Girlfriend went snowboarding with a group of ten and didn't ask me to go

[Mary3]

I went out last night which was okay. I didn't drink at all which is good and actually much better for me. A couple of girls that were friends of the people I was with told me how cute I am. They also said I had great shoulders and a great body . Maybe cause all I do is work and work out now. They were both joking around telling everyone I was there new boyfriend. Honestly I am numb right now so it didn't feel like much. One girl was getting touchy and honestly it just felt wierd. I felt like I was six years old and girls are yucky. I feel so weird right now. Just awkard and uncomfortable around women period. It is really not a good feeling. I know it will pass. It is clear to me that I am a long ways from being able to even think about going on a date or anything like that. It wouldn't be fair to someone else the way I feel still. I guess I am just trying to rush this because this is really not much fun but I guess time is necessary to heal and get over my ex. I honestly just want to forget about all of this.

 

My friends are all like you should enjoy this time but most my friends and most guys are a little different then me. Most my friends would have been out dating and screwing anything that moves the minute there relationships end. Most of them do that and they are in relationships. I get no pleasure out of that. It does nothing for me. I want something real and special. I am like a girl I guess. To be honest I don't even really want to date. I am a mess.

 

Sometimes I wish I was more like my friends. Sometimes it seems like being cold and callous and not giving a damn is an easier way to live. I don't know why I care so much. All my friends just want to hook up with as many females as they can, all my married friends are totally miserable, I am the one who wants to get married and settle down and have a family.

 

 

My "ex ex" keeps calling. She wanted to come over last night. She is pushing pretty hard and your points are taken amerikajin. I know she doesn't have my interests in mind because she is another treat that only is worried about herself.

 

My "ex ex" just emailed me and invited me to game 3 of Lakers vs. Boston. She got tickets thru her work. I am a huge Lakers fan, huge.

 

Isn't this ex ex the one who treated you bad too ?

 

I know there is X, the one you just left ( er dumpee ) , then there's ex ex and then theres X3 which is the girl you dumped 4 years ago right ?

[Mary3]

I don't think she is evil because she dumped me. Nor do I post on here for any other reason then trying to make myself feel better and to deal with this stiuation the best I can.

 

If posting how I feel and exactly what happened make me immature then so be it. And for the record I don't think a 32 yr old woman dumping me via text after two years and shoving my clothes under my car, and not even giving me the common respect of a face to face or at least a phone call is normal breaking up procedure. To each there own. I don't think most people dump you then show up to the gym a week later and come right next to you on the treadmill unless there is something actually wrong with them.

 

I have said many times that I should have removed myself from this stiuation. But to be honest I didn't really see or realize how badly I was being treated until I was out of the stiuation. I know things weren't right. I know she was being mean and disrespectful to me. But at times she was also nice to me and loving. Every night when we went to bed she would ask me to hold her hand and tell her a story in a joking way. She always gave me a kiss and told me she loved me. Clearly I cared a lot about her or this would be no big deal. We had three awesome dogs. We had fun on are trips together I thought. We enjoyed doing things together I thought. We had a great sex life I thought. We had sex everyday that week she left me. So clearly she was just using me since she was so unhappy. I did and went more places with her in two years then I did in my entire life with anyone. We laughed a lot and enjoyed each others company I thought. We went places and did things and she would tell me she was happy. Then all of a sudden she wasn't happy. Then she was happy, the she wasn't happy. Nothing in the relationship changed to bring on these changes that she was showing. You don't try to figure out what you want and who you are when you are in a relationship. I assumed (incorrectly) that at age 32 she know what she wanted. If I wasn't it then fine. She didn't need to use me and treat me so badly just because I wouldn't leave. It is almost like she had to make me out to be this horrible guy and say all those horrible things about me over and over again to justfy leaving me. None of the things she said about me are true. She just wasn't happy with me which hurts. If you don't know what you want you probably should be single until you decide so you don't screw with another persons life. Don't say you want to spend your life with someone if you don't. You don't plan trips a year in advance if you don't plan on being with them tomorrow. Don't plan Christmas with your Family in March if you doubts about who you are with. Clearly she wasn't always mean or I would have never been in this stiuation. She was back and forth. She could be sweet and loving and then a second later be mean as hell. For the first 6 months she was amazing and now I can only equate that to the fact she was getting out of a ten year relationship so she was being nice because she was hurting and needy and what a perfect guy I am when you are hurting and needy.

 

Around the 6 month mark is when the real side came out. It would come out here and there. She would be nice to me for a few days then not nice to me. It all depended on her mood. I wasn't doing anything different on the nice days compared to the not nice days. It had nothing to do with me.

