Potatocakes Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 This all started about five years ago when I met the guy I'm with now. He turned me down and dated and slept with SEVERAL other woman before he decided to date me. The only reason he persued me was just to have sex with me but then decided he wanted to actually try and have a relationship with me. Now I drive myself crazy thinking "Why am I the only girl hes ever dated for sex?" "Why didnt he date me back then, why did he turn me down and date all those other girls and now tells me Im prettier than them? If I am so much better why wouldnt he date me?" Am I the only one like this? I have no idea what to do.. Link to post Share on other sites
amisconception Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Are you delusional? I'm serious. I was once dating a girl who really thought she was prettier than the other girls I was sleeping with. Well, she wasn't. I just had fun with her in the bedroom but couldn't be honest with her about getting what I wanted... She had her own agenda and wanted to force me into a relationship I didn't want. Ah, women are funny creatures some times. Link to post Share on other sites
popey Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 what makes you think you are the only one he dated for sex? how do you know he didn't date the others for sex too? maybe he objectively at that tiime didn't think you were prettier than the others, but now that your relationship has developed he sees you differently... more attractive b/c of his overall attraction to all of you. or maybe he doesn't think you are really prettier objectively than all of them, but b/c you are more important to him, he will say that... not trying to be deceptive but appropriately kind and sweet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Potatocakes Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 Popey: The day he told me he loved me that he wanted relationships with the past girls and really cared about them before he had sex with him and that he didnt think me and him were going to last in the begining and he didnt really care because he just wanted sex. He told me he felt horrible for it because I was the only girl he did that with and he didnt think he'd have feelings for me. I feel like I'm crazy I think about it all the time... Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 ...that he wanted relationships with the past girls and really cared about them before he had sex with him and that he didnt think me and him were going to last It sounds like 5 years ago he was incredibly immature, emotionally. That he changed his pattern WAY BACK then, is just an indication that he realized he needed to do something different. YOU are the one who somehow helped him grow up!!! (It doesn't matter at all how you did that.) YOU are the one who touched his mind and heart in some way that was exceptionally special and meaningful for him. Plus...YOU were (at that time) hot enough for some emotionally immature child-boy to just want you for your body . So basically...YOU are the one with the mind, heart, body and soul that spoke to him best -- and obviously still does. Why not just allow your self-confidence and self-esteem to be nurtured and supported by all this evidence that YOU ARE, indeed, HIS ONE? Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 I agree with Ronni. I can acknowlege many, many, relationships that started out as just being for sex. Many that survived long-term even after sex on the 1st night. It just happens. People don't expect 1 night stands to become more, but sometimes they do and it's a nice surprise. But if it's keeping you awake that much, maybe you should let him know you think about it. Maybe all you need is a little assurance from him that your the one. Either way, if you truly can't let it go on your own, just calmly tell him for some reason it still weighs on your mind. Maybe if you two just talk it out you'll feel better. But don't be surprised if his reaction goes something like this "What do you mean? That was a long time ago. I love you...".....then back to the football game. He might not grasp how serious you feel about it....which is actually a sign that you probably shouldn't be serious about it either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Potatocakes Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 Ronni: You're post made me smile, the fact that you think I'm the one who changed him and made him grow up. Maybe you're right . It just hurts that I'm the only girl that he just wanted to sleep with he didnt care who I was he didnt want to get to know me like all the others i don't understand it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 It just hurts that I'm the only girl that he just wanted to sleep with he didnt care who I was he didnt want to get to know me like all the others i don't understand it. Well, let's face it...this is ALWAYS going to be the impossible-to-change reality of how you two started out. You seem intent to make this irreversible fact the focus of your relationship, and to put the worst possible spin on it so that it does nothing but leave you feeling hurt. This is a choice that you're making. If it's a choice that you intend to continue to make, end the relationship now. Do not ask him to "prove" something that he's already proven, do not subject him to your bouts of insecurity and self-doubt. Go directly to the end. Or change your perspective, appreciate the positives, grow your self-esteem, and have the bestest darned relationship that is right there in front of you even as I type these words! Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 This all started about five years ago when I met the guy I'm with now. He turned me down and dated and slept with SEVERAL other woman before he decided to date me. The only reason he persued me was just to have sex with me but then decided he wanted to actually try and have a relationship with me. Now I drive myself crazy thinking "Why am I the only girl hes ever dated for sex?" "Why didnt he date me back then, why did he turn me down and date all those other girls and now tells me Im prettier than them? If I am so much better why wouldnt he date me?" Am I the only one like this? I have no idea what to do.. Well if anything good comes of this at least he was telling you the truth, he could have not said anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts