evelynlj Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 I need advice from people who haven't been listening to this saga for the past 3 three years. I met this guy 3 years ago and was immediately infatuated with him. We work together. I am 31 and he is 32. Since then, we have become pretty good friends and I have fallen in love with him. Although we don't discuss it, I pretty sure he knows. Neither one of us is in another relationship. He is somewhat of a playboy. He knows that I am the quintessential nice girl and that I am looking for the whole deal, marriage, etc. We have never slept together or even kissed, other than friendly pecks. My problem is that I don't understand his actions or motives. He gets jealous of other guys I go out with. He said he is going to take me to dinner to thank me for something I did for him. He confides in me, trusts me, relies on me, etc. He picked me a flower recently. None of his friends have ever hit on me, which I find strange since I am relatively attractive. He calls late at night for reasons that could clearly wait until business hours. I got pretty drunk at his house last summer and was hanging all over him, he didn't discourage it. We also fight sometimes. He does things that are insensitive sometimes and I tend to throw a temper tantrum. He hassles me until I cave and forgive him and the whole thing starts over again. I also realize that I probably get my feelings hurt more because I love him. It is really exhausting. I have tried to end the friendship, but with working together and him being so darn charming, I haven't succeeded. It really bothers him when I am upset with him. All of these things are happening and yet the relationship stays at this strange level. I feel like we are not really friends, but also not more than friends. I find myself wondering if he has feelings for me and is just not ready to give up bachelorhood and that is why we haven't progressed to a romantic level. Or maybe he doesn't want to get involved with someone he works with. Or maybe he just isn't attracted to me. Or he doesn't want to ruin our friendship. Is there more going on here than meets the eye or am I reading too much into everything because I want something to be there? I would appreciate any advice. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 you say that you're pretty sure he knows how you feel, even though you haven't discussed it ... honey, you've got to communicate with the guy and let him know how you feel or at least ask him if this relationship is romance-bound! Kind of a scary step because you wonder if you're going to hear what you hope to hear, but I think it's better than being stuck in the limbo you've described. If his friends haven't hit on you, maybe they think of you as "his girl"? You won't know for sure until you ask him where the two of you stand. This sounds pretty dang romantic, Evelyn, and I hope this works out ... good luck getting your guy, and let us know how it turns out! quank Link to post Share on other sites
km82794 Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 I say ditto to Quank's answer. You never know until you try. I have a good feeling you won't be disappointed!!! Best of Luck!!!! (now go get your man)! Link to post Share on other sites
lil_bad_girl44 Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 Girl, I know exactly where you're at. He thinks hes a player cause its the cool thing and he's probubly scared to seattle down and you are probubly seattle down material to him. He could have just slept with and left it at that...but he didn't so he cares. You need to tell him how you feel, tell him you dont want to play petty games and you want to start dating. He doesn't have to be youre boyfriend, but just give you a chance. Ifhe says no, walk awaY. No phone calls, no lunches dinners, flirting sessions, nothin', and I swear he'll come a runnin'!!! Please let me know how things go!! Link to post Share on other sites
evelynlj Posted June 16, 2003 Share Posted June 16, 2003 Hi Girls, Well, I cannot come clean with him. I can't put myself out there like that. Also, I was open about it the first year of our friendship and I got sick of him playing with me, so started acting I was over him. I've decided to start putting distance between us. No calls, no chatting in my office, nothing. It's clearly bugging him. He is going out of his to say hi, etc. So we'll see how he can handle me being unavailable to him. If he has feelings for me, then this will hopefully bring them out. If not, then I'll be better off than I am now, and not pining for someone who doesn't feel the same way. Thanks for the advice and I hope your issues work themselves out as well. Eve Link to post Share on other sites
BadMan Posted June 17, 2003 Share Posted June 17, 2003 3 years and no kiss? Link to post Share on other sites
evelynlj Posted June 18, 2003 Share Posted June 18, 2003 Just "friend"ly kisses. Sucks, don't it? Link to post Share on other sites
pleasehelpme Posted June 18, 2003 Share Posted June 18, 2003 If you're going to take a gamble, I would say you should gamble on just spilling your guts. It is better than waiting it out any longer by ignoring him. If you ignore him, you're taking a gamble that he will come fleeing to you. What's been going on the last 3 years between you two is a clear sign that this would be a horrible chance to take. Another thing is that intentions can be easily mistaken between people. Think twice before you do something. Just be clear cut. If you really want to be more than friends, then this is what you must do. Just be truthful - to him and to yourself. And never second guess what you want to do. Go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
evelynlj Posted July 11, 2003 Share Posted July 11, 2003 Here's the latest: I didn't spill my guts. I have been very aloof with him for the past month. So he called me the other day and confronted me about why I haven't been myself. I pretty much blew him off. I was caught off guard and wasn't prepared. So I decided to talk to him and tried to call him a half hour later and he didn't answer and didn't call me back. So yesterday, he cornered me in the office and then tried to pretend he didn't realize I'd called him back. I told him that I didn't want to discuss it at work and to call me later. He didn't call. So I'm not sure what my next step should be. I kind of feel like he should make the effort now since I tried to call him the other day and he decided to pout and not call back. I think the root of my problem is that I care for him more than he cares for me and it is very hard to maintain a friendship in such a situation. What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
Gray Posted July 11, 2003 Share Posted July 11, 2003 Originally posted by evelynlj None of his friends have ever hit on me, which I find strange since I am relatively attractive. Reminds me of the American Beauty line... Angela Hayes: What a freak! And why does he dress like a bible salesman? Jane Burnham: He's just so confident, it can't be real. Angela Hayes: I don't believe him. I mean, he didn't even like, look at me once! It sounds like you're stuck in the friend zone. And I had no idea that could happen to women too. Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Posted July 12, 2003 Board of Directors Share Posted July 12, 2003 Originally posted by Gray Reminds me of the American Beauty line... Hey! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?postid=91690#post91690 Link to post Share on other sites
Gray Posted July 13, 2003 Share Posted July 13, 2003 Ha! I knew I had that line in my head for a reason but I couldn't think from where. I give total credit to you on that one. Link to post Share on other sites
evelynlj Posted July 14, 2003 Share Posted July 14, 2003 let's focus...I'm not saying that I think every man should hit on me, I just think it's weird that that not one of his friends has ever tried to hook up with me. Does that sound conceited, because that is not my intention? Anyway, he hasn't asked me again what's wrong, but he did stop by my house the other night and drop off a book I loaned him because I needed it and he kept forgetting to bring it to the office. I don't know if he knocked or not because I wasn't home, he left it on the patio. At this point, should I try to explain to him how I feel, or just let it go? Any ideas would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Gray Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 When you say explain how you feel, you mean tell him that you have feelings for him? If thats the case, I would definately go with that option over not saying anything. I mean why give up a chance at something good to save some possible embarrasment. Most guys have to do it everytime we ask a new girl out. But I'm getting two vibes. Either you're stuck in the friendzone and he really does only see you as a friend. Or maybe he's just shy. As for the other guys not hitting on you; yes it sounded conceited, and we'll let it slide. I for one would not hit on a friend's friend unless he specifically said "Hey she's interested in you." So he could just have good friends. Link to post Share on other sites
evelynlj Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I have decided that I am going to cut him out of my life. The man is not stupid, he knows I have feelings for him. It is just too hard to be his friend while he sleeps around with God knows how many women. It hurts too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Nazima Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 If the guy is sleeping around with who knows how many women, then he's just a player and you don't need to be another notch on his belt! Find someone else who will be interested in just you and don't give this guy a second thought! Link to post Share on other sites
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