Girlfriend went snowboarding with a group of ten and didn't ask me to go

[AndyW]

I mean at the end of the day i love her. i think she is beautiful. I think she is fun and i love being around her. I guess that is why this doesn't feel very good. I mean I haven't heard a word from her. It is just goofy considering we were just in new orleans for a week together and had a great time.

[bish]

How would you react to a business trip? In essence they are similar, in that there is quite a bit of social time to account for. Does this mean you would also forbid an SO to take a business trip without you?

 

Thats a little different...that is for business...not pleasure...and it wasn't a case of a SO wanting to go and not wanting their partner to go with.

 

Apples and oranges.

[phoensam]

How would you react to a business trip? In essence they are similar, in that there is quite a bit of social time to account for. Does this mean you would also forbid an SO to take a business trip without you?

 

 

Trust me, most business trips are not nearly as social as going skiing with 10 friends in a cabin for a week. Business trips are often quite lonely, staying in towns where you don't know anyone, living out of a suitcase, eating crap hotel food or having to dine with people you don't like, loud air conditioning units, noisy neighbors, work to be done, having to deal with people you don't like and it goes on and on...I've done both, and trust me, skiing at Mammoth would be much different to your average business trip!

 

And I would happily have my partner accompany me on any of my business trips.

 

And I would never take a trip like hers if I cared about the man I was in a committed relationship with and I'd dump my partner if he did it to me.

[Trialbyfire]

I mean at the end of the day i love her. i think she is beautiful. I think she is fun and i love being around her. I guess that is why this doesn't feel very good. I mean I haven't heard a word from her. It is just goofy considering we were just in new orleans for a week together and had a great time.

If you want her, go get her. Talk it out and see if you can't come to some compromise or understanding. Get some clarity on your areas of concern.

 

If you're going to guess and assume, putting pride and insecurity before all, turn your back and walk away.

[AndyW]

Honestly i wouldn't even know what to say right now. I told how i felt before she left. I said i was upset about not knowing she was going to be gone a week. How she planned the whole trip and didn't mention anything to me. I told her i didn't appreciate not being included and i said i was not really happy about a cabin full of guys getting hammered. She made me feel stupid for feeling that way. She really had nothing to say other then make me feel like what is wrong with me. I didn't hear from her new years eve night or since. I dont' really know what to think. i don't think it is really up to me to reach out to her. I don't want to be a pest or for that matter a little bitch. But it really sucks because i do care about her very much. I love her, i love "her" dogs more then you can imagine. Just sucks.

[Florida]

Honestly i wouldn't even know what to say right now. I told how i felt before she left. I said i was upset about not knowing she was going to be gone a week. How she planned the whole trip and didn't mention anything to me. I told her i didn't appreciate not being included and i said i was not really happy about a cabin full of guys getting hammered. She made me feel stupid for feeling that way. She really had nothing to say other then make me feel like what is wrong with me. I didn't hear from her new years eve night or since. I dont' really know what to think. i don't think it is really up to me to reach out to her. I don't want to be a pest or for that matter a little bitch. But it really sucks because i do care about her very much. I love her, i love "her" dogs more then you can imagine. Just sucks.

 

The only thing I can thing that would put you at ease is.... had you 2 discussed marriage? As in-has she hinted at it recently? Anything?

[AndyW]

We were engaged after 4 months. She decided we rushed into it a little fast, which we did. Now we are taking are time.

 

At the end of the day the more i write the more i realize i am way more into her and way more ready to settle down and so forth then she is with me.

[Green]

We were engaged after 4 months. She decided we rushed into it a little fast, which we did. Now we are taking are time.

 

At the end of the day the more i write the more i realize i am way more into her and way more ready to settle down and so forth then she is with me.

 

bad sign ...

[phoensam]

I told her i didn't appreciate not being included and i said i was not really happy about a cabin full of guys getting hammered. She made me feel stupid for feeling that way. She really had nothing to say other then make me feel like what is wrong with me. I didn't hear from her new years eve night or since. I dont' really know what to think.

 

Mate, she does this to you, knowing she's upset you and doesn't contact you new years eve??? What would you consider a proper excuse for that? You are happy to forgive her that too? Can she pretty much do anything to you she wants and you'll hang around. Not healthy mate. Please don't let the other posters here give you false hope. There is no excuse for her not wishing you a happy new year. She is being nasty to you.

[Florida]

We were engaged after 4 months. She decided we rushed into it a little fast, which we did. Now we are taking are time.

 

At the end of the day the more i write the more i realize i am way more into her and way more ready to settle down and so forth then she is with me.

 

Uh-who slowed it down? Her? You?

 

Listen I'm asking because this sounds like gamemanship. I play chess, so I recgonize the moves

 

But seriously, this makes sense now....if it's what it sounds like, which doesn't make it okay though.

