Wife left any success stories?

[Alpine123]

I was looking for some books on the web and came across this web site. I ended up reading threads for hours. I have a similar story to everyone here but I just suppose I need to share mine to may be get some advice to ensure I'm doing all that I can. My wife moved out of our home two days before x-mas for reasons un-benounced to me. we have been together for three years plus and married 1 year in November. I've tried to talk with her but she says she needs space, her Mom says she needs space, her Step-dad says she needs space, and friends etc... get my point. I'm not sure what space is. We were considered a power couple to most, laughing , playing and obviously in love. The housing market has slowed my business down to a crawl this year limiting some of the trips we do and putting me in a slight depressed state. I still was home for my wife everynight just may be not in the greatest spirit all the time. I needed her the most during these times and then she started hanging out with her friends more and more after work. This of course started to bother me. I questioned her about her drinking and a small argument broke out and she was gone a week later. She has moved all her stuff out of our home and has gave me strict instructions to not bother her and give her some time. I have never been more confused and hurt in my life. I've waited this long to be with the woman of my dreams and bam out the door. She has made me feel all this is my fault and I'm even going to see a therapist today because I can't even focus without shedding a tear. I miss her and want her back. I'm starting the no contact thing but just can't bear to think of the un-evitable of her not coming back. Please help! Tell me someone got there wife back.

Edited January 2, 2008 by Alpine123

[sadhubby]

mine left thanksgiving day ,she needed space didnt want a divorce she didnt want to do anything rash.She didnt know how she would feel in time? Well then came jhon the man she had been talking to on the internet for sometime without my knowledge.in fact he stays at her apartment every weekend now he makes a 4 hour trip form toronto canada to come to upstate ny.They have lots in common she tells me hes going through a divorce to.They are just freinds but it could turn into somthing else??? Now i ran after her took her to dinner the day i had her served with divorce papers ,i poured my heart out told her id go to counceling ,we could take two steps forward and not look back etc. She looked at me and said i figured we could just seperate and see other people and if feelings changed maybe get backtogether if not divorce in one year??? hmmm so what she is really saying is i know you love me to death but im gonna just f#$k this new guy for ahwile and when it dont work out ill come home . since leaving she has maxed all her credit cards to the tune of 8 grand she makes 1200 dollors a month.she cant aford her apt let alone the gas anymore to get to work. what im trying to say here is when they get into that new fog of someone else thats when the bullcrap starts flying i like what one other user here said about space , thats what nasa does . She running over you like a pile of doo doo,and all you can do is enjoy the ride when mine trys to worm her way back i hope i can crush her like she crushed me .. happy holidays oh yeah she did call me on christmas to wish me a merry christmas how thought full of her.

[Alpine123]

Sadhubby, well that really wasn't the success story I was looking for but duely noted. I feel the same way about the space thing not sure what it all means. I 'm just wondering if time does make their heart grow fonder or does it just make them get on there back!

[Curmudgeon]

Tell me someone got there wife back.

 

While I hope you eventually get what you wish, sometimes the true success story is NOT getting them back.

[sumdude]

Wish I had one for ya... the story sounds all too familiar.

 

There are only two that I know of on the board.

 

ilmw

 

and

 

pwsx3

 

Look up thier profiles and threads.... all you can do is plan for making your life the best it can be regardless of the outcome.

[Gunny376]

Most of the time once a woman leaves, they're not coming back.

 

I've heard of three and they've all been here at LS.

 

ilmw

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t90264/?highlight=PSwx3

 

Wolfe

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t95838/?highlight=PWSX3

 

PWSX3

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t96821/?highlight=PWSX3

 

uksurfer (You'll have to look other posts for all his threads, but here's the main one:)

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t88277/?highlight=uksurfer

[sadhubby]

all tho i did run into a few people during my process in real life that said they were seperated for quite sometime and then became freinds and even after seeing other people realizing ,the heart grew fond and they came backtogether . the one guy said it was the best thing that happend to them becuase they apreciate each other now.

[Art_Critic]

She moved out and asked you not to bother her and asked for space.. and you both have only married a year..

Sorry that you are going thru this.. it sucks..

 

My suggestion is to give her the space she needs by serving her with divorce papers..You have only been married a year and she pulls this.. oh my

By the way.. I'm with Curm on this one and believe that sometimes the best solution is to not get back together, but that is for you to decide..

 

She walked out on you.. She doesn't want to work it out or she wouldn't have left and told you to not contact her..

What kind of a good understanding wife does that ?

 

It also sounds as if there is another guy... that is why she wants to not be bothered..

 

Get an attorney and file for divorce.. that is the space she s looking for and deserves..

Edited January 3, 2008 by Art_Critic

[sadhubby]

While I hope you eventually get what you wish, sometimes the true success story is NOT getting them back.

 

this is the way to look at it i think that is helping me more evryday.she said i was controling i relize now i have been controlled for 8 yrs.

[jesslindy]

Art critic has got it.

 

She does need space I am sure. But if she wants out give it to her. It might just be the wake up call she needs. People are allowed to make mistakes and if you to can fight throught this and make it then great. I hope you do. But the inevitability of this situation is most likely a divorce.

 

I know it really sucks that you haven't been given a reason, you at least deserve that. But you might do all the talking in the world and still not get one. She may not have one, or one she is willing to give you.

 

My advice, find out if she is cheating, and serve her with divorce papers. The only thing that will win you back your wife is "tough Love". She needs to know that her pretty little life is going to be disrupted a whole lot if you guys split. Go to the store or online and buy the book "Love Must be Tough" by Dr. James Dobson. It is the only strategy that will allow your wife to see what she is missing. It will create the reality for her. She wants out, fine, make it happen for her hard and fast.

 

If you read my threads, it worked for me and we still aren't together. So that could happen to. You guys just might not get through this at all even if she comes back. Reconciliation is hard and takes TWO special people.

 

For now, do not call her, do not write her, do not ask her for answers, just create the reality. I would also find out if she is cheating so you can make an informed decision. If you live by the rule "What you dont know cant hurt you", than don't find out. But if she is cheating, can you live with it? Dude, it hurts like no other. I am one of he baddest dudes I know and I cant shake it. It will never leave you. Keep all that in mind.

[Gunny376]

Almost like following a script:

 

1. Man takes one across the bow and stern!!! Hits some rough water and times. Stuggling, mentally, emotionally, pyschologically ~ income takes a dip. Has to tighten the belt.

 

2. Wife starts running with single women

 

3. Wife longs for single life ~ and likes all the fun and attention she's getting

 

4. Husband/BF isn't a fun by comparission ~ donwright dull

 

5. Wife either begins EA or PA or thinking seriously about.

 

6. All of sudden? Wife needs space.

 

Been there, done that, got the coffee cup, the beer stein, pictures and poster!

 

I'd kicked her to the curb when the partying started!

 

Don't write her, text her, call her, send her cards, letters, flowers ~ not only NC ~ but in so far as she's concerned she's nothing but a memory, and you've fallen off the planet!

 

No begging, whinning, pleading, crying ~ zilch, nadda, nothing. She's emotionally bankrupt ~ and you've just withdrawn everything you have from her bank!

 

Take back your life and control of your life

 

Let her know your filing for divorce ~ no negotation, bargining ~ nothing and then shut up. She tries to contact you? Tell her to speak to your attorney!

 

If you want? You might tell her,........................."You've got thirty days to make up your mind! Thirty days and that's it! After that? There's no coming back.............................EVER! After thrity days? I walk for good. We're not going to be friends, buddies, pals, sidekicks. In thirty days? I'm going to find someone who can appreciate me for who I am and what I am and what I've got to offer!"

[Nomad1]

Space is shorthand for ' I want to venture out into new pastures'. Man she's gone. Let her go and keep your dignity. If she comes back crawling, send her packing. Tell her I want space, FOREVER! It is all predictable. You will be in denial for a while. That's understandable, but cut your emotional losses. Stay focused on your work and other aspects of your life. She is not worth losing your sleep over. Be tough! That is the only way out.

 

I am sorry, but she won't be back and neither should you want her if she comes back.

 

Nomad1

[base618]

Right there with you, wife of 14 months started hanging out with friends from work, drinking, new clothes, etc. Found her cheating on me with one of them over Thanksgiving. Prior to that I had been fighting for weeks to save the marriage, giving her space, whatever she wanted. In hindsight, Gunny and everyone else on here is right, she's gone. It sucks. I wasn't able to do the "tough love" at first like everyone told me. It is so hard with someone you decided to spend the rest of your life with, but it's necessary. I'm about 8 weeks out from finding out about the affair and things do get better. When you look back at this, be the better man and don't do anything you wouldn't be proud of. Don't beg, don't plead, she wants space, give it to her. I had the hardest time remembering that this is HER choice. You have no control over what she wants, you're going to be back to being alone and just with yourself, so make sure you are happy with who you are. Hang in there, it gets better.

[guessjeans]

I left my marriage 4 yrs ago with our only son. We were together for 26 years. My ex and I remained good friends over that 4 yrs, and now, he is into his first relationship in 30 yrs. He really wants it to work with this woman. She sounds like everything I wasnt.

 

I regret not working harder. I felt we gave up too soon. We didnt fight hard enough to keep it together. And because we never officially married, we were common law the entire time, it was easier for us to walk away. I think the whole separation and divorce process gives ppl time to perhaps check out the grass is greener theory. It really isnt what it is thought to be. I havent dated since we separated, I guess in part because I havent met anyone interesting enough. I work a full time job and then a 2nd job every other weekend. Along with a son that has been ill on and off for the past 2 yrs, and now, for the past 7 months literally house bound the two of us, my priority isnt on dating, but getting my son healthly and happy.

 

The point i want to make is, sometimes as woman we feel that we are taken for granted and its easy to do that as we coast through our daily lives that are so intense with work, children, etc. We become parents, and forget we were once a couple.

 

Sometimes you dont realize what you have until its gone. The grass is greener theory. I didnt leave him because i wanted someone better, I wanted to feel loved and wanted again. His insecurities built up a wall that I was unable to get through anymore. Perhaps if I took the time to analyze the relationship after it broke, i might have been able to save it. But i didnt. We never talked about the relationship after we split. That is a must.

 

I feel in love with him all over again a couple of years ago, but because of timing, I didnt tell him how i felt. I think in part, I convinenced myself that nothing had changed. He still would never love me the way I loved him. I finally told him how I felt just after he told me about this woman that he works with, and he more or less told me that this is the "one". He said I should have told him, that he still loves me...but he has made a choice to remain with her because I sense she is the one he wants for good.

 

All i can offer from my experience is, if you love someone tell them. Dont fear rejection. Then if they reject you, then move on with your life. I know it is harder said then done. But take this time to get to know you again, analyze why the relationship broke down, and give it lots of time. I always loved my ex, but it took me 2 years after we separated to truly realize how much I loved our life and how much I truly loved him because I had to work out my issues. Timing is everything, and it wasnt on my side this time. But i still believe in my heart of hearts, that he still loves me a lot and that perhaps one day, timing will be on our side, and that what we meant to each other, will bring us back together. In the meantime, I will continue to work on me, start dating and getting on with my life.

 

guessjeans

[Alpine123]

Holly s*%#! !!! I woke this morning and hit the site just to see if I was alone. Thanks for your replies hearing your stories and advice does help but sad enough all steers me to divorce. I have to confess a little more to my story. I did put a GPS tracker in her car and followed her for a week via the web. She did go away with another guy for a weekend but the thing is I knew the guy and he's old and ugly and really not her type. I did question her about it and she said she just needed to get away to talk with someone. I asked her about sex and she said know way and I kind of believe her. Of course she was upset I tracked her but I had to know. My gut tells me one thing and my mind says another. So do I run out and find out if she's cheating or give her some time? If she's cheating can I slam her in a divorce?

[Art_Critic]

So do I run out and find out if she's cheating or give her some time? If she's cheating can I slam her in a divorce?

