AndyW Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 I am 32 and so is my girlfriend. We have been together a year and a half. She mentioned a month ago that she might go see a friend for a few days around new years. Didn't think much of it. About 6 days ago I said are you going away and she says yes, I am going to be gone all week. She had already taken the time off and never mentioned anything to me. I said that seems like a long time. I said where are you saying. She said her friend rented a cabin and ten of them were going. This bothered me. I think she is a dick for not inviting me. It is one thing to go away for a few days with a girlfriend but another to go away with a group of 10 and not included me. Made me feel kind of like crap. She clearly didn't want me there. What are everyone's thoughts on this? If rolls were reversed I clearly would ask her to go and want her there. Link to post Share on other sites
marcus0884 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Hey Andy. Same thing happend to me with one of my now exs. Maybe its the same girl haha. Anyway , that is really harsh of her to do and yes it does kinda seem like she doesnt want you there. However, have you considered that maybe she didnt invite you because she just wants time away? Perhaps you guys may have been spending too much time together and she just wants an "Andy Break". Id rather not tell you what happend to me when I had that similar situation. Personally Id just see what happens if shes already gone. If not then ask her why you are not invited since it seems strange you would invite her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AndyW Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 I have thought of that. She is very independent so I have learned to give her more space and time to herself. I just have never been with someone who plans a week trip without me when it is big group of people going boarding. I think girls trips for the weekend to vegas or whereever is cool. Or even if she was going to visit this girl alone for a week. Just didn't feel good to be excluded on something like this. She is already gone. We got into a fight new years eve day and I have not spoken to her or seen her since. Link to post Share on other sites
amisconception Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Obviously, she didn't want you to go. Don't let her fool you. She didn't want you to go. The sooner you accept that reality the sooner you can accept the fact that your relationship has probably been over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AndyW Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 I get she didn't want me there. That is pretty clear. I understand that. That is why I am upset. Link to post Share on other sites
amisconception Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 I get she didn't want me there. That is pretty clear. I understand that. That is why I am upset. The sooner you accept that reality the sooner you can accept the fact that your relationship has probably been over. There. You must not have read that part. Edit: I think I'm confused. Sorry. But what do you want? She completely dissed you. There's not much to talk about here... Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 My guess is that one of the group of 10 is a guy she's interested in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AndyW Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 I appreciate your opinon. I guess I was just wondering what other people thought or if I was over reacting? I agree, I was dissed. But I was wondering if some people think what she did was okay and no big deal to just want to go away without me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AndyW Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 she said she didn't know anyone except her one friend that invited her. Link to post Share on other sites
amisconception Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 But I was wondering if some people think what she did was okay and no big deal to just want to go away without me. If you don't like it you don't like it. There's nothing to talk about here. Grab your balls and stand up for what you feel is right. If she doesn't see things the way you do she can take a hike. There are other women out there. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Is it a group of 10 girls, or are guys going as well? If it's just the girls then you shouldn't be too upset. BUT, if guys are going, then yes, you have every right to feel upset, let alone wonder wtf your relationship is heading with this girl. It's not like she has to run her choices by you, but you should atleast know what her plans are, instead of being left in the dark. Something feels weird about this, so talk to her once she's back. Do some thinking, ask yourself is she worth the hassle? What am I getting out of this relationship. . Etc.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AndyW Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 Yes, guys as well. If it was just girls and a girl trip I could care less. It would have been nice to know a month ago what she was thinking about so we could have at least discussed it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AndyW Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 Honestly it is about not being included. I would never say I am going away with ten people see ya. I would include her in whatever i do. Unless it was a guy trip or something. Link to post Share on other sites
amisconception Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 What's there to talk about? She went on a trip without you and didn't want you to go. If you don't like that don't put up with it. Very simple. If you have a hard time with the emotional aspect, well, I suggest you start hitting the gym (if you don't) and meet other women ASAP. Don't feel so bad about this, consider the fact that she's meeting other guys as well. Link to post Share on other sites
marcus0884 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Well put , whichwayisup, I totally agree. Andy you have spent a year and a half with her. Its time to consider if your just wasting your time with her but that all depends on what it is you want out of that relationship. Personally in that situation since i was in a similar situation, I was livid. I eventually found out what it was she actually did so I moved on and met another girl almost 3 weeks later. Honestly man, dont waste your time its all we have! Link to post Share on other sites