[oppath]

There is no excuse for her not wishing you a happy new year. She is being nasty to you.

 

Even if she thinks you were over the line and you are in the wrong, um, I agree that is not healthy. It's not healthy to act like that, and more importantly, since she was choosing other plans over you, the onus was on her to call. It's ok to not agree with why someone is upset, but you should at least validate that you understand why even if you don't agree with it. It is possible to disagree but understand and it troubles me that she didn't validate how and why you felt as you did.

[D-Lish]

I don't think you are wrong for feeling upset about what she did.

 

I also agree that she should be the one to come to you. After being together this long she doesn't even say "happy new years?"

 

Yes, a lot of these things are red flags. Planning a secret trip and taking off is not a good sign. It's also strange that she has not contacted you since leaving.

 

It sucks to be in the position of waiting. I would not contact her though, after the choices she has made, it's up to her to make contact with you.

 

As you stated, you believe you may be way more into her than she is into you. That's the worst place to be in a relationship.

 

It's hard to tell if she needs space, or just wants to avoid the confrontation of a break up.

 

When is she coming back from the trip?

[Trialbyfire]

Honestly i wouldn't even know what to say right now. I told how i felt before she left. I said i was upset about not knowing she was going to be gone a week. How she planned the whole trip and didn't mention anything to me. I told her i didn't appreciate not being included and i said i was not really happy about a cabin full of guys getting hammered. She made me feel stupid for feeling that way. She really had nothing to say other then make me feel like what is wrong with me. I didn't hear from her new years eve night or since. I dont' really know what to think. i don't think it is really up to me to reach out to her. I don't want to be a pest or for that matter a little bitch. But it really sucks because i do care about her very much. I love her, i love "her" dogs more then you can imagine. Just sucks.

So you're going to sit back passively and let her control the situation?

[phoensam]

It's ok to not agree with why someone is upset, but you should at least validate that you understand why even if you don't agree with it. It is possible to disagree but understand and it troubles me that she didn't validate how and why you felt as you did.

 

Agreed. And don't let her convince you there is something wrong with you for feeling that way, that is just belittling you. We would all feel that way if our partners up and left us for a singles week in the mountains and didn't even bother to call to wish us happy new years. I really think it's time you start thinking about what is best for you and find yourself a girlfriend that treats you better.

[amerikajin]

Honestly i wouldn't even know what to say right now. I told how i felt before she left. I said i was upset about not knowing she was going to be gone a week. How she planned the whole trip and didn't mention anything to me. I told her i didn't appreciate not being included and i said i was not really happy about a cabin full of guys getting hammered. She made me feel stupid for feeling that way. She really had nothing to say other then make me feel like what is wrong with me. I didn't hear from her new years eve night or since. I dont' really know what to think. i don't think it is really up to me to reach out to her. I don't want to be a pest or for that matter a little bitch. But it really sucks because i do care about her very much. I love her, i love "her" dogs more then you can imagine. Just sucks.

 

I don't think you are or were necessarily "wrong" for being concerned about the trip, but based on what you've reported so far it seems to fall into the category of a misunderstanding or miscommunication as opposed to outright deception, though I could well be wrong on that one. I just haven't seen anything yet that would make me say "Whoa, dawg, you got trouble brewin'"

 

As I have said before, I like LS and I have received some useful feedback over the years but I also know that a lot of posters come here with a lot of negativity and they superimpose their own bitterness onto someone else's situation anytime it even remotely resembles their own -- and I'm not picking on anyone here by name...I've even done it my damn self. Point is, take some of the "Kick the bytch to the curb" advice with a grain of salt.

 

You guys are both over 30 now. Enough of this head games crap. As TBF said, if you want her then go get her. I would wait until she comes back, though, which is not a game or a tactic, but only a way of just giving her something she apparently wants right now, which is a little bit of space and time. Give her that much and then a day or two after she gets back in town, give her a buzz and just start from scratch. Ask her how her trip was. Ask her how she's doin', make it light a little, but then get to the point. Don't get your back up, just talk.

 

One observation that I feel relatively sure about now is it seems like your girl is really commitment phobic or afraid of close relationships. That's unfortunately going to be a challenge for you or anyone else she ends up with, but maybe you can just ask her about it. Ask her if she's afraid of committing and why. Beyond that, there's really not much else I can say.

[Florida]

Uh-who slowed it down? Her? You?

 

Listen I'm asking because this sounds like gamemanship. I play chess, so I recgonize the moves

 

But seriously, this makes sense now....if it's what it sounds like, which doesn't make it okay though.

 

Sorry I didn't read your response properly, :eek:

 

time to sleep. Yes, what amerikajan said-commitmentphobe.

[tanbark813]

So, considering you found the evidence you needed, I am sure you felt justified. Out of curiosity, if you DIDN'T find any evidence, would you have felt horribly, or would you have gotten over it? I ask because the times I have been tempted to snoop, I have stopped thinking how I would feel if I was wrong in my suspicions.

