Wife left any success stories?

[bish]

this is the way to look at it i think that is helping me more evryday.she said i was controling i

 

Thats the crutch they always use when they want to make it look like its your fault.

 

My mother-in-law knew my wife was messing around on me...yet just a day before I told her I wanted a divorce, she was telling me that I was the best thing that ever happened to her daughter...she cried and told me not to leave her.

 

After I said I wanted a divorce...her and her mother were going around town saying I mentally abused her....hmmmmm....how divorce papers change one's perceptions.

[bish]

Almost like following a script:

 

1. Man takes one across the bow and stern!!! Hits some rough water and times. Stuggling, mentally, emotionally, pyschologically ~ income takes a dip. Has to tighten the belt.

 

2. Wife starts running with single women

 

3. Wife longs for single life ~ and likes all the fun and attention she's getting

 

4. Husband/BF isn't a fun by comparission ~ donwright dull

 

5. Wife either begins EA or PA or thinking seriously about.

 

6. All of sudden? Wife needs space.

 

Been there, done that, got the coffee cup, the beer stein, pictures and poster!

 

I'd kicked her to the curb when the partying started!

 

which is exactly why clubbing, bar hopping and partying when you are married is unacceptable...unless you do it together....and even then you will run into problems.

 

Why do people get married if they love their freakin' night life so much?

[bish]

Holly s*%#! !!! I woke this morning and hit the site just to see if I was alone. Thanks for your replies hearing your stories and advice does help but sad enough all steers me to divorce. I have to confess a little more to my story. I did put a GPS tracker in her car and followed her for a week via the web. She did go away with another guy for a weekend but the thing is I knew the guy and he's old and ugly and really not her type. I did question her about it and she said she just needed to get away to talk with someone. I asked her about sex and she said know way and I kind of believe her. Of course she was upset I tracked her but I had to know.

 

She was upset you tracked her? tell her..."uh...sorry...but tough sh#t!"

 

I mean come one, she goes away for a weekend with another man, and she is mad cuz she got caught....what a floosy.

 

 

My gut tells me one thing and my mind says another. So do I run out and find out if she's cheating or give her some time?

 

Nope...you already know she is cheating. A wife doesn't go away for a weekend with another man, hide it from you, and says she didn't have sex with him. thats the biggest load of bullsh#t and onions I ever heard.

 

So no, you don't give her time....just divorce the tramp.

 

 

If she's cheating can I slam her in a divorce?

 

Unforunately no...infidelity has no bearing on splitting the marital assets.

 

Now as far as custody of children, again it really has no bearing...unless you have a lawyer that can play really dirty and declare her an unfit mother....which in some cases if they neglect their kids so they can get their piece on the side and screw around on their father...you might be able to get them.

 

I believe that a person that is unfaithful in the marriage should, by law, forfiet a certain percentage of the marital assets though...and the spouse that honored the vows should be held in higher regard as a parent as long as they are fit in the other ways.

[bish]

You already know she is.. Just because the guy is ugly and not her type doesn't mean he isn't doing her.?

 

Ya, look at Anna Nicole...she was boffing an 80 yo man when she was in her 20's.

 

So does this ugly man have money? If so, she is probably boffing him for that reason alone....and you know what that makes her?...hmmmmm.

[Alpine123]

So do I continue with my mission tonight to seal the deal or give her a few more days? I'm sorry --I'm just so freakin deseperate for advice right now.

[Art_Critic]

Is this the kind of marriage you want ?

 

If it isn't then go retain an attorney and start the proceedings..

If you really want to know what to do then contact her and feel her out..

 

Personally... I would not stand for my wife leaving and moving out unless we were in marriage counseling and working towards fixing the marriage...BOTH of us..

 

If your wife isn't working on fixing the marriage then your answer lies right there.. it is over...

 

Sorry...

[Art_Critic]

Alpine..

 

A person doesn't fix a marriage by walking away..

 

It takes 2 people to fix it and if your wife has chosen to move out and change her permanent address as well as not tell you where she is staying and how to contact her then you have a failed marriage in your hands...

 

Spying on her and looking for cars that you don't recognize isn't going to change anything.. it will only entrench you further and drive you nuts..

 

You need to center yourself.. catch your breath and figure out your next move...

 

Remember.. A divorce likens itself to a chess match.. it is now your move !!

 

Go seek legal advice

[sadhubby]

well peice of mind is important too. i know i investigated it wasnt hard to find her ****!! when they cheat they are kinda sloppy with the evidence. we have all been there a pack of smokes parked down the block watching from a distance checking the celphone numbers .did ya look in the historys on your pc? her email its all around you im sure just look i say go for it just be carefull becuase once i found out about the internet man it was much easier for me to think she was garbage. and yes they do step down this guys is a freaking dork my wife is banging a goober from hell, but see she is above him now and she likes it like that.its real good for her ego.