 

She isn't a happy person so I was an easy target. I was there, she know she had the power, and she know I would never leave her no matter what she did. What is hard for me to deal with is if she didn't leave me I would have probably never left. She took full advantage of that and abused the power in every possible way because she know she could. She comsumed everything I had to offer without hestation. Now I take ownership of letting that happen but I still am very resentful as well. Taking ownership hasn't allowed me to stop being angry yet. She was a user, much like my ex before her. But the difference is my ex before at least was nice. She wasn't mean and abusive. She didn't make me feel like a ****ing ant.

 

Like someone said, I had hope things would change and I used very bad judgement. I was only kidding myself.

 

She know I was not going anywhere so she did whatever she felt and she didn't really love me so even if I left (which we both know I wouldn't) she didn't really care. I know now that she had no intentions of marrying me or spending her life with me.

 

I have no doubt she found someone else and that is the only reason she let me go. Otherwise she would have held on to me until she found her next man. Just like when she left her husband for me. This is a pattern and I see that now. Just like her husband was fat, not good at anything, not a provider, I was the same thing two years later. The disrespect she showed for him was the same disrespect she should me. The same exact things were said. Btw they weren't true about her husband and they weren't true about me.

 

I don't think she is evil because she dumped me. I think she is a bad person for using me, being abusive, vindictive, mean, cold, callous, and disrespectful to the one person that was there for her and supported her and actually wanted good things for her.

 

I told her at least 6 times in the past year she needed therapy and the response wasn't very nice at all. I have no doubt she will continue the pattern because she will never get help. It is sad but she will end up just like her mom. Miserable and depressed at age 55, married to some guy she hates because he provides for her. And no one will ever be good enough.

 

I post because this board and therapy are what are getting me by. I post because in all my rambling messages that I write I am just hurting. This is hard and I am lonely and I am hurt. But I am trying to do something about it. I go to therapy five times a week. I would go seven if I could. These six weeks have been horrible.

 

The truth is I spent two years with someone that didn't really love me or care about me. She told me she did. She acted at times like she did. She planned things in the future like she did. The truth is I gave all of myself, EVERYTHING. The truth is I was used, abused, and discarded. The TRUTH is this was OWN MY fault. These are hard things to except first off. Then trying to fix them so it doesn't happen again is even harder.

 

I don't think she is evil. I just think she needs help and not because she didn't want to be with me. But to be honest it is not even about her anymore!

 

I believe your ex is like a Sociopathic personality. You know wreaks havoc and can destroy your life and then next week run on a treadmill next to you ? Sick.

 

People who are cowards and passive agressive break up with you over text or the phone.

 

I think you idealized her in so many ways because you wanted love and caring , understanding , someone to be there , to hold you. In your mind you HAD that. She kept the facade up as long as she could then her true colors showed. They say by 6 months alot of the nasty negative stuff starts rearing its ugly head.

 

What is so weird is that she was having sex with you everyday but not loving you at all. You must have been great in bed. Well not to sway the real point but its likely the partial truth that she dug being intimate with you and you made her little world rock a little harder.

 

I know your devastation at losing your dream. I am truly sorry and feel that through a dream I had a few years ago. I relate.

 

I wonder if she also might have been bipolar ? Happy , not happy , happy , not happy and you did NOTHING direct like beat her or cheat on her . It just seems weird. Perhaps you can ask your therapist if this girl had bipolar or likely sociopathic ?

 

When you say * user * what do you mean ? Used you sexually ? Used you for free dinners , trips ? Free rent , free what ? Used you emotionally ? Like tore your heart out and did not give a rats buttocks ? Used you in the sense of totally lying about EVERYTHING creating sham in your life where you realize today she NEVER loved you ? Elaborate please...

 

Could you have been totally bamboozled by her hot looks ? Was she truly hot ? Did many men want her ? Or only you ? Was she really that pretty ? Seriously ?

 

The most disturbing thing you wrote was : She knew no matter how badly she treated me , that I would not leave ? That is pretty scarey. Only a MONSTER would enjoy that type of entrapment power. She had a monster loser personality.

 

Next BIG OPEN YOUR EYES MOMENT : When she treated her last husband ( or bf ) like total dirt , the fat one , as you say. THAT is a huge indicator that you are going to get treated like cesspool wastewater backwash too....NOBODY should bad mouth their ex ! IF they do RUN ! They are going to bad mouth you too. That goes for their mom/dad too. If they talk disparingly about their parents , friends , wait staff , ANYONE , then you are SURE to get the same rotten treatment.

 

REMEMBER that the next time you soul search a girl . !!! What is coming out of her mouth ? My mom is a whore ! My dad is a worthless lazy bum. My friends mostly hate my guts...

 

So they both were users ? So WHY IN GODS NAME do you want to go out with user # 1 ? WHY ? I still don't know what your idea of being used is ?? Who the heck would want ROUND 2 !! ??

 

Please have some dignity and tell her to kiss your patoot !

 

And one ONE LAST NOTE : DONT EVER believe someone when they say " OH I am going to LOVE you forever ! And stuff like that....WHY ? Because humans change . They can change daily . Hour by hour. I believed that too. I got hurt BAD.