 

You already know she is.. Just because the guy is ugly and not her type doesn't mean he isn't doing her.

 

You tracked her.. you found her spending the weekend with a guy and just because you think he is ugly you think she isn't cheating ?

 

Are you seriously thinking that she is still a good wife and committed to you ?

[smileysmile]

Somebody who needs SPACE means most of the time there is somebody else in the wings

[Gunny376]

If she's spending time with someone else ~ they're not "just friends" Its happens enough, to make it believeable, but its very rare.

 

Its very much a case of "Are you going to believe me!!!!! Or your lying eyes?!

 

At the very least? She's not fully mentally/emotionally engaged with you?

[Alpine123]

I'm going on a stake out tonight. I'm not sure where her new house is but going I'll find it. Just want to see if strange un-familiar cars are at her home. I really don't want to do this but I also don't want to go through the next few months wondering what my W is doing with her spare time. She wanted her space and I want to believe her. She has always been true and honest with me at least that is what I thought. This hurts really bad. I seem to be getting through the day but at night and first thing in the morning my stomach just aches. I've read many more stories today in search of hope but to my dismay nothing.

[Missy27]

I think you know what's going on here Alpine ~ to be absolutely honest I'd be very surprised if she's not cheating ~ and even if she isn't ~ she's definitely contemplating it ~

 

For a start ~ sneaking off for the weekend without letting you know is bad enough ~ but sneaking off for the weekend with another man ~ and still not telling you about it ~ ~ wow ~ that's just plain disrespectful ~ You two are married for gods sake ~ My H would throw a head fit if I snuck around behind his back like that ~ he'd hit the damn roof ~ stand at arms length and light ~ I'd be off like a rocket if he ever found out ~ Cant comprehend that at all ~

 

As for the other guy being old and ugly ~ be careful there Alpine ~ most cheaters trade down ~ and you would be VERY surprised as to how much they actually do trade down ~ it's a self respect thing you see ~ I.e ~ they dont have any ~

 

I think I would have to agree with the others on this one ~ if you've got any hope of saving this thing ~ you need to cut her off for a while ~ I personally would do what Gunny said ~ give her X amount of time to sort her head out ~ and if she's still rattling on about space after her allotted time is up ~ then fire her out the door as quick as is humanly possible ~ most of the time ~ that sort of treatment is the only thing people like her actually respond to ~

[sumdude]

Almost like following a script:

 

1. Man takes one across the bow and stern!!! Hits some rough water and times. Stuggling, mentally, emotionally, pyschologically ~ income takes a dip. Has to tighten the belt.

 

2. Wife starts running with single women

 

3. Wife longs for single life ~ and likes all the fun and attention she's getting

 

4. Husband/BF isn't a fun by comparission ~ donwright dull

 

5. Wife either begins EA or PA or thinking seriously about.

 

6. All of sudden? Wife needs space.

 

Been there, done that, got the coffee cup, the beer stein, pictures and poster!

 

 

Picked up the tee-shirt, soundtrack and bumper sticker through mine...

 

It really is like a script eh Gunny? Though I still have no solid facts part 5 is almost a foregone conclusion, well actually there certainly was/is at least an EA. Oh well, been almost a year now, one day she'll wake up alone and older, think about what she effed up and I'll be long gone.

 

Alpine I do hope I'm wrong in all this, cause there are cases where it works out. But considering how short the marriage has been and how quickly it all went down? Be ready to get livng for yourself.

 

Whatever else is going on she is lying to you! Trust is like the earth beneath the dam, once it's eroded and gone there's no stopping the flood. Deep down you're in denial. You don't want to believe this is happening and that she is capable of what your fearing. That fear is what is driving you right now...

 

You'll be OK. You are OK as a person. You're not perfect and she's not perfect but right now she is completely disrespecting you and your marriage.

 

Follow the advice here... it's hard as hell to do. I know I wish I had done it better when it was my time but that's all done now. Knowing what I know now... at the time I got the surprise call from my x that she moved out.. after all the "I need space." You're too clingy." " Love you not in love with you" mind BS? After the lame promise that if I did certain things she would come back... which I did... that freaked her out and made her run faster?