[PWSX3]

When I was going thru this same type of situation I was told some good advice; don't waste energy doing something you have no control over.

 

It is a lot easier to type that then to do it, been there done that but it is true. What will spying on your W do for you? You are using all that energy on wondering what she is doing & what she is doing you have no control over.

 

If you need something to do, read a book, go to the gym, go get a haircut, do something for you......

 

Again my situation was different, when my W moved out we were going to counseling, even after the first two months we were back in counseling. Even when the W told me she was moving out she told me she still wanted to work on our relationship, she just needed some time to herself.

 

Like others I feel if the spouse that is moving out still wants to work on the relationship then there is a chance, but if they have a "friend" on the side then they aren't looking to make the marriage work, they are just using the separation as an excuse to move on.

[Alpine123]

PW ---I took to heart what you had to say. I did follow her around after she got off work tonight in a friends car but after two hours I just went home. I felt I was wasting my time and energy like you said. I suppose I was just looking for a reason (like finding her with someone) to end the pain. I would know what to do in that case. I talked with my Mom tonight and came up with a plan. I'll give her two weeks!! If I don't hear from her I've already made the appointment with the shark. I will sustain from her for that period do as most of you say --gym, focus on work, etc...I waited till I was 39 years old to get married just to make sure I was o.k with myself first before I got married so I could be the perfect man for her or whoever. So excuse me and my breakdown. I was a very strong, succesful man before her and need to find him again! Thank you friends!

[hopeful26]

Do you REALLY want to be married to someone who doesn't want to be married to you? Of course not! You deserve so much more! Stop wasting your time with this woman!

 

From experience...oh my god it hurts when the wife splits, but goddamn it feels so much better when you face reality, man up and move on. Success stories? Sure, a few of them. But there is no guarantee. And what are you going to do in the meantime? Sit around and pine over her? F that! Get up, get out and get on!

 

$10 says there is someone out there who would love you, not leave you.

 

Keep posting, we're listening.

[Gunny376]

My best friend just past away at age 48. BAM! Out of no-where. He was married four times! Life's to freaking short! Too short to be wasting on a woman that wants to party with the GF's!

 

When a woman tells you she needs space? When she starts going out with the GF's (especially if they themselves are single, seperated, or going through a divorce?) When you get the old "I love you but I'm not in love with you!" line ~ 9 times out of 10? There's someone else. Eithe that or she's looking for someone new!

 

When it comes to marriage, especially at your age? Its in for a penny ~ in for a pound! There's no time for doubt? The time for doubt is before she said "I do!"

 

And, really! You've got better things to do than all this "I Spy" crap!

 

I wouldn't even give her two weeks, but that's me? Were it me? I slap a set of divorce papers in her hand so quick she'd be wondering what was happening. And, I'd give her the minimum amount of notification. I'd close any and all joint accounts or at least bringing down to their minimums.

 

The one and only chance you have here is to get her attention. And the way that you do that? Is act decisively!

 

"You want space! You've got it Baby! Take the rest of your life, and have a nice one forever the rest of your life without me?"

 

She'll wake up in a couple of years and realize what a good thing she let go!

 

I'm going to let you in on a little secret!

 

The older you get as a man? The more available women there are. Women outnumber men from the get go. But then men go and do stupid stuff like ~ ummmmm die young! Riding motorcycles, driving too fast, going and getting themselves killed in combat, in construction accidents, etc.

 

Factor out the ones that get locked up in prison, that are on drugs, alcholics, addicted to gambling, compulsive womanizers, ~ MARRIED! And the dating pool gets slimer and slimer by the time a woman gets on the backside of thirty? While the reverse is true for men?

 

Problem is? At 50, I've got more to offer your typical woman than your typical woman has to offer me? And that's not "brag" that's just fact!

 

You need to Goggle an e-book titled Women's Infideltiy"

It will really open your eyes up to some basic fundamental realities.

 

Get busy ~ getting busy! Go to the gym, read, work-out, go see a friend, call your Mother, visit with your Brother or Sister ~ take up a new hobby.

[sumdude]

If she finds out or even suspects you've been spying on her it will go very, very, very bad for you. I mean very bad!

 

Did I mention bad? Like in really, really bad!!!!!!!

 

Can't get into right now? Got to jet to work!

 

I made this and other classic mistakes... tried to play sleuth with cell records, tracking her movements etc...

 

Even though it was all a wash anyway all I ended up doing was making myself crazy and pi**ing her off even more. Doubt it would have made much difference in the end. Hell me? I was weak... bad time in my life etc etc Tried talking about the marriage, admitting my mistakes (way too many admission though looking back)... not worth it.

 

Most attractive thing to a woman in a man? A guy who takes a bit hit and barely blinks...