 

Now I personally believe : I love you so much ! ( Yes you might but 2 months from now you wont so THEREFORE you only get a portion of my heart ) Now 5 years later if you are crazy about me its going to show through you ACTIONS.

 

Please keep posting Andy

[AndyW]

Well, it is clear that her parents and her brother are mentally ill. The brother was basically d[FONT=Times New Roman]iagnosed with bi-polar disorder in jail. The therapist fears that he will be a life criminal.

 

The mom is depressive and basically an abuser of her daughter. Always telling her she is fat, or not making enough money. She is horrible to her and not a good or loving parent at ll. They have very much a love hate relationship. Her mom pushed her when she was younger to be the smartest, the best, the skinniest, the richest. My ex didn't know how to relax. She didn't know what it meant to sleep in and just cuddle and chill. She considered me lazy because I didn't want to go 24 hrs a day seven days a week. That is not how I am built and not my style at all. I was okay with how she wanted to be but that doesn't mean I need to be that way. But that wasn't okay.

 

The dad was an alcoholic, abusive to the mom and brother, cheater, and hasn't spoken a word to the Mom or My ex in 15 years until about 3 months ago when her brother got arrested. He called to blame the Mom and my ex for letting this happen

 

My ex was the petrified parent growing up and even still today. When the brother got in trouble who do you think took care of everything, my ex and I. The mom couldn't handle anything.

 

My ex has a lot of anger. She could be one of the meaniest people I have ever seen. I would have rather got physically beat up by a man then deal with some of the outbursts that I went through.

 

So you can see I had no chance here.

 

My ex has some problems. But the scary part is she doesn't think so. Honestly I am at the point now where I exactly feel bad for her. I don't excuse what she did or how she treated me but I honestly feel a bit of compassion for someone that is that anger and kind of in need of some help.

 

 

Yes, we had a great sex life. Pretty much amazing in my eyes. See, I am someone that has been basically in 4 relationships in my life which takes me back to age 16. When I think of sex, I think of love. I have never had sex with someone I wasn't in love with. You can count to 4 right. I am the only normal, semi-good looking guy in the state of California (Los Angeles) that can say 4 at age 32. So you can see that I thought us having a great sex life meant she loved me. But clearly that wasn't the case.

 

 

What do I mean by used. I don't really mean the money aspect. I assume when I am in a relationship I am going to spend money to some degree. That is life. I choose to spend my money on her and doing things for us. I choose to get a huge ring for her. I choose to buy and pay for everything we did. I choose to buy her a flat screen for her condo. I made some bad decisions. I put her needs and her happiness before my own and no one every thought of me. Now I have to basically start from scratch. I feel used because of all the lies and broken promises. I feel used because I was strung along (by her words) about giving her six months and she would be ready to settle down and marry me. I feel used because she would talk about having kids with me or spending her life with me. That was back in Sept. I feel used because she would tell me how much she loved me and how great I was at times. Then all of a sudden she would claim to be so unhappy. I feel used because I think she know along time ago she didn't want to be with me and she just lead me down that path until she found someone else. She know I was a good person. She know I was going nowhere and she used that to her full advantage not caring what happened to me or my feelings. I feel used because my feelings, needs, hopes, dreams, never mattered and I was a great guy to her. Don't get me wrong. I KNOW THIS WAS MY FAULT NOW. But at the time I didn't see it as my fault. I couldn't understand why she wasn't nice to me or more loving. I couldn't understand why she didn't treat me better when honestly I was doing nothing but good for her. I get it now. I truly get it.

 

 

 

 

I dated a girl in high school for about 3 years. Then I dated someone for about 9 years and I left her. Then I dated someone for 2(ex ex) but I wouldn't say it was as serious. Then I dated my (ex) for over the last 2 or so years. To be honest she was my boss and she was still married. We were texting each other when she went away on a trip with him. She talked so bad about him, not just to me, but to everyone. That is a horrible sign. When we on are first date the day she moved out of her condo from her husband. We slept together after a week. And we lived together from that point on. Like I said I am the perfect guy to be used to get over a break up. After six months her true colors started showing.

 

Now don't get me wrong. I am not perfect. At times I can be needy, or to sensitive or moody or whatever. I am not perfect. But I was great to her and overall a great guy. If I was ever down she wouldn't want me around. If I was in a bad mood she didn't want to deal with me. If I ever cried she would tell me I wasn't a man. Honestly she didn't know how to be supportive, caring, loving, or a partner. Nobody ever taught her that. She had zero remodels. That doesn't excuse her behavior but honestly what did I expect with her coming from that background. I was fooled at the start because she was sad, needy, and very caring and loving towards me. She had some really horrible examples in her life of how to treat people that you love, how to be loyal, how to show respect. Horrible remodels.