amisconception Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Honestly it is about not being included. I would never say I am going away with ten people see ya. I would include her in whatever i do. Unless it was a guy trip or something. She doesn't have to tell you. She doesn't care about the potential consequences (you getting mad, you leaving, etc.) - she's probably over you. Let's put it this way: Even if she wasn't going there to meet a guy(s), it would still be incredibly insensitive to just leave with only a moment's notice. That to me a is a clear sign of disrespect. Who cares what her reasons are? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AndyW Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 I appreciate you guys taking the time to respond to me. I am looking for a partner for life. I am not happy right now and I think this was BullS**T. I guess I already know the answer I need. Link to post Share on other sites
EYECANDY000 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 For her not to tell you she is leaving for 10 days is very wrong. I can definately understand why you are upset. Have you questioned her why she dont want you to be there? If there will be other males there? Link to post Share on other sites
amisconception Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 For her not to tell you she is leaving for 10 days is very wrong. I can definately understand why you are upset. Have you questioned her why she dont want you to be there? If there will be other males there? There's no point in questioning her. Her inclination toward disrespect is what casts a shadow of doubt. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Andy - you're a smart guy. You see what's going on, don't you? She clearly didn't want you there, and there's probably a reason why... I'll give you a hint - it starts with another, and ends with guy. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Ok, at first I was going to say "don't jump to conclusions" but then I read more closely. So she agreed to this and arranged to take the time off of work but didn't tell you until after she knew about it for what, a couple weeks? If she had told you the day her friend asked and said "they have an extra opening at the cabin. I'd really like to go but wonder if I can take the time off work" I honestly do think it would be ok. But the fact that she agreed to it and made arrangements before even mentioning it IS a big deal. I would flat out say to her "I feel disappointed that I wasn't invited. It sounds fun and is something I would have liked to have done with you. Why did you wait so long to tell me about this?" If she hems and haws and acts evasive, your answers will be in that action. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AndyW Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 I did ask her why she didn't tell me sooner. Why did her work know, Why did everyone know before me. She said she thought she told me. It would have been better a month ago if she said I got invited I would like to go, there are going to be 8-12 going. I asked her why she didn't invite me on Monday and she said "do i have to invite you everytime I want to go see a friend". Of course the answer to that is NO. I would have liked to gone snowboarding for a week. I would have liked to meet this great friend of her's as well. I think group trips with men/women you invite your partner as a rule of thumb. We are together a lot. We live together but have two places. I am pretty sure she wouldn't cheat. If there was another guy I am almost positive she would just leave me. We just got back from visiting her mom in New Orleans for a week over Christmas. Are relationship, I thought was going very well. Sex life is good. We are very close. She was married before and she told me when we first started dating that she used to go on trips all the time by herself. Whatever that means. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 I think there is potential poison in these responses. There isn't necessarily another dude involved as some people conclude. It sounds like aside from this, things are going well. I'd say it is more likely she was just inconsiderate and some core relationship values are coming. You would like to join her and meet her friend because you want her to share the important people in her life with you because she is important to you. By her not inviting you, it makes you feel like you aren't important to her and that she isn't interested in sharing, or worse. Is she going to be at the cabin with that many people ALL WEEK? Or only for a couple days and then spend the rest of the time with just her friend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AndyW Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 I agree. There are some serious core relationship issues here. I feel disappointed first just from the stand point she didn't want me there. I feel disappointed that she didn't want her good friend to meet me. I feel dispected because of the sheer lack of communication. I feel a little sad because i care so much. To my knowledge the 10 or so people that are there, are going to be there the whole time. She also decided to take the dogs up which she didn't even mention to me. They are her dogs but I do everything for them. When you are in a relationship you respect your partner and their feelings. That is what I think atleast. Basically my feelings didn't matter. She was doing what she wanted and my feelings clearly weren't an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
4givrnt4gtr Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 woooww man.... ok lets calm down and check this out. She went to a trip with her friend, who happened to invite more people you gf doesnt know. First glance, just looks like she wanted to hang out with her friend and then her friend decided she wanted to hang out with more people as well. It could be she didnt think it was that big of a deal, and clearly looks like she needed space from you and decided not to tell you otherwise it would look like a "lets take a break" thing you know? So, stupidly...she did this trip which pissed you off even more. I was gonna say maybe she didnt feel comfortable bringing you along since it was her friend's idea of the trip...but..she felt comfortable bringing the dogs and not you...thats just cold blooded. Maybe should ask her straight out if she needs some space/break or what...if you're willing to do that. If not...well whatever makes u happy Link to post Share on other sites
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