 

Best thing you can do? Really? Go no contact... run silent run deep. Act like all is well with your world.... your just damn fine without her flaky butt around. It requires an Oscar performace of your life but it's the best route. She calls? Take your time to get back to her.. when you talk be cooly pleasant. She gets mad, gives you crud, blames you, yells... don't bother trying to defend yourself, reason or argue with her emotions. They rule her now and there's nothing you can do. Give out no real information...

Edited January 4, 2008 by sumdude

[Alpine123]

Gunny--I listen and read and read and read all the freakin stories are the same. Reality???? I just can'nt come to grips of what is happening. I love this woman effortlessly and now she has made it terribly hard. I read for hours this morning seeing that woman obviously have a phase that the grass is always greener. Thing is the grass was pretty freakin green at my house and the love was solid. Sex was good, etc.. just what gives? After last night I'm just exhausted mentally. Today I will try and focus on work.

[Gunny376]

I made this and other classic mistakes... tried to play sleuth with cell records, tracking her movements etc...

 

Even though it was all a wash anyway all I ended up doing was making myself crazy and pi**ing her off even more. Doubt it would have made much difference in the end. Hell me? I was weak... bad time in my life etc etc Tried talking about the marriage, admitting my mistakes (way too many admission though looking back)... not worth it.

 

Most attractive thing to a woman in a man? A guy who takes a bit hit and barely blinks...

 

Best thing you can do? Really? Go no contact... run silent run deep. Act like all is well with your world.... your just damn fine without her flaky butt around. It requires an Oscar performace of your life but it's the best route. She calls? Take your time to get back to her.. when you talk be cooly pleasant. She gets mad, gives you crud, blames you, yells... don't bother trying to defend yourself, reason or argue with her emotions. They rule her now and there's nothing you can do. Give out no real information...

 

BINGO!

Good post SumDude!

[Gunny376]

Gunny--I listen and read and read and read all the freakin stories are the same. Reality???? I just can'nt come to grips of what is happening. I love this woman effortlessly and now she has made it terribly hard. I read for hours this morning seeing that woman obviously have a phase that the grass is always greener. Thing is the grass was pretty freakin green at my house and the love was solid. Sex was good, etc.. just what gives? After last night I'm just exhausted mentally. Today I will try and focus on work.

 

Yea! She's crazy for leaving! But, Man! Just let her go!

 

Post divorce? I've yet to meet a woman to whom I've told my story of woe to, that hasn't said, "Your wife was crazy to have divorce you!"

 

In your youth you can "play now and pay for the rest of your life or you can pay now and play for the rest of your life!"

 

I'm 50 and my scarifices of my youth? Are paying off in "Spades" now!

 

The Ex-Hex couldn't see that! She wanted to play ~ but now? She's paying for it!

[smileysmile]

Hell Alpine I have turned into a stalker to.

 

STBXW lives 10 mins away. I know I pushed her away eyc (my story is someplace) but I found out she has gotten closer to an ex work colleague.

 

I went by her house a few times in night after 9.30pm.

Mainly Fridays and Saturdays.

Found a new BMW on her drive parked behind hers 14th December.

Stayed around the corner for 2 hrs from 12am.

Car was still there and the xmas lights in the window were still on.

 

Went home and my heart was pounding, my stomach was hurting like hell. I was curled up as ball in bed in pain. All these thoughts going through my head.

Went back at 6am car was still there. The thoughts running through my mind.

 

Turns out it wasn't his car. Unless it was rented. Because I tracked him down. Sherlock Holmes is my middle name

BMW must be a friends.

I know what he looks like now. His pic on his companies work site.

Now i have made things worse for myself as I know what he looks like and have visions of my STBXW on top of him etc sorry I won't go there but you can imagine. I followed him in his car screaming to myself "you are f**king my wfe!" "you b*stard!"

 

Ok we were S but we are still M. Does't help that my ex is stunning. Blonde long hair, petite with blue eyes. I am not threatened by him. I actually feel better for some reason he isn't what I might have expected if you see what I mean.

 

 

Gawd I am going to end up in a mental instituation. Am I the worse stalker on here?

[sumdude]

Gawd I am going to end up in a mental instituation. Am I the worse stalker on here?

 

Nah, you're not bad. Some people get private eyes, end up wuth pictures they really didn't want to see anyway. Put GPS trackers in cars, show up, barge in, cause a scene and end up with police cars and restraining orders.

 

A freind at work practically had to physically hold me back from getting in my car and driving to where she moved and confronting it all. What purpose would it have served me?... Though sometimes I do wisjk I had done the John Wayne bada**, would have had a good story but it would have made things that much worse.

