tanbark813 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Whoa! That's hardcore. Would you do that, TB? Er, or have you? Yes, I have. And doing that has been the only way I've discovered I was cheated on. These days I just listen to my gut though. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Yes, I have. And doing that has been the only way I've discovered I was cheated on. These days I just listen to my gut though. So, considering you found the evidence you needed, I am sure you felt justified. Out of curiosity, if you DIDN'T find any evidence, would you have felt horribly, or would you have gotten over it? I ask because the times I have been tempted to snoop, I have stopped thinking how I would feel if I was wrong in my suspicions. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Yes, I have. And doing that has been the only way I've discovered I was cheated on. These days I just listen to my gut though. Brother TB, gotta love being an IT person! To the OP, well I've been in your position before and quite frankly she might came back with the dreaded... "I didn't want to hurt you by telling you" Another thing.. did she call you while on the trip? Once a day, other day, text, or nothing? Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 she might came back with the dreaded... "I didn't want to hurt you by telling you" To jack (the thread) some more, that line pisses me off. "I was trying to spare your feelings." No you weren't, you were withholding information that could allow me to make decisions about my life, because you feared me being upset and saying something to you that could hurt YOUR feelings. I'm just saying... Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Do you really think people in healthy committed relationships don't invite their partners to singles weeks skiing? I'd never let a guy do that to me, and I'd never dream of doing it to someone I cared about. Did you miss the part where OP explained that this is a long-standing pattern of behavior on her part? That she had gone on numerous solo trips when she was married or with another boyfriend? It may not be normal behavior generally speaking, but it is a normal pattern of behavior for her. I agree with what others have said - the issues are about (1) communication and (2) whether this kind of solo vacationing is okay with the OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Did you miss the part where OP explained that this is a long-standing pattern of behavior on her part? That she had gone on numerous solo trips when she was married or with another boyfriend? Yes, I got that part. But I didn't get the feeling that in a year plus together that she had done this to him before, right? Or did I miss that. (der). I think it's one thing to be aware of someones propensity for behavior, and another to finally get smacked with it, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AndyW Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 I have not heard a word from her. I didn't expect too. She doesn't think she did anything wrong. How do i know this, because i know her. She doesn't want to deal with this. She just thinks i will be sitting here when she gets back. That best part of this is she ,knowing her, thinks i am an idiot for being upset. She thinks this is no big deal but it is to me. I just need to start doing the same behaviors back to her. Not in a mean or malice way but I just need to stop being such a good F-ing boyfriend. She has gone away before with friends and such to vegas and so forth and is was no big deal. No big deal at all. It is obvious. She didn't want me to go. She curved the truth at the beggining in Nov. She only came clean so to speak when I pressed her on Monday. She is selfish dickhead in my humble opinon right now. She did this to her boyfriend/husband numerous times. So i think this is just her but i expect something a little different and she knows that. ****, i have been talking about going boarding since mid October. Plain and simple she didn't want me there and to be honest whatever the reason is it sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I am really down today. Feel ****ty. You should never EVER let anyone that insensitive get you feeling like that. Dump her and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Let me ask you this question. Can you live with sometimes having separate vacations, even including men in hers, with better delivery of information? I don't know about andy, but if a SO other of mine went on a vacation that involved men other than me going.....she would be history. Link to post Share on other sites
Florida Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 (edited) Yeah, I couldn't deal with that, clarity of communication aside. Andy -are you really okay with that? Is it only the lack of communication? You're telling me if she said "hey I'm going away for a cabin retreat with everyone for a week, see ya" very clearly you'd be alright with it? Edited January 4, 2008 by Florida Link to post Share on other sites
Author AndyW Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 No, I have an issue with both to be honest. I don't really like the whole 10 people guy and girls in a cabin for a week. At least not when i wasn't even invited. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 It is obvious. She didn't want me to go. She curved the truth at the beggining in Nov. She only came clean so to speak when I pressed her on Monday. She is selfish dickhead in my humble opinon right now. She did this to her boyfriend/husband numerous times. So i think this is just her but i expect something a little different and she knows that. ****, i have been talking about going boarding since mid October. Plain and simple she didn't want me there and to be honest whatever the reason is it sucks. That begs the question: if you think so little of her...why are you even interested in dating her when she gets back? Is this just emotion talking, or is this how you really feel about her? Link to post Share on other sites