 

She loved the power. She is a control and power freak. And I just handed it over because I was so scared she was going to leave me. I lived in fear basically. She dumped me 6 times. Most the time for a day or two and then she would tell me she wanted me to change and like a puppet I would do anything I could to convince her I would change. But honestly what do I need to change.

 

I am a good guy. I am loyal, caring, honest, loving, fun, smart, in good shape, have a career. I am not perfect and that is why I am in therapy. I see the need to change some things. I show my partner the utmost respect. I want a family. I want to be married and exclusive. I have grow up a lot in the past 5 years. I want to advance (hence taking my CPA). I have double my salary in the last two years. I am a good catch. I was just insecure for whatever reason and I choose the wrong person considering I was insecure.

 

 

 

I am not going out with (ex ex).

 

Fyi I, my dinner was cool tonight.

[AndyW]

Mary to be honest, I thought she was extremely hot and good looking. I was very attracted to her. I am sure some guys think she is cute or okay, but no, many men didn't want her. I am sure she will find someone though because like I said from the outside looking in she is good package. Most people thought she was okay but not hot.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Andy, you are going to be such a great guy for the right woman. You have so many qualities that women with CHARACTER are looking for. Seriously. It is great that you are looking into yourself to see why you have made the choices you made. To be able to look deep into yourself and examine your life is not easy, but you are doing it. You are going to learn so much about yourself and through his process and you will be a better person for it. The next girl who gets your heart is so lucky.

 

 

BTW, stay away from the girls who need $4000 bags to feel good about themselves. Bags, jewelry, expensive clothes...all for show.

[AndyW]

I believe your ex is like a Sociopathic personality. You know wreaks havoc and can destroy your life and then next week run on a treadmill next to you ? Sick.

 

 

I think that quote above shows what I was dealing with for two years. I don't know why she would do that, what she got of it, why she would want to hurt me more, why she would even want to be at the gym at the same time as me let alone right next to me. Very very sick and strange behavior.

 

Doesn't matter now!

[AndyW]

Btw thank you Cherry!

[Mary3]

Well, it is clear that her parents and her brother are mentally ill. The brother was basically d[FONT=Times New Roman]iagnosed with bi-polar disorder in jail. The therapist fears that he will be a life criminal.

 

The mom is depressive and basically an abuser of her daughter. Always telling her she is fat, or not making enough money. She is horrible to her and not a good or loving parent at ll. They have very much a love hate relationship. Her mom pushed her when she was younger to be the smartest, the best, the skinniest, the richest. My ex didn't know how to relax. She didn't know what it meant to sleep in and just cuddle and chill. She considered me lazy because I didn't want to go 24 hrs a day seven days a week. That is not how I am built and not my style at all. I was okay with how she wanted to be but that doesn't mean I need to be that way. But that wasn't okay.

 

The dad was an alcoholic, abusive to the mom and brother, cheater, and hasn't spoken a word to the Mom or My ex in 15 years until about 3 months ago when her brother got arrested. He called to blame the Mom and my ex for letting this happen

 

My ex was the petrified parent growing up and even still today. When the brother got in trouble who do you think took care of everything, my ex and I. The mom couldn't handle anything.

 

My ex has a lot of anger. She could be one of the meaniest people I have ever seen. I would have rather got physically beat up by a man then deal with some of the outbursts that I went through.

 

So you can see I had no chance here.

 

My ex has some problems. But the scary part is she doesn't think so. Honestly I am at the point now where I exactly feel bad for her. I don't excuse what she did or how she treated me but I honestly feel a bit of compassion for someone that is that anger and kind of in need of some help.

 

 

Yes, we had a great sex life. Pretty much amazing in my eyes. See, I am someone that has been basically in 4 relationships in my life which takes me back to age 16. When I think of sex, I think of love. I have never had sex with someone I wasn't in love with. You can count to 4 right. I am the only normal, semi-good looking guy in the state of California (Los Angeles) that can say 4 at age 32. So you can see that I thought us having a great sex life meant she loved me. But clearly that wasn't the case.

 

 

What do I mean by used. I don't really mean the money aspect. I assume when I am in a relationship I am going to spend money to some degree. That is life. I choose to spend my money on her and doing things for us. I choose to get a huge ring for her. I choose to buy and pay for everything we did. I choose to buy her a flat screen for her condo. I made some bad decisions. I put her needs and her happiness before my own and no one every thought of me. Now I have to basically start from scratch. I feel used because of all the lies and broken promises. I feel used because I was strung along (by her words) about giving her six months and she would be ready to settle down and marry me. I feel used because she would talk about having kids with me or spending her life with me. That was back in Sept. I feel used because she would tell me how much she loved me and how great I was at times. Then all of a sudden she would claim to be so unhappy. I feel used because I think she know along time ago she didn't want to be with me and she just lead me down that path until she found someone else. She know I was a good person. She know I was going nowhere and she used that to her full advantage not caring what happened to me or my feelings. I feel used because my feelings, needs, hopes, dreams, never mattered and I was a great guy to her. Don't get me wrong. I KNOW THIS WAS MY FAULT NOW. But at the time I didn't see it as my fault. I couldn't understand why she wasn't nice to me or more loving. I couldn't understand why she didn't treat me better when honestly I was doing nothing but good for her. I get it now. I truly get it.

