Girlfriend went snowboarding with a group of ten and didn't ask me to go

[phoensam]

she finally just sent me an email.

 

I just want to let you know that I am fine.

 

I am OK but I don't get any reception on my cell in Yosemite and can't make long distance calls without a calling card. There is only dial-up access here too so don't think I can e-mail you back and forth.

 

I didn't invite you b/c I wanted to spend as much time as possible catching up with Uyen one-on-one and I didn't want you sitting around with a bunch of random strangers (all foreigners too) that I doubted you would get along with.

 

I am driving back on Saturday and should be home by early evening, but I seriously don't want to fight about this or have any issue about it whatsoever when I get back.

 

Is that going to be possible?

 

 

 

 

She is a piece of work. first off i guess that is the best she could come up with and second why not say that from the start. she is korean by the way. Third she has decided she doesn't want to deal with it or hear about it. Well isn't that nice. WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

 

She obviously only cares about herself and not you at all. It sounds like she's almost giving you an ultimatum. I really think you should just dump her by email before she gets back. She doesn't want to talk, so don't even bother trying...it will only make it harder for you if she doesn't listen (she will be showing you she doesn't care and of course that will upset you).

 

Re whether or not you wanted to hang with strangers, obviously you could have made that decision for yourself and it sounds to me like just an excuse.

 

Get out with your pride please mate!

[Timberlane]

And she played the foreigner card, as in "You wouldn't like them, they are all foreign." Ha ha ha.

 

Well, I would take Art's advice here and see where it goes.

[Green]

leave her dont even argue or explain why, things may get better, but shes only going to start pulling more things like this, and she uses bch logic

[mortensorchid]

If she's independent, then give her some space. Please let her have a little air. If she is going away with a group, it's alright. She's with you and that's what matters. You have enough US time.

[amerikajin]

she finally just sent me an email.

 

I just want to let you know that I am fine.

 

I am OK but I don't get any reception on my cell in Yosemite and can't make long distance calls without a calling card. There is only dial-up access here too so don't think I can e-mail you back and forth.

 

I didn't invite you b/c I wanted to spend as much time as possible catching up with Uyen one-on-one and I didn't want you sitting around with a bunch of random strangers (all foreigners too) that I doubted you would get along with.

 

I am driving back on Saturday and should be home by early evening, but I seriously don't want to fight about this or have any issue about it whatsoever when I get back.

 

Is that going to be possible?

 

 

 

 

She is a piece of work. first off i guess that is the best she could come up with and second why not say that from the start. she is korean by the way. Third she has decided she doesn't want to deal with it or hear about it. Well isn't that nice. WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

 

That she is Korean is indeed rather significant, though I'll point out that she's no longer Korean, she's Korean-American, which means that she's somewhere in between the two cultures. She may no longer have a true national identity, depending on how long she's lived here, which makes it complicated.

 

I don't know...I know I was the one telling you to chill out and so forth, and if it were me I would still play the calm, cool, collected card; however, having lived in Asia, I also know the little games that Asian girls play (at the risk of making sweeping generalizations). I am not saying that she is playing you for a fool or that she necessarily is cheating on you; however, if she is cheating on you, she will go to great lengths to ensure that you never, ever find out about it. I know this is not true of everyone but I think the unwritten rule is cheating isn't necessarily a bad thing, just be discreet and more importantly don't get caught.

 

I know it seems like I'm changing the tune and telling you to break up, but I'm not. What I am saying, though, is that culture is a huge factor. She doesn't share the same value system you do, so I would make sure you know as much about her past and present before you commit to anything long-term with her.

[Trialbyfire]

I am driving back on Saturday and should be home by early evening, but I seriously don't want to fight about this or have any issue about it whatsoever when I get back.

 

Is that going to be possible?

This is a power play. Either do what I say or we're done. On the other hand, no one wants to hear ongoing nattering over the same old topic, that was supposedly a non-issue.

 

You two have some core differences. You're stuck on the position of "she done me wrong" and she's stuck on the issue of "what are you talking about? I told you and it still blew up in my face."

 

I wouldn't roll over if I were you. I would take her to task for her arrogance and controlling behaviour. She either learns to compromise or the two of you have no meeting place. Same goes for you.

[amerikajin]

And she played the foreigner card, as in "You wouldn't like them, they are all foreign." Ha ha ha.