 

When I hit that point of realizing I was obsessed and losing my head... it was winter last year. Called a buddy in Ft. Lauderdale and hopped on a plane the very next day for 10 days and calmed the hell down. Within 5 days she was calling me... then I made my next mistake. Got all emotional and wanting to work it out and how I still wanted her... Know what she said to me?

 

"Why do you still want me when there are prettier and younger women out there?"

 

Thing is... she was right!

 

Then we made plans to see each other once a week.. Guess what? She flaked on every meeting. Month later she calls it quits anyway.

 

I know now she was testing me... maybe even toying with me. Wanted to see what I was made of. Keeping me on the back burner. I think women and sometimes men do this subconsciously. Kind of a power trip.

Edited January 4, 2008 by sumdude

[Alpine123]

Gunny you were right!!!! She must of seen me and had a cop call me and give me a warning for stalking her!!!! I was so mad but in a way I was wrong I suppose. I feel the GPS in the car sent her over the edgeand she's in a paranoia about me following her. I just needed to know if the story about the other guy is true or false. Does she really need space or space to re-supply and come back at me with a full frontal assault. I feel I was a great husband to her, I treated her with all respect and love. I did hit a few bumps last year with the market being slow and I wasn't my playful self but I feel that didn't constitute a divorce. After I recieved the call from the cop I called my attorney and made an appointment for tuesday but today I feel I want to cancel it. I DONT want a divorce so why should I file?? My friend said to me this weekend, that may I should stay in the shadows and let her make the first move. who knows she might have a breakdown of what she has done and realize I was the one?? Is that good logic, or wishful thinking. In a way I feel he's right but this is hard to deal with, hard to function. I"ve been instucted to not contact her by any way shape or form at least electronically but I did write her a letter and am affraid to send it. I need some serious help here.

[Art_Critic]

Make sure you keep the appointment to see the attorney..

 

and don't send the letter.. she has requested no contact from you and by a cop.. this is about to go very bad if you don't watch yourself...

 

You may not want the divorce.. but she doesn't want to be married to you.. where does that leave you ?

[Chrome Barracuda]

I'd say F this chick, get your divorce and had her served at work, if she doesnt want to be married thro the divorce papers in her face and dissappear you owe her nothing.

 

No sympathy, no voice, no emotions, nothing!!!

 

This is what I dont understand man, where the hell is your anger.

 

She left you and no she says your stalking her because you want to ask her questions and possibly reconsile??

 

WTF????

 

Where's your self respect!!!!!

 

Move on from this trifling flipoflopper and dump her.

 

She isnt worthy and this is what she wants!

 

I'd also ask to have the cop talk to my lawyer because law enforcement should never call your home out of the blue without representing themselves. I'd supeona his ass in court! too.

 

Your situation makes me pissed!!! lol.

 

Another decent guy kicked to the curb for no reason and he's still pining?

 

Me and gunny needs to open a workshop.

 

Seriously. lol.

[Gunny376]

I smell a "rat"

 

The police don't opperate this way! They're very methodical, very professional for the most part!

 

The guy that called you? More than likely is the guy she's banging! No police officer would make such a call, put his carrer on the line, his job on the line with such a call?

 

Granted? There are Cops out there that are stupid and ingront ~ but most aren't!

 

Just let her go! And go find you someone new! She doesn't want to be with you!? Just let her go! Her loss ~ not yours!

[Alpine123]

I've sustained with the NC, it has not been easy like you all say. I have three letters in my desk now and have halted from sending them. It's really only been 8 days since I actually talked with her and am doing my best to hold my ground. I just want to understand WHY!!! Thet're so many stories with women just up and leaving. Is this how this species copes with they're own issues?? I valued marriage in such a different way which is why I waited so long to find and make the right decision but to my despair only fell in a bigger hole by opening my heart up more!!

[Mz. Pixie]

Thet're so many stories with women just up and leaving. Is this how this species copes with they're own issues??

 

The reason it seems like so many women are leaving is because times are different. Many years ago women were trapped because they didn't work or if they did didn't make enough money to support themselves. So, alot of them stayed and just suffered rather than try to divorce and not be able to make ends meet etc.

[Chrome Barracuda]

WHY????

 

Who gives a damn why?

 

In time you'll see she was probably out there running the streets!!!

 

But she cant do that as a married woman. Dont be so naive.

 

What's the saying I always hear:

 

Bring an umbrella, pray for sunshine but prepare for rain?

 

I mean it's all gonna come out there, either she'll tell you one day, you'll hear it from mutual friends or you'll see her hilding hands with someone else.

 

But in the meantime get your mind right and move on.

 

For all intents and purposes you cant hold on forever. You remember Along came polly when he started to GAL, he became a different person and guess what the wife came back. Even though she horribly messed up the first time on their wedding night!

 

Trust me, they' always start sniffing around after you've moved on. She'll contat you mark my words.