 

 

 

 

I dated a girl in high school for about 3 years. Then I dated someone for about 9 years and I left her. Then I dated someone for 2(ex ex) but I wouldn't say it was as serious. Then I dated my (ex) for over the last 2 or so years. To be honest she was my boss and she was still married. We were texting each other when she went away on a trip with him. She talked so bad about him, not just to me, but to everyone. That is a horrible sign. When we on are first date the day she moved out of her condo from her husband. We slept together after a week. And we lived together from that point on. Like I said I am the perfect guy to be used to get over a break up. After six months her true colors started showing.

 

Now don't get me wrong. I am not perfect. At times I can be needy, or to sensitive or moody or whatever. I am not perfect. But I was great to her and overall a great guy. If I was ever down she wouldn't want me around. If I was in a bad mood she didn't want to deal with me. If I ever cried she would tell me I wasn't a man. Honestly she didn't know how to be supportive, caring, loving, or a partner. Nobody ever taught her that. She had zero remodels. That doesn't excuse her behavior but honestly what did I expect with her coming from that background. I was fooled at the start because she was sad, needy, and very caring and loving towards me. She had some really horrible examples in her life of how to treat people that you love, how to be loyal, how to show respect. Horrible remodels.

 

She loved the power. She is a control and power freak. And I just handed it over because I was so scared she was going to leave me. I lived in fear basically. She dumped me 6 times. Most the time for a day or two and then she would tell me she wanted me to change and like a puppet I would do anything I could to convince her I would change. But honestly what do I need to change.

 

I am a good guy. I am loyal, caring, honest, loving, fun, smart, in good shape, have a career. I am not perfect and that is why I am in therapy. I see the need to change some things. I show my partner the utmost respect. I want a family. I want to be married and exclusive. I have grow up a lot in the past 5 years. I want to advance (hence taking my CPA). I have double my salary in the last two years. I am a good catch. I was just insecure for whatever reason and I choose the wrong person considering I was insecure.

 

 

 

I am not going out with (ex ex).

 

Fyi I, my dinner was cool tonight.

 

I typed a very lenghty post to you and accidentally hit the wrong button and poof gone !

 

Okay here goes : Before I get to HER , lets get into YOU. Why would you allow yourself to stand by and watch a train wreck coming towards you ? Most healthy males RUN from controlling , needy , pathetic , abusive females. You chose to hang around .

 

When I was younger I too picked wounded birds. You cannot fix them. You need to get out of the area when you see a woman who acts like the X.

 

How was your childhood ? Were you loved ? Neglected ? Indifferent ? Shy ? Over protected ?

 

Your X was an abuse victim. You realized she treated you just like her mom treated her right ? Like you could not be good enough , do enough , earn enough ?

 

The dad was no where to be found for this little girl. She grew up in a miserable existance . I don't want you to feel sorry for her ! I want you to learn from her and maybe feel some sympathy . But mainly I don't want you to say " Ahhh I know whats wrong with her now , I will try and help her. " Don't. Let her get her own help. Don't let her drag you down 3 months from now when she calls and begs for another chance. Have you ever seen Night of the Living Dead ? Where all the zombies try to break down your door and make you a meal ? Well think of her that way if she comes around. She is dead. An infected creature . If you let her into the house she will get cooties all over you and your mind. And another round of a Nightmare !

 

She had ALOT of anger and still DOES ! She does not think anything is wrong with her and thats truly frightening. Most normal people when confronted with something about themselves say " Man I need to talk to someone about this behavior of mine , its not right ! " But the mentally ill ( most ) will NOT willingly go for help without some outside reinforcement .

 

I think she liked the cuddling and all that. It does make her feel closer . But the truth be known : She never BONDED with YOU ! She could not love you. Her heart was sick and empty.

 

Sorry but she did see you as a walking ATM machine...She did not feel for you but had no problem with you buying her a Plasma TV and all the other things you did for her. She DID use you. She knew you wanted love. She wanted High Definition Plasma Performance....

 

So your BOSS made a move and cheated on her husband with you ?. I am speechless. Just trying to figure out how that was going to work out GOOD....... NOT ! And she was bashing him....and then likely bashing you....

 

People who are controlling are insecure . Say that to yourself 5 times.

 

You are a great catch for a great woman ! Now continue your therapy and let us know how you are doing. Get right and then get a girl and trust me NOW you will know when you see warning signs. Just ask us if you wonder about anything...

[AndyW]

Well, I went after her, blindly. All the stuff I am staying to you now is highsight 20/20. To be honest I wasn't intelligent enough for whatever reason to think like this 2 years ago. Clearly throwing judgement to the wind is not a great way to find a partner. Very risky.