 

Well, I would take Art's advice here and see where it goes.

 

It's possible that everyone there is Korean and she wanted to sort of get back to her roots. Perhaps she felt that everyone would be chatting in Korean and he would be left sitting around and feeling left out of the conversation. Granted, I wouldn't want my gf to necessarily make that assumption about me, but maybe she just did. The problem is, culture is a huge issue here -- that's just something you have to know before you get into an international relationship. It's the risk you take. She does not see the world the same way he does, and they probably don't share the same value system. His value system isn't necessarily superior to hers, but they both have to make compromises and reach a common understanding if it is to work. He can't be the only one making the effort.

[oppath]

This is a power play. Either do what I say or we're done. On the other hand, no one wants to hear ongoing nattering over the same old topic, that was supposedly a non-issue.

 

You two have some core differences. You're stuck on the position of "she done me wrong" and she's stuck on the issue of "what are you talking about? I told you and it still blew up in my face."

 

I wouldn't roll over if I were you. I would take her to task for her arrogance and controlling behaviour. She either learns to compromise or the two of you have no meeting place. Same goes for you.

 

Hmmm...yeah, if she had said "I'm sorry for not inviting you and realize I upset you. I didn't realize this would disappoint you so greatly. While I don't think it is that big of a deal, I can see where you would be hurt. Let's talk about it when I get back, ok? I miss you lots and hope you are well."

 

Damn, that is VERY different. And I don't believe the lack of cell coverage. Sure, it's possible, even likely, but what matters is you. You seem like the type of person who wants to talk to his gf every night, if only for 5 minutes. Sometimes on vacation, that is not possible, but where she is is not so backwoods there is no communcation. If she has dialup, there is a LANDLINE!!!! I'd bet the cabin has a phone.

[Touche]

I just wanted to say that what struck me the most was the IM conversation between you both. It seemed so impersonal...not the way two people who live together and have been together for a year and a half would normally talk to each other in my opinion.

 

If you're really looking for a partner for life, I can say with confidence that you haven't found her. I'd cut my losses on this one.

 

Also, that nonsense about no email and the dial up thing. What a crock. You most certainly CAN email back and forth with dial-up...duh!

 

What a cold woman.

 

And I wouldn't like my H taking a separate vacation without me either. And no way would he want me taking one without him. Neither one of us would ever dream of doing that. I mean I don't see anything wrong with it if both people are fine with it but if one is and one isn't. It's a very big issue.

 

I'm so sorry this happened to you but you're still young and you have plenty of time to find the right woman for you.

[gfto]

Obviously, she didn't want you to go.

 

Don't let her fool you. She didn't want you to go.

 

The sooner you accept that reality the sooner you can accept the fact that your relationship has probably been over.

 

I completely agree. I know, because this has happened to me. Your relationship with this girl has been over for quite some time.

[THE THRONE]

Can someone post footnotes or a summary for THE THRONE? THE THRONE read all the way to page six and started to fall asleep because he didn't see any gore, cursing, sexual talk or criminal acts...

[curiousnycgirl]

I wouldn't fight about this when she gets back, I would simply say I cannot live like this, please move out. Or if it is her place, you move.

 

The manner in which she handled this entire episode is just wrong. It would be a non starter for me and there is no way I could just sweep it under the rug.

 

There was no communication before, during and now she says after. I for one could not live with that - and it would be a deal breaker for me. It's not worth drama, or a fight. The fundamental differences here are just too huge in my opinion.

 

That's what I would tell her at least - and see if that causes her to want to talk AND change!

 

Good luck to you, you clearly deserve better than this.

[bish]

she finally just sent me an email.

 

I just want to let you know that I am fine.

 

I am OK but I don't get any reception on my cell in Yosemite and can't make long distance calls without a calling card. There is only dial-up access here too so don't think I can e-mail you back and forth.

 

Gee...how inconvenient....or very convenient for her.

 

I didn't invite you b/c I wanted to spend as much time as possible catching up with Uyen one-on-one and I didn't want you sitting around with a bunch of random strangers (all foreigners too) that I doubted you would get along with.

 

She wants 1 on 1 with her friend...but with other people around...just not you.

