything else, because you will be cheating yourself.

[shadowplay]

I wonder why you're even posting on advice forum when you're unwilling to entertain any advice that isn't what you want to hear. You wonder why everyone keeps telling you, like a broken record, to get professional help. Have you considered that you keep getting the same response because that's the right answer? You say you've "tried" therapy, but you haven't really tried. Therapy takes a lot of work. You don't magically get better by sitting in a room and talking about your problems once a week. You have to make a concerted effort to change, and you're not willing to do that.

[insanelyjelous]

Hello Carbine,

 

I have just finished reading through all the posts and I have to say that I really do feel for you, i'm sorry that you feel like your worthless, but you must know that your not!

I know that life can be hard and sometimes you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel where your continually being kicked back but trust me it's there...

Some men are real a**holes but so are some women, and I have to say that your ex obviously never deserved you in the first place, if he is telling you that you should lose weight, bleach your hair, tone up and change your personality then it's not you who he wanted in the first place it's a barbie doll!

 

Please take some time out to find yourself, any man who requires you to change to meet his specifications will never truly love you and you should only be doing such drastic things for yourself not anyone else.

 

I know it will be hard but believe me you can live without him, you deserve so much better, try and find a counsellor who can help you with your low self esteem issues because i think that's the only reason that you want this guy, you sound like you don't think you can find anyone better than him and are willing to put up with anything he dishes out just to keep him (i'm speaking from my own experience here)

Once you find yourself you'll realise that your worth so much more, do you have any family that you can turn to for support?

A counsellor I was speaking to recommended a book called Re-inventing your life which I found a great help for my own issues....

 

Ultimately you have to want to try and help yourself, I know you said you have but then does that mean because something doesn't work you just give up? No... you said so yourself, you don't want to give up on this man and you've done everything to try and keep him, but in that process it seems like you've given up on yourself and thats a sad sad thing.

 

You are SOMEBODY!

[Trialbyfire]

I wonder why you're even posting on advice forum when you're unwilling to entertain any advice that isn't what you want to hear. You wonder why everyone keeps telling you, like a broken record, to get professional help. Have you considered that you keep getting the same response because that's the right answer? You say you've "tried" therapy, but you haven't really tried. Therapy takes a lot of work. You don't magically get better by sitting in a room and talking about your problems once a week. You have to make a concerted effort to change, and you're not willing to do that.

Excellent points shadowplay. Therapy is hard work. It's for people who truly want to help themselves, not a miracle cure for people who want to remain trapped, by themselves.