bamf Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 To keep it simple, assume your ex and you broke up and your ex said that he/she broke up with you because of some reason (cheating was not a reason). However, you also have reason to believe that your ex cheated on you. Would you want to know the truth? Or would you rather not know and believe the reason your ex gave? Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 If I had reason to believe my ex cheated, I wouldn't believe the reason she gave me to begin, so I'd want to know. The only reasons I accept -- if there have not been fights or poor treatment -- are "I'm sorry, but my feelings for you aren't progressing. You aren't the one. This isn't working out." "I need space; I'm not ready; I'm too busy; blah blah blah" are all just thin veiled excuses, so if I had reason to believe something else was going on, I wouldn't believe them and would want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
THE THRONE Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 If I had reason to believe my ex cheated, I wouldn't believe the reason she gave me to begin, so I'd want to know. The only reasons I accept -- if there have not been fights or poor treatment -- are "I'm sorry, but my feelings for you aren't progressing. You aren't the one. This isn't working out." "I need space; I'm not ready; I'm too busy; blah blah blah" are all just thin veiled excuses, so if I had reason to believe something else was going on, I wouldn't believe them and would want to know. Good answer. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I had such an experience, and months after the breakup he called me out of the blue and I got him to admit the truth. I actually felt better, in the sense that I knew now I wasn't making it all up in my head. I was right from the start. Good intuition. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 A double-edged question. If something like this were to happen, then yes, I would like to know. The ostrich-thing is not for me. Then I would have to kill him, because the maiming from the breaking up wouldn't be enough. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Then I would have to kill him, because the maiming from the breaking up wouldn't be enough. HAHAHAHA. Quote of 2008 so far. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 HAHAHAHA. Quote of 2008 so far. Hey, you know I was serious. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I think so. I mean if I'm like I didnt know and she hit me outta the blue with it. But If I know she cheated what can she say that will make things better? What can she say to make things right? Nothing. I just would like to know in the event that I need to take an STD test because of her trfiling ways. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Yes I would I actualy did break up with one bf once and I honestly feel he did betray me with a good friend of mine on some level at least once. It was his bday he use to live about a hour and half away he made plans to come visit me. Calls tells me hes on his way great! I wait and wait and wait he showes up finaly like 5 mins before his buss leaves to go back home. I get a quick hello and a hug then hes off to make it home before work! I thought that was really odd later I find out he was at her house most of the day with out me knowing as I'm wateing for him like a morron. Looking back I guess its obveious ha? But I mean yea I would have liked to know 100% so I could have decided how to go from there. She swore up and down nothing happned but that was a odd day for sure yea closeure is always a nice thing. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I've been on both sides of this before. I have been cheated on and have done the cheating. Infidelity is an ugly thing. If the person broke up with me, then they were going to break up with me regardless if there is / was someone else. There's no point in rubbing salt into the wounds. You will be dealing with your own troubles. Close the book on the relationship and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamf Posted January 5, 2008 Author Share Posted January 5, 2008 Good points. I think one of the big cons of confronting the ex to find out the truth is the risk of being incorrect. In that case, the ex will likely be insulted or offended that you questioned his/her character, potentially destroying anything good that was left between the two of you. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Good points. I think one of the big cons of confronting the ex to find out the truth is the risk of being incorrect. In that case, the ex will likely be insulted or offended that you questioned his/her character, potentially destroying anything good that was left between the two of you. True enough but I think if there are obvious things that point to the possibility then one has the right to bring it up. Link to post Share on other sites
HisLove Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 It would depend on why the relationship ended. If I had suspicions or a gut feeling that something was off then it would be good to have that validated. If the relationship broke down of it's own accord and I had no idea of suspicion or cheating, then I can't think what good a confession would do. The relationship is over, no point in bayonetting the wounded. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I doubt it would matter anymore to me if I find out the ex cheated or he admitted with cheating on me during the relationship - its over now so it doesnt matter to me. I have known the ex has cheated on me during the relationship - if you dont want to be caught cheating then dont leave your secret created email inbox and msn messenger up and open on full screen with like over 50 emails from one particular name on full screen Link to post Share on other sites
flosslight Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I would want to know. Like Chrome said, then you would know you would have to get tested though probably good idea to do it no matter what. It would really depend on how long ago and how much they were in my life. If it has been years and they are not in my life, then I would not want to know because it would just make me angry. If the break up was more recent or we were trying to be friends, then hell yes. That would help with coping with the break up and I would never be their friend. Link to post Share on other sites
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