i need

[sad and confused]

i have been with my boyfriend for 3months now and i have known about his problem for about a month. i really feel he is addicted to porn and sex. i have no idea where to start with this... the first time i caught him it was in the middle of the night and he had gotten up and went into the computer room. i woke up and went to look for him. the door was locked so i knocked and he didnt answer, so... i popped the lock. he was passed out on the couch. lotion was next to him and a towel as well. i just walked up like i didnt realize and kissed him on the forehead and he jumped but acted happy to see me as he slid the towel on the floor as if i didnt see. he's locked himself in there many times since. i also find that he goes in the bathroom and does his buisness quite often as well. it makes me sick literally. i cant handle it. the worst part is he does it when im there, he thinks im sleeping but still. hes gotten worse with it and i just dont know what to do anymore. because he is an amazing guy and other than this problem i see know wrong in him he is so wonderful. it really hurts me and makes me feel like im not good enough. i find it disrespectful to me and it makes me naseaus. i wish i never new. i would have never suspected this at all. but once i caught him it was in my mind so i kept on it and looked for the signs. i also found "male toys" if youd call it, in his closet. he doesnt know that i found that. ive tried to talk to him many times about my issue with this and where i stand and how i feel. he just gets defensive and thinks hes doing nothing wrong. he acts like he doesnt know what im talking about. that makes it worse that he lies about it. i wish we could just talk about it. i cant hold this in anymore its really upsetting me and i feel it affecting our relationship already. i dont want to lose him over something so pathetic and stupid. please help... :sick:

[Tyra]

Well, this situation is a hard one. If I were you, I would say 'Sweetheart, we can make our own movies if you like, but you and this porn, to me is very disrespectful. Or just ask him to get rid of the porn. By the way, do the two of you have sex a lot or occasionally.

[amisconception]

1.) jacking off is completely natural and shouldn't be looked down upon

2.) maybe you're not as hot as the girls he's jacking off to in the porn

3.) maybe you're just insecure and feel threatened because you're not the catchall of his erotic desires

 

maybe you should do some of the freaky stuff he likes and get in on it instead of treating it like a crime - turn this into something positive - at least he has a sex drive.

[amisconception]

Well, this situation is a hard one. If I were you, I would say 'Sweetheart, we can make our own movies if you like, but you and this porn, to me is very disrespectful. Or just ask him to get rid of the porn. By the way, do the two of you have sex a lot or occasionally.

 

 

Asking a man to get rid of his porn is incredibly f*cked up.

 

Stop being so insecure.

[Tyra]

Awww sweatheart, I'm sorry i offended you, lmao.

[annieo]

1.) jacking off is completely natural and shouldn't be looked down upon

2.) maybe you're not as hot as the girls he's jacking off to in the porn

3.) maybe you're just insecure and feel threatened because you're not the catchall of his erotic desires

 

maybe you should do some of the freaky stuff he likes and get in on it instead of treating it like a crime - turn this into something positive - at least he has a sex drive.

 

1. I agree, I do it (well, rub one off), my h does it, most people do, totally normal. With or without visual aids (which, by the way, women use, too - or me, anyways).

2. Getting kind of sick of this one. If you're with a woman, I would assume you find her attractive and if you're not a complete *******, you don't go around rating her next to surgically, cosmetically, digitally enhanced pseudo-females on a regular basis. None of the porn girls look like they do on film when they get up in the morning, no make up, lighting, camera angles etc. Be realistic. And by the way, you probably don't have ripped abs, a pretty boy face and a cucumber-sized dick.

3. Of course she feels insecure, he's hiding **** from her.

Why is this her fault?

[D-Lish]

The whole masturbation thing really is quite normal.

And I agree- woman are as visually stimulated as men when it comes to sex.

 

I haven't met a male yet that doesn't admit to surfing porn, liking porn, etc. I also know copious amounts of females that enjoy it as well.

 

Perhaps the problem lies- not with what he is doing- but how you make him feel about it. If he feels shamed for doing it, he won't open up to you and talk about it. So if you approach him as an upset girlfriend, it's going to embarrass him and make him feel defensive.

 

This is obviously something that is affecting you- I don't want to sound like I am ignoring your feelings. I only suggest that you change your approach. It sounds as if he has a high sex drive- and the fact that he masturbates to pornography sometimes is not a reflection of his disinterest in you.

 

I think if you show some interest in acting out some of his fantasies, maybe even ask if you could watch a clip together... you might disarm him and disable the tension you are both feeling.

 

Woman have toys, men have toys, sex can be a lot of fun if you're open to experiencing new things with your partner.

 

But in order to have a real discussion, you'll have to let go of the accusatory behavior and approach it in a more gentle open manner. Ask him to discuss his turn on's- and maybe you could explore some of your own. It might be a great way to establish a deeper connection. The more comfortable he knows you are- the more open he will be to talking to you about it.

[amisconception]

The whole masturbation thing really is quite normal.

And I agree- woman are as visually stimulated as men when it comes to sex.

 

I haven't met a male yet that doesn't admit to surfing porn, liking porn, etc. I also know copious amounts of females that enjoy it as well.

 

Perhaps the problem lies- not with what he is doing- but how you make him feel about it. If he feels shamed for doing it, he won't open up to you and talk about it. So if you approach him as an upset girlfriend, it's going to embarrass him and make him feel defensive.

 

This is obviously something that is affecting you- I don't want to sound like I am ignoring your feelings. I only suggest that you change your approach. It sounds as if he has a high sex drive- and the fact that he masturbates to pornography sometimes is not a reflection of his disinterest in you.

 

I think if you show some interest in acting out some of his fantasies, maybe even ask if you could watch a clip together... you might disarm him and disable the tension you are both feeling.

 

Woman have toys, men have toys, sex can be a lot of fun if you're open to experiencing new things with your partner.

 

But in order to have a real discussion, you'll have to let go of the accusatory behavior and approach it in a more gentle open manner. Ask him to discuss his turn on's- and maybe you could explore some of your own. It might be a great way to establish a deeper connection. The more comfortable he knows you are- the more open he will be to talking to you about it.

 

props.

[amisconception]

Awww sweatheart, I'm sorry i offended you, lmao.

 

 

you couldn't offend me if you tried.

[Trialbyfire]

Has his hobby affected your sex life, in that he's not as interested in sleeping with you? If so, you do have a valid concern.

 

While porn and toys aren't my thing, I also agree that masturbation is pretty normal. Most guys do watch porn, of some kind. Also, most guys can separate fantasy from reality.

 

I do find it odd that he goes to such great lengths to hide it from you, especially by locking the door. Kind of creepy, IMO.

[GangstaGrillz]

It's natural for a guy to do his thing. But to try to sneak to do it aint necessary. I got a couple of movies, but when my girlfriend told me that she wanted me to get rid of some of them, I ain't have no problem with it. Her asking me to get rid of them wasn't ****ed up in no kind of way. I just respected it.