 

I would say " Fine, Good luck out there!"... change the locks on the house and call a lawyer. Not be mean just efficient and cool.

 

Of course .. hindsight is 20/20...

Edited January 3, 2008 by sumdude

[Alpine123]

I'm hearing lound and clear just can't sum up the drive to accept the reality you guys are talking about. It's only been two days since I talked with her and am trying to abide by her rule of space but the "fear of the un-known" (Gunny should know that term) is crucifying me. I totally don't agree with the actions she has taken but should'nt I just give a few before making a rash decision? I will do my recon tonight to find out where's she's moved to and see if any strange cars I don't recognize are there iguess I'm just looking for an excuse to execute the D or wait it out. Just F%^%&*^%* confused.

[Gunny376]

If she finds out or even suspects you've been spying on her it will go very, very, very bad for you. I mean very bad!

 

Did I mention bad? Like in really, really bad!!!!!!!

 

Can't get into right now? Got to jet to work!

[bish]

I was looking for some books on the web and came across this web site. I ended up reading threads for hours. I have a similar story to everyone here but I just suppose I need to share mine to may be get some advice to ensure I'm doing all that I can. My wife moved out of our home two days before x-mas for reasons un-benounced to me. we have been together for three years plus and married 1 year in November. I've tried to talk with her but she says she needs space, her Mom says she needs space, her Step-dad says she needs space, and friends etc... get my point.

 

Then your reply to each of them should be, "people who need their space should not get married".

 

 

I'm not sure what space is.

 

Oh its a bogus excuse....I mean really..what did she think marriage is?

 

Now you are gonna get the usual, "was there something wrong in the marriage" questions...so I guess I'll play along....was there anything wrong?

 

 

We were considered a power couple to most, laughing , playing and obviously in love. The housing market has slowed my business down to a crawl this year limiting some of the trips we do and putting me in a slight depressed state. I still was home for my wife everynight just may be not in the greatest spirit all the time. I needed her the most during these times and then she started hanging out with her friends more and more after work.

 

BINGO!...there you have it. Thats the problem right there. And I'd bet you anything its during those times they probably went out to bars or clubs and she developed an attraction for other guys. I don't want to jump the gun...but this is starting to sound all too familiar.

 

This of course started to bother me. I questioned her about her drinking and a small argument broke out and she was gone a week later. She has moved all her stuff out of our home and has gave me strict instructions to not bother her and give her some time.

 

Of course...she is probably living it up with her friends and having fun with other men.

 

She doesn't want you to bother her? How about serving her divorce papers....that is IF you find out she is cheating. If not...then she needs to get over her little crisis and decide if she wants to be married.

 

 

I have never been more confused and hurt in my life. I've waited this long to be with the woman of my dreams and bam out the door. She has made me feel all this is my fault

 

BOOM...that says it all right there. SHE needs space...but says its your fault.....what exactly is your fault? The fact that you trusted her to go out with friends more and more? Looks like you gave her space in the marriage and it wasn't enough for you. Sounds like a real entitlement tart to me. Sorry, I know you love her, or think you do, but sometimes we need a slap in the face.

 

 

and I'm even going to see a therapist today because I can't even focus without shedding a tear. I miss her and want her back. I'm starting the no contact thing but just can't bear to think of the un-evitable of her not coming back. Please help! Tell me someone got there wife back.

 

I'm not going to say it happened...but it sounds to me like she is messing around on you. NOBODY just up and leaves for "space". Something else is going on.

 

If you haven't been married long...and you don't have kids...I'd serve up annullment papers....but thats me.

[bish]

She moved out and asked you not to bother her and asked for space.. and you both have only married a year..

Sorry that you are going thru this.. it sucks..

 

My suggestion is to give her the space she needs by serving her with divorce papers..You have only been married a year and she pulls this.. oh my.

 

No kidding...what do you think she will do if she comes back and later the 7 year itch sets in?