 

I know I can't fix her. I have no intentions. I also don't believe she will ever be back.

 

My childhood was great. My parents have been married for 40 years, high school sweet hearts. They did everything for me. My dad coached all my sports teams. They were at all my functions. I have no excuse.

 

I told her many times that she was being just like her mom. The mom didn't think I was good enough at the start but it wouldn't have mattered who I was. Although she did end up liking me after my New Orleans Christmas trip. She thought I was smart and funny!

 

I know she did to me what her mom did to her. I know at the time that is what was going on but I thought I could overcome it, or fix it. Well it wasn't for me to fix. She needs to fix it herself. She lives in this world where nothing is ever good enough, nothing is enough in every facet of life. When you think like that you are never happy and who better to blame then your partner for not being happy. Everything was my fault, ****ing everything. I wonder if she is happy now that I am gone. I wonder if the minute I was gone happiness just appeared at the door . I think we all know the answer to that.

 

My mom said the same thing you just said and she said that to me after five months. She told me that my ex has no clue how to bond and she is not capable of bonding. I didn't really understand what that meant. I still have a hard time understanding what that means. I of course defended my ex because that is what I do and that is who I am. It is still hard to understand how you can be with someone for two years and live with them and sleep with them and have sex with them and not have them bond to you. The additional problem was I bonded to her.

 

Trust me I know I was used. I think that is why I had some angry/rambling rants on this board. That is the hardest thing to accept. Just knowing that I was only there to fullfill her and she took it all but gave nothing back in return.

 

It is one thing to be in a relationship and two people give it there all and one person breaks up with the other. That is life and it sucks and it is hard. But I feel like this was something totally different then described above. My bad once again, but something totally different. This was one person giving there all and one person consuming everything like a vacumm. Then taking everything she comsumed and running away but before she ran away she made sure I felt as small, insignicant, low, and as worthless as she could make me feel. That is why this is a tad bit different and I think that is why some people that post don't really understand that I don't think she is evil for the mere fact of just dumping me. I am not in therapy because I got dumped. I have been dumped before and it is sad but I didn't need 5 days a week of therapy. These two years were far different then anything I have ever dealt with in my entire life.

 

 

I know this is easy for you, cherry, amerikajin, caliguy, and everyone else that has posts here to see. But I am in it, it wasn't so obvious to me. It is more clear now but I still struggle at times. It is hard to accept. It is hard to handle. Sometimes I just have to turn of the brain because it hurts to much or is to hard to think I really didn't matter to this person one way or another. It is hard to think that when she walked away from me that day she moved right on with her life and I am here struggling to be okay. I am not feeling sorry for myself at all, it is just hard.

 

She had sex with me everyday the week before she left me. We had sex the last day I ever saw her. She gave me a hug and a kiss before she went out that night and told me she would call me later and that she loved me and then I never saw her in again (except at the gym), She honestly didn't really love me and I was just a good guy that she was using. I see that now but that is very hard to accept. That is very hard to say. It is hard to accept that I just lived a two year lie and I was only fooling myself. That is really hard because you could only imagine how much I didn't and don't want that to be the truth but it is. That is why I was treated the way I was and that is why I am alone and that is why she moved on to some other guy probably before she even left me. Mostly likely that night.

 

That still gives me chills to admit and still almost brings me to tears. I think in the past 7 weeks this has been the longest I have gone without crying. Six full days . I know, very impressive.

 

She was bashing me. Trust me. I am aware of this fact. I am sure I am still getting bashed to every person she knows.

 

Other then this board and therapy I don't say a word about her. I don't talk about this with my friends anymore and I don't talk about it with my parents.

 

I know some people don't think I should be using this as my daily diary but to be honest I don't give a ****. I am not hurting anyone on here. There are people me and my ex mutually know and when then ask I merely say it didn't work out.

 

I was never going to win with her. I was in a row boat going upstream with no paddles, so to speak.

 

 

LET ME JUST SAY AGAIN I KNOW THIS WAS MY FAULT.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

LET ME SAY AGAIN I KNOW THIS WAS MY OWN FAULT

 

Ok, it's great that you can see your part in this. Obviously the only person you can change is you. At the same time, I hope you're not beating yourself up too badly about this. We all make mistakes and pick the wrong people sometimes. It is easy to see in hindsight, and it is easy for others to see. However, it was NOT easy or even POSSIBLE for you to see the truth when you got yourself involved in this. If it was, you never would have done it. So, you know more now than you did before. And you're using that information to your advantage.

 

Please don't be too hard on yourself. This is difficult enough on its own, right?

[AndyW]

The only reason I keep saying that is because it seems like when I post sometimes people assume I am playing the victim which I am surely not. I write out these long posts just because they make me feel better to sound this stuff out. Sometimes I go back to read what I was thinking and it makes sense.

