HouseOfCards Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 I've posted about this situation before, in this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t138779/ To sum up, I have feelings for a friend I've known for a few years, and I feel like she gives hints (verbally and physically) that she has feelings for me too, despite the fact that she's been dating a guy on-and-off for 6 months now. She insists on telling me how much her family "loves" me on a regular basis. While I'm at her house, her dad will make comments where he nicknames me "the man" and her BF "the boy", while her sister calls him "stupid". Her cousin flat-out has said "We just like you more." Yesterday I was helping her clean up the house after a family party and her dad said "See, now that's why you're the forerunner." I could go on. Obviously this is all very flattering and optimistic-sounding, especially when I know that she really isn't taking this relationship all that seriously. BUT, is it really going to help convince her we should be together? She loves her family, and she spends a lot of time with them, but I could see how this kind of unanimous family support would almost make a relationship with me seem too...I don't know, arranged? So, do you think that having the support of a girl's family can really increase my chances of having success asking her out? Link to post Share on other sites
j_hunt_12 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Hmm... I read your other posts too... so I'll talk about that one as well. A little about my history.. I was best friends with a girl for about 2 years friends about 4 total, had a crush on her for about 2 total as well. Her family liked me. We cuddled frequently (god I was such a goody goody faggot back in my day!!). held each other when we went to movies together. She had 2 or 3 different boyfriends throughout that time. We would hang out and cuddle sometimes even when she did have a boyfriend. I was the better more mature one and everyone knew it. At one point she told me she had liked me early on. So yeah we came pretty close to getting together very frequently, but I always had an excuse: "she has a boyfriend", "I just dont really want to date a girl like that". We never broke that barrier between us. Right now I have another GF (now LDR ) and still infinitely more happy than I would have been with her! She also finally found another nice guy and is now engaged I think. I always think that if I would have just told her I liked her she would have given up her boyfriend and gone out with me, because as good as she was at getting guys to like her for a little while, she could never really get what she wanted because she was shy, and when it really came down to it, gave in easily to guys that tried hard to get her (and she was and is very hot so it was a lot of guys). BUT there are also girls that will play there games too so therefore you never know... Girls a lot of times lose attraction when your friends for too long or give up a past opportunity. This was another one of my excuses "Ohh she did like me but not now" but she still did like me I think (and still does maybe... ehhh bad). Way I look at it- she probably doesn't know what she wants. You sound like the nice guy because you cuddle with her and her family likes you... just talked about it in another forum but girls aren't usually attracted to that though... but then again I always thought this too but then my past crush went and got a disgustingly nice, clingy boyfriend that makes me look like a wife beating drug addict.... lol. so who knows. I don’t think being close to her family is going to help, but I don’t think it will hurt. You want her to be attracted to you. A girl will never HONESTLY say "ohh he's so good with my family... that's so hot." they say "ohh he's good with my family... what a nice guy". The good with family thing will just make her want to settle down with you. You don’t want a girl that just wants to settle down with you!!! IMO (not to say there isn’t attraction in your situation... I don’t know). You’re a man, you get attracted to each other THEN you impress her with your family skills. I think you should just tell her, if your that close to her when she already has a boyfriend. If she does like you then she will break up with the other guy and it's win-win for you both. If she doesn't like you, she deserves to know if she's cuddling with you and ****. Then at least it’s out in the open and she can come back to you later. My current GF was just a friend and then I started to like her so I was like "no way I'm doing this **** again" so I told her, and it worked, BUT we were both single. sorry for the long post, but been there and wanted to bring back some past memories. P.S. me and her are still really good friends and I'm very thankful to have that friendship now. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 So, do you think that having the support of a girl's family can really increase my chances of having success asking her out? I think if it really impacted her choice you would have seen it already. Clearly she takes in what her family thinks but it doesn't dictate her judgment. Now all that being said, it is a plus that her family thinks so highly of you no matter what your status is. If she was 100% single I would say tell her how you feel. In the case that she's with some one, I don't think it the right time to speak or act on it. Wait until the time is right. Link to post Share on other sites
j_hunt_12 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 (edited) Ohh yeah if she has a boyfriend and you tell her you like her it might jeopardize your friendship, but she is cuddling with you and holding hands with you. If my GF did that with another guy I'd dump her in a heartbeat. It just depends how much the other guy cares for her and stuff, that decides a lot about what you should do. If you still really really want to tell her now, do it in a nice, no strings attached way, if you care about the friendship. If you don't care that much about the friendship and think the other guys really just doesn't care about her, then just go for it and stop wasting your time with a "lady friend". They can be great, but they can also be really useless and the cause of tons of unnecessary stress. But if your sure she'll break up with the other guy soon, you could wait a while for it. She could very well come crawling to you after she breaks up with her other boyfriend (if you want to be that guy... I don't, but that's just me). Personally, liking a girl that your friends with and waiting for her to split with her boyfriend so you can make a move sounds like a really immature thing to do. Ohh yeah, trust me on this one, the longer you wait the harder it will be for both of you to break that intimacy barrier no matter how much mutual attraction there is. I want to know how this goes... keep us posted. Edited January 4, 2008 by j_hunt_12 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HouseOfCards Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 It just depends how much the other guy cares for her and stuff, that decides a lot about what you should do. Well, it doesn't seem like either of them are really taking the relationship with each other seriously. They've been dating for basically the whole last semester, but he's not even making the effort to come out and visit her over break. Then, last spring, they started seeing each other, but when summer hit he didn't come to see her even once. Almost comes off as being that he only wants this relationship with her when it's convenient to him (at school), and she deserves better than that. I don't think telling her how I feel while she's dating this guy will disrupt anything major. Link to post Share on other sites
j_hunt_12 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 (edited) haha.. that sounds a lot like my former crush and her former BF. I really don't know what to say. All summer they were long distance and he cheated until finally he came back for school and dumped her. Real as**ole. That whole summer me and her were together and I was wandering if I should go for it (I was also leaving the country at the time so it was harder. Didn't want LDR... haha.. big laugh). If I asked her now if she would have dated me at that time, I would have some better input here, but not going to bring that up under the current situation... lol. Honestly, that could just be her thing and she wouldn't dream of breaking up. She lost her virginity to him I think you said... She'll probably be horribly clingy. Just don't know, but I definitely wouldn't feel bad about telling her you like her in that situation. Wow you're taking a girl away from someone who took her virginity doesn't care about her... real tragedy. "Either that, or all these hints and all this attention she gives are just her leading me on worse than any girl has ever led any guy on, ever. Is it possible?" ........Yes Edited January 4, 2008 by j_hunt_12 Link to post Share on other sites
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