 

 

I am driving back on Saturday and should be home by early evening, but I seriously don't want to fight about this or have any issue about it whatsoever when I get back.

 

Is that going to be possible?

 

Translation: I know what I did wasn't right...but I don't care...I want you to drop it like a pushover so I don't have to receive any grief for treating you like crap.

 

 

 

 

She is a piece of work. first off i guess that is the best she could come up with and second why not say that from the start. she is korean by the way. Third she has decided she doesn't want to deal with it or hear about it. Well isn't that nice. WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

[bish]

If she's independent, then give her some space. Please let her have a little air. If she is going away with a group, it's alright.

 

No....its not.

[bish]

I wouldn't put up with this selfish little tart if I were you...when she gets back...I'd just make the decision to not be with her any longer...don't break up with her...just decide you don't want to be with her any longer.

 

Just don't take her calls and don't contact her...and if she comes over and knocks on the door...just don't answer it.

 

You don't owe her any explanation.

[AndyW]

Yes, her email was, i don't even know the words. I just got back from spending a week with her Korean mother and step father. I like everyone. That is the stupiest thing I have ever heard. I grow up in Los Angeles, I don't have a friend that is not a foreigner. So that is a idiotic excuse if i have ever heard one. I could have made my own decision if i was given all the facts.

 

I know they have phone in yosemite for ****s sake. Pick up a roll of quarters and f-ing let me know you are okay.

 

Her email is just f-ing irrogant and controlling. Basically I don't want to hear a word about this and if you can't do that I don't want to see you.

 

We don't really have different core values. She wants me to be a certain way, the same way i want her to be. The only difference is i actually deliever. I don't ask for things that I am not willing to give in return. Nor to i take from others what I can't give back. Respect, Honesty, Loyalty, consideration, etc...................

 

 

I was looking for this

 

"I'm sorry for not inviting you and realize I upset you. I didn't realize this would disappoint you so greatly. While I don't think it is that big of a deal, I can see where you would be hurt. Let's talk about it when I get back, ok? I miss you lots and hope you are well."

well that is not what i got is it.

[curiousnycgirl]

You wanted someone who gave you some thought, who thought about you and your feelings. Indeed that is not what you got. So what are you going to do about it?

[Green]

you know what they say " being with the wrong person can be lonlier then being alone"

[THE THRONE]

you know what they say " being with the wrong person can be lonlier then being alone"

 

 

This is true.

[phoensam]

you know what they say " being with the wrong person can be lonlier then being alone"

 

 

I fully agree with this statement too.

[whichwayisup]

You need to break up with her because this relationship is completely unhealthy for both of you. This isn't about love now, this is about common courtesy and respect. BOTH of which she has NONE for you.

 

Please, break up with her.

[Florida]

Oh no, I can tell that Andy is on the fence about not taking this anymore and taking a meaningful stand, you really don't want to, do you Andy? Or you are more worried about losing her if you do, even though you know this was so, so wrong.....right?

[Trialbyfire]

Andy, I see indignant, hurt anger in your posts but what I don't see is focused anger or any interest beyond a focus on hurt feelings.

 

Hurt feelings can't match her arrogance. You'll find yourself at a disadvantage when talking this out with her. If you hope to put her in her place, you'll need to take no more nonsense from her, without breaking her. Basically, act like a man and shut down her bad behaviour while still listening to what she has to say. She will also have to get off her high horse and really listen to your points.

 

I see a lot of people saying she's really selfish. What I see is someone who's so accustomed to a doormat, that she's just continuing to treat you, as she has always done.

[Always Wrong]

My guess is that one of the group of 10 is a guy she's interested in.

 

You nailed it !!!

[Florida]

Andy, I see indignant, hurt anger in your posts but what I don't see is focused anger or any interest beyond a focus on hurt feelings.

 

Hurt feelings can't match her arrogance. You'll find yourself at a disadvantage when talking this out with her. If you hope to put her in her place, you'll need to take no more nonsense from her, without breaking her. Basically, act like a man and shut down her bad behaviour while still listening to what she has to say. She will also have to get off her high horse and really listen to your points.

 

I see a lot of people saying she's really selfish. What I see is someone who's so accustomed to a doormat, that she's just continuing to treat you, as she has always done.

 

Annnd TBF sums up 20 pages of thought in 3 paragraphs....absolutely..true.