I've gotten myself nice and torn up emotionally.

[RsTears]

I know this is long. I just have to get this out of my mind and I don't have a whole lot of options of people to talk to.

 

Hello everyone, I’ve been lurking among your forums and I decided I would just share what’s been weighing on my mind and see what all you great advice givers think.

 

I’m 31 years old and have been with my husband since I was 17. He was my first true love. We have two children together. Over the last couple of years the spark has been fading between us. Things aren't getting bad… they are just changing. It almost feels some times that we are just friends who have remained together. We are both gamers and have played MMORPG’s and other online activities ever since we’ve been together. Now he plays his console games and I sit at the computer during our free time.

 

I have never cheated on him and know that he’s never cheated on me. I’ve just had this feeling that something has been missing. I’m a Sag, and about the only thing I’ve ever been committed to is my husband and the kids. I’m a homebody though, I rarely go out. I have very few girlfriends and I never really feel the need to have more than a couple.

 

About six or seven months ago I joined a different virtual reality. And I met someone there who captured my interest in a way that no one else ever has. Over the last ten years I’ve befriended, socialized and played with hundreds of people in virtual realities, either games, chat rooms, or xbox live…

 

I used the online virtual reality to be different. There I was single, childless and there to have fun and socialize. I would flirt, chat, listen to music, and yes, have some cyber sex… My husband knew of all my activities and enjoyed getting the reward in the bedroom from my late night activities. It felt good and made me happy to have this social life right there in the comfort of my home. I just get a feel of that spark that I’ve been missing lately. I did not go to find a relationship; I certainly wasn’t looking to develop any feelings for anyone… especially since in all my online time I’ve never even been tempted.

 

I would not tell people I was married nor had children. Mostly because this was my fantasy and outlet… and because there are some scary people out there and the less virtual strangers know about my real life the better. But then I met this man and I was tempted, very tempted. I was in lust with him and loved talking to him. We share so many of the same interests. I’m a creative spirit, a writer… he’s an artist, he wrote me a poem, no one has ever done that. I thought that I was in lust for him and in love with the idea of him and what he represented… but the feelings have gone much deeper than that. I think of him constantly.

 

Because I met him like everyone else I hadn’t told him about my family. As my feelings have grown stronger for him, my conscience has started letting me know that it’s not right to let him feel so strongly about me without him knowing. He tells his friends about me, he has printed a picture of me to put in his bedroom, he tells me how much he loves me. I just feel so terrible…As our feelings grew I was afraid to tell him, thinking that he would not want to be with me anymore… But, I know that is wrong. So today I gathered my courage and I sent him an email, I couldn’t do it over the voice or chat channels, I just wasn’t strong enough to do that…. So I went the passive route and sent the note… I don’t want him to decide he doesn’t want to associate with me anymore… but I also don’t want our feelings to grow under false pretenses… even though he’s never asked, I felt the omission was too important now.

 

Beyond that, I don’t know what to tell my husband. He knows who I socialize with and what I do… he just doesn’t know how I feel. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I feel torn. Did I do the right thing? Should I have kept my fantasy going? I don’t know I think I just needed to get that off my chest and see what you all thought.

Edited January 2, 2008 by RsTears
had formatting things showing up.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you want your husband to be honest with you? You owe it to your husband and your marriage to tell your husband what you have been feeling toward this OM and I think you know this also. I wish you luck.

[cj1988]

You did the right thing indeed. Now you need to focus on what is missing from your marriage and with your H. Like Bryan said, how would you feel if you found out your H was doing that to you and telling some woman he loved her, worse that you find out he is thinking of HER constantly !