 

I am not being to hard on myself anymore. I am starting to forgive myself a little.

 

Thanks Cherry. You are awesome btw and so is Mary. Thanks for helping me and being here for me. Much Appreciated, more then you know.

[AndyW]

I also refuse to sit around and be depressed over someone that doesn't love me and doesn't want anything to do with me. It just doesn't make any sense.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Anytime, Andy!

[Mary3]

Well, I went after her, blindly. All the stuff I am staying to you now is highsight 20/20. To be honest I wasn't intelligent enough for whatever reason to think like this 2 years ago. Clearly throwing judgement to the wind is not a great way to find a partner. Very risky.

 

I know I can't fix her. I have no intentions. I also don't believe she will ever be back.

 

My childhood was great. My parents have been married for 40 years, high school sweet hearts. They did everything for me. My dad coached all my sports teams. They were at all my functions. I have no excuse.

 

I told her many times that she was being just like her mom. The mom didn't think I was good enough at the start but it wouldn't have mattered who I was. Although she did end up liking me after my New Orleans Christmas trip. She thought I was smart and funny!

 

I know she did to me what her mom did to her. I know at the time that is what was going on but I thought I could overcome it, or fix it. Well it wasn't for me to fix. She needs to fix it herself. She lives in this world where nothing is ever good enough, nothing is enough in every facet of life. When you think like that you are never happy and who better to blame then your partner for not being happy. Everything was my fault, ****ing everything. I wonder if she is happy now that I am gone. I wonder if the minute I was gone happiness just appeared at the door . I think we all know the answer to that.

 

My mom said the same thing you just said and she said that to me after five months. She told me that my ex has no clue how to bond and she is not capable of bonding. I didn't really understand what that meant. I still have a hard time understanding what that means. I of course defended my ex because that is what I do and that is who I am. It is still hard to understand how you can be with someone for two years and live with them and sleep with them and have sex with them and not have them bond to you. The additional problem was I bonded to her.

 

Trust me I know I was used. I think that is why I had some angry/rambling rants on this board. That is the hardest thing to accept. Just knowing that I was only there to fullfill her and she took it all but gave nothing back in return.

 

It is one thing to be in a relationship and two people give it there all and one person breaks up with the other. That is life and it sucks and it is hard. But I feel like this was something totally different then described above. My bad once again, but something totally different. This was one person giving there all and one person consuming everything like a vacumm. Then taking everything she comsumed and running away but before she ran away she made sure I felt as small, insignicant, low, and as worthless as she could make me feel. That is why this is a tad bit different and I think that is why some people that post don't really understand that I don't think she is evil for the mere fact of just dumping me. I am not in therapy because I got dumped. I have been dumped before and it is sad but I didn't need 5 days a week of therapy. These two years were far different then anything I have ever dealt with in my entire life.

 

 

I know this is easy for you, cherry, amerikajin, caliguy, and everyone else that has posts here to see. But I am in it, it wasn't so obvious to me. It is more clear now but I still struggle at times. It is hard to accept. It is hard to handle. Sometimes I just have to turn of the brain because it hurts to much or is to hard to think I really didn't matter to this person one way or another. It is hard to think that when she walked away from me that day she moved right on with her life and I am here struggling to be okay. I am not feeling sorry for myself at all, it is just hard.

 

She had sex with me everyday the week before she left me. We had sex the last day I ever saw her. She gave me a hug and a kiss before she went out that night and told me she would call me later and that she loved me and then I never saw her in again (except at the gym), She honestly didn't really love me and I was just a good guy that she was using. I see that now but that is very hard to accept. That is very hard to say. It is hard to accept that I just lived a two year lie and I was only fooling myself. That is really hard because you could only imagine how much I didn't and don't want that to be the truth but it is. That is why I was treated the way I was and that is why I am alone and that is why she moved on to some other guy probably before she even left me. Mostly likely that night.

 

That still gives me chills to admit and still almost brings me to tears. I think in the past 7 weeks this has been the longest I have gone without crying. Six full days . I know, very impressive.

 

She was bashing me. Trust me. I am aware of this fact. I am sure I am still getting bashed to every person she knows.

 

Other then this board and therapy I don't say a word about her. I don't talk about this with my friends anymore and I don't talk about it with my parents.

 

I know some people don't think I should be using this as my daily diary but to be honest I don't give a ****. I am not hurting anyone on here. There are people me and my ex mutually know and when then ask I merely say it didn't work out.

 

I was never going to win with her. I was in a row boat going upstream with no paddles, so to speak.

 

 

LET ME JUST SAY AGAIN I KNOW THIS WAS MY FAULT.

 

I thought you were going to say you lived a lonely childhood and were maybe looking for love in your adulthood. But you had loving parents. They provided you the tools you needed to have a successful adulthood. But somewhere along the line you met this vixen that sucked the life out of you. I don't have an answer as to why you ( whom were loved ) picked this Succubus !