 

Yes, I probably would have felt bad if I hadn't found anything. But of the times I've broken into a girl's email, there has never been a case where I didn't confirm my suspicions. That's why these days I just go by gut feeling: Historically it's been astonishingly accurate.

 

And on a side note, there are a couple posters on this thread who need to stop overthinking things and just go with gut feel.

 

Brother TB, gotta love being an IT person!

 

w3rd, my man.

[Timberlane]

So you're going to sit back passively and let her control the situation?

 

Well, she is gone so there is not much he can do at the moment other than discuss his options. It doesn't sound like a good situation. I would mentally prepare for this relationship to end.

[AndyW]

I tried calling her last night and her phone was either off or not charged.

 

The more I thought about this last night the more I think it is messed up. We have been together a year and an half. We have basically lived together for a year and a half. It is not like she doesn't know what upsets and what doesn't. She know this would bug me so she just avoided being up front with details back in Nov. Then the whole month of Dec as she is planning all of this she said nothing. She probably just hoped I would not say a word.

 

Then when I finally figure out what is going on I say how I feel and she Minimizes my feelings right before going.

 

If I told her I was going to visit my friend in Lake Havasu. Then a month later after saying nothing to her that I am going away for a week and my buddy is having all his friends come up and we are going to party on the lake and on his boat all week. But i am not going for that reason I am just going to see my friend. It even sounds stupid as I write this.

 

I am expecting the worst.

[Art_Critic]

her phone was either off or not charged.

 

Go figure...

 

So.. she is on vacation and your both aren't speaking to one another..

A BF-GF leave a method on getting in contact with one another if the other is out of pocket..

 

It looks to me that she is busy with the 10 people she is with and doesn't want to even speak with you..

 

Are you sure she hasn't broken up with you and just never told you ? Weirder things have happened before.

[AndyW]

Anything is possible. My guess is she doesn't want to hear from me or deal with me until she gets back.

 

This is not healthy. I am not sleeping great. I feel down. This is not how a relationship should be.

[AndyW]

she finally just sent me an email.

 

I just want to let you know that I am fine.

 

I am OK but I don't get any reception on my cell in Yosemite and can't make long distance calls without a calling card. There is only dial-up access here too so don't think I can e-mail you back and forth.

 

I didn't invite you b/c I wanted to spend as much time as possible catching up with Uyen one-on-one and I didn't want you sitting around with a bunch of random strangers (all foreigners too) that I doubted you would get along with.

 

I am driving back on Saturday and should be home by early evening, but I seriously don't want to fight about this or have any issue about it whatsoever when I get back.

 

Is that going to be possible?

 

 

 

 

She is a piece of work. first off i guess that is the best she could come up with and second why not say that from the start. she is korean by the way. Third she has decided she doesn't want to deal with it or hear about it. Well isn't that nice. WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

[Art_Critic]

I didn't invite you b/c I wanted to spend as much time as possible catching up with Uyen one-on-one and I didn't want you sitting around with a bunch of random strangers (all foreigners too) that I doubted you would get along with.

 

When she gets back start with this...

 

Then explain how your feelings were hurt over her actions and take it from there..

Position yourself and pick your words wisely as to not make this a bigger mess.

 

There seems to be this HUGE disconnect between you both and you need to get it cleared up.

She needs to understand that what she did wasn't acceptable and you need to communicate your needs to her so she can try and meet those needs.

 

I do agree that she seems to be trying to sweep this under the rug by pulling the 'ole.. I don't want to fight about this from the get go..

 

Normally when a person does that they are getting ready to blame shift.. If a fight happens then it will be your fault because she already has said she doesn't want to fight.

 

Be careful...

 

You have many issues to deal with.. She didn't want you there for one.. Why ?.. and the possibility of there being another guy.. even if she convinces you that there isn't there could be many reasons why it didn't work out..

 

The lack of communication is another...

 

Start out slow and hopefully you can work this out.. unless you are just done with her.. and if your are then just break up with her when she gets back.

[Saxis]

....just break up with her when she gets back.

 

I would actually start with this. If she has no problems with this, then you have your answer. If she wants to know why...

 

Then explain how your feelings were hurt over her actions and take it from there..

 

Hopefully she understands just how serious you're taking this....

[sunshinegirl]

I am driving back on Saturday and should be home by early evening, but I seriously don't want to fight about this or have any issue about it whatsoever when I get back.

 

Is that going to be possible?

 

How patronizing, not to mention controlling!!!

 

Oh man, to think I was giving her the benefit of the doubt on this.

 

If she is unwilling to communicate about it, and sees nothing inconsiderate in what she's done, and doesn't care about how it's impacted you, well, I say dump her. It's a relationship, not a one-woman show. Jeebus.