Florida Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 No, I have an issue with both to be honest. I don't really like the whole 10 people guy and girls in a cabin for a week. At least not when i wasn't even invited. Had you ever discussed boundaries or agreed to what was okay and what wasn't before this?? I ask this because it also puts a different tilt on it if you had.... That's something I learned on LS!! Don't assume you are on the same page, especially if she likes to take vacations without you, some things should be discussed so as to avoid issues later. Had you ever said you had issues with her sleeping in the same cabin as guys? Or hanging out with guys alone? Or anything like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AndyW Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 she knows i would not be happy about her going on a trip with a bunch of guys in a cabin that i don't know. She knows i don't care if she goes away with her friends but those are two different things. She knows this and that is why she avoided being honest. I am just upset i guess. I haven't heard from her, i don't even know where the hell she is to be totally honest. I think Mammoth but who knows. She said yosemite but is there board in yosemite. Link to post Share on other sites
Florida Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 she knows i would not be happy about her going on a trip with a bunch of guys in a cabin that i don't know. She knows i don't care if she goes away with her friends but those are two different things. She knows this and that is why she avoided being honest. I am just upset i guess. I haven't heard from her, i don't even know where the hell she is to be totally honest. I think Mammoth but who knows. She said yosemite but is there board in yosemite. Well i don't want to rile you up anymore than you already are, but since that line was drawn in the sand, and she crossed it, you really have every right to be upset, especially as this wasn't forced on her like a business trip, but something she planned and deliberated on her choice knowing how you feel. Sorry, I feel bad you have to feel this all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AndyW Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 she has some guy friends but i have meant them and i am fine with her having guy friends. we go out as couples and so forth. I like to meet them though. I don't trust to many people, espically guys, i know how they are. My own issue i guess. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 she knows i would not be happy about her going on a trip with a bunch of guys in a cabin that i don't know. She knows i don't care if she goes away with her friends but those are two different things. She knows this and that is why she avoided being honest. So if she knows you would not be happy with her going to a cabin where other men are going to be....then if she cared about your feelings...she wouldn't do it. So it appears she doesn't care about your feelings.....so dump the insensitive witch. Link to post Share on other sites
Florida Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 she has some guy friends but i have meant them and i am fine with her having guy friends. we go out as couples and so forth. I like to meet them though. I don't trust to many people, espically guys, i know how they are. My own issue i guess. It's not *your* own issue, anyone who cares feels the same way--you don't have to qualify a perfectly legitimate concern! Link to post Share on other sites
Author AndyW Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 I guess the point is she is a hyprocrite. If i told her i was going to mammoth for a week with a buddy and 10 of his friends, half of which are girls she doesn't know she would have some issues, espically if i told her 24 hours before i was going. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 It's the disrespect she's showing you, not discussing her plans with you. Not that she needed your permission, but if she had handled it differently from day one, then it wouldn't be such a big deal. But, now it is because she's being stupid about it and making you feel bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AndyW Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 she made it seem shady when it probably isn't or didn't need to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Florida Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 she made it seem shady when it probably isn't or didn't need to be. Well you know her better than us-why do you think she would do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I don't know about andy, but if a SO other of mine went on a vacation that involved men other than me going.....she would be history. How would you react to a business trip? In essence they are similar, in that there is quite a bit of social time to account for. Does this mean you would also forbid an SO to take a business trip without you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AndyW Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 no. she has been on atleast 4 business trips since we have been together. not a problem. That is her career and i just look at that totally differently. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 no. she has been on atleast 4 business trips since we have been together. not a problem. That is her career and i just look at that totally differently. Don't forget, she can cheat on those too and not tell you all the details. There will most definitely be men involved. Link to post Share on other sites
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