 

I wonder if her beauty blinded you. If she is pretty then we should have a great life. We all know thats not always the truth. Someone can be pretty but very ugly on the inside. This is such a case.

 

And wow the mom berated you and you took it. You took it from the girlfriend too. I can't even begin to wonder how that fathoms out to be in your shoes for one day with both of them hagging you to death.

 

There is a girl at work. Clearly disturbed. I am one of her targets. Its funny because everyone likes me. She always tries the direct attack. Never once in 6 years has she said " Wow you look pretty today , or that is awesome tasting what you made " ( I am in the culinary field ) Everyone else has no problem saying Good Morning but this bitter pill of a woman tried to always make me feel small. She is miserable in every sense of the word. She has been run off 2 shifts and is now the late night shift. Whoever gets to work with her is very unlucky. But once I realized she was never going to change and has that happy/unhappy/happy/unhappy train that she rides on I had to back away . Some suggest she is jealous of me. Jealous of what ? She has So very much , ( but ) a husband who stays drunk though dealing with her ...sad...

 

But on to you.

 

Well first , I also have a hard time bonding with people. I learned through my cat how to be loved unconditionally , lol ! I have been in relationships but the bond is usually broken and not strong enough for anything that lasts years...Or I see the red flags real early and choose not to bond with most men. Not that I can't but I had to work on ME for the last couple of years being where you are this last 6 weeks. I came on Love Shack and have learned alot. I hope I help people

 

Your angry stuff on here is therapudic ( did I spell that right , lol ) Its good for you to get it all out. We are here .

 

Another thing : I can't imagine you sitting around the guys and expressing your pain after 6 weeks. I know you can talk to your mom and sis about this but do understand most of your guy friends likely don't want to get the emotional stuff and wonder why you haven't shagged anyone yet. So HERE is the place for you to that. We really Do care

 

I think the hardest part of all for you is realizing she did not love you. I had that realization too and its very painful. She could not love you though. You know that now. You know she can't love anyone ever . And will likely use the next guy and the next one after that.

[Aaron91]

I am 32 and so is my girlfriend. We have been together a year and a half. She mentioned a month ago that she might go see a friend for a few days around new years. Didn't think much of it. About 6 days ago I said are you going away and she says yes, I am going to be gone all week. She had already taken the time off and never mentioned anything to me. I said that seems like a long time. I said where are you saying. She said her friend rented a cabin and ten of them were going. This bothered me. I think she is a dick for not inviting me. It is one thing to go away for a few days with a girlfriend but another to go away with a group of 10 and not included me. Made me feel kind of like crap. She clearly didn't want me there. What are everyone's thoughts on this? If rolls were reversed I clearly would ask her to go and want her there.

Well i know where your coming from , my g/f of 3yr's like's doing that samething to me all the time . You see i diss like her best friend for DIFFERENT reason's ,one of them i can stand is the way she act's at the bar when i'm not there.She hang's all over my girl and kisses all over her , pull's down MY lady's top to show everybody in the bar my woman's breast !!!!! This is one of those reason's i really diss like her! So since i said something about that i'm not to go with her when she goes out , (IT'S A GIRL'S ONLY NIGHT OUT) and that is every time she want's to go out . WE(ME&HER) never get this chance to do these thing anymore and it's ALL her fault!!!! I pamper this lady ,massage,rubdown with lotion ,kiss her ASS pretty much and now i am told to just get over it and if i can' to MOVE ON !!! SO i know how you feel man

[AndyW]

I saw her today. It was a good thing though. It didn't bother me. Honestly it took me 2 months, 50 hours of therapy, a lot of rough days, and a lot of crying. But once I accepted that she never loved me and didn't really care about me, which was maybe in the last week or two. I mean really accepted it, not just say it., things have been a lot better. It took me awhile to really understand what happened over those two years and the way she ended it, and really hash that out in my head. I know now and believe and understand that she didn't love me or care about me. That makes seeing her really no big deal.

[amerikajin]

I saw her today. It was a good thing though. It didn't bother me. Honestly it took me 2 months, 50 hours of therapy, a lot of rough days, and a lot of crying. But once I accepted that she never loved me and didn't really care about me, which was maybe in the last week or two. I mean really accepted it, not just say it., things have been a lot better. It took me awhile to really understand what happened over those two years and the way she ended it, and really hash that out in my head. I know now and believe and understand that she didn't love me or care about me. That makes seeing her really no big deal.

 

Stages.

 

Getting over an ex comes in stages. It gradually gets better. Don't be surprised if you occasionally have an off day in the next month or so - it'll happen, but it will happen less frequently, and eventually, you'll feel like dating someone else, and she'll be nothing more than a chapter in your life.

[AndyW]

Thanks amerikajin. I know I will have a few more rough days here and there but like you said fewer and fewer.

 

Maybe in another two months I won't be so numb!

 

Have a